Loss of a parent
Discussion
Firstly so sorry for your loss. i dont know of any forums but i have experienced this myself. got a call one night from my dad hysterical. he had come home to find my mum dead on the sofa. was very sudden , some sort of heart defect no one knew about. i had to grab my nephew i was looking after and get from leeds to skegness . i dont even remember the drive , i was in bits. that was 9 years ago and i still have not got over it, it gets easier to deal with but you never get over it. what was worse for me was never getting to say goodbye and her dying on her own in front of coronation street. Its very hard to deal with and i felt lost and devastated. its only now i am getting help via grief counseling, i ended up being constantly angry and drinking too much and realised i needed to deal with it . i went to the doctors and was referred to a cracking woman who i can talk to and offers help and advice. dont be afraid to go talk to the g.p. i was too embarrassed at first but ended up doing it and wish i had years ago. give each other a hug and dont bottle up the hurt. and have a bloody good cry if you need to. i still do .
Thanks for the replies, service went as well as can be expected yesterday.
Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
timster said:
Thanks for the replies, service went as well as can be expected yesterday.
Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
In my experience the crying will catch you out when you least expect it.Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
Do not fight it as it is all part of the grieving process.
garythesign said:
timster said:
Thanks for the replies, service went as well as can be expected yesterday.
Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
In my experience the crying will catch you out when you least expect it.Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
Do not fight it as it is all part of the grieving process.
We were very close, I saw him at least 3 times a week in the evenings, he was also very close to my wife as her dad buggered off about 12 years ago so she saw him as a father figure.
I still cry every so often, usually when a choir is singing (dad was religious and liked his church choirs), it'll just come from no where.
My mum is worried that I haven't grieved properly as he second wife is very self centered and the whole death revolved around her, I was very supportive of her during this time and probably neglected myself, we no longer speak now and haven't done for 2 years, when we fell out and I knew we would no longer be speaking, it was a huge relief for me and my family.
It does get easier OP, it just takes time.
timster said:
Thanks for the replies, service went as well as can be expected yesterday.
Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
thats just what the coroner said about my mum too, just like a light switch. i am still getting help and thanks mate. and i know what you mean about when you think you cant cry anymore too. i am still doing it. glad you coped with the funeral too. i had to do all the arrangements the co op were fantastic with helping in that regard for me. i realy feel your pain mate and if you need to talk to someone who is still struggling with the grief just message me . its hard right now but gets more bearale as time passes. you wont ever forget though. Evilmunkey that sounds terrible but glad you got the help you needed. We've cried out eyes out and when you think you can't cry anymore it comes over you again. Ann suffered type 1 diabetes and reading up on cause of death it was inevitable unfortunately, she died in front of my father in law but the coroner said it was like a light switch going out which was nice for her but awful for those left behind
garythesign said:
In my experience the crying will catch you out when you least expect it.
Do not fight it as it is all part of the grieving process.
this is so true... now and again it just creeps up on you, ive had to park the car and cry my balls off , you just remember something or youll hear music etc and it will set you off. , ive learnt to just go with the flow , im not embarrassed any more and folk can think whatever they want. its okay for blokes to cry . Do not fight it as it is all part of the grieving process.
My Mother passed away a few weeks ago. Gave me a call saying she wasn't feeling well, not sure where she was etc.. , went to hospital and she was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer and then died suddenly two days later 
It is a strange feeling, I didn't talk to my Mother that much and saw her every few weeks but it is the 'emptiness'. I'm an only child, and I feel somewhat alone in the world now. It's a hard to describe, I never needed her help but always felt that she was there regardless of what would happen. Wives come and go and children have their own lives, but your Mother is sort of always there.
I am not overcome with grief like some, didn't really cry at all, but occasionally as the person above said unexpectedly I just feel alone.
I am looking after my 90 year old Father now who is devastated at the loss of his wife.
Sorry, can't help, didn't really find any forum useful, just sharing.
It is a strange feeling, I didn't talk to my Mother that much and saw her every few weeks but it is the 'emptiness'. I'm an only child, and I feel somewhat alone in the world now. It's a hard to describe, I never needed her help but always felt that she was there regardless of what would happen. Wives come and go and children have their own lives, but your Mother is sort of always there.
I am not overcome with grief like some, didn't really cry at all, but occasionally as the person above said unexpectedly I just feel alone.
I am looking after my 90 year old Father now who is devastated at the loss of his wife.
Sorry, can't help, didn't really find any forum useful, just sharing.
I lost my mum earlier this year. Sorry, I can't help with forums, I got support from two close friends (who were brilliant). If I remember correctly the registrar gave me a leaflet on local NHS support services that were available to help with the grieving process, perhaps you have something similar?
I echo what others have said about grief suddenly hitting you when you don't expect it - hearing a song, seeing something in a shop etc. Don't fight it, it's all part of the grieving process.
I'm sure people will offer support if you want to post anything on here.
I echo what others have said about grief suddenly hitting you when you don't expect it - hearing a song, seeing something in a shop etc. Don't fight it, it's all part of the grieving process.
I'm sure people will offer support if you want to post anything on here.
It sounds like you and your wife are experiencing similar feelings together, at least I hope so. When my wife's mother died two years ago I thought that I should be strong, steady and calm. I suppose I wanted my wife to think of me as a rock, or something. Turns out she thought I didn't care that much, which wasn't true; I really loved her mum and still miss her.
So, let your feelings flow, whatever they may be - it'll help your grieving and, oddly enough, will be supportive to your wife too. I think that, as men, we far too often bottle things up and it never works. All the best.
So, let your feelings flow, whatever they may be - it'll help your grieving and, oddly enough, will be supportive to your wife too. I think that, as men, we far too often bottle things up and it never works. All the best.
So, let your feelings flow, whatever they may be - it'll help your grieving and, oddly enough, will be supportive to your wife too. I think that, as men, we far too often bottle things up and it never works. All the best.
[/quote] this is spot on . i was on my own just bottled it up... it is soul destroying to do that and destructive as i found out the hard way. just glad, best thing ive ever done was to seek help , and now its getting better by the day. some people say its been 9 years deal with it.... doesnt work like that. just hug each other have a cry and let time take its course. grief affects everyone in different ways, some handle it , others like me bottled it up and thought i was being strong till it all went tits up.
Thanks for the replies, evilmunkey I might take you up on the offer of messaging if it gets too much. I've got to get back to work next week and my wife starts the week after, just so not looking forward to it but I know it's the right thing to do to get back into a routine.
Because I thought so much of Ann I think I'm experiencing similar feelings to my wife, we've taken him shopping for a few things earlier but it was so hard watching him put meals for one in the basket and walk around where he used to shop with Ann but we got through it together.
Because I thought so much of Ann I think I'm experiencing similar feelings to my wife, we've taken him shopping for a few things earlier but it was so hard watching him put meals for one in the basket and walk around where he used to shop with Ann but we got through it together.
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