wedding "evening do"

[Blown2CV]

Long time since I've been invited to one, and we definitely didn't have one at our wedding... the whole idea is a bit of a car crash i think.. way to alienate your friends! Basically, you're in the second tier. You're important enough to get pissed with but we don't want to spend money on food for you, so you're not that important. I'd rather not be invited than be invited to the evening do!

[dub16v]

It's bit of a social minefield in truth. We had guests to the day (~120) and to the evening (~20) for reasons of space. This was without children being invited too. We wanted everyone there but simply couldn't and weren't prepared to find an alternative venue (we had thought that ~120 for the day would be sufficient). I also was pretty strict on not inviting family that I only see and weddings and funerals.

Like it or lump it.

We're at that age now when weddings are popping up all of the time and, whilst it's great, it can make/break friendships (of course there's an argument that if something like this 'breaks' a friendship then they probably weren't your real friends in the first place, but let's ignore that for now).

[Rosscow]

Really?

I've been to loads of weddings - best friends/family and you get to go all day. Just friends or work colleagues, etc. and you get to go to the evening.

I don't see the problem.

It's a nightmare trying to decide who can come if you can only afford/seat a certain amount of people.

I always appreciate that someone has thought of me to invite to their wedding - regardless of all day or evening only.

[smifffymoto]

I hate the whole evening do thing,am I a friend or not.If not,don't bloody invite me.
We had a 130 at our wedding and that was it,family and friends and a damn good party.

[Shakermaker]

Love an evening do.

Off to one tomorrow evening actually.

I'm fully aware of my social status with people I interact with, and whether I'm in their second tier or not, and I'm quite comfortable with that because honestly it isn't possible to be best mates with everybody.

The wedding tomorrow is my best friend's sister. So I have known her since she was 9/10 years old and I was 11/12 years old. We have grown up separately (different schools, different groups of friends etc) but as we have got a bit older, I am happy that she and her husband to be consider asking us given the connection that we do have.

[Rosscow]

Shakermaker said:

Love an evening do.

Off to one tomorrow evening actually.

I'm fully aware of my social status with people I interact with, and whether I'm in their second tier or not, and I'm quite comfortable with that because honestly it isn't possible to be best mates with everybody.

The wedding tomorrow is my best friend's sister. So I have known her since she was 9/10 years old and I was 11/12 years old. We have grown up separately (different schools, different groups of friends etc) but as we have got a bit older, I am happy that she and her husband to be consider asking us given the connection that we do have.

Exactly! A nice attitude to have.

[BoRED S2upid]

I really don't see the problem best friends and family to the full event other friends work colleagues etc evening do only or not at all and gifts reflect this. Its your day do what you want.

[TEKNOPUG]

smifffymoto said:

I hate the whole evening do thing,am I a friend or not.If not,don't bloody invite me.
We had a 130 at our wedding and that was it,family and friends and a damn good party.

I'm getting married next Saturday, church only holds 70 people, so can't invite everyone to the day. The church is right next to the reception, so can hardly ask to people to wait outside until the ceremony is over and then join in the wedding breakfast. Maybe I should think about having it relayed on a big screen outside That would most definitely make them B-List!

Therefore there are evening invitations also. But these are all recent acquaintances and I'm sure that they wouldn't be offended in the least.

[hornetrider]

Rosscow said:

Exactly! A nice attitude to have.

Indeed. OP sounds like a throbber.

[dazwalsh]

To be fair OP if i decided to invite all the evening guests to the day do at my wedding A) they wouldn't fit in the church and B) It will add 5 grand onto our wedding cost.

It's already a farce before adding in the social tiers stress to it all. My fiance keeps adding people to day do and I'm having to reign her in, not because we have first and second class friends and family, more that we can't afford it. If it was a reasonable price for a meal (40 quid) then it would be ok but I think we're close to £100 a head for food and wine.

And if you thought that was bad wait until you sit down and plan the table plans. fk ME. God forbid one cousin sitting a table further away from the bride than another cousin.

Edited by dazwalsh on Friday 9th September 10:51

[Vaud]

Blown2CV said:

Long time since I've been invited to one, and we definitely didn't have one at our wedding... the whole idea is a bit of a car crash i think.. way to alienate your friends! Basically, you're in the second tier. You're important enough to get pissed with but we don't want to spend money on food for you, so you're not that important. I'd rather not be invited than be invited to the evening do!

Wedding is family. Party afterwards for everyone?

I'd have though that not being invited was a better way to alienate a friend. Maybe that would be better for your friend in this case as clearly you are a bit of an ungrateful so and so?

[ascayman]

Youre very lucky you'll miss all the boring stuff and arrive just in time to get pissed up with your mates, stop being so precious

[C0ffin D0dger]

ascayman said:

Youre very lucky you'll miss all the boring stuff and arrive just in time to get pissed up with your mates, stop being so precious

That's the way I've always looked at it. The ceremony I really can really take or leave, sure it means more to the girls but for blokes it's just delaying the time until you can have a pint. The wedding "breakfast", most weddings I've been too it's a pain having to sit and be polite to people you've never met before or hardly ever see just so you can have a typically low quality meal that is invariably lukewarm by the time it gets to you. Admittedly I've been to one or two where the food is really good but that has typically been because money was not an object to the bride and groom or their parents. In most cases though it's done on a budget.

When we got married we only had an evening do, we probably should have been a bit more explicit about this on the invites as apparently one or two people's noses were put out of joint. We got married at the registry office, my wife's parents, her sister and partner, my parents, my brother, that was it. Meal after at a nice restaurant.

For the party in the evening we had a good band, loads of food, and enough booze to kill several elephants Everyone who went commented on what a great time they had.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

Rosscow said:

Shakermaker said:

Love an evening do.

Off to one tomorrow evening actually.

I'm fully aware of my social status with people I interact with, and whether I'm in their second tier or not, and I'm quite comfortable with that because honestly it isn't possible to be best mates with everybody.

The wedding tomorrow is my best friend's sister. So I have known her since she was 9/10 years old and I was 11/12 years old. We have grown up separately (different schools, different groups of friends etc) but as we have got a bit older, I am happy that she and her husband to be consider asking us given the connection that we do have.

Exactly! A nice attitude to have.

100% this. Any other attitude and you are a sullen sulky prima donna

[Shakermaker]

2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:

Rosscow said:

Shakermaker said:

Love an evening do.

Off to one tomorrow evening actually.

I'm fully aware of my social status with people I interact with, and whether I'm in their second tier or not, and I'm quite comfortable with that because honestly it isn't possible to be best mates with everybody.

The wedding tomorrow is my best friend's sister. So I have known her since she was 9/10 years old and I was 11/12 years old. We have grown up separately (different schools, different groups of friends etc) but as we have got a bit older, I am happy that she and her husband to be consider asking us given the connection that we do have.

Exactly! A nice attitude to have.

100% this. Any other attitude and you are a sullen sulky prima donna

i went to a wedding where one "friend" of the groom had only been given an evening invite, but then set upon himself to attend the Church ceremony (OK, not a problem so much, didn't cost anythign) but then turned up at the reception fully expecting a meal and all the drinks - He had to be told by the groom's dad to F-O because he wasn't welcome - so he then spent the next hour or so sat outside the venue, glaring through the window at the happy couple and other guests.

tainted the day somewhat for the happy couple, as amusing as it was to watch it was also horribly uncomfortable and the venue manager went to the trouble of putting up some kind of curtain on wheels/coat rack just to stop this guy having a look in. Never did see him in the evening as it happens. Miserable git.

[Howard-]

Shakermaker said:

Love an evening do.

Off to one tomorrow evening actually.

I'm fully aware of my social status with people I interact with, and whether I'm in their second tier or not, and I'm quite comfortable with that because honestly it isn't possible to be best mates with everybody.

The wedding tomorrow is my best friend's sister. So I have known her since she was 9/10 years old and I was 11/12 years old. We have grown up separately (different schools, different groups of friends etc) but as we have got a bit older, I am happy that she and her husband to be consider asking us given the connection that we do have.

I fully agree with this.

Besides, if you were enough of an acquaintance that someone invites you to their evening reception but you perhaps don't know their partner, they're not part of a bigger group of friends, or you're not tremendously close friends, or for whatever reason, would you really want to stand around all day 'mingling' with strangers? Weddings can be crushingly boring when you don't know anyone.

I guess the problems arise when there's a disconnect between how two friends perceive their friendship.

[prand]

2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:

100% this. Any other attitude and you are a sullen sulky prima donna

I quite like evening dos, if you don't have to travel far and get a hotel, as it's basically a free night out celebrating something special. all the guests are generally well oiled and friendly when you arrive, and you can get stuck into the evening buffet as the main guests are already stuffed.

I'd say worse of all is being invited to the wa party people have when they get married abroad and wanted to celebrate when they get back. When they get into all their wedding gear a month after their actual wedding and honeymoon in Barbados or Capri and you're expected to be all pleased for them.

Nope, just doesn't work for me... I think this is because the last one was held in a sports hall in Bridgwater and stay over in a very crummy motel afterwards, and the whole experience was just annoying. They divorced shortly after too.

How about this one about wedding protocol - being invited to the stag/hen do and not the wedding?

[MrBarry123]

If ever there was evidence needed that PH is filled with those who feel an overt sense of self-importance...

[768]

Vaud said:

Wedding is family. Party afterwards for everyone?

I'd have though that not being invited was a better way to alienate a friend. Maybe that would be better for your friend in this case as clearly you are a bit of an ungrateful so and so?

Yeah, that's the way I've always viewed it.

My MiL is the only person I've heard be put out that they were invited to join the piss up but not the dull bits. OP, stop acting like a miserable old bat!

[williamp]

MrBarry123 said:

If ever there was evidence needed that PH is filled with those who feel an overt sense of self-importance...

Tell me about it. I bet TEKNOPUG has already had a few e-mailes from posters on here asking why they havent been invited to his wedding...