A nice retort

[simpo two]

For some reason this dialogue drifted into my head today...


Man: 'May I have this dance with you'?

Woman: 'I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on earth.'

Man: 'I'm sorry, you must have misheard me; I said you look fat in that dress.

[centurion07]

simpo two said:

For some reason this dialogue drifted into my head today... Man: 'May I have this dance with you'? Woman: 'I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on earth.' Man: 'I'm sorry, you must have misheard me; I said you look fat in that dress.

I'd heard it as "you look fat in those PANTS"...works better if you have the right accent I guess.

[nel]

Must originally have been:

"Would you like to dance?"
"You look fat in those pants."

Alternatively you follow it up with "I suppose a shag is out of the question then?"

[crankedup]

A bit like letting the door you have just used slam into a womans face, well I did'nt wish to be percieved as a male chauvenist did I!

[BliarOut]

Allegedly!!

Nancy Astor said:

If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!

Winston Churchill said:

And if I were your husband I would drink it.

[vixpy1]

Hi, would you like to dance?

Yes..

Well, go on then, I want to talk to your mate

[Ferg]

My favourite:

Inviting Churchill to the opening night of one of his plays George Bernard Shaw said:

'Bring a friend, if you have one.'

Returning the two tickets due to a previous engagement Winston Churchill said:

'Please send me two tickets for the next night, if you have one.'

[Size Nine Elm]

A nice retort...

[raf dug]

Lady heries(SP)to Winston Churchill:"Mr Churchill you are drunk"Churchill "yes my lady but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly"

[jessica]

vixpy1 said:

Hi, would you like to dance? Yes.. Well, go on then, I want to talk to your mate

[BliarOut]

Bessie Braddock MP said:

"Winston, You're drunk!"

Winston Churchill said:

"Bessie, You're ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober."

Also, allegedly!

Once, when Churchill was sleeping on a train, a woman came in and noticed his fly was open. She said "Mr, your penis is sticking out!". Churchill awoke, and answered: "Madam, don't flatter yourself. It is merely hanging out."


Pure class

[simpo two]

Disraeli vs Gladstone (I can't remember who said which)...

'You will die either in a prison or of venereal disease'

'That will depend entirely on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress...'

[Deltafox]

Man:"Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?"

Woman and to be said with a snarl: " Neither its a highway to hell! "......

[KingRichard]

Best comeback I ever heard was with a mate in his mums brand new Range Rover. (really nice, big wheels, tints the lot)

Bunch of chavs in an orion pull up alongside at some traffic lights...
'Daddy let you play in his car then?'

my mate in a plummy accent,
'No, Mummy did, Daddy Drives a Porsche'
(which is true)

The guys in the orion sitting there with stunned expression as we hit the closure button with a one finger salute slowly disappearing behing blacked out glass.... Class!

[parrot of doom]

"Will you go out with me?"

"Not if you were the last man on earth"

"If I were the last man on earth, you'd be nowhere near the front of the queue"

[danhay]

Size Nine Elm said:

A nice retort...

[shirley temple]

a few of those are on the wall in an ale house near me, this one always makes me smile;

Oliver Reed:

"if one can lie on the floor with out holding on, one is not drunk but merely resting"

[catretriever]

One of my favourites..

"You're a fat bd"

"Yeah, cos every time I shag your mum she gives me a donut"

[Iceman82]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Brilliant!! I always wondered where some of those slatings came from, especially the mum and biscuits one. One of the guys on my team at school used it in a match once, we thought he was a genius for being so witty! Might not have been his but still pretty funny at the time!

>> Edited by Iceman82 on Wednesday 23 March 10:24

[z1000]

Ever seen naked photos of your mum ?

No.

Wanna buy some ?