How do you know if finishing it is the right thing to do?
Discussion
4 year relationship, both early twenties, had many problems but always worked through them because love.
Got to the point where we both think we're making eachother unhappy more than happy.
Agreed to try and change things and try our best to make it work, one last time, but several times as it turns out.
Can get on great but it can all go back to square one fairly quickly. A lot of our problems, in my opinion, are because of her emotional issues and self esteem, she would probably agree but also tell me I'm not perfect either, which obviously I'm not. I do seem to be able to try and improve things for the better though, whereas she finds it hard to let go of things.
Do you ever know if it's right to walk away from a relationship where the love is strong but the rest of it is in bits? Do you just have to get it over with and move on no matter how hard, or do you try and do everything in your power to be with the person you love?
Just interested in people's experiences really. I know exactly what I will likely do if we do split, but even though my life is full of opportunity, I can't help but feel a bit empty knowing it hasn't worked out with me and the GF.
Got to the point where we both think we're making eachother unhappy more than happy.
Agreed to try and change things and try our best to make it work, one last time, but several times as it turns out.
Can get on great but it can all go back to square one fairly quickly. A lot of our problems, in my opinion, are because of her emotional issues and self esteem, she would probably agree but also tell me I'm not perfect either, which obviously I'm not. I do seem to be able to try and improve things for the better though, whereas she finds it hard to let go of things.
Do you ever know if it's right to walk away from a relationship where the love is strong but the rest of it is in bits? Do you just have to get it over with and move on no matter how hard, or do you try and do everything in your power to be with the person you love?
Just interested in people's experiences really. I know exactly what I will likely do if we do split, but even though my life is full of opportunity, I can't help but feel a bit empty knowing it hasn't worked out with me and the GF.
Trouble is I guess any answers is both the right and wrong...
1. If there's any doubt there's no doubt etc. etc.
2. Stick at it, everyone goes through this
3. I know the couple etc. who've never fought a day in their lives
4. Have kids, then you're too tired to move on or think about anyone else
I gues for me, it would be, are you happier together than apart, do either of you want to be with someone else, what do you think you're missing out on, do you think other couples don't behave like you.
Sorry, but you're in this together I guess...
1. If there's any doubt there's no doubt etc. etc.
2. Stick at it, everyone goes through this
3. I know the couple etc. who've never fought a day in their lives
4. Have kids, then you're too tired to move on or think about anyone else
I gues for me, it would be, are you happier together than apart, do either of you want to be with someone else, what do you think you're missing out on, do you think other couples don't behave like you.
Sorry, but you're in this together I guess...
Id say, end it, you are both still extremely young, there are no kids involved, and if you are far enough that you know you are making each other unhappy more then happy (and several attempts at fixing it havent helped), then its been enough.
That is just my view though, i powered through my doubts, bought a house, got kids together, and we ended up splitting up anyway, which is a lot more hassle then it could have been (love the kids though, wouldnt change that for the world)
That is just my view though, i powered through my doubts, bought a house, got kids together, and we ended up splitting up anyway, which is a lot more hassle then it could have been (love the kids though, wouldnt change that for the world)
The first wife and I went through this, really had totally differing interests and social circles that had developed while we were together and it started to drive a wedge between us
She suggested counselling ... I decided being 22 I wanted to live a little and ended it
It was messy and very unacrimonious but we have both become pretty successful since ... We both had mundane jobs for c.18k each (2002/3 ish) ... She started her own business and is very successful with a couple of branches across Leicestershire now. I went back and finished studies and the rest is history ... Def worked out for the best and life's too short to be unhappy and in doubt IMHO
She suggested counselling ... I decided being 22 I wanted to live a little and ended it
It was messy and very unacrimonious but we have both become pretty successful since ... We both had mundane jobs for c.18k each (2002/3 ish) ... She started her own business and is very successful with a couple of branches across Leicestershire now. I went back and finished studies and the rest is history ... Def worked out for the best and life's too short to be unhappy and in doubt IMHO
if it's a problem in your 20s , can you imagine still being together and having the same arguments in your 30s and 40s , I was in the exact same position as you , met at 18, married at 24, divorced at 32, thankfully no kids , if I could have my 20s again no way on earth would I spend them with one woman, get out there and f
k anyone that'll have you
k anyone that'll have you These replies tell you all you need to know
Wack-
if it's a problem in your 20s , can you imagine still being together and having the same arguments in your 30s and 40s , I was in the exact same position as you , met at 18, married at 24, divorced at 32, thankfully no kids , if I could have my 20s again no way on earth would I spend them with one woman, get out there and f k anyone that'll have you
Haggishunter -
If you are asking on a car forum then you already know it's the right thing to do.
Wack-
if it's a problem in your 20s , can you imagine still being together and having the same arguments in your 30s and 40s , I was in the exact same position as you , met at 18, married at 24, divorced at 32, thankfully no kids , if I could have my 20s again no way on earth would I spend them with one woman, get out there and f k anyone that'll have you
Haggishunter -
If you are asking on a car forum then you already know it's the right thing to do.
I'm currently wondering if disappearing off to Dubai for work soon is just what I need, or burying my head in the sand/not facing up to things.
The advice I've been given is get involved in your hobbies, and eat well & exercise. We haven't completely split yet, still got some talking to do and she hasn't yet moved out, but the gym is helping me stay positive about the future if that's to be on my own.
The advice I've been given is get involved in your hobbies, and eat well & exercise. We haven't completely split yet, still got some talking to do and she hasn't yet moved out, but the gym is helping me stay positive about the future if that's to be on my own.
Thanks for the advice all. I won't quote you all to reply, but each one has been read and appreciated.
It's hard to start getting the ball rolling with splitting up. We both know it's not working and we can't seem to make improvements without it going back to square one with each attempt and each time we're getting more and more fed up. It doesn't help that every time someone from work, or someone on Facebook she used to know from work, or any bloke decides to try and chat her up (which seems to happen a lot with her), she doesn't do enough to push away any attention. Self esteem issues, wants to feel wanted etc. So I know in my heart of hearts, she can't be the one, as how can you marry someone who welcomes attention from other blokes all the time? She also does a st job of hiding things like that from me. She's not seeing any one else as far as I know, knows she's on to a good thing with me, love eachother etc, but she's one of those 'grass is always greener' girls. I know if we break up she will regret it within weeks and be devastated, by which time it's too late!
It's a real shame, we love eachother dearly and have been best friends since being together, I don't quite know if I'll cope okay with day to day life knowing she's not part of it, and reality hits her after every 'shall we break up' chat that she doesn't know what to do without me. It's a rut that's not getting better no matter what we do.
I suppose as close as we are/can be, we know it's not right, but can't bring ourselves to let go.
It's very difficult. Not helped by the fact that she has just had a promotion at work, but all her family and most friends are 2 hours away so her moving out will be a lengthy process if it does come to that.
Can't live with her, can't live without her, that's how I feel at the moment.
It's hard to start getting the ball rolling with splitting up. We both know it's not working and we can't seem to make improvements without it going back to square one with each attempt and each time we're getting more and more fed up. It doesn't help that every time someone from work, or someone on Facebook she used to know from work, or any bloke decides to try and chat her up (which seems to happen a lot with her), she doesn't do enough to push away any attention. Self esteem issues, wants to feel wanted etc. So I know in my heart of hearts, she can't be the one, as how can you marry someone who welcomes attention from other blokes all the time? She also does a s
t job of hiding things like that from me. She's not seeing any one else as far as I know, knows she's on to a good thing with me, love eachother etc, but she's one of those 'grass is always greener' girls. I know if we break up she will regret it within weeks and be devastated, by which time it's too late! It's a real shame, we love eachother dearly and have been best friends since being together, I don't quite know if I'll cope okay with day to day life knowing she's not part of it, and reality hits her after every 'shall we break up' chat that she doesn't know what to do without me. It's a rut that's not getting better no matter what we do.
I suppose as close as we are/can be, we know it's not right, but can't bring ourselves to let go.
It's very difficult. Not helped by the fact that she has just had a promotion at work, but all her family and most friends are 2 hours away so her moving out will be a lengthy process if it does come to that.
Can't live with her, can't live without her, that's how I feel at the moment.
Vaud said:
CX53 said:
I'm currently wondering if disappearing off to Dubai for work soon is just what I need, or burying my head in the sand/not facing up to things.
Perfect choice of words. Sorry.
Sounds like a good plan, if only I had the sort of job i could take abroad! Contemplating a short break abroad alone. None of my mates have any money/time (and I don't have that many proper mates) but I just feel going away on my own would be weird.
PhilThePower said:
Sounds like a good plan, if only I had the sort of job i could take abroad! Contemplating a short break abroad alone. None of my mates have any money/time (and I don't have that many proper mates) but I just feel going away on my own would be weird.
What do you drive? A road trip could be a great idea to get away, see some stuff and have some time to think.
PhilThePower said:
Thanks for the advice all. I won't quote you all to reply, but each one has been read and appreciated.
It's hard to start getting the ball rolling with splitting up. We both know it's not working and we can't seem to make improvements without it going back to square one with each attempt and each time we're getting more and more fed up. It doesn't help that every time someone from work, or someone on Facebook she used to know from work, or any bloke decides to try and chat her up (which seems to happen a lot with her), she doesn't do enough to push away any attention. Self esteem issues, wants to feel wanted etc. So I know in my heart of hearts, she can't be the one, as how can you marry someone who welcomes attention from other blokes all the time? She also does a st job of hiding things like that from me. She's not seeing any one else as far as I know, knows she's on to a good thing with me, love eachother etc, but she's one of those 'grass is always greener' girls. I know if we break up she will regret it within weeks and be devastated, by which time it's too late!
It's a real shame, we love eachother dearly and have been best friends since being together, I don't quite know if I'll cope okay with day to day life knowing she's not part of it, and reality hits her after every 'shall we break up' chat that she doesn't know what to do without me. It's a rut that's not getting better no matter what we do.
I suppose as close as we are/can be, we know it's not right, but can't bring ourselves to let go.
It's very difficult. Not helped by the fact that she has just had a promotion at work, but all her family and most friends are 2 hours away so her moving out will be a lengthy process if it does come to that.
Can't live with her, can't live without her, that's how I feel at the moment.
How about taking a shortish break? spend a week or two away from each other, see how it feels? This might end up with both of you realising you feel better alone, or with the realisation of how much you miss the other person..It's hard to start getting the ball rolling with splitting up. We both know it's not working and we can't seem to make improvements without it going back to square one with each attempt and each time we're getting more and more fed up. It doesn't help that every time someone from work, or someone on Facebook she used to know from work, or any bloke decides to try and chat her up (which seems to happen a lot with her), she doesn't do enough to push away any attention. Self esteem issues, wants to feel wanted etc. So I know in my heart of hearts, she can't be the one, as how can you marry someone who welcomes attention from other blokes all the time? She also does a s
t job of hiding things like that from me. She's not seeing any one else as far as I know, knows she's on to a good thing with me, love eachother etc, but she's one of those 'grass is always greener' girls. I know if we break up she will regret it within weeks and be devastated, by which time it's too late! It's a real shame, we love eachother dearly and have been best friends since being together, I don't quite know if I'll cope okay with day to day life knowing she's not part of it, and reality hits her after every 'shall we break up' chat that she doesn't know what to do without me. It's a rut that's not getting better no matter what we do.
I suppose as close as we are/can be, we know it's not right, but can't bring ourselves to let go.
It's very difficult. Not helped by the fact that she has just had a promotion at work, but all her family and most friends are 2 hours away so her moving out will be a lengthy process if it does come to that.
Can't live with her, can't live without her, that's how I feel at the moment.
PhilThePower said:
Thanks for the advice all. I won't quote you all to reply, but each one has been read and appreciated.
It's hard to start getting the ball rolling with splitting up. We both know it's not working and we can't seem to make improvements without it going back to square one with each attempt and each time we're getting more and more fed up. It doesn't help that every time someone from work, or someone on Facebook she used to know from work, or any bloke decides to try and chat her up (which seems to happen a lot with her), she doesn't do enough to push away any attention. Self esteem issues, wants to feel wanted etc. So I know in my heart of hearts, she can't be the one, as how can you marry someone who welcomes attention from other blokes all the time? She also does a st job of hiding things like that from me. She's not seeing any one else as far as I know, knows she's on to a good thing with me, love eachother etc, but she's one of those 'grass is always greener' girls. I know if we break up she will regret it within weeks and be devastated, by which time it's too late!
It's a real shame, we love eachother dearly and have been best friends since being together, I don't quite know if I'll cope okay with day to day life knowing she's not part of it, and reality hits her after every 'shall we break up' chat that she doesn't know what to do without me. It's a rut that's not getting better no matter what we do.
I suppose as close as we are/can be, we know it's not right, but can't bring ourselves to let go.
It's very difficult. Not helped by the fact that she has just had a promotion at work, but all her family and most friends are 2 hours away so her moving out will be a lengthy process if it does come to that.
Can't live with her, can't live without her, that's how I feel at the moment.
You're in part, blaming her for your insecurity about getting attention from other blokes. You dont own her, and you dont control her, or other guys attentions to her. I realise that's prbably one of many frustrations, but you cant stop the male gaze on your own. It sounds like you dont trust her really. That, again is your problem. There's only so much she can do to help you with it, but telling her not to smile at people probably isnt going to end wellIt's hard to start getting the ball rolling with splitting up. We both know it's not working and we can't seem to make improvements without it going back to square one with each attempt and each time we're getting more and more fed up. It doesn't help that every time someone from work, or someone on Facebook she used to know from work, or any bloke decides to try and chat her up (which seems to happen a lot with her), she doesn't do enough to push away any attention. Self esteem issues, wants to feel wanted etc. So I know in my heart of hearts, she can't be the one, as how can you marry someone who welcomes attention from other blokes all the time? She also does a s
t job of hiding things like that from me. She's not seeing any one else as far as I know, knows she's on to a good thing with me, love eachother etc, but she's one of those 'grass is always greener' girls. I know if we break up she will regret it within weeks and be devastated, by which time it's too late! It's a real shame, we love eachother dearly and have been best friends since being together, I don't quite know if I'll cope okay with day to day life knowing she's not part of it, and reality hits her after every 'shall we break up' chat that she doesn't know what to do without me. It's a rut that's not getting better no matter what we do.
I suppose as close as we are/can be, we know it's not right, but can't bring ourselves to let go.
It's very difficult. Not helped by the fact that she has just had a promotion at work, but all her family and most friends are 2 hours away so her moving out will be a lengthy process if it does come to that.
Can't live with her, can't live without her, that's how I feel at the moment.
If she's stringing along other fellas or looking at what else is out there, then I think she's already looking to move on. Surely it's only a matter of time before you come back to her and another man in your bed? The self-esteem complaint sounds like st to me.
The longer you put it off the more you're going to be miserable, life is too short to spend it with people that make you unhappy. Find someone who actually wants to put in the effort with a relationship, or get on Tinder and start having some fun.
t to me. The longer you put it off the more you're going to be miserable, life is too short to spend it with people that make you unhappy. Find someone who actually wants to put in the effort with a relationship, or get on Tinder and start having some fun.
CX53 said:
I'm sure it will be a bit weird for you, but there's nothing wrong with it. I'm in the process of sorting out a 4 day trip away on my own to look in to potential work etc. Never been away alone before, part of me is looking forward to it as I can do whatever I want with the time and genuinely relax and gather my thoughts, the other part of me is dreading it. Looking at more businessy hotels so that I don't have to look a loner in the restaurant among couples and families
What do you drive? A road trip could be a great idea to get away, see some stuff and have some time to think.
You're right, does sound like a good idea. What do you drive? A road trip could be a great idea to get away, see some stuff and have some time to think.
I drive a 645 so a road trip would be nice.
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