How to deal with a manager who constantly puts me down?
Discussion
So here's the deal...
Currently work in IT, been performing really well for the last few years since the start of my current job, no bad appraisals. If anything, in each appraisal and catch up with the head of department, I've had nothing but good feedback and from contributors in the department and business. I've gone the extra mile by writing code for two major systems off my own back to kill helpdesk calls (I work in infrastructure), while there is plenty of infighting on trying to come up with an elusive "policy and procedure" for simple business problems that many big companies IT departments have encountered and solved.
However, day-to-day, while my manager is polite in passing meetings onto me, assigning me a task, or asking for my help, he also has an annoying habit of putting me down. For example, if a team mate says he is working on xyz my manager goes to me:
"Look at that, person x has done this and all his upgrades and deployments while all I get from you is abc" (abcin one case being monitoring alerts - which come from other teams issues - while my team mates are too slow to take the same initiative.
This is despite the fact I've been hinted to be promoted and always get my tasks done - and then some. And this is all in an environment with lots of limiting politics. I have the experience to handle politics, but obviously I am paid to deliver and implement at the end of the day.
There are other issues such as my manager goes to a team meeting about a topic and I tell him I raised some points in an email I sent him about this topic I'd like him to flag. He goes to said meeting, comes back, says he will forward my points on (so probably just sat there and accepted the crap) and that makes us look passive, which makes my blood boil. No update on the meeting but he can discuss with another team lead.
Another case is my boss making a comment about how my predecessor wanted someone else than me after I got my job offer. I found that pretty rude and disrespectful to say in front of me. RANT: Like a more experienced guy would stay in this company. He would either get sick of my boss and his poor abilities (and even after seeing what happens when we manage and badly maintain big applications, he let's it happen again) or sick of IT and its inability to deliver anything - even trivial - to the business.
And of course I get the blame for systems that were badly implemented before my time and I cleared up. Funny that my manager wants visibility on what I do so I update him and include him on emails, but he does not proactively flag anything up or join me on meetings about things I am trying to fix to make the team look better. Very passive.
We all have a good laugh at work and have friendly digs at each other - I get plenty myself. But I really think there's a limit and a boundary. I'm happy to raise with my head of department, in a way that won't limit my career here!
Currently work in IT, been performing really well for the last few years since the start of my current job, no bad appraisals. If anything, in each appraisal and catch up with the head of department, I've had nothing but good feedback and from contributors in the department and business. I've gone the extra mile by writing code for two major systems off my own back to kill helpdesk calls (I work in infrastructure), while there is plenty of infighting on trying to come up with an elusive "policy and procedure" for simple business problems that many big companies IT departments have encountered and solved.
However, day-to-day, while my manager is polite in passing meetings onto me, assigning me a task, or asking for my help, he also has an annoying habit of putting me down. For example, if a team mate says he is working on xyz my manager goes to me:
"Look at that, person x has done this and all his upgrades and deployments while all I get from you is abc" (abcin one case being monitoring alerts - which come from other teams issues - while my team mates are too slow to take the same initiative.
This is despite the fact I've been hinted to be promoted and always get my tasks done - and then some. And this is all in an environment with lots of limiting politics. I have the experience to handle politics, but obviously I am paid to deliver and implement at the end of the day.
There are other issues such as my manager goes to a team meeting about a topic and I tell him I raised some points in an email I sent him about this topic I'd like him to flag. He goes to said meeting, comes back, says he will forward my points on (so probably just sat there and accepted the crap) and that makes us look passive, which makes my blood boil. No update on the meeting but he can discuss with another team lead.
Another case is my boss making a comment about how my predecessor wanted someone else than me after I got my job offer. I found that pretty rude and disrespectful to say in front of me. RANT: Like a more experienced guy would stay in this company. He would either get sick of my boss and his poor abilities (and even after seeing what happens when we manage and badly maintain big applications, he let's it happen again) or sick of IT and its inability to deliver anything - even trivial - to the business.
And of course I get the blame for systems that were badly implemented before my time and I cleared up. Funny that my manager wants visibility on what I do so I update him and include him on emails, but he does not proactively flag anything up or join me on meetings about things I am trying to fix to make the team look better. Very passive.
We all have a good laugh at work and have friendly digs at each other - I get plenty myself. But I really think there's a limit and a boundary. I'm happy to raise with my head of department, in a way that won't limit my career here!
He's feeling threatened by you. Either keep on doing what you're doing and you'll get your promotion or ask for a quiet word off the record and tell him straight that if he does it again not only will you raise an official complaint but you will publically show him up for the poor excuse for a manager that he (after all you've been keeping a record haven't you) is and he'll be looking for another job. I suspect that if you took the latter action he'd be frightened to death of you.
elanfan said:
He's feeling threatened by you. Either keep on doing what you're doing and you'll get your promotion or ask for a quiet word off the record and tell him straight that if he does it again not only will you raise an official complaint but you will publically show him up for the poor excuse for a manager that he (after all you've been keeping a record haven't you) is and he'll be looking for another job. I suspect that if you took the latter action he'd be frightened to death of you.
And then recognise him as a threat and an enemy to be actively managed out the door.I'd look for a new job. If you go above his head it is very unlikely to end well for you and you'll be seen as a troublemaker. If you threaten him as per the advice above then you'll be out one way or another...
The more you excel the more he'll likely feel threatened and give anyone else opportunities rather than you. He also complain that you are undermining him. All unfair, but until you climb the tree higher I can't see much else you can do, time to move on!
The more you excel the more he'll likely feel threatened and give anyone else opportunities rather than you. He also complain that you are undermining him. All unfair, but until you climb the tree higher I can't see much else you can do, time to move on!
You're line manager is clearly an unskilled manager (possibly an 'accidental manager'?).
To help him, you'd be embarking on a journey of discovery with him, if indeed he was open to such.
Every good manager offers subordinates the opportunity to feed back on their own performance, sometimes via a 360 degree review. Those that have no insight in to what good looks like will be bereft of the knowledge that to be good they need to regularly reflect upon their own performance.
So, options: give him fair and honest feedback; ignore him; move roles in order to get a better line manager. The latter will require you, as it should do routinely, to do your own due diligence on the boss.
Good luck!
To help him, you'd be embarking on a journey of discovery with him, if indeed he was open to such.
Every good manager offers subordinates the opportunity to feed back on their own performance, sometimes via a 360 degree review. Those that have no insight in to what good looks like will be bereft of the knowledge that to be good they need to regularly reflect upon their own performance.
So, options: give him fair and honest feedback; ignore him; move roles in order to get a better line manager. The latter will require you, as it should do routinely, to do your own due diligence on the boss.
Good luck!
I agree with others that he possibly sees you as a threat. Also possible that he sees you doing stuff for other teams and perceives that you are doing that and not stuff that you 'should' be doing (regardless of if you've actually been asked/tasked to do it). He isn't going to give a toss about the other teams.
As a good manager he should be encouraging and helping you to move forwards, so in setting out your appraisal/targets for this year have that discussion with him - new skills to pick up, take on new areas of work etc.
You'd need to judge the company culture, but could formal compliments/thanks from direct colleagues and maybe those on other teams help - giving visibility to management other than your direct manager that you're making a difference to the business ?
You have to be careful with this because if the culture isn't receptive to this it could turn in to "He's been helping team X without tasking, why is he doing that, doesn't he have enough work to do?"
Is there another manager at the same level as yours that you could have an informal chat with ? It might be that your manager is rubbing others up the wrong way too and others know how to deal with him ?
As a good manager he should be encouraging and helping you to move forwards, so in setting out your appraisal/targets for this year have that discussion with him - new skills to pick up, take on new areas of work etc.
You'd need to judge the company culture, but could formal compliments/thanks from direct colleagues and maybe those on other teams help - giving visibility to management other than your direct manager that you're making a difference to the business ?
You have to be careful with this because if the culture isn't receptive to this it could turn in to "He's been helping team X without tasking, why is he doing that, doesn't he have enough work to do?"
Is there another manager at the same level as yours that you could have an informal chat with ? It might be that your manager is rubbing others up the wrong way too and others know how to deal with him ?
anonymous said:
[redacted]
It's hard to say but regardless of tone, the intention is what matters I guess. Obviously a joke as if it was true, the number of things it's been said, I'd not be here (lol). And then he says "Oh I been trying to get rid of him since he started" to some colleagues we know in the business. Ywah it's a joke, but the repetition drives me mad.
A lot of this makes me feel I just learn what I can and not share anything with the team. A very selfish, destructive attitude.
But wow it is just soooo irritating and annoying. The same old predictable comments just grates my ears.
If it's just annoying comments then here's a technique I was taught and it is shockingly effective - it can be used if someone is shouting at you or making unwanted remarks.
Once the offender says whatever it is to you or shouts at you, you then stare at them but say nothing. You will find the awkwardness of the eye contact with no other communication almost unbearable within just a few seconds. You make them speak next. They will if shouting have vented and their next words are much more considered or conciliatory. I think if you have to do this more than twice I'd be shocked. I suspect he'll stop making his comments as an awkward moment will ensue.
I had the Ops Manager of a national building firm shouting at me in my own kitchen. Did exactly the above and I've never seen anyone squirm and backtrack so much in my life. Got all my o/s snags done double quick and a £4k block paved patio as compo for all the hassle they'd caused.
Do let us know how you get on. Practice on the wife I bet she'll be filling the silence within 3 seconds!
Once the offender says whatever it is to you or shouts at you, you then stare at them but say nothing. You will find the awkwardness of the eye contact with no other communication almost unbearable within just a few seconds. You make them speak next. They will if shouting have vented and their next words are much more considered or conciliatory. I think if you have to do this more than twice I'd be shocked. I suspect he'll stop making his comments as an awkward moment will ensue.
I had the Ops Manager of a national building firm shouting at me in my own kitchen. Did exactly the above and I've never seen anyone squirm and backtrack so much in my life. Got all my o/s snags done double quick and a £4k block paved patio as compo for all the hassle they'd caused.
Do let us know how you get on. Practice on the wife I bet she'll be filling the silence within 3 seconds!
He probably doesn't realise he's doing it - take him on one side and politely ask him if he knows how he is making you feel. Explain if he has a problem with your work he should talk to you about it mano a mano. Be polite and kind - he'll almost certainly apologise and desist. Just having manager as part of your job title doesn't suddenly make you perfect
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