Help - feeling a bit pathetic
Discussion
Help! I’m really struggling here, ridiculous as I know this is.
Just over two years back I split from my wife. Since, I have had a couple of short relationships, but a year ago I decided to move back to my home town and promptly met a new girl.
We met through a club we are both in and she quickly and confidently asked me out, to be honest she blew me away, gorgeous and said all the right things. We are the same age, it was clear our paths had crossed many times growing up, we seemed to have everything in common and just clicked. Felt like it was meant to be.
Things couldn’t have gone better really and she started living together, having family etc… very fast but it felt so right and I cannot explain just how happy I was, and she absolutely reflected this.
Until 6/7 months in it was perfect then we had our first argument over something petty, I admitted where I was wrong and apologised for my part, but she put me into purgatory for a week – I did everything I could to try and sort it. We started trying again but she was distant, had disengaged, I really, really tried but very shortly she told me it’s over. She then pretty much deleted me from her life.
It’s not unusual I guess, but I can’t get over it. She told me in the week before the argument that she ‘loved me more than I’d ever know’.
For the record, since we have split… I found myself a house and I am going through the process of buying, it’s a beautiful period house in a great spot (currently staying with my folks) and is exactly what I have always wanted.
I took myself off for a week holiday alone.
I’ve thrown myself at the gym, running, cycling, taken part in loads of events.
I have got out with friends, caught up with family. Met several new girls in various situation, had a couple of dates and have a few options there should I wish to pursue.
I also have a great job, and plenty of free cash to do as I please.
On the whole things are coming together for me, but… I just can’t get her out of my mind and I know before long our paths will cross.
I’m a sensible guy in my late thirties, and I have lived and loved… I know I am being ridiculous. I would probably advise myself to ‘snap out of it’ but it just isn’t working for me and I need some advice… how do I get her out of my head? Surely nearly two months on, this is a disproportionate time to dwell?
It seems such a minor issue in the scheme of life looking at it logically, but I can’t lie – it is affecting me deeply.
Advice greatly appreciated - not on getting her back or understanding why (I accept, people just change their minds) but in getting it our of my head - stopping myself beating myself up daily and replaying everything in detail trying to reconcile.
yours, a bit pathetically!!
Just over two years back I split from my wife. Since, I have had a couple of short relationships, but a year ago I decided to move back to my home town and promptly met a new girl.
We met through a club we are both in and she quickly and confidently asked me out, to be honest she blew me away, gorgeous and said all the right things. We are the same age, it was clear our paths had crossed many times growing up, we seemed to have everything in common and just clicked. Felt like it was meant to be.
Things couldn’t have gone better really and she started living together, having family etc… very fast but it felt so right and I cannot explain just how happy I was, and she absolutely reflected this.
Until 6/7 months in it was perfect then we had our first argument over something petty, I admitted where I was wrong and apologised for my part, but she put me into purgatory for a week – I did everything I could to try and sort it. We started trying again but she was distant, had disengaged, I really, really tried but very shortly she told me it’s over. She then pretty much deleted me from her life.
It’s not unusual I guess, but I can’t get over it. She told me in the week before the argument that she ‘loved me more than I’d ever know’.
For the record, since we have split… I found myself a house and I am going through the process of buying, it’s a beautiful period house in a great spot (currently staying with my folks) and is exactly what I have always wanted.
I took myself off for a week holiday alone.
I’ve thrown myself at the gym, running, cycling, taken part in loads of events.
I have got out with friends, caught up with family. Met several new girls in various situation, had a couple of dates and have a few options there should I wish to pursue.
I also have a great job, and plenty of free cash to do as I please.
On the whole things are coming together for me, but… I just can’t get her out of my mind and I know before long our paths will cross.
I’m a sensible guy in my late thirties, and I have lived and loved… I know I am being ridiculous. I would probably advise myself to ‘snap out of it’ but it just isn’t working for me and I need some advice… how do I get her out of my head? Surely nearly two months on, this is a disproportionate time to dwell?
It seems such a minor issue in the scheme of life looking at it logically, but I can’t lie – it is affecting me deeply.
Advice greatly appreciated - not on getting her back or understanding why (I accept, people just change their minds) but in getting it our of my head - stopping myself beating myself up daily and replaying everything in detail trying to reconcile.
yours, a bit pathetically!!
TooMany2cvs said:
She's in her late 30s, gorgeous, etc etc.
And single.
Now you know why...
^^This^^ sounds like a lucky escape to be frank! I know how it feels for someone you think is right for you to get under your skin, but it's time to remove the rose tinted specs and crack on with living again!! And single.
Now you know why...
Yep, I know I need to MTFU.
And have been... On the outside. I simply don't get why my brain defaults back to her.
It is the first time I haven't been the one to end it though, maybe this is why.
Tried the someone else route. Didn't work.
Not sure why I posted really, other than being slightly cathartic to get it off my chest
And have been... On the outside. I simply don't get why my brain defaults back to her.
It is the first time I haven't been the one to end it though, maybe this is why.
Tried the someone else route. Didn't work.
Not sure why I posted really, other than being slightly cathartic to get it off my chest
Bobberoo99 said:
TooMany2cvs said:
She's in her late 30s, gorgeous, etc etc.
And single.
Now you know why...
^^This^^ sounds like a lucky escape to be frank! I know how it feels for someone you think is right for you to get under your skin, but it's time to remove the rose tinted specs and crack on with living again!! And single.
Now you know why...
D1bram said:
Yep, I know I need to MTFU.
And have been... On the outside. I simply don't get why my brain defaults back to her.
It is the first time I haven't been the one to end it though, maybe this is why.
Tried the someone else route. Didn't work.
Not sure why I posted really, other than being slightly cathartic to get it off my chest
You will be defaulting back to her because you're remembering the "good" feeling that you had with her. Perhaps you've been unable to replicate that so far with anyone else, or you think you can't.And have been... On the outside. I simply don't get why my brain defaults back to her.
It is the first time I haven't been the one to end it though, maybe this is why.
Tried the someone else route. Didn't work.
Not sure why I posted really, other than being slightly cathartic to get it off my chest
You are happily erasing the bad memories of why its good that you're no longer together as a coping mechanism.
If you did something wrong, and you know what you did wrong, and apologised for it, then you'll know not to make that mistake again. And the fact that she can't see past that, is her problem, not yours. Focus more on that - you have improved yourself, and can now be the new improved you with another lucky lady who you'll meet once you accept to yourself that you are a better person than you were before, and you are better off without "her"
Shakermaker said:
You will be defaulting back to her because you're remembering the "good" feeling that you had with her. Perhaps you've been unable to replicate that so far with anyone else, or you think you can't.
You are happily erasing the bad memories of why its good that you're no longer together as a coping mechanism.
If you did something wrong, and you know what you did wrong, and apologised for it, then you'll know not to make that mistake again. And the fact that she can't see past that, is her problem, not yours. Focus more on that - you have improved yourself, and can now be the new improved you with another lucky lady who you'll meet once you accept to yourself that you are a better person than you were before, and you are better off without "her"
Makes a lot of sense, thank you. You are happily erasing the bad memories of why its good that you're no longer together as a coping mechanism.
If you did something wrong, and you know what you did wrong, and apologised for it, then you'll know not to make that mistake again. And the fact that she can't see past that, is her problem, not yours. Focus more on that - you have improved yourself, and can now be the new improved you with another lucky lady who you'll meet once you accept to yourself that you are a better person than you were before, and you are better off without "her"
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