Disability and children
Discussion
I'm after a bit of advice...
My brother is nearly 20 and disabled, can't walk/talk is in a wheel chair and needs 24/7 care. When he is happy he smiles/laughs, when he is in pain or upset about something he cries or shouts. Of course I'm used to him and the sounds he makes, but I can completely get why someone might be taken back by it...doesn't help he is ginger as well..doesn't have much luck!
My girlfriend is meeting my parents this weekend, along with her five year old daughter. My brother will be there. I've never had this problem before as my exes son was younger and didn't really take any notice of my brother. However, my girlfriend is worried about how her daughter will react (shes worried that she'll say something offensive...it isn't possible to offend us, and from a child it really isn't a problem. I've told her this, but she is still worried about it).
I'm struggling on how to explain why he is different. I was thinking of saying hes unwell, but don't know if that might make her think one day he'll get better, or two if someone becomes ill they'll end up like him.
Any suggestions will be great.
My brother is nearly 20 and disabled, can't walk/talk is in a wheel chair and needs 24/7 care. When he is happy he smiles/laughs, when he is in pain or upset about something he cries or shouts. Of course I'm used to him and the sounds he makes, but I can completely get why someone might be taken back by it...doesn't help he is ginger as well..doesn't have much luck!
My girlfriend is meeting my parents this weekend, along with her five year old daughter. My brother will be there. I've never had this problem before as my exes son was younger and didn't really take any notice of my brother. However, my girlfriend is worried about how her daughter will react (shes worried that she'll say something offensive...it isn't possible to offend us, and from a child it really isn't a problem. I've told her this, but she is still worried about it).
I'm struggling on how to explain why he is different. I was thinking of saying hes unwell, but don't know if that might make her think one day he'll get better, or two if someone becomes ill they'll end up like him.
Any suggestions will be great.
I've found most young kids are okay at accepting that some people are ill / disabled / in a wheel chair etc I just wouldn't worry about it at all. You just say to the girl that yes, he has some problems, like he can't walk properly like you & me, and the way his brain works isn't always like the way yours or mine does. Tell her before you go he's in a wheelchair etc so it's not some great surprise.
There's a program on kids tv called something special, featuring the legend that is mr tumble, kids love it, it heavily features disabled kids. She's probably seen that a good few times if she's anything like my kids, so it might not be the shock to her that you're expecting it to be. If she hasn't you could show her a few episodes, it will b on CBeebies iPlayer, and explain that your brother is like the children on the tv program.
Hope it all goes ok though!
Hope it all goes ok though!
Edited by lufbramatt on Thursday 20th July 23:25
Spitfire2 said:
What the others said. She may well surprise you and be just great with your brother.
Kids tend to be a lot better than adults in this sort of situation. When my son was doing swimming lessons, there was a bloke used to come into the pool after us with an artificial leg. My son once asked him if he was a robot - I nearly died but the bloke was brilliant about it & explained to my son about how it worked etc.Don't get too worried about it OP - kids are (a) very resilient and (b) get bored easily - after 5 minutes they'll want to watch CBeebies anyway.
When my youngest was six, a girl with quite serious disabilities joined his class. She struggled to speak and couldn't walk properly. After a couple of days I was talking to him and asked if he'd noticed she was different. He said "she's really different, she actually likes peas."
For him, that was her stand out feature!
For him, that was her stand out feature!
CoolHands said:
I've found most young kids are okay at accepting that some people are ill / disabled / in a wheel chair etc I just wouldn't worry about it at all. You just say to the girl that yes, he has some problems, like he can't walk properly like you & me, and the way his brain works isn't always like the way yours or mine does. Tell her before you go he's in a wheelchair etc so it's not some great surprise.
First response nails it. As long as she's prepared, she's far less likely to blurt out something that adults might find inappropriate. TwigtheWonderkid said:
When my youngest was six, a girl with quite serious disabilities joined his class. She struggled to speak and couldn't walk properly. After a couple of days I was talking to him and asked if he'd noticed she was different. He said "she's really different, she actually likes peas."
For him, that was her stand out feature!
haha, brilliant, reminds me of when my daughter was born. My 2 year old son didn't care that as a newborn she couldn't talk, walk, eat food, move her limbs with any sort of coordination, sit up etc. His main issue was that "she's not got enough hair".For him, that was her stand out feature!
My son Lewis was (he died May 2012) 12 years old, physically disabled (undiagnosed, yet tested for everything) but totally mentally normal. He was born completely healthy but as he grew older we noticed things, and by 5 was wheelchair bound, couldn't walk/talk/do anything for himself. He could not speak, he sounded like Chewbacca but his facial expressions and his eyes said everything for him.
I used to say to people/kids meeting him for the first time that he was broken, he was like a toy that had been put back together wrong, or try and explain that some of the wires in his head were connected in the wrong order which meant his body could not work in the way that theirs could. Like spark plugs in an engine in the wrong order, the engine will run but will run and sound like a bag of spanners.
I'm not the greatest with words or anything, but my approach seemed to work.
I used to say to people/kids meeting him for the first time that he was broken, he was like a toy that had been put back together wrong, or try and explain that some of the wires in his head were connected in the wrong order which meant his body could not work in the way that theirs could. Like spark plugs in an engine in the wrong order, the engine will run but will run and sound like a bag of spanners.
I'm not the greatest with words or anything, but my approach seemed to work.
This is currently shown on CBeebies. Kids don't see "difference" the way that adults do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MJrRvpjB1I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MJrRvpjB1I
Kids can be amazingly perceptive and totally oblivious at the same time. She might be a bit scared if he's shouting but most likely just curious.
It's more likely she will stick like glue to mum/you as your mum, dad and brother are all strangers and its a strange house to her.
She'll settle in most likely. Although all kids are different.
Mine would just ask what's wrong and then why. Have a good simple answer ready, they understand getting sick, sometimes people just don't get better.
It took my boy around 2 years to notice one of his mates was indian and that came out when they went swimming and he asked why his friend had a 'brown willy' errrr "because he's brown all over"
It's more likely she will stick like glue to mum/you as your mum, dad and brother are all strangers and its a strange house to her.
She'll settle in most likely. Although all kids are different.
Mine would just ask what's wrong and then why. Have a good simple answer ready, they understand getting sick, sometimes people just don't get better.
It took my boy around 2 years to notice one of his mates was indian and that came out when they went swimming and he asked why his friend had a 'brown willy' errrr "because he's brown all over"
FreeLitres said:
This is currently shown on CBeebies. Kids don't see "difference" the way that adults do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MJrRvpjB1I
I love that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MJrRvpjB1I
I'm responsible for my "cities" housing and adaptation services for all the disabled adults/children. So to say I've met a few people is an underestimation.
Don't panic, children are great, non judgemental. She'll probably find it all really interesting and might even want to sit on his knee and have a ride around.
It's adults that ignore disabled people, speak over them, shout loudly: or the worst offence, push their wheelchair, or touch it, without asking. That chair is part of them.
One thing that brought a tear to my eyes was one of my daughters meeting a wheelchair user friend of mine. (not wheelchair bound-that's offensive)
She said, "that's man's got big wheels hasn't he daddy" and just move onto whatever else she was doing/playing.
Don't panic, children are great, non judgemental. She'll probably find it all really interesting and might even want to sit on his knee and have a ride around.
It's adults that ignore disabled people, speak over them, shout loudly: or the worst offence, push their wheelchair, or touch it, without asking. That chair is part of them.
One thing that brought a tear to my eyes was one of my daughters meeting a wheelchair user friend of mine. (not wheelchair bound-that's offensive)
She said, "that's man's got big wheels hasn't he daddy" and just move onto whatever else she was doing/playing.
Bullett said:
It took my boy around 2 years to notice one of his mates was indian and that came out when they went swimming and he asked why his friend had a 'brown willy' errrr "because he's brown all over"
not often I laugh out loud but that made me.It's once of the best things about young kids, their innocence, lack of pre-conceptions and total innocence.
Children seem to have absolutely no concern today about the dissabilities of their peers. Thanks to the efforts of entities like the BBC portraying kids with disabilities living in normal environments etc, children growing up today have far broader horizons.
She might be taken aback initially at seeing an adult with difficulties or any loud outbursts but children mostly then look to their parent for the re-assurance that all is ok and normal so I would focus far more on your girlfriend than worry too much about her daughter.
Personally, I would think it better to introduce your girlfriend to your brother so that she is relaxed when her daughter meets him?
Thanks for all the replies .
Looks like we could be worrying about nothing. Lots of fun equipment to play on as well...often think I'd love to be hoisted around the house ha.
I was hoping to introduce my other half to my parents/brother before, but its now the school holidays so not really possible.
. Looks like we could be worrying about nothing. Lots of fun equipment to play on as well...often think I'd love to be hoisted around the house ha.
I was hoping to introduce my other half to my parents/brother before, but its now the school holidays so not really possible.
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