Giving bad news
Discussion
Slightly morbid curiosity inspired by the emergency services contact thread.
When the police call at someone's door to inform them their next of kin is unexpectedly deceased, what's the procedure? Is there a standard protocol/form of words or does the copper just weigh up the individual circumstances and use their judgement? Presumably there can be quite a range of reactions.
When the police call at someone's door to inform them their next of kin is unexpectedly deceased, what's the procedure? Is there a standard protocol/form of words or does the copper just weigh up the individual circumstances and use their judgement? Presumably there can be quite a range of reactions.
My Wife has to tell people loved ones have died quiet often, usually when they're looking at them (end of life stuff). We don't talk about it a lot, but I seem to recall it's important to remember to think of them and not yourself, and you need to be almost blunt about it - too much pussyfooting about and someone who's already emotional might not immediately understand they've died.
Its something they have to do quite early on in their careers as well, from all the documentaries they have.
My mate, now a Sgt, had to do it many times during his tenure as a PC and he cites it as the worst part of the job in most cases. Had all kinds of reactions and has to be wary of the circumstances - Of course by and large the overwhelming reaction was one of shock, disbelief, followed by crying, screaming, anger, violence, denial, anything really. And you can never know which - its no point trying to stereotype that the tattoo-clad neo-Nazi is going to throw the first punch at you when you let him know his wife has passed away, and equally, the "little old lady" who hears about her husband's passing would throw her walking stick at them in reaction.
I havent ever asked him about a script as such though
My mate, now a Sgt, had to do it many times during his tenure as a PC and he cites it as the worst part of the job in most cases. Had all kinds of reactions and has to be wary of the circumstances - Of course by and large the overwhelming reaction was one of shock, disbelief, followed by crying, screaming, anger, violence, denial, anything really. And you can never know which - its no point trying to stereotype that the tattoo-clad neo-Nazi is going to throw the first punch at you when you let him know his wife has passed away, and equally, the "little old lady" who hears about her husband's passing would throw her walking stick at them in reaction.
I havent ever asked him about a script as such though
One rather black bit of humor for me was 4 weeks ago my mum passed away in hospital, surrounded by family and a very close friend.
This close friend (who was like a sister to mum) was asked if she had told her son (he's in his 40's) that "aunty maureen" had passed, close friend said that she handn't and would do so immediately.
Cue her ringing her son and in her best glaswegian (not quiet!) voice saying "James, your aunty Maureen, she's deed!" then she said "I'll ring you back later when its cheaper!!" and hung up.
There was a collective intake of breath, before myself and my siblings just started laughing, to the shock and horror of everyone else. Such an abrupt way to find out, and a very inappropriate response from us but cheered us up some on such a sad day.
We so know mum would have been pissing herself if she had been there too
This close friend (who was like a sister to mum) was asked if she had told her son (he's in his 40's) that "aunty maureen" had passed, close friend said that she handn't and would do so immediately.
Cue her ringing her son and in her best glaswegian (not quiet!) voice saying "James, your aunty Maureen, she's deed!" then she said "I'll ring you back later when its cheaper!!" and hung up.
There was a collective intake of breath, before myself and my siblings just started laughing, to the shock and horror of everyone else. Such an abrupt way to find out, and a very inappropriate response from us but cheered us up some on such a sad day.
We so know mum would have been pissing herself if she had been there too
Years ago, (1975) no phone in the house, just married. two plod 1 female,1 male called and asked for my wife, ( she was out) ,asked them why and it was about FiL who had just died suddenly. I asked them to stay until she arrived back. They then got on the radio to advise they were staying at the 'agony call'. Had a long chat with them about that aspect of the ob, and yes they did get used to it. but had to play each visit by ear. some people collapsed, others just hugged them for help. each one different. Ex MrsFox, just looked like a stunned mullet, and in 20 mins we were on our way to her mums.
Chatting with the plod, helped me get through the journey.
Chatting with the plod, helped me get through the journey.
Kaelic said:
One rather black bit of humor for me was 4 weeks ago my mum passed away in hospital, surrounded by family and a very close friend.
This close friend (who was like a sister to mum) was asked if she had told her son (he's in his 40's) that "aunty maureen" had passed, close friend said that she handn't and would do so immediately.
Cue her ringing her son and in her best glaswegian (not quiet!) voice saying "James, your aunty Maureen, she's deed!" then she said "I'll ring you back later when its cheaper!!" and hung up.
There was a collective intake of breath, before myself and my siblings just started laughing, to the shock and horror of everyone else. Such an abrupt way to find out, and a very inappropriate response from us but cheered us up some on such a sad day.
We so know mum would have been pissing herself if she had been there too
I am very sorry for your loss but that did make me chuckle, I think you and your siblings were spot on.This close friend (who was like a sister to mum) was asked if she had told her son (he's in his 40's) that "aunty maureen" had passed, close friend said that she handn't and would do so immediately.
Cue her ringing her son and in her best glaswegian (not quiet!) voice saying "James, your aunty Maureen, she's deed!" then she said "I'll ring you back later when its cheaper!!" and hung up.
There was a collective intake of breath, before myself and my siblings just started laughing, to the shock and horror of everyone else. Such an abrupt way to find out, and a very inappropriate response from us but cheered us up some on such a sad day.
We so know mum would have been pissing herself if she had been there too
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