18m old won't fall asleep without me being there.
Discussion
Hi troops
My little boy who is just over 18m old is now struggling to sleep without me or Mrs Too_Late in the room.
Up until now, he was in a cot and would go down without an issue at 6.30pm and would wake up at 6am. Sometimes he would wake earlier but he was happy to talk to himself for 30 mins
Seeing how well he was doing, we decided to get him a bed... I flat packed the cot and put it in the loft and we had a week of perfect sleep.
Now though we have a different story.. I know it might have been early for the cot/bed switch but I now feel it's too late to go back.
He goes down around 6.30 and can take and hour or 2 to get to fully sleep. The rooms dark with a small bed light, I read to him but as soon as he is partially asleep, if he notices i have left, he gets upset and I re-enter the room. He is also getting up at 4am and not going back down so we stay in his room putting him back to bed and trying to calm him down. When he wakes at 4, he opens his door to a locked baby gate and gets upset.
It might have been too early for the swap but it's done now. I'm just wondering if there is any tips on what might help with his sleep and comfort if we are not in the room. I have read about 18m sleep regression children go through...
Thanks
My little boy who is just over 18m old is now struggling to sleep without me or Mrs Too_Late in the room.
Up until now, he was in a cot and would go down without an issue at 6.30pm and would wake up at 6am. Sometimes he would wake earlier but he was happy to talk to himself for 30 mins
Seeing how well he was doing, we decided to get him a bed... I flat packed the cot and put it in the loft and we had a week of perfect sleep.
Now though we have a different story.. I know it might have been early for the cot/bed switch but I now feel it's too late to go back.
He goes down around 6.30 and can take and hour or 2 to get to fully sleep. The rooms dark with a small bed light, I read to him but as soon as he is partially asleep, if he notices i have left, he gets upset and I re-enter the room. He is also getting up at 4am and not going back down so we stay in his room putting him back to bed and trying to calm him down. When he wakes at 4, he opens his door to a locked baby gate and gets upset.
It might have been too early for the swap but it's done now. I'm just wondering if there is any tips on what might help with his sleep and comfort if we are not in the room. I have read about 18m sleep regression children go through...
Thanks
You can try all the softly softly approaches you like and spend months with little progress, or you can just rip off the plaster and get it sorted.
He's grown to re-associate your presence with being the only time it's safe to go to sleep. When he wakes in the night and you aren't there, of course he can't go back to sleep - you aren't there!
The solution is not to try and soothe him through it. He needs to self soothe. Humans naturally wake several times in the night and it's an important life skill to be able to settle yourself back to sleep when this happens. The job of a parent is to let the child experience a small taste of the difficulties of real life, in a controlled safe environment, so they can build the skills to take care of themselves when they're older. Your role is that of a vaccine.
Leave him to it. A few nights will do the trick. Be strong through the crying. Send the missus away if she can't hack it. Check in occasionally so he knows you've not abandoned him for life, but just a few quick seconds, "shhh shh, bedtime now", pop him back down, back out the room again. Minimal engagement, do not be swayed, do not negotiate, do not attempt to soothe beyond reassuring him you still exist and are his parent.
You'll be fine.
He's grown to re-associate your presence with being the only time it's safe to go to sleep. When he wakes in the night and you aren't there, of course he can't go back to sleep - you aren't there!
The solution is not to try and soothe him through it. He needs to self soothe. Humans naturally wake several times in the night and it's an important life skill to be able to settle yourself back to sleep when this happens. The job of a parent is to let the child experience a small taste of the difficulties of real life, in a controlled safe environment, so they can build the skills to take care of themselves when they're older. Your role is that of a vaccine.
Leave him to it. A few nights will do the trick. Be strong through the crying. Send the missus away if she can't hack it. Check in occasionally so he knows you've not abandoned him for life, but just a few quick seconds, "shhh shh, bedtime now", pop him back down, back out the room again. Minimal engagement, do not be swayed, do not negotiate, do not attempt to soothe beyond reassuring him you still exist and are his parent.
You'll be fine.
Your child is playing you. We had the same with our son and he would (and still tries 
) do everything possible to keep us there. When it didn't work with me he'd then emotionally blackmail my wife with phrases such as "love you mummy" "need a cuddle".
It goes against your instincts but you need to ignore them or face months of your child pushing you more and more.
I used to think "but he is only 18 months old, he is just a baby" but they're more devious and cunning than you think
) do everything possible to keep us there. When it didn't work with me he'd then emotionally blackmail my wife with phrases such as "love you mummy" "need a cuddle".It goes against your instincts but you need to ignore them or face months of your child pushing you more and more.
I used to think "but he is only 18 months old, he is just a baby" but they're more devious and cunning than you think
My colleague went through something similar; his two had to have someone upstairs, not in their room but just upstairs, until they dropped off.
He was still waiting in his room or at the top of the stairs with a book, when they were 5 and 6, God knows how he let it go on for so long, he is a bit of a wet blanket when it comes to his kids though and now at the ages of 13, 14 and 22, they still have him wrapped around their little fingers.
Nip it in the bud now, there will be a bit of pain for a few days but it needs to be done, children; no matter how young, aren't stupid and know exactly how to manipulate to get their own way, your wife also needs to be onside to and never let them into your bed; making a rod for your back doing that.
You hear of so many horror stories about kids and their sleeping but when it comes down to it, much of it is how the parents deal with it initially.
Good luck.
He was still waiting in his room or at the top of the stairs with a book, when they were 5 and 6, God knows how he let it go on for so long, he is a bit of a wet blanket when it comes to his kids though and now at the ages of 13, 14 and 22, they still have him wrapped around their little fingers.
Nip it in the bud now, there will be a bit of pain for a few days but it needs to be done, children; no matter how young, aren't stupid and know exactly how to manipulate to get their own way, your wife also needs to be onside to and never let them into your bed; making a rod for your back doing that.
You hear of so many horror stories about kids and their sleeping but when it comes down to it, much of it is how the parents deal with it initially.
Good luck.
Edited by HTP99 on Tuesday 6th June 07:47
Edited by HTP99 on Tuesday 6th June 07:48
I suspect most parents have been there with this one. Our eldest was a right PITA on this front, not only did he not like being in his room alone but also often wouldn't go to sleep much before 9pm. In the end we had the epiphany, usually a bit of a pep talk before bed setting out that he could have three stories then lights out and settle, first few nights were pretty traumatic with him constantly getting out of bed and demanding us to be there or screaming / crying, just had to be firm and say no you've had your stories, go back to bed and don't get out again. Less than a week later and he'd cracked it and we were kicking ourselves for not trying sooner.
His sister is completely different especially now she doesn't often sleep in the day anymore, by the time it's bedtime (about 7:30 - 8pm) she's knackered, you'll offer her the three stories but she's usually asleep before the end of the second snuggled up with bunny. Still occasionally gets up in the night though which is a bit of a PITA.
Moved both of ours into proper beds at quite a young age (with a bed guard initially) and it seemed to have quite a positive affect. The added bonus is that we got them both a proper single so if either one appears in our bed in the middle of the night I can sneak off to whatever bed has been vacated by them and still get a reasonable sleep.
His sister is completely different especially now she doesn't often sleep in the day anymore, by the time it's bedtime (about 7:30 - 8pm) she's knackered, you'll offer her the three stories but she's usually asleep before the end of the second snuggled up with bunny. Still occasionally gets up in the night though which is a bit of a PITA.
Moved both of ours into proper beds at quite a young age (with a bed guard initially) and it seemed to have quite a positive affect. The added bonus is that we got them both a proper single so if either one appears in our bed in the middle of the night I can sneak off to whatever bed has been vacated by them and still get a reasonable sleep.
So, first night.
I went up a total of 6 times to see him and put him back down. Each time i put him down i went through the same routine "sleepie time""Time to go to sleep" i would pull his quilt over his head as he likes it and rub his belly and go. 6th time worked! It took about 1 and a 1/2 hours for him to go to sleep. He has a huge bruise/mark on his head where he was headbutting the gate on his door........ Each time he knew i had gone he would scream and run to the door/gate
On the 5th time i put him down, i was downstairs having a drink, i though the crying sounds really close... really close... i checked the hall and there he was, he had pushed the gate on his door off and escaped!!
He did wake at 4am again and Mrs Too_Late sat with him trying to settle him. He didnt settle but we kept him in the room. Its tough to do the controlled crying at 4am while the other is asleep... Hoping the 4am starts will fix themselves if we fix the sleep at night
Thanks everyone!
I went up a total of 6 times to see him and put him back down. Each time i put him down i went through the same routine "sleepie time""Time to go to sleep" i would pull his quilt over his head as he likes it and rub his belly and go. 6th time worked! It took about 1 and a 1/2 hours for him to go to sleep. He has a huge bruise/mark on his head where he was headbutting the gate on his door........ Each time he knew i had gone he would scream and run to the door/gate
On the 5th time i put him down, i was downstairs having a drink, i though the crying sounds really close... really close... i checked the hall and there he was, he had pushed the gate on his door off and escaped!!
He did wake at 4am again and Mrs Too_Late sat with him trying to settle him. He didnt settle but we kept him in the room. Its tough to do the controlled crying at 4am while the other is asleep... Hoping the 4am starts will fix themselves if we fix the sleep at night
Thanks everyone!
It's separation anxiety, two of mine had it, one wouldn't fall asleep without someone being in the room and the other would wake up anxious in the night. It last until they're about 2.5 to 3. It's a phase. My eldest didn't do it at all but she always had to have a night light until she was 4 or 5, one of the others had a night light too.
The world must be a very very scary place when you're just becoming self aware and conscious of it, just bare that in mind.
The world must be a very very scary place when you're just becoming self aware and conscious of it, just bare that in mind.
How much is he napping during the day? When we had a similar problem with our little one, we realised that she wasn't settling at night because she wasn't tired enough. We cut her lunchtime nap to 40 mins (it was usually about 1hr 20) and by the evening she was more than ready for bed and would settle/sleep a lot better. She was a bit older than your one (just turned two if memory serves correct).
CaptainSensib1e said:
How much is he napping during the day? When we had a similar problem with our little one, we realised that she wasn't settling at night because she wasn't tired enough. We cut her lunchtime nap to 40 mins (it was usually about 1hr 20) and by the evening she was more than ready for bed and would settle/sleep a lot better. She was a bit older than your one (just turned two if memory serves correct).
I was just going to post this. Our lad is so tired at bed time he asks to go to bed and is asleep before the end of the first book we're normally running round the garden for an hour 6-7 then bath then bed works a treat although I'm as nackered as him most of the time. Doesn't stop him waking up at 6 though. As has been said, try what is called "controlled crying" , My 2½ yr old tried the same thing at about that age and nearly drove my wife mad.
The way we play it is this:
If we put him down and he cries, he gets left.
If he's been quiet (asleep) for at least 30 minutes then starts crying, we will go in and soothe him and let him know we're there if he needs us.
It's quite simple but sooooooo hard hearing your little'un crying their heart out but it really is for the best as they need to learn to go to sleep on their own and comfort themselves to a certain extent.
The way we play it is this:
If we put him down and he cries, he gets left.
If he's been quiet (asleep) for at least 30 minutes then starts crying, we will go in and soothe him and let him know we're there if he needs us.
It's quite simple but sooooooo hard hearing your little'un crying their heart out but it really is for the best as they need to learn to go to sleep on their own and comfort themselves to a certain extent.
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