House access & sale when a relationship has broken down
Discussion
Hi good SPLers, I'm after some advice please.
My sister has just (in the last week) ended an abusive relationship of a few years with her partner (female). This was a culmination of two years of physical and emotional abuse towards my sister, including things like hitting her across the face with a riding crop, flushing my sister's phone & credit cards down the loo, locking her in the house, locking her out of the house, severe drunkenness most evenings, stealing her SIM card from her phone to read her messages, slashing her car tyres, monitoring of my sister's phone and all email accounts with associated questioning - the usual controlling abusive behaviour when this sort of thing occurs. We suspect she also pushed my sister down the stairs and broke her arm, but my sister swore at the time she did it walking the dog.
So - she has finally broken free and moved into her own rental place, which leaves the sticky situation of the house to resolve.
First problem: My sister needs access to the shared house to retrieve clothes and some of her stuff. She doesn't have a house key as she was "not allowed" one. Her ex-partner has fitted new padlocks to the back gate where there was a possibility of entrance. The house is owned by both of them.
What is the best approach for my sister to gain access to the house? She can go there when her ex is at work so there is no danger of confrontation. Locksmith?
Second problem: The house will need to be sold. Her ex has flatly told her she will refuse to sell the house. My sister needs the equity from the house to start looking for something more permanent. Can she force the house sale?
Third problem: She is receiving daily abuse and harassment from her ex, in the form of text messages, phone calls and turning up at her new rental property shouting and screaming. My sister is worried this will escalate further and her ex will begin turning up at her workplace (she is quite senior in education). I have told her to log it with the police via 111, but unsure if this is the best approach...?
Some facts:
They jointly own the house together - both names on the deeds.
My sister is the sole payer of the mortgage and all utilities.
My sister's ex put £100k into the house as a deposit when they bought it, but I don't believe there is a formal agreement to say she will get the £100k back.
There is approx £150k of equity in the house.
No children involved - well, there were, her ex's two girls (8 and 16) who decided to go and live with their father permanently a couple of months ago after witnessing the drunkenness and violence. But not living in the property.
Thanks in advance. As you can appreciate, there's been an awful lot for the family to deal with, but the brightest thing is that my sister's finally jumped ship and is living on her own in relative safety.
My sister has just (in the last week) ended an abusive relationship of a few years with her partner (female). This was a culmination of two years of physical and emotional abuse towards my sister, including things like hitting her across the face with a riding crop, flushing my sister's phone & credit cards down the loo, locking her in the house, locking her out of the house, severe drunkenness most evenings, stealing her SIM card from her phone to read her messages, slashing her car tyres, monitoring of my sister's phone and all email accounts with associated questioning - the usual controlling abusive behaviour when this sort of thing occurs. We suspect she also pushed my sister down the stairs and broke her arm, but my sister swore at the time she did it walking the dog.
So - she has finally broken free and moved into her own rental place, which leaves the sticky situation of the house to resolve.
First problem: My sister needs access to the shared house to retrieve clothes and some of her stuff. She doesn't have a house key as she was "not allowed" one. Her ex-partner has fitted new padlocks to the back gate where there was a possibility of entrance. The house is owned by both of them.
What is the best approach for my sister to gain access to the house? She can go there when her ex is at work so there is no danger of confrontation. Locksmith?
Second problem: The house will need to be sold. Her ex has flatly told her she will refuse to sell the house. My sister needs the equity from the house to start looking for something more permanent. Can she force the house sale?
Third problem: She is receiving daily abuse and harassment from her ex, in the form of text messages, phone calls and turning up at her new rental property shouting and screaming. My sister is worried this will escalate further and her ex will begin turning up at her workplace (she is quite senior in education). I have told her to log it with the police via 111, but unsure if this is the best approach...?
Some facts:
They jointly own the house together - both names on the deeds.
My sister is the sole payer of the mortgage and all utilities.
My sister's ex put £100k into the house as a deposit when they bought it, but I don't believe there is a formal agreement to say she will get the £100k back.
There is approx £150k of equity in the house.
No children involved - well, there were, her ex's two girls (8 and 16) who decided to go and live with their father permanently a couple of months ago after witnessing the drunkenness and violence. But not living in the property.
Thanks in advance. As you can appreciate, there's been an awful lot for the family to deal with, but the brightest thing is that my sister's finally jumped ship and is living on her own in relative safety.
Yikes.
I'd start with a charity who are specialists and have people trained to support.
http://www.refuge.org.uk
https://www.womensaid.org.uk
If the charity can't help directly, they will be able to connect her with people that can.
Given the ongoing abuse, I would contact the police, at least she there is a record. They will treat this very seriously.
I'd start with a charity who are specialists and have people trained to support.
http://www.refuge.org.uk
https://www.womensaid.org.uk
If the charity can't help directly, they will be able to connect her with people that can.
Given the ongoing abuse, I would contact the police, at least she there is a record. They will treat this very seriously.
Tankrizzo said:
First problem: My sister needs access to the shared house to retrieve clothes and some of her stuff. She doesn't have a house key as she was "not allowed" one. Her ex-partner has fitted new padlocks to the back gate where there was a possibility of entrance. The house is owned by both of them.
What is the best approach for my sister to gain access to the house? She can go there when her ex is at work so there is no danger of confrontation. Locksmith?
Yep. Just as much her house as the ex's, so fair game to gain access by whatever means necessary. Might be worth forewarning the local police that there's a risk of a breach of the peace should the ex return home at the wrong time. Or she could decide that the cost of replacing the stuff is not worth the hassle.What is the best approach for my sister to gain access to the house? She can go there when her ex is at work so there is no danger of confrontation. Locksmith?
Tankrizzo said:
Second problem: The house will need to be sold. Her ex has flatly told her she will refuse to sell the house. My sister needs the equity from the house to start looking for something more permanent. Can she force the house sale?
Yep. Google for TOLATA order.Tankrizzo said:
Third problem: She is receiving daily abuse and harassment from her ex, in the form of text messages, phone calls and turning up at her new rental property shouting and screaming. My sister is worried this will escalate further and her ex will begin turning up at her workplace (she is quite senior in education). I have told her to log it with the police via 111, but unsure if this is the best approach...?
Changing her phone number would be a sensible first start... But, yes, she may well need to get it all logged, and start thinking about some kind of legal restraint.Tankrizzo said:
Some facts:
They jointly own the house together - both names on the deeds.
Tenants in Common or Joint Tenants?They jointly own the house together - both names on the deeds.
Tankrizzo said:
My sister is the sole payer of the mortgage
But they'll almost certainly both be named on the mortgage, so they're each legally liable for the whole debt. Few lenders allow joint ownership but only one borrower - because it would make repossession much harder.Tankrizzo said:
My sister's ex put £100k into the house as a deposit when they bought it, but I don't believe there is a formal agreement to say she will get the £100k back.
There is approx £150k of equity in the house.
If they're TiC, with a defined ownership split, then that's the way the equity will be split.There is approx £150k of equity in the house.
If they're JT, then it's all down to whatever they can agree between them - with or without legal help.
I take it they're not married or in a civil partnership?
Thanks for the replies.
Unknown whether they're Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common, I'm seeing my sister on Sunday so I'll try to find out. A lot of the paperwork will be in the shared house which of course makes things slightly more difficult.
Not married or in a civil partnership.
Good shout about the charities, I didn't think of those.
Unknown whether they're Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common, I'm seeing my sister on Sunday so I'll try to find out. A lot of the paperwork will be in the shared house which of course makes things slightly more difficult.
Not married or in a civil partnership.
Good shout about the charities, I didn't think of those.
Tankrizzo said:
Unknown whether they're Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common, I'm seeing my sister on Sunday so I'll try to find out. A lot of the paperwork will be in the shared house which of course makes things slightly more difficult.
Few quid to the Land Registry will tell you for 100% certain.She needs to firmly inform ex that the relationship is over, preferably by recorded letter and any further attempts to contact her other than on sale of property through solicitor will be logged as harassment.
Turning up on doorstep and abusive texts have to be logged, and kept (screen-shots) - a call blocker will not let them alert but will log them. New phone number helps, as does dealing only through a proxy (brother?)
Police will deal with door-stepping abuse, but nip it in the bud early or it just escalates.
Solicitor will have to deal with sale in any case, so wise to start now.
Very horrible situation to be in, and is never resolved immediately, friend had same which dragged on for two years, resulting in injunction against [female] abuser, which was then broken with more stalking and abuse, so abuser went inside for a month, and abuser's teenage daughter was taken into care.
Terrible, all of it.
Turning up on doorstep and abusive texts have to be logged, and kept (screen-shots) - a call blocker will not let them alert but will log them. New phone number helps, as does dealing only through a proxy (brother?)
Police will deal with door-stepping abuse, but nip it in the bud early or it just escalates.
Solicitor will have to deal with sale in any case, so wise to start now.
Very horrible situation to be in, and is never resolved immediately, friend had same which dragged on for two years, resulting in injunction against [female] abuser, which was then broken with more stalking and abuse, so abuser went inside for a month, and abuser's teenage daughter was taken into care.
Terrible, all of it.
As joint tenants they own 50/50 or how the house was shared on the TR1.
As tenants in common then you need a copy of the deed of trust which will state how the house is divided.
Both parties have a right to access the house, any form of stopping the access is illegal,
Just been through this, TR 1 is vital, as is the deed of trust.
As tenants in common then you need a copy of the deed of trust which will state how the house is divided.
Both parties have a right to access the house, any form of stopping the access is illegal,
Just been through this, TR 1 is vital, as is the deed of trust.
Vaud said:
Yikes.
I'd start with a charity who are specialists and have people trained to support.
http://www.refuge.org.uk
https://www.womensaid.org.uk
Good shout. My fiancée used to work for the above. Very helpful and knowledgeable people.I'd start with a charity who are specialists and have people trained to support.
http://www.refuge.org.uk
https://www.womensaid.org.uk
First of all, (if it was me), i'd be logging it with the police, explaining the circumstances of the harassment & having a file opened.
I'd also make a log of every abusive comment/message & keep evidence of all, inform the police every time.
I would also go to my house when she wasn't there, break in (as you own half), potentially document it all (have the supportive brother present).
Take all clothes and possessions that were mine & GTFO, do this in 1 hit so you don't have to go back.
Go home, as a s
t storm would probably be brewing.
Then as/when the abuse starts again (which it will when she finds out the above), log it all again, push for restraining order/police action as necessary.
I would then block all social media/phone/email etc. & set up new accounts. (You've then seen to have taken every means to block all communications.
Seek decent legal advise to get the house sorted ASAP.
I'd also make a log of every abusive comment/message & keep evidence of all, inform the police every time.
I would also go to my house when she wasn't there, break in (as you own half), potentially document it all (have the supportive brother present).
Take all clothes and possessions that were mine & GTFO, do this in 1 hit so you don't have to go back.
Go home, as a s
t storm would probably be brewing.Then as/when the abuse starts again (which it will when she finds out the above), log it all again, push for restraining order/police action as necessary.
I would then block all social media/phone/email etc. & set up new accounts. (You've then seen to have taken every means to block all communications.
Seek decent legal advise to get the house sorted ASAP.
Legal advice a must here as its going to be bloody and messy otherwise (probably literally!).
I would get the police involved ASAP if abuse is still occuring before the ex thinks of the idea and tries to manipulate the situation further.
Also having everything formally recorded with the 5-0 makes it easier later on if things go to court and also helps re-inforce the message to the ex that she is free.
I would get the police involved ASAP if abuse is still occuring before the ex thinks of the idea and tries to manipulate the situation further.
Also having everything formally recorded with the 5-0 makes it easier later on if things go to court and also helps re-inforce the message to the ex that she is free.
Thank you everyone for your guidance, I'll update the thread periodically with how things are going.
soad said:
A good chance that clothes will end up being destroyed. 
She has already messaged my sister today to tell her she has sold all her things. Pinch of salt required with that as she is a proven liar about many things.Tankrizzo said:
She has already messaged my sister today to tell her she has sold all her things. Pinch of salt required with that as she is a proven liar about many things.
Your sister's ex is an idiot if she's going to put stuff like that in writing, isn't she? Make sure to keep that message safe for later, you might want to rely on it in a court. V8 Fettler said:
Woman appears to be mentally unhinged, can she not be sectioned?
She has definitely taken a mental turn for the worse in the last couple of years but refuses to go to the doctor or entertain any thoughts of help. She was on HRT for a while so my sister thought that might have had something to do with it, but now it looks like she's actually slightly psychotic.AyBee said:
If your sister pays the bills, does she have anything proving she lives there? If so, pretending to a locksmith that she left her keys inside and can't get access to her own house may enable her to get inside?
Yeah I think it'll be quite easy for her to prove it's her house. I'll discuss options with her on the weekend.Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff