Basic rules of divorce?
Discussion
King Herald said:
For arguments sake, the money from our house overseas equates to about the equity we have in our house in the UK. Is there any chance it would be as simple as one of us have the house, the other one have the money, and sign on the dotted line.....
If you can both agree to it, sure.Sadly, fat friends/greedy lawyers/incompetent lawyers/ sh!t stirrers often get involved telling them what they are 'entitled' to, and it deteriorates rapidly from there.
No requirement to have a laywer either.
You will have to take into account all assets, that includes any pensions and investments you have.
Expect to lose half what you have, as a minimum, including any retirement funds you expected to receive.
You really do need to seek legal advice, even if on a find out the facts basis, even if you don't discuss this with the wife and forget about the whole idea.
My parents divorced when they were in their mid 50's, I wish they had done it sooner as its the best thing to happen to both of them in terms of living a happy life. It costs, but at the end of the day your enjoyment in life is not something you can put a value to.
I would always say, don't stay together for the children, because a toxic atmosphere at home is worse for the kids than a divorced couple who are happy with their lot.
Expect to lose half what you have, as a minimum, including any retirement funds you expected to receive.
You really do need to seek legal advice, even if on a find out the facts basis, even if you don't discuss this with the wife and forget about the whole idea.
My parents divorced when they were in their mid 50's, I wish they had done it sooner as its the best thing to happen to both of them in terms of living a happy life. It costs, but at the end of the day your enjoyment in life is not something you can put a value to.
I would always say, don't stay together for the children, because a toxic atmosphere at home is worse for the kids than a divorced couple who are happy with their lot.
Divorce, easy, fill in the forms and off you go. Trouble is, another couple of things, finances and child custody/care.
If you can agree it without lawyers, amicably and maturely, no problem. If you can't be jointly adult then the expense, recriminations and pain to the kids will probably ensue.
If you can agree it without lawyers, amicably and maturely, no problem. If you can't be jointly adult then the expense, recriminations and pain to the kids will probably ensue.
My ex and I agreed everything amicably..........how wonderful......until I met the current Mrs A 6 months later that is....solicitors enjoyed their new cars and holidays no doubt although she paid for most ....just the innocent bystanders I feel sorry for.
But as stated by others...........don't stay just for the kids IMO.
But as stated by others...........don't stay just for the kids IMO.
sometimes small changes can be all that is required. she may feel that sometimes she might like to go out more as a couple to the kind of places she likes. or maybe you cook a little more or any little thing that she might want. no wholesale changes , just a little tinkering , maybe she needs to communicate her feelings in a more clam way.of course not everybody is capable of doing this.
divorce might not always be the answer. i have been divorced twice
divorce might not always be the answer. i have been divorced twice
First you need to establish jurisdiction. If she wants to stop any divorce, she can ask that it be decided in the Philippines. Google for this - cases have gone way up the court process to decide such matters.
If you can get jurisdiction in the UK, you should both have a solicitor. The reason for this is that the final Consent Order will be much more simple to get through a court than if one of you is a Litigant in Person (LIP). Then one of you issues a Divorce Petition to start things off. There is no "no fault" divorce in the UK, so this is not a happy thing for either party.
Next step is a MIAM meeting with a mediation service. If you can agree to use mediation your costs will be significantly reduced. In a series of mediation meetings you will both produce financial statements on a Form E (usually, some don't want this but it's easier if mediation fails to get an agreement) with supporting bank/credit card statements, pension valuations, payslips/accounts etc. Without mediation you'll be firing lawyers at each other and costing a lot.
In mediation you can agree to anything. You keep the house, she gets money, or whatever you both agree on. This is purely financial, nothing about child care, or who did what to whom, or who paid for what - in a long marriage (over 15/20 years) it's all assumed to be joint assets no matter where it came from. Unless you have a pre-nup.
ETA: you start from the presumption of 50/50. Some people reckon on 10% going with the child, so 60/40. With a 15 year old it won't be as complex as with small children.
Once you have agreed a split of the big bits - usually assets over £500 value if sold (use WBAC/eBay sold values) - then this is written up by the mediator as a Memorandum of Understanding, and the Petitioner's solicitor writes up a Consent Order. At a number of stages, including now, your solicitor should check and advise you. When your solicitors and you are ok with it, it goes to the Court to be approved. They can change it...
And then you're done. You can then apply for Decree Absolute and that's the lot. There's some other detail over stuff like child maintenance calculations, possible spousal maintenance and so on. You can Google all that and again, get advice.
HTH. PM me if you want more detail, I'm in the middle of all this.
If you can get jurisdiction in the UK, you should both have a solicitor. The reason for this is that the final Consent Order will be much more simple to get through a court than if one of you is a Litigant in Person (LIP). Then one of you issues a Divorce Petition to start things off. There is no "no fault" divorce in the UK, so this is not a happy thing for either party.
Next step is a MIAM meeting with a mediation service. If you can agree to use mediation your costs will be significantly reduced. In a series of mediation meetings you will both produce financial statements on a Form E (usually, some don't want this but it's easier if mediation fails to get an agreement) with supporting bank/credit card statements, pension valuations, payslips/accounts etc. Without mediation you'll be firing lawyers at each other and costing a lot.
In mediation you can agree to anything. You keep the house, she gets money, or whatever you both agree on. This is purely financial, nothing about child care, or who did what to whom, or who paid for what - in a long marriage (over 15/20 years) it's all assumed to be joint assets no matter where it came from. Unless you have a pre-nup.
ETA: you start from the presumption of 50/50. Some people reckon on 10% going with the child, so 60/40. With a 15 year old it won't be as complex as with small children.
Once you have agreed a split of the big bits - usually assets over £500 value if sold (use WBAC/eBay sold values) - then this is written up by the mediator as a Memorandum of Understanding, and the Petitioner's solicitor writes up a Consent Order. At a number of stages, including now, your solicitor should check and advise you. When your solicitors and you are ok with it, it goes to the Court to be approved. They can change it...
And then you're done. You can then apply for Decree Absolute and that's the lot. There's some other detail over stuff like child maintenance calculations, possible spousal maintenance and so on. You can Google all that and again, get advice.
HTH. PM me if you want more detail, I'm in the middle of all this.
King Herald said:
Wife and I have been together 20 years, never been the most romantic or perfect relationship, lots of drama and arguing from the start. Our daughter is nearly 15 and is living with me here in England while the wife is trying to sell our house overseas.
And yet the question seems to be.... WHY MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?lol
Obviously shame to hear about your situation. I think the best thing would be to speak to her, see what she wants, try and sort it out without involving lawyers.
Does your daughter have any idea about how you feel? How do you think she'd react if she read this thread? If your wife turned against you, you'd risk losing contact with your daughter too, probably too high a price to pay for your freedom.
If you were divorced, and still had some money, and your daughter was understanding, what would this freedom give you that you can't have today? It doesn't sound like you want to marry someone else. Your description of her doesn't sound too negative, I bet there quite a few PH-ers who would say worse about their other halves.
In this country, it's almost totally down to her how much damage she wants to inflict. So best case, you'd lose 50-60% of your assets, but you could lose everything. So, bizarre as it may sound to ordinary PH people, perhaps it'd be better for you to live with the discomfort of being married, and create new ways to spend less time together.
In my experience (divorcee) you can't undo what's been said, so be really really certain before you broach the subject!
If you were divorced, and still had some money, and your daughter was understanding, what would this freedom give you that you can't have today? It doesn't sound like you want to marry someone else. Your description of her doesn't sound too negative, I bet there quite a few PH-ers who would say worse about their other halves.
In this country, it's almost totally down to her how much damage she wants to inflict. So best case, you'd lose 50-60% of your assets, but you could lose everything. So, bizarre as it may sound to ordinary PH people, perhaps it'd be better for you to live with the discomfort of being married, and create new ways to spend less time together.
In my experience (divorcee) you can't undo what's been said, so be really really certain before you broach the subject!
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