relationship and sex counselling
Discussion
petemurphy said:
any advice what to look for when choosing someone? are relate any good? relationship is unbearable and sex 0 but we want to stay together for our child. is counselling good idea or always the end? thanks
Give it a go. It's worthwhile trying to find some common ground. If you're both prepared to admit mistakes and be more mindful of one another's needs, there's probably some hope. If on the other hand one or both of you are looking for an out, counselling could also be helpful by allowing the topic to be discussed calmly.Here's a rather beautiful film talking about why relationships often change for the worse, and why that's not necessarily an inevitable end:
https://vimeo.com/channels/1190390/199826671
Good luck.
Edited to add - probably worthwhile taking the time to find a counselor you both like and trust.
Edited by MurderousCrow on Monday 30th January 15:14
Have a flick through http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/ to see if there's anyone suitable near you.
Cold said:
Have a flick through http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/ to see if there's anyone suitable near you.
blimey theres hundreds of them how do you choose? are individuals better than going to relate etc? thanks
have a virtual pint on me. And yes, in my opinion as above try for a weekend away before relate etc and see what happens - good luck =
Do you still love her?
What things did you use to do together when you were both happy?
When did things change?
These are important questions which surprisingly can give you the answers.
One other thing people try is a trial separation. This sounds extreme but having time apart can kick start things but only as a last resort.
If the relationship is totally finished don't just stay together for the sake of the children.
They will sense you are both very unhappy and living this way is very unhealthy for everyone involved.
Better to go separate ways and for you both to be happy.
Yes it is hard for the children to start with but if you are both mature and put the child first above a new future relationships it will work.
petemurphy said:
any advice what to look for when choosing someone? are relate any good? relationship is unbearable and sex 0 but we want to stay together for our child. is counselling good idea or always the end? thanks
What was it that made you fall in love with your wife in the first place?Do you still love her?
What things did you use to do together when you were both happy?
When did things change?
These are important questions which surprisingly can give you the answers.
One other thing people try is a trial separation. This sounds extreme but having time apart can kick start things but only as a last resort.
If the relationship is totally finished don't just stay together for the sake of the children.
They will sense you are both very unhappy and living this way is very unhealthy for everyone involved.
Better to go separate ways and for you both to be happy.
Yes it is hard for the children to start with but if you are both mature and put the child first above a new future relationships it will work.
Edited by anonymous-user on Tuesday 31st January 15:28
I am by no way trained but after having gone through this kind of thing,family rather than relationship,it usually comes down to your needs and your inner child.The inner child is what makes us what we are and it is hard wired from a very early age,no matter how old you are you revert back too it.
It isn't cheap but worth it if you think you have something worth saving and don't expect it resolve it quickly.
It isn't cheap but worth it if you think you have something worth saving and don't expect it resolve it quickly.
If you really love your wife forget the sex until you have sorted the other stuff out...it's an added pressure on the relationship.
Like a rowing boat, marriage is far better when you both row in the same direction.
I have been married 36 years and we are both are extremely happy, but Relate saved our marriage at seven years, we could not stand the sight of each other. We went every week for six months, not just a couple of quick visits.
Things CAN improve.
Good luck.
Like a rowing boat, marriage is far better when you both row in the same direction.
I have been married 36 years and we are both are extremely happy, but Relate saved our marriage at seven years, we could not stand the sight of each other. We went every week for six months, not just a couple of quick visits.
Things CAN improve.
Good luck.
I'm in similar position to you.
Friend of mine has just told his wife he had enough and spent night(s) on sofa and spoke to Solictor Tuesday. I think that's the best option so you are fully aware.
As with the emotionally / sexually front. I understand you can stop fancying and wanting from that person but it's not healthy to live without that part of your life / to want / to be wanted.
Question is going forward what's your plan?
1. Stay in situ until you meet someone else?
2. Co exist and like house share and tell her, just for kids sake but not in relationship ?
3. Move out but stay friends?
Friend of mine has just told his wife he had enough and spent night(s) on sofa and spoke to Solictor Tuesday. I think that's the best option so you are fully aware.
As with the emotionally / sexually front. I understand you can stop fancying and wanting from that person but it's not healthy to live without that part of your life / to want / to be wanted.
Question is going forward what's your plan?
1. Stay in situ until you meet someone else?
2. Co exist and like house share and tell her, just for kids sake but not in relationship ?
3. Move out but stay friends?
ELUSIVEJIM said:
What was it that made you fall in love with your wife in the first place?
Do you still love her?
What things did you use to do together when you were both happy?
When did things change?
These are important questions which surprisingly can give you the answers.
Not politically correct, as you love the person blah blah, but I would also add- has one party or both changed physically? i.e let themselves go/got fat or fatter and so on. Do you still love her?
What things did you use to do together when you were both happy?
When did things change?
These are important questions which surprisingly can give you the answers.
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