Teenager not talking - think he is worried about exams
Teenager not talking - think he is worried about exams
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AndStilliRise

Original Poster:

2,295 posts

146 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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New one for me, my son has decided to stop talking to me or his mum and stopped eating at home. Pretty much know he is concerned with his mock exam marks which we were all disappointed with. I have reiterated many times, that regardless of the marks we will always love and support him in what he chooses to do but i think he is putting pressure on himself.

It has been so far 3 days, I am hoping that he will regain himself soon. Any advice from the PH Massive?

Mothersruin

8,573 posts

129 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Sign him up for the Army.

Ari

19,826 posts

245 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Ask him? confused

AndStilliRise

Original Poster:

2,295 posts

146 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
quotequote all
Ari said:
Ask him? confused
He is not talking and i have the (emotional) intelligence of a brick.

Harry H

3,765 posts

186 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Sounds to me like you need some father/son bonding time.

Nice long country walk, a spot of fishing, football match or what ever you do normally. Take the pressure off and he'll open up eventually. This sort of thing is far easier outside of the house on completely neutral territory.

Zetec-S

6,920 posts

123 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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How old is he?
How talkative is he usually?
Where is he eating at the moment? (could it be a gf?)

TwigtheWonderkid

49,158 posts

180 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Take him out for a long walk, and ask for his advice on some scenario you are going thru at work. Tell him you need a younger persons perspective on it. Make something up, an issue with a young person in your office or some crap. Make him feel important, that you need him and his value his input. Show him that you haven't got life worked out either and you have problems to deal with. Hopefully, once you've discussed your made up scenario, he might feel more open about discussing his issues.

I used this tactic with my kids when they were teens. You can't imagine how special a 15 y/o feels when his dad comes to him and says "son, I need a bit of advice". A real ego boost.

Ps. Now they are older and far cleverer than me, I actually do need their advice for loads of things, for real. Like how to work fking Sky Q!

Hoofy

80,101 posts

312 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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What does he do when he isn't studying? XBox? If so, grab a second controller and challenge him to a game of something.

Jaroon

1,441 posts

190 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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TwigtheWonderkid said:
Take him out for a long walk, and ask for his advice on some scenario you are going thru at work. Tell him you need a younger persons perspective on it. Make something up, an issue with a young person in your office or some crap. Make him feel important, that you need him and his value his input. Show him that you haven't got life worked out either and you have problems to deal with. Hopefully, once you've discussed your made up scenario, he might feel more open about discussing his issues.

I used this tactic with my kids when they were teens. You can't imagine how special a 15 y/o feels when his dad comes to him and says "son, I need a bit of advice". A real ego boost.

Ps. Now they are older and far cleverer than me, I actually do need their advice for loads of things, for real. Like how to work fking Sky Q!
This sounds like good advice if it doesn't come across too contrived given you say you're not the best in these scenarios.

My daughter would scratch the back of her neck in the run up to big exams, until it bled, scabbed and bled again. It was basically involuntary or unconscious (I should ask her she's doing her phycology masters atm). We just moved her into the living room when studying and told her to stop scratching when she started, worked simple and effective.

My feeling here is your lad feels he's let you down, my lad can not stand disappointing me. You need to talk to him and lower the stakes whilst taking on some blame. I'd tell him you're sorry if he feels you put too much pressure on him, you thought pressure was a good motivator but you got it wrong. Tell him you love him and you're worried about him and you know you're not the best in these kind of situations, he's your priority not his exams. Ask him what you can do? Some might say this is the snowflake generation answer but in your shoes I'd be very concerned especially as my lad never shuts up except to eat. Good luck


Edited by Jaroon on Thursday 9th November 17:27

sc0tt

18,296 posts

231 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Is he eating at all?

I rekon he has got some bird pregnant. Good luck.

LordJammy

3,114 posts

219 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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He’ll eat when he’s hungry enough

anonymous-user

84 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Maybe he's enjoying many a spliff but that wouldn't make sense if he's not eating.

Good luck either way. Just a phase that will pass I'm sure.

rsbmw

3,466 posts

135 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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The only advice we as a collective are qualified to give out is either MX5 or hammering frozen sausages into his lawn. Hopefully one of these resolves your situation. Good luck

steveatesh

5,368 posts

194 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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sc0tt said:
Is he eating at all?

I rekon he has got some bird pregnant. Good luck.
Must confess this is what I thought too!


Douglas Quaid

2,640 posts

115 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Congratulations on becoming a grandad op!

Wobbegong

15,078 posts

199 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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He’s in love. I went through a similar experience when I was a teenager. In hindsight I realise I wasn’t really in love, just hypnotised by her epic jugs smile

lucido grigio

44,044 posts

193 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Does he go out and talk to mates etc ?

Potatoes

3,606 posts

200 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Every teenager is different and you guys know him best. As a recent teenager, my changes in mood were drive. By the following:

  • cannabis
  • girls
  • cars
We all have different triggers but you're right to identify a change in his mood and associate it to something. Talk to him, be really honest and open about yourself., don't be afraid to tell them about the st you got up to! Being open yourself will encourage even the most stubborn teenager (talking from experience of being a stubborn teenager)

xjay1337

15,966 posts

148 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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Sometimes kids just like to not talk to anyone.
Give it a few days.

BoRED S2upid

21,070 posts

270 months

Thursday 9th November 2017
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AndStilliRise said:
mock exam marks which we were all disappointed with. I have reiterated many times, that regardless of the marks we will always love and support him
If you weren’t all disappointed you wouldn’t have had to reassure him.

You need to speak to him or someone needs to friend, cool uncle, brother, sister, cousin anyone.
Don’t let him bottle it up and do something silly.

Mocks really don’t matter. I was D’s I think at mocks I tried for the real things and got 3 B’s.

I read an article today about a 52 year old homeless who had just got into Cambridge to study for a degree proves it’s never too late for education. Far too much pressure on kids these days.