When someone decides to self destruct
Discussion
Interesting one this-
I share a house with 3 other guys, one of whom is the live-in landlord. We all get on pretty well and i've lived there a good 2 years now.
One of the guys is a 34 year old french fella, nice enough, seems to keep to himself.
Over the last year his behaviour started to change, aside from working (4 days on/4 days off usually), he began to basically spend all his time in his room playing playstation and smoking weed, and then stopped cooking for himself and subsisting chiefly on takeaways and instant supermarket food.
He then stopped contributing to the house, and his bedroom started to get messier and messier.
Purely by chance my housemate and I discovered that he had earned a court appearance about 4 months ago due to failing to declare the ID of a driver in a speeding offence last year...he was fined £660 plus £150 court costs, and given 6 pts.
Around this time said frenchman lagged on his rent payment, my landlord was pretty pissed, as the guy offered no explanation, ducked his calls and messages, then disappeared for a week.
He eventually coughed up the money around 2 weeks later, we assumed he was skint out due to a week off sick, and aforementioned fines.
all returns to normal for a month, my landlord being the soft touch decided to give him another chance rather than boot him out (despite my best advice).
Then roll on to last week...We are woken up by bailiffs knocking on the door at 7am. Turns out the frenchman's head in the sand technique also extends to him paying fines, and attending court.
Bailiffs were after £1200 worth of his property, to cover the still unpaid court costs and fine, and a bit of rummaging discloses that he has 2 other speeding fines which are unpaid...so has got to be tipping well over the 12 pts ban by now.
My landlord gives the bailiffs the situ, stops them taking our stuff, and we are currently waiting for them to reappear and take his goods, which only amount to a laptop, ps4 and crap tv, nowhere near £1200 worth.
My housemate gives bailiffs the frenchmans mobile number, turns out they've been to his workplace too, so he has in all liklehood been fired, he drives for a living, and can't really do that legally now.
While all this is going on, we've had the locks changed in case he decides to show up and steal anything not nailed down before disappearing for good. He hasn't been seen at the house, or got in contact for 8 days now.
Went into his room yesterday to close his window, and it legit looks worse than a crack den...its actually filthy, i've seen better kept squats. cigarette butts in the bed, mouldy dishes, empty takeaway boxes, its disgusting!
Amazing how someone can let a situation get this bad over a couple of speeding tickets. Just wanted to share this bizarre situation.
I share a house with 3 other guys, one of whom is the live-in landlord. We all get on pretty well and i've lived there a good 2 years now.
One of the guys is a 34 year old french fella, nice enough, seems to keep to himself.
Over the last year his behaviour started to change, aside from working (4 days on/4 days off usually), he began to basically spend all his time in his room playing playstation and smoking weed, and then stopped cooking for himself and subsisting chiefly on takeaways and instant supermarket food.
He then stopped contributing to the house, and his bedroom started to get messier and messier.
Purely by chance my housemate and I discovered that he had earned a court appearance about 4 months ago due to failing to declare the ID of a driver in a speeding offence last year...he was fined £660 plus £150 court costs, and given 6 pts.
Around this time said frenchman lagged on his rent payment, my landlord was pretty pissed, as the guy offered no explanation, ducked his calls and messages, then disappeared for a week.
He eventually coughed up the money around 2 weeks later, we assumed he was skint out due to a week off sick, and aforementioned fines.
all returns to normal for a month, my landlord being the soft touch decided to give him another chance rather than boot him out (despite my best advice).
Then roll on to last week...We are woken up by bailiffs knocking on the door at 7am. Turns out the frenchman's head in the sand technique also extends to him paying fines, and attending court.
Bailiffs were after £1200 worth of his property, to cover the still unpaid court costs and fine, and a bit of rummaging discloses that he has 2 other speeding fines which are unpaid...so has got to be tipping well over the 12 pts ban by now.
My landlord gives the bailiffs the situ, stops them taking our stuff, and we are currently waiting for them to reappear and take his goods, which only amount to a laptop, ps4 and crap tv, nowhere near £1200 worth.
My housemate gives bailiffs the frenchmans mobile number, turns out they've been to his workplace too, so he has in all liklehood been fired, he drives for a living, and can't really do that legally now.
While all this is going on, we've had the locks changed in case he decides to show up and steal anything not nailed down before disappearing for good. He hasn't been seen at the house, or got in contact for 8 days now.
Went into his room yesterday to close his window, and it legit looks worse than a crack den...its actually filthy, i've seen better kept squats. cigarette butts in the bed, mouldy dishes, empty takeaway boxes, its disgusting!
Amazing how someone can let a situation get this bad over a couple of speeding tickets. Just wanted to share this bizarre situation.
This might be stupid question but are you allowed (or in this case the LL) to change locks and, I'm guessing, refuse him to return?
I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out without following the due process isn't that easy.
I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out without following the due process isn't that easy.
hondafanatic said:
This might be stupid question but are you allowed (or in this case the LL) to change locks and, I'm guessing, refuse him to return?
I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out with no legal comeback isn't that easy.
It's not a normal landlord/tenant relationship.I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out with no legal comeback isn't that easy.
joshleb said:
Sounds like he's in a pretty bad place!
You ever manage to talk to him whilst he was still there or was he just stuck in his room?
Does he have any mates or family he ever saw?
Yeah he was always outwardly cheerful for the most part, reasonably likeable guy although there was something about him i never quite liked, couldn't really put my finger on it...i know he knew some fairly shady types and had a bit of a coke habit.You ever manage to talk to him whilst he was still there or was he just stuck in his room?
Does he have any mates or family he ever saw?
He earned alright money, probably 28-30k, was paying £500 a month in rent, so should have had plenty of cash...i know drugs aren't cheap but he really let the money stuff get out of control.
He's lived in the UK for ten years, and can't stand his home country, so this seems like very end of the line type behaviour over some speeding tickets.
we found a bunch of unopened speeding fines and reminders, dating back to last summer, so he's basically been sticking his head in the sand for some time.
A very official looking envelope from the DVLA dropped on the mat this morning, so i assume thats his license gone.
No gf and never seemed to date, only person he ever had round was his nephew and a couple of his friends.
The Moose said:
hondafanatic said:
This might be stupid question but are you allowed (or in this case the LL) to change locks and, I'm guessing, refuse him to return?
I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out with no legal comeback isn't that easy.
It's not a normal landlord/tenant relationship.I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out with no legal comeback isn't that easy.
hondafanatic said:
This might be stupid question but are you allowed (or in this case the LL) to change locks and, I'm guessing, refuse him to return?
I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out without following the due process isn't that easy.
not sure on the legal precident, but something had to be done in case he decided to lift all our stuff...as the other 3 of us are at work all day it was a very real concern...and it does seem like he is backed into a corner....people do stupid things in that event.I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out without following the due process isn't that easy.
As far as we can tell he hasn't even been back to the house yet, more or less hiding out, i don't know how he expects it all to just blow over!
designforlife said:
hondafanatic said:
This might be stupid question but are you allowed (or in this case the LL) to change locks and, I'm guessing, refuse him to return?
I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out without following the due process isn't that easy.
not sure on the legal precident, but something had to be done in case he decided to lift all our stuff...as the other 3 of us are at work all day it was a very real concern...and it does seem like he is backed into a corner....people do stupid things in that event.I mean that from a legal point of view, not a moralistic point. I don't necessarily disagree with what you've done if you feel that's the only option left, however I've read enough threads on here that seem to give the impression that kicking someone out without following the due process isn't that easy.
As far as we can tell he hasn't even been back to the house yet, more or less hiding out, i don't know how he expects it all to just blow over!
silverfoxcc said:
Start dragging the river
That would be my opinion of what may well happen. Check the garden shed and make sure he's not hanging inside. Sounds like proper depressive behaviour to me. Staying in the house, using illegal substances to self medicate, ignoring and not opening important mail are all signs of either severe anxiety or depression. Before I was diagnosed with my issues I couldn't bring myself to open letters, it terrified me. Ended up with my car being repossessed and a few hefty financial penalties on credit cards etc. It doesn't take much for your life to go off the rails. But in the spirit of PH, tell him to take his balls out of his handbag, grow a spine and to go and bum the DVLA's dog.
Jonmx said:
silverfoxcc said:
Start dragging the river
That would be my opinion of what may well happen. Check the garden shed and make sure he's not hanging inside. Sounds like proper depressive behaviour to me. Staying in the house, using illegal substances to self medicate, ignoring and not opening important mail are all signs of either severe anxiety or depression. Before I was diagnosed with my issues I couldn't bring myself to open letters, it terrified me. Ended up with my car being repossessed and a few hefty financial penalties on credit cards etc. It doesn't take much for your life to go off the rails. But in the spirit of PH, tell him to take his balls out of his handbag, grow a spine and to go and bum the DVLA's dog.
About a third of the way through the original post I sensed a depressive illness developing. It is debatable as to whether the driving offences are a cause or a symptom of the depression.
He was clearly a functioning depressive. As depression gets worse, you can't even get out of bed, let alone gather up the motivation and will to top yourself. Suicide risk increases as the depression gets better.
After speaking with his work colleagues, if the pattern fits and his work went south and he was fired or something, you have a moral duty to do something. Tomorrow afternoon, phone the local nick and explain the situation. This notion that someone has to be missing for 24 hours etc is bunkum.
Has anyone seen him in the last week? Any evidence he's gone back to France? If things like bank cards, car keys etc are still in his room and there's no sign of things like financial activity then yes, start dredging the rivers.
Oh and if you have any recent pictures, take them along to the police too. Makes it quicker to check the morgue. I wish you luck but from your description I would be searching woodland by now.
Wiccan of Darkness said:
Jonmx said:
silverfoxcc said:
Start dragging the river
That would be my opinion of what may well happen. Check the garden shed and make sure he's not hanging inside. Sounds like proper depressive behaviour to me. Staying in the house, using illegal substances to self medicate, ignoring and not opening important mail are all signs of either severe anxiety or depression. Before I was diagnosed with my issues I couldn't bring myself to open letters, it terrified me. Ended up with my car being repossessed and a few hefty financial penalties on credit cards etc. It doesn't take much for your life to go off the rails. But in the spirit of PH, tell him to take his balls out of his handbag, grow a spine and to go and bum the DVLA's dog.
About a third of the way through the original post I sensed a depressive illness developing. It is debatable as to whether the driving offences are a cause or a symptom of the depression.
He was clearly a functioning depressive. As depression gets worse, you can't even get out of bed, let alone gather up the motivation and will to top yourself. Suicide risk increases as the depression gets better.
After speaking with his work colleagues, if the pattern fits and his work went south and he was fired or something, you have a moral duty to do something. Tomorrow afternoon, phone the local nick and explain the situation. This notion that someone has to be missing for 24 hours etc is bunkum.
Has anyone seen him in the last week? Any evidence he's gone back to France? If things like bank cards, car keys etc are still in his room and there's no sign of things like financial activity then yes, start dredging the rivers.
Oh and if you have any recent pictures, take them along to the police too. Makes it quicker to check the morgue. I wish you luck but from your description I would be searching woodland by now.
If his employer has sacked him it's possible no one but yourselves have noticed he's missing.
As a minimum I'd let the police know you have concerns.
If he isn't employed anymore then nobody may know that he is missing apart from yourselves, especially if his family are back in France, I would contact the police personally, and give them photographs of him (if you have any) and make them aware of his potentially precarious state of mind due to his work, legal and financial concerns.
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