How to deal with a timeframe put on life
Discussion
Not sure its the right section, however, thus far 2017 has been a truly s
t year.
It's not my I'll health but those around me, we are only a small family. Originally in Jan my granddad was rushed to hospital unexpectedly where he spent 5 days effectively lifeless before passing. I chose not to go and see him, if not seen him for a while due to onset of dementia. His funeral hit me alittle harder than expected.
Following days saw my nan rushed to hospital and placed in the same headspace as he's recently died in. Fortunately it was purely stress related.
Whilst all this was going on my other grandad was in hospital with a collapsed lung
He's been undergoing chemo on and off for 13 years from myloma.
It has now transpired this was a side effect of aggressive pancreatic cancer, the docs say they will run tests and see what happens.
At the same time my "auntie" (His sister) is diagnosed with a brain tumour after the nurse spotted something within her whilst she was merely visiting. In the space of 3 days my auntie was diagnosed and given maybe 8 months.
Day later, my grandad was told maybe 3 months..
That was the worst news I've ever been told, yes he's older (67) but up until very recently he seemed fine.. then smash, the news hit the family like a sledge hammer in the chest.
Since the news he's extremely quickly deteriated into a man that was recently agile helping me refurb my house, now he can't stand or speak without becoming breathless.
We've always been very close, I honestly believe he is responsible for who I've become. He's been the grandparents that teaches the trates of being a grown up man, diy, mechanics, gardening. All of the things you need known to be able to pass onto your kids.
Speaking with him yesterday he confides in me as to opposed to other family members, he said he just wishes it to be over !
I flopped, melted and essentially bhed out.. I'm a squaddie with a sick sense of humour and an abusive answer for everything. I had/have no idea what to say to him in this instance, what do you say to a man that has been told hes got weeks left to live on this planet.
I'm fked if I know the answer.
I keep running through my head if I should just him down, 1 to 1 and have a tearful man to man about how much he really has influenced me and how grateful I am for all that he's taught me..
I don't know why I've even typed this here, I supose because the sense of anonymity and just being able to vent alittle.
It has made me feel alittle better, even if I now considering myself a melt !
t year.It's not my I'll health but those around me, we are only a small family. Originally in Jan my granddad was rushed to hospital unexpectedly where he spent 5 days effectively lifeless before passing. I chose not to go and see him, if not seen him for a while due to onset of dementia. His funeral hit me alittle harder than expected.
Following days saw my nan rushed to hospital and placed in the same headspace as he's recently died in. Fortunately it was purely stress related.
Whilst all this was going on my other grandad was in hospital with a collapsed lung
He's been undergoing chemo on and off for 13 years from myloma.
It has now transpired this was a side effect of aggressive pancreatic cancer, the docs say they will run tests and see what happens.
At the same time my "auntie" (His sister) is diagnosed with a brain tumour after the nurse spotted something within her whilst she was merely visiting. In the space of 3 days my auntie was diagnosed and given maybe 8 months.
Day later, my grandad was told maybe 3 months..
That was the worst news I've ever been told, yes he's older (67) but up until very recently he seemed fine.. then smash, the news hit the family like a sledge hammer in the chest.
Since the news he's extremely quickly deteriated into a man that was recently agile helping me refurb my house, now he can't stand or speak without becoming breathless.
We've always been very close, I honestly believe he is responsible for who I've become. He's been the grandparents that teaches the trates of being a grown up man, diy, mechanics, gardening. All of the things you need known to be able to pass onto your kids.
Speaking with him yesterday he confides in me as to opposed to other family members, he said he just wishes it to be over !
I flopped, melted and essentially b
hed out.. I'm a squaddie with a sick sense of humour and an abusive answer for everything. I had/have no idea what to say to him in this instance, what do you say to a man that has been told hes got weeks left to live on this planet. I'm f
ked if I know the answer.I keep running through my head if I should just him down, 1 to 1 and have a tearful man to man about how much he really has influenced me and how grateful I am for all that he's taught me..
I don't know why I've even typed this here, I supose because the sense of anonymity and just being able to vent alittle.
It has made me feel alittle better, even if I now considering myself a melt !
I sort of understand him wanting it over. After 13 years of chemo to get a number put on it must make any effort now look a bit futile. Though, of course, we all do die and mostly it was, in truth.
E91 Gaz said:
I keep running through my head if I should just him down, 1 to 1 and have a tearful man to man about how much he really has influenced me and how grateful I am for all that he's taught me..
Do say that, but do it without a preamble or tears.Tell him that genetics means he'll never really die. He, like all of us, comes from a 2 billion year long, line of winners. Every single one of his direct ancestors, from the earliest fish thru mudskippers all the way to humans, lived long enough to find a mate and reproduce. His kids each carry 50% of his DNA and you and his other grandkids have 25%. Their kids will have 12.5%. His DNA will be diluted thru the generations but will never disappear. And in 1000 years, someone somewhere will have a certain smile or a or way of thinking that they wouldn't have had without your grandad's DNA.
As Oasis said...gonna live forever!
As Oasis said...gonna live forever!
grumbledoak said:
I sort of understand him wanting it over. After 13 years of chemo to get a number put on it must make any effort now look a bit futile. Though, of course, we all do die and mostly it was, in truth.
And if you can't (or, particularly, if you think that you getting upset might distress him), write it down instead, and be honest about why you're doing it in writing. E91 Gaz said:
I keep running through my head if I should just him down, 1 to 1 and have a tearful man to man about how much he really has influenced me and how grateful I am for all that he's taught me..
Do say that, but do it without a preamble or tears.I remember when my grandad died (had heart troubles most of his elder life and I was visiting him in hospital when the nurse had a quite word telling me it wouldn't be long) he was my inspiration in life. First in our family to go to university, volunteered for the RAF during ww2 spent 5 years in Africa chasing Romell about with spitfires. The day he died I just had that feeling when I first arrived it was going to happen. A kind of 6th sense, I told him exactly what he meant to me, how he had inspired me, taught me and how much I loved him (still brings a tear to my eyes as I write this now 18 years after his death) but boy am I glad I got the chance. Best thing was he lived long enough for me to show him the video of my RAF graduation parade. He turned to me and said it was the proudest and greatest day of his life after the birth of his kids.
My advice would be to have that tearful talk. I would hate for him to have died without knowing. As I think you would with him.
My advice would be to have that tearful talk. I would hate for him to have died without knowing. As I think you would with him.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Tell him that genetics means he'll never really die. He, like all of us, comes from a 2 billion year long, line of winners. Every single one of his direct ancestors, from the earliest fish thru mudskippers all the way to humans, lived long enough to find a mate and reproduce. His kids each carry 50% of his DNA and you and his other grandkids have 25%. Their kids will have 12.5%. His DNA will be diluted thru the generations but will never disappear. And in 1000 years, someone somewhere will have a certain smile or a or way of thinking that they wouldn't have had without your grandad's DNA.
As Oasis said...gonna live forever!
This is very well put.As Oasis said...gonna live forever!
My grandad passed 4 years ago and I was upset and angry with the world, it's not fair was how I felt. But you forget that everyone has their time, and those older will be gone before you and one day (hopefully) your kids will feel the same as you do now about you. I remember him from the mannerisms we share, the laughs we had and the places we went.
As Mike Skinner sang 'For billions of years since the outset of time
Every single one of your ancestors has survived
Every single person on your mum and dad's side
Successfully looked after and passed on to you life
What are the chances of that, like?'
I always liked this outlook on it too. http://thankgodforevolution.com/node/1960
It's your chance to be there for someone who was there for you now, there's not a lot you can do to make him live longer, that's the nature of our planet but you can be with him, talk, laugh and remember the good times you had together.
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