Mental Health

[Jonmx]

The last 6 months or so I've been going through some mental health issues and I have experienced first hand just how ragged our NHS mental health care system is. I have an appointment on Friday with the local mental health team which is the first time I'll have spoken to a mental health professional since my diagnosis 6 months ago (by a private psychiatrist), all I've had in that time is medication. No explanation of my illness, no opportunity to talk things through with anyone, nothing. Not one to moan and mope about I've gone online and read many resources to self educate, but I felt that chatting to others about issues would be beneficial as well.
Whilst there are a few threads on here where members have very bravely shared their experiences of depression and how it's affected them, mental health seems to be a barely discussed topic on here. Is the old stereotype of blokes not talking about mental health true, or is it just that PH doesn't feel like an appropriate arena for people to discuss things? A quick peek into what's commonly referred to as 'the snakepit', aka Mumsnet reveals loads of threads talking about mental health.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this really, it's just something I've been pondering recently as the mental health forums I've been on are full of melodramatic tree huggers crying about benefit cuts and are people who seem to have allowed their issues to define who they are. They don't feel like normal people discussing their experiences in the way that I've seen in the threads regarding depression on here that have actually helped and benefited the posters who started them.

[Derek Smith]

Jonmx said:

The last 6 months or so I've been going through some mental health issues and I have experienced first hand just how ragged our NHS mental health care system is. I have an appointment on Friday with the local mental health team which is the first time I'll have spoken to a mental health professional since my diagnosis 6 months ago (by a private psychiatrist), all I've had in that time is medication. No explanation of my illness, no opportunity to talk things through with anyone, nothing. Not one to moan and mope about I've gone online and read many resources to self educate, but I felt that chatting to others about issues would be beneficial as well.
Whilst there are a few threads on here where members have very bravely shared their experiences of depression and how it's affected them, mental health seems to be a barely discussed topic on here. Is the old stereotype of blokes not talking about mental health true, or is it just that PH doesn't feel like an appropriate arena for people to discuss things? A quick peek into what's commonly referred to as 'the snakepit', aka Mumsnet reveals loads of threads talking about mental health.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this really, it's just something I've been pondering recently as the mental health forums I've been on are full of melodramatic tree huggers crying about benefit cuts and are people who seem to have allowed their issues to define who they are. They don't feel like normal people discussing their experiences in the way that I've seen in the threads regarding depression on here that have actually helped and benefited the posters who started them.

There is still the negative attitude to those who have mental health issues.

I didn't have the shame that some people experience. I made do with resentment, the 'why me?' sort of thing. My problem was the main factor in my life for four and a half years.

I'm more or less cured now - I say more or less as it leaves scars - but the odd thing is, in some aspects of my life I reckon I see things more clearly than ever before.

I was treated by psychiatrists and a psychologist, the latter being the most frequent. These were private but even so specifics were hard to come by. I’m not sure how much I got from talking about it with the pros, but the pills helped take up the slack.

I wouldn’t talk about it at first, although I felt everyone knew and was treating me differently. Quite right too I suppose. The only time I felt at ease was with fellow sufferers. After a while I changed to not giving a damn and that helped. When in the middle of a depressive period I felt ‘happier’ sitting in a corner being ignored.

One thing: I felt, and feel, the need to do is explain why I went loopy. I’ve even blogged about it: http://writewheel.uk/2016/09/25/i-went-slightly-ma... so I still require justification, which is, I think, a weakness.

I agree that the ‘big breast to cry on’ doesn’t suit everyone, or me come to that.

Family and friends got me through I think. I say I’m through to the other side, but I was let down by two colleagues I thought were more friends. That really hurt and the knock put me back. I still have a degree of resentment against both.

Your problem is yours to solve I think. All anyone else can do is help. The SSIDs, this before they were hard drives, helped me level off, but there was still a lot of work to do, not to mention walks and exercise.

Stick with it. It is not permanent. Remarkably, you will look back on some of the times you were nutty with humour. You’ll eventually laugh at yourself. One thing which is almost universal with those who’ve cracked it is that they prefer themselves as they came out compared to how they were before.

A common belief, and one I subscribe to, is that most see things that they would have missed entirely before.

Best of luck. Ask away on here. There are few tree huggers. You do what’s best for you and yours.

[Jonmx]

Thanks Derek, I spent some years in the same career as you though my issues were something I have my genes to thank rather than the job. Like yourself though, I've experienced comments from former colleagues that really surprised me and I won't be going out of my way to speak to them again.
I have been writing too, albeit on paper to try and understand myself and my actions and I have found it to be quite therapeutic. With what I've been through over the last 6 or 7 months I could probably write a good self help book or become a therapist! I intend to keep on writing, and maybe a blog might not be such a bad idea.
Reading your blog was interesting as I know a good few people who've had mental health issues in the job and all under wildly different circumstances; I guess stuff builds up and eventually it only takes something small to cause everything to come down. One that sticks in my mind was a lad who had worked TSG and firearms for years but for some reason moved over to PSD. Within a couple of months he'd had a near breakdown and ended up leaving the force a while later. Whether it was no longer being in a frontline role that allowed the issues to surface, or if he moved because of it I don't know but it was sad to see. I believe he's now in the process of setting up an organisation to push for better welfare for officers.
As for the tree huggers, I should probably take a leaf out of their book. I genuinely think that me wearing chinos, a decent shirt and coming across as educated and intelligent has hindered me in getting help. I need to be wearing rags, playing a penny whistle and howling at the moon. When I went to the Crisis centre in October feeling suicidal, I effectively got laughed out of the room and told there was nothing wrong with me. 2 weeks later the consultant psychiatrist diagnosed Bipolar 1 and confirmed that a lot of mental health workers unfortunately will make a judgement based on your appearance.
Well, it's a lovely afternoon here so in the spirit of 'wellness' I'm going to head into the garden with a nice cold alcohol free beer.