Air BnB with kids - Am I right to be concerned?
Discussion
Just found out that my ex missus has been advertising a room in her house on Air BnB. Actually, I was already aware of it, but today I've found out that she's made the room available when our kids are staying there (I thought she was only doing it when they were at my house). And tonight she has her first guest - a single male one as it happens.
Our kids are all young (3 of them, oldest is 7, one girl, two boys), I've told her politely that I'm not happy about this arrangement (which is a bit of an understatement). And I'm not your average tabloid reading paranoid parent who thinks that every bloke you see in a public place is a kiddie fiddling perv. I told that I doubted anyone would want to stay in her house with a noisy young family crashing around, and she responded that she'd clearly explained in the Air BnB advert that it's a family home with young kids living there! I know Air BnB has a feedback system, so it's possible to vet guests to an extent, but even so.
So, before I go off at the deep end, what are other people's opinions? Am I over reacting, or is this genuinely not nothing to be concerned about?
Less importantly, but still significant - it's a 3 bedroom house so it means all the kids are having to sleep in one room together (or in with Mum - it's like musical beds when they stay at her house anyway) to allow the 'guests' to use the 'spare' room. It shouldn't even be a spare room in my opinion. Also, she's privately renting and the landlord has no idea about this sub letting. And she's also claiming housing benefit as well, can't see it going down well with them either.
Our kids are all young (3 of them, oldest is 7, one girl, two boys), I've told her politely that I'm not happy about this arrangement (which is a bit of an understatement). And I'm not your average tabloid reading paranoid parent who thinks that every bloke you see in a public place is a kiddie fiddling perv. I told that I doubted anyone would want to stay in her house with a noisy young family crashing around, and she responded that she'd clearly explained in the Air BnB advert that it's a family home with young kids living there! I know Air BnB has a feedback system, so it's possible to vet guests to an extent, but even so.
So, before I go off at the deep end, what are other people's opinions? Am I over reacting, or is this genuinely not nothing to be concerned about?
Less importantly, but still significant - it's a 3 bedroom house so it means all the kids are having to sleep in one room together (or in with Mum - it's like musical beds when they stay at her house anyway) to allow the 'guests' to use the 'spare' room. It shouldn't even be a spare room in my opinion. Also, she's privately renting and the landlord has no idea about this sub letting. And she's also claiming housing benefit as well, can't see it going down well with them either.
I don't think you have any right to veto. Her house, her rules. If you had someone staying with you would you think she had the right to demand you didn't?
If it was unsafe environment you'd have to go for full custody, which you'd never win since they aren't in danger if she's there in the house with them.
If it was unsafe environment you'd have to go for full custody, which you'd never win since they aren't in danger if she's there in the house with them.
In principle if the house set up is right, I don't think there is an issue. We are about to do this, as there are 2 bedrooms and bathroom on our top floor that isn't being used. We have a 5 year old son who has his room on the floor below next to ours.
However, if you are basically renting out one of your kids room and sharing a bathroom, then I'd say it definitely isn't on. An anonymous call to the landlord and housing benefits office would get it sorted.
However, if you are basically renting out one of your kids room and sharing a bathroom, then I'd say it definitely isn't on. An anonymous call to the landlord and housing benefits office would get it sorted.
No extra bathrooms in the house, not even a downstairs wc, so the guests will be sharing the bathroom.
In theory, the kids could stay with me extra whenever she has a booking, but I work full time and the school run is an hour round trip from my house (which I already do on the days that I have them). And going on previous experience, if I give an inch, she takes a mile. Why should I have to jump in and cover, reducing my working hours, so she can make an extra few quid (more to spend on fags and booze no doubt)?
UpTheIron said:
Devils advocate:
Why does she need the extra cash?
Can the kids stay with you every night she has a "booking"?
Not being antagonistic, on the face of it IMHO it sounds far from ideal but if it is the only way to put food on the table then better than starving kids...
She is practically hitting the benefits cap with everything she's claiming at the moment, so money shouldn't be an issue. The kids stay with me 2 to 3 nights every week, and I pay for stuff for them directly rather than pay maintenance to her as she's terrible at managing her money.Why does she need the extra cash?
Can the kids stay with you every night she has a "booking"?
Not being antagonistic, on the face of it IMHO it sounds far from ideal but if it is the only way to put food on the table then better than starving kids...
In theory, the kids could stay with me extra whenever she has a booking, but I work full time and the school run is an hour round trip from my house (which I already do on the days that I have them). And going on previous experience, if I give an inch, she takes a mile. Why should I have to jump in and cover, reducing my working hours, so she can make an extra few quid (more to spend on fags and booze no doubt)?
CoolHands said:
I don't think you have any right to veto. Her house, her rules. If you had someone staying with you would you think she had the right to demand you didn't?
If it was unsafe environment you'd have to go for full custody, which you'd never win since they aren't in danger if she's there in the house with them.
If I was letting complete strangers stay in my house whilst I have the kids I'm pretty sure she'd go ballistic. Not that I'd even consider it. Social services had been involved in the past (due to her alcoholism mainly), told me I have to remove the kids from her care if they're at risk due to her drinking. Not had to do that yet, but only because I don't find out about it until afterwards. I'm hopeful social services would side with me on this new matter, but maybe not. And going that route is the nuclear option - we're on pretty good terms at present, even though I'm constantly on egg shells with her, threatening to stop me having access to the kids.If it was unsafe environment you'd have to go for full custody, which you'd never win since they aren't in danger if she's there in the house with them.
Dan_1981 said:
The air b n b thing I think I'd be ok with.
However the ridiculous thing is the 3 kids in one room to free up the "spare"
Surely it's decorated as a kids room?!
Bizarre. Weird.
Not decorated as a kids room, rented house, so not really an option to decorate it. She's never willingly used the room as a kid's bedroom, despite my objection to that. Recently, our oldest has started to sleep in there, but as I said, it's like musical beds when they're at her house, which doesn't seem ideal to me either.However the ridiculous thing is the 3 kids in one room to free up the "spare"
Surely it's decorated as a kids room?!
Bizarre. Weird.
CoolHands said:
I don't think you have any right to veto. Her house, her rules. If you had someone staying with you would you think she had the right to demand you didn't?
What?!She's renting, so it's not her house. The LL doesn't know and nor do the benefits people.
Having someone stay over is a world away from having a complete stranger staying in the house.
I'm with the OP.
ETA: "no right to veto"?! The fact they're his kids means nothing then?
Edited by Centurion07 on Tuesday 22 November 20:30
Centurion07 said:
What?!She's renting, so it's not her house. The LL doesn't know and nor do the benefits people.
Having someone stay over is a world away from having a complete stranger staying in the house.
I'm with the OP.
ETA: "no right to veto"?! The fact they're his kids means nothing then?
Edited by Centurion07 on Tuesday 22 November 20:30
Plus who in their right mind is going to be happy renting a room with her and kids staying there? Very weird your right to be worried.
CoolHands said:
I don't think you have any right to veto. Her house, her rules. If you had someone staying with you would you think she had the right to demand you didn't?
If it was unsafe environment you'd have to go for full custody, which you'd never win since they aren't in danger if she's there in the house with them.
Give it up weirdo.If it was unsafe environment you'd have to go for full custody, which you'd never win since they aren't in danger if she's there in the house with them.
ks.hey i don't care I'm just being dispassionate about it. I'm not saying I would like it. When you are no longer in a relationship with someone you can't tell them what they can and can't do, it's as simple as that. She has a right to do what she thinks is right, as do you. If she is not leaving them alone with the stranger how can you argue it's unsafe?
Supposing you take your kid on a motorbike and your ex didn't like it. Could they stop you from doing it? On what grounds?
Supposing you take your kid on a motorbike and your ex didn't like it. Could they stop you from doing it? On what grounds?
CoolHands said:
hey i don't care I'm just being dispassionate about it. I'm not saying I would like it. When you are no longer in a relationship with someone you can't tell them what they can and can't do, it's as simple as that. She has a right to do what she thinks is right, as do you. If she is not leaving them alone with the stranger how can you argue it's unsafe?
Supposing you take your kid on a motorbike and your ex didn't like it. Could they stop you from doing it? On what grounds?
You make a good point, and playing 'Devils Advocate' well. I think in both examples (The Op and your motorbike one) there is a boundary that they both approach. One parent thinks its past the boundary one thinks its fine.Supposing you take your kid on a motorbike and your ex didn't like it. Could they stop you from doing it? On what grounds?
Very difficult to come to an agreement. These boundary line differences happen in happy marriages let alone broken ones. Tough call OP, my view is that this crosses the line, as would riding on a motorbike!
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff