Time

[brrapp]

I'm in the process of writing a eulogy for my cousin who died far too young last week. Came up with the following .

'Time isn't like any other commodity you have. You've no way of knowing how much you have, and the more you spend it, share it, and give it to others, the longer it lasts and the more valuable it becomes.'

Any thoughts?

[br d]

brrapp said:

I'm in the process of writing a eulogy for my cousin who died far too young last week. Came up with the following .

'Time isn't like any other commodity you have. You've no way of knowing how much you have, and the more you spend it, share it, and give it to others, the longer it lasts and the more valuable it becomes.'

Any thoughts?

Very nice. If I was being picky I'd say drop the "you have" after commodity so it scans a bit better.

[Vitorio]

The last bit doesnt really make sense to me, you're saying "the more you spend it ... the longer it lasts"

You could also work in a bit about time slipping through your hands whatever you do, it doesnt wait for you to spend it, it always marches on.

My condolences by the way

[brrapp]

Thanks both, haven't done this before so not quite sure what I should be saying, just trying to put down what I feel.

Br d, I agree, I'll remove that 'you have'

Vitorio, what I was trying to say was spending time with someone makes it last longer both for you and them. I'll try to jiggle that a bit.

Thanks again

'Time isn't like any other commodity. You've no way of knowing how much you have, and the more you spend it on, share it with, and give it to, others, the longer it lasts and the more valuable it becomes.'

Edited by brrapp on Wednesday 15th February 08:53

Edited by brrapp on Wednesday 15th February 08:54

[Evoluzione]

There should be no comma after 'to'.

The sentiment is there, it's just a bit clumsy and long sentenced (I have this issue too), there are too many xxxx, xxxx, xxxxx, xxx, xxxx, etc.

It reminds me of an old Yorkshire joke my Dad used to tell:

On the death of his wife the man asked the Stone Mason to inscribe her headstone. He called in to see if it was finished, it read:

'She was thin'

'You've missed the e off!' he told the Mason. Two days later he returned, the headstone read: 'E, she was thin'.

[55palfers]

Maybe

"...the more of your allotted time you spend sharing it freely with others..."

[gregs656]

brrapp said:

Vitorio, what I was trying to say was spending time with someone makes it last longer both for you and them. I'll try to jiggle that a bit.

Thanks again

'Time isn't like any other commodity. You've no way of knowing how much you have, and the more you spend it on, share it with, and give it to, others, the longer it lasts and the more valuable it becomes.'

It's a lovely thing you're doing. Not everyone can do it so good for you.

That being said, I tend to agree with vitorio that it's not chiming with me. In my experience the idiom 'time flies when you're having fun' rings true, the flip side being that time passes very slowly when you can't sleep, or it's a slow day at work, or you're anxiously waiting for something to happen and constantly checking your watch. Indeed when you are with someone you don't get on with it passes pretty slowly as well!

No doubt that the most precious time is spent in the company of the people you love.

[andy-xr]

With these things, you're better off using your own words. I help people write down what they're going to say on sales calls, and rather than have the read from a script, I want them to find their own way of saying things. Even if they're stumbly, they'll feel better how that person is saying it. They can say it more confidently because they're their words.

The only thing I can add really is to keep polishing but dont shine away the sentiment that's underneath it

[br d]

andy-xr said:

With these things, you're better off using your own words. I help people write down what they're going to say on sales calls, and rather than have the read from a script, I want them to find their own way of saying things. Even if they're stumbly, they'll feel better how that person is saying it. They can say it more confidently because they're their words.

The only thing I can add really is to keep polishing but dont shine away the sentiment that's underneath it

Agree 100% andy. I only picked on one thing because it made the next sentence stutter a bit but aside from that I think he should go with his own feelings, you could go on revising it until it means nothing.