Part-heard conversations that create a brain bleach image

[cootuk]

Woman on phone accompanied by her husband:-

”Oh no. He will be wearing a kilt, and that's just too far to drive like that"

[glenrobbo]

cootuk said:

Woman on phone accompanied by her husband:-

”Oh no. He will be wearing a kilt, and that's just too far to drive like that"

Quite understandable if they are going all the way in an Aerial Atom!

[wildcat45]

Overheard by me on a train once.

"If you want to get an idea about the size of the erection you want, have a look at our website and call me back."

[daddy cool]

Hot milf in the office, on the phone, (presumably) telling someone she'll email them straight away.

"If you need it right now, i'll whack it straight off for you".

Around the (mostly male) office. the sound of monocles falling out was only drowned out by the sound of tea hitting keyboards.

[littleredrooster]

"Tie it to the legs of the nearest boy"

Uttered by a friend of mine on the phone to someone.

Then I remembered that he was a volunteer on a rescue boat and 'boy' may in fact be 'buoy'.

[Zoon]

littleredrooster said:

"Tie it to the legs of the nearest boy"

Uttered by a friend of mine on the phone to someone.

Then I remembered that he was a volunteer on a rescue boat and 'boy' may in fact be 'buoy'.

Do buoys have legs?

[littleredrooster]

Zoon said:

littleredrooster said:

"Tie it to the legs of the nearest boy"

Uttered by a friend of mine on the phone to someone.

Then I remembered that he was a volunteer on a rescue boat and 'boy' may in fact be 'buoy'.

Do buoys have legs?

It would seem so.

[J4CKO]

If I get anyone earwigging on a mobile call I drop in

"Have you tried coaxing it out with Sunflower seeds"

[sidekickdmr]

J4CKO said:

If I get anyone earwigging on a mobile call I drop in

"Have you tried coaxing it out with Sunflower seeds"

I would just assume your daughters pet hamster is under the sofa

[J4CKO]

sidekickdmr said:

J4CKO said:

If I get anyone earwigging on a mobile call I drop in

"Have you tried coaxing it out with Sunflower seeds"

I would just assume your daughters pet hamster is under the sofa

Then add, "Well see what they say at casualty"

[sidekickdmr]

J4CKO said:

sidekickdmr said:

J4CKO said:

If I get anyone earwigging on a mobile call I drop in

"Have you tried coaxing it out with Sunflower seeds"

I would just assume your daughters pet hamster is under the sofa

Then add, "Well see what they say at casualty"

"Let’s hope the xray shows what it is and how far it’s got"

[Rich_W]

Many, many years ago. Girl and a guy I worked with were seeing each other behind their respective partners backs.

She was telling her best friend at work
"...said it probably isn't serious, might be an infection. It's just like a green gunge"

Seriously!

I can still remember his name and picture her. She was a lot council unsurprisingly

[wack]

I was in a toilet cubicle having a sit down at a truck dealer in Norwich about 15 years ago when I heard 2 guys come in

Did eue ear aboot ole George

Noo

E were leanin aginst the edboard of a trayler when some barstud drilled an ole through the other siyde riyte threw ees arm

Is eee orwright

Noo eees ad to gew to ospital

Oo it's bad then

Noo eees arms orwright, wen ee saw all the blood ee fainted and fell orf the trayler

It was like listening to a 2 Ronnies sketch

Edited by wack on Thursday 1st December 22:41

[eltax91]

A woman in the office was talking about babies, having recently returned to work from maternity leave. The subject turned to how long it took her to conceive, and this was uttered:-

'Well it's not as simple as you are told when you are 15, one shag does not automatically get you pregnant. It can be a short process, but sometimes it takes donkeys'

[Mannginger]

this is like a real-life version of /r/nocontext

https://www.reddit.com/r/nocontext/

[TorqueDirty]

Not overheard but found as a text on a shared work mobile back in the day.

One of the company management team had been using it for a few weeks and then returned it to the pool of phones handed out to who ever needed one (back when mobiles not evenyone had company phones)

He had just stared to see a girl at work - much more junior than him.

Text read: "Ok, I have shaved it all off, come round now. xx"

We chuckled for quite some time.

[duckwhistle]

" A bullet's only thirty pence " Overheard , phone discussion regarding fate of old Dog.

[wack]

Overheard phone conversation to a vet

Ah right so you're suggesting the dog should have a CT scan , how much is that

What, no fking chance , he'll be getting a lead earring if he gets any worse

I assume it wasn't the family pet

[Ste1987]

Funnily enough Dave Gorman discussed things like this on his latest episode of Modern Life is Goodish, that is how so few words tells a whole story. He gave an example he once heard whilst his missus got a scan when they were expecting. He overheard a woman saying something like "Look at his nose. Told you he was Darren's!" to her mate who was with her for her scan.

[Piers_K]

Overheard as the doors to a lift opened..

"Got a nice black leather strap on'

Turns out they were talking about a watch...