Quit drinking on Jan 1st - Unexpected attitude from F&F?

[stargazer30]

So I quit drinking as a new years resolution. I was probably drinking over the safe limit every week but by no means an alcoholic. I've stuck to it too, first couple of weeks sucked but I am okay with it now.

What I didn't expect was everyone else reaction. I figured I get some support but just the opposite. Its like if you go out and don't drink there is some sort of stigmata on you (I'm pushing 40 too, not in my 20s lol). Its only been a month I've had a family member uninvite me on a night out as I won't drink and even my better half is moaning I won't drink when we go out. Madness given I am a real ***hole when I'm drunk and have ruined a few nights out over the years by having too much.

Anyone else gone tea total and noticed the same?

[amancalledrob]

Yeah, it's weird. I got absolutely smashed at my work xmas do on 16 Dec, to the point that come check out time the next day at 12pm I was struggling to move for the nausea. I'm 39 and I'd had a fair bit of red wine and lager the previous night.

It's completely changed my relationship with alcohol. It wasn't the worst hangover I've had, although it's deffo in top five, but since then I've had only about five or six alcoholic drinks, no more than about two at a time, and I've just got no pleasure from it. People at work think I'm weird because I don't like beer anymore, and one colleague on learning that I was going to a wedding kept saying 'go on, just have a couple, you'll enjoy it' - tbh the more people that want me to drink, the less I want to.

A couple of things I'm struggling with - what do you drink at restaurants? Normally I'd have a beer or a glass of wine. Now I seem to be stuck with coke/pepsi or water. Also when I go out with friends and we end up somewhere with a dancefloor suddenly I'm too self conscious to join in the fun, what's that about?

Anyway I'm sure I'll figure it out. Takes a bit of readjusting, though

[eybic]

Unfortunately our culture is obsessed with drinking, it's quite sad really. I don't really drink and people can't seem to understand how this is possible and how I can say that I don't enjoy it.

[stargazer30]

amancalledrob said:

Yeah, it's weird. A couple of things I'm struggling with - what do you drink at restaurants? Normally I'd have a beer or a glass of wine. Now I seem to be stuck with coke/pepsi or water. Also when I go out with friends and we end up somewhere with a dancefloor suddenly I'm too self conscious to join in the fun, what's that about?

I drink diet coke or J2O or anything alcohol free (other than alcohol free beer as its horrible)
The dance floor thing goes away after the first few times. Interesting point, when you've had a drink your dancing will be crap but you wont notice or care, sober you actually dance better. I noticed this as my missus has always been the better dancer but now when we are out and shes 1/2 a bottle of rose wine down, I can keep up no problem. Also drinking makes you sweat more when dancing as your heart rate is up to start with.

[ikarl]

I'm not a massive drinker, never have been and I'm generally quite abrupt when pushed on the point by friends. They get the message quickly and I don't shy out of rounds + I'm quite quickly up to dance and generally join in the banter etc. so over time it goes unnoticed.

Also, re the alcohol-free beer, I really like the taste of beer and many of the 0.0% stuff actually tastes better without the alcohol (to me anyway) - you maybe need to try some different types/brands

[amancalledrob]

ikarl said:

Also, re the alcohol-free beer, I really like the taste of beer and many of the 0.0% stuff actually tastes better without the alcohol (to me anyway) - you maybe need to try some different types/brands

Yeah I'm with you there, Bavaria is pretty tasty and I find Becks Blue tastes strangely of biscuits but isn't unpleasant.

Over time I hope I'll be at the point where I can have a couple of normal beers with dinner but at the moment the thought of beer is still a bit nauseating

Really used to enjoy a pint with a meal though. I've not had a "problem" with alcohol - we've got loads of booze in the house that's been untouched since early December. I think I just had one massive hangover too many lol

[oldchris]

I can totally get where the OP is coming from. Twenty odd years ago I had a drink problem that culminated in me being a complete A hole at a party, I was given an ultimatum, stop drinking of lose my wife and family.
Even after twenty plus years I am still having to justify my non drinking, even to friends and family.
OP stick with it, it does take will power, I still have to fight the urge to drink, non drinking is becoming more widespread and the choice or non alcoholic beverages is getting better.

[oldchris]

I drink non alcoholic beers. At the moment I prefer San Miguel 00, I find the Becks to sweet, Brew Dog Nanny state is far to bitter for my taste, although I haven't drunk "proper" bitter for a long time. Carlsberg also make a non alcoholic lager that is good, but as I work for them I would say that, wouldn't I ?

[Smitters]

It's not uncommon, though why someone would uninvite you to an event because of it speaks volumes about them, not you OP.

I think most people are a bit intimidated by it as it tends to cause some introspection. But to be honest, if people can't deal with it, fk them. It's your life and your body. What if you had an serious illness that prevented you from drinking? Would they react the same way? Likely not. So it's to do with you making a choice that they don't understand, or are threatened by. In reality, your real friends won't give a crap. And frankly, anyone you have to be drunk to be around probably isn't worth spending much time with (IMHO...)

With the OH, perhaps a more considered approach would be better though. Explain why and be honest that you don't expect her to do the same. For one thing, you're a guaranteed designated driver now! You'll have more money in your pocket (treats for all!) and may find you have a bit more get-up-and-go.

Two friendly warnings though (from a guy about to hit five years). 1) don't be that preachy guy. 2) look out for sugar-cravings - it's easy to replace beer with sweets/fizzy drinks.

Get over on the 365 thread and have a read - you've got everyone on there, from Dry January-ers to full-on abstainers. And the odd troll. Don't feed the troll.

[paulwirral]

oldchris said:

I drink non alcoholic beers. At the moment I prefer San Miguel 00, I find the Becks to sweet, Brew Dog Nanny state is far to bitter for my taste, although I haven't drunk "proper" bitter for a long time. Carlsberg also make a non alcoholic lager that is good, but as I work for them I would say that, wouldn't I ?

Last year in Germany whilst taking turns to drive or drink we discovered bitburger drive 0% , it tasted better than the real version and we both ended up drinking it out of choice , and we both like a drink !
I've tried to find it over here but had no luck , bizzarely bitburger promotes its isotonic benefits !
Tastes great .

[tr7v8]

amancalledrob said:

A couple of things I'm struggling with - what do you drink at restaurants? Normally I'd have a beer or a glass of wine. Now I seem to be stuck with coke/pepsi or water. Also when I go out with friends and we end up somewhere with a dancefloor suddenly I'm too self conscious to join in the fun, what's that about?

Anyway I'm sure I'll figure it out. Takes a bit of readjusting, though

I rink vry little apart from the odd G & T or cider. I tend to drink soda water & lime juice as I find most drinks otherwise are far too sweet.

[stargazer30]

Smitters said:

For one thing, you're a guaranteed designated driver now! You'll have more money in your pocket (treats for all!) and may find you have a bit more get-up-and-go.

Two friendly warnings though (from a guy about to hit five years). 1) don't be that preachy guy. 2) look out for sugar-cravings - it's easy to replace beer with sweets/fizzy drinks.

Yup I don't mind the driving, I have a type r. Last time I drove they got me a gift for driving. A bottle of wine!

[guillemot]

Smitters said:

What if you had an serious illness that prevented you from drinking? Would they react the same way? Likely not. So it's to do with you making a choice that they don't understand, or are threatened by.

You'd be surprised, having recently become allergic to alcohol in all uncooked forms I'm having to avoid. My friends seem to understand on the whole, but have had a few comments from family and strangers about 'just being a lightweight' and one waiter tried to push me into it saying I'd like it if I tried it. Er, I have tried it, it's a recent thing and I know it won't end well. People either assume you're a recovering alcoholic or in my case pregnant. Super frustrating. I don't talk about it unless asked, nor does it bother me if others are drinking around me, but I find it incredibly frustrating others see fit to comment on such things despite not understanding the effects.

[davepoth]

I also had one binge too far which opened my eyes. I stopped straight away, and I don't regret it.

The way I look at it is if someone doesn't think it's possible to have fun unless they're utterly stfaced then they probably aren't much fun anyway.

[King Herald]

stargazer30 said:

So I quit drinking as a new years resolution. I was probably drinking over the safe limit every week but by no means an alcoholic. I've stuck to it too, first couple of weeks sucked but I am okay with it now.

What I didn't expect was everyone else reaction. I figured I get some support but just the opposite. Its like if you go out and don't drink there is some sort of stigmata on you (I'm pushing 40 too, not in my 20s lol). Its only been a month I've had a family member uninvite me on a night out as I won't drink and even my better half is moaning I won't drink when we go out. Madness given I am a real ***hole when I'm drunk and have ruined a few nights out over the years by having too much.

Anyone else gone tea total and noticed the same?

Very odd. The time I stopped before, 16 years dry, only about three people ever gave me any grief over it, and they were pretty inconsequential people. My wife was happy, and my parents. Most of my friends were either supportive or basically not bothered either way.

[KrazyIvan]

All depends on if your being "that guy"!

some people quit drinking and when offered simply say they are giving it a miss tonight, until everyone catches on.

Then there is "that guy", quits drinking, makes sure everyone knows they've quit, how much better they feel for it, how they have more "get up an go", how much weight they have lost, how many calories are in that beer/wine/spirit/kebab. Soon they stop going out as "its a waste of time and money", they buy lycra, lots of it, almost none of it in high vis, buy a bike worth more then the average car, join a club, and get in peoples way, get a helmet cam and become a YouTube star, before you know it, they've left the wife and kids joined a "peleton" and are cycling round Europe living life to the limit.*

For god sake don't be that guy

*Yes i know not everyone falls into those 2 types and clearly the 2nd one is a MASSIVE exaggeration made simple to labor a point.

[RTB]

People get very uneasy when people around them start doing things that they feel they ought to be doing. You get the same response if you start eating healthily as well.

[King Herald]

KrazyIvan said:

All depends on if your being "that guy"!

some people quit drinking and when offered simply say they are giving it a miss tonight, until everyone catches on.

Then there is "that guy", quits drinking, makes sure everyone knows they've quit, how much better they feel for it, how they have more "get up an go", how much weight they have lost, how many calories are in that beer/wine/spirit/kebab. Soon they stop going out as "its a waste of time and money", they buy lycra, lots of it, almost none of it in high vis, buy a bike worth more then the average car, join a club, and get in peoples way, get a helmet cam and become a YouTube star, before you know it, they've left the wife and kids joined a "peleton" and are cycling round Europe living life to the limit.*

For god sake don't be that guy

*Yes i know not everyone falls into those 2 types and clearly the 2nd one is a MASSIVE exaggeration made simple to labor a point.

The problem with not drinking is you tend to stop going to bars and similar situations, because, well, they are basically boring hovels when sober. That alienates you from a good few people, if the pub scene was your regular haunt.

When I quit last time I tried carrying on the scene, but drinking coffee. It was tragic, wired, but bored stupid, aching to do something, but locked into a social situation of wasting all my time and money in pubs or bars.

I stopped going out, started building stuff in the garage. Far more healthy, mentally and physically.

[stargazer30]

RTB said:

People get very uneasy when people around them start doing things that they feel they ought to be doing. You get the same response if you start eating healthily as well.

Already do. I lift, eat clean, and track my macros like a good gym rat

[indigostr]

My advice is ignore them. I was a heavy drinker for 20 years , for 10 of those probably 10+ pints a night.Lost days and wasted years finally made me stop. I gave up New Years day 2011 and smoking at the same time. None of my family or friends thought I'd keep it up, once you start to add up the savings it makes more sense , we now regularly go away for a month at a time and get more stick over that but f-em. Hardest part was the smoking , I've only recently gotten over the occasional craving (not given in), if I do venture out I'm still outside with the smokers.
I have a drink when I want , maybe a pint or a g&t with a meal out but that's it. I get daggers from servers when just ordering water but sometimes that's all I want , there's nothing worse than a night on diet coke and a hangover from that now.
It's a shame there is such a stigma about non-drinkers in the UK , in Europe I have found a wide variety of 0% beers and there is no stigma attached to ordering them. If you can get san miguel 0% that has even fooled my friends when they've asked for a beer at home.
UK pubs should be promoting non-alcoholic instead of marking up the profit on their 0% beers so much that it is cheaper to drink alcohol. Maybe if they sold some that were actually drinkable it would be a start.

I'm a morning person again now so either an hours walk or an hour in the gym before work. Clear head and mind , less argumentative but if I do have one I know it's not the drink talking- so I must be right!