Relationship stuff.
Discussion
hmm tricky this one,
thinking of asking my girlfriend to move in with me.
Planning on it all working but want to be prepared for the worst in case and dont want it to get all difficult in the finances.
It is currently all my own house, my mortgage, all bills etc. I have lived here on my own for last 6 years, and dont want to put myself in a financially weak position.
If i let her move in, and it all goes pear shaped and she moves out again, how do I safe guard it stays my house, my mortgage, etc, without her being in a position to lay claim to a percentage of the property. I fully realise this sounds all cynical and its not meant to but not sure how else to lay all on the line. I don't expect her to pay into my mortgage I have supported it this long on my own, and it is not for financial reasons i want her with me.
I think the relationship has every chance of being a life time thing, and she is very important to me.
I was thinking of asking her to pay a nominal rent rather than contribute to mortgage or things like that for an agreed length of time (12 - 18 months) and then reviewing the finances, this would allow us to live together without financial pressures on top of the new thing of living with someone, see how we were together and then sensibly decide on where we want the relationship going.
It could also allow her to save for herself rather than paying the rent she has at the moment for where she is currently.
Anyone else done this, and does this work? I want it all to be in a position of allowing the relationship to work but also want to be safe myself so nothing could go bad if it goes all wrong. (yes i know, "I want my cake and I want to eat it as well")
Any comments from those in same position and how to organise it all, or suggestions on how you have solved this balance of the relationship. it is almost like getting her to sign a pre nup. scary old world isn't it.
thinking of asking my girlfriend to move in with me.
Planning on it all working but want to be prepared for the worst in case and dont want it to get all difficult in the finances.
It is currently all my own house, my mortgage, all bills etc. I have lived here on my own for last 6 years, and dont want to put myself in a financially weak position.
If i let her move in, and it all goes pear shaped and she moves out again, how do I safe guard it stays my house, my mortgage, etc, without her being in a position to lay claim to a percentage of the property. I fully realise this sounds all cynical and its not meant to but not sure how else to lay all on the line. I don't expect her to pay into my mortgage I have supported it this long on my own, and it is not for financial reasons i want her with me.
I think the relationship has every chance of being a life time thing, and she is very important to me.
I was thinking of asking her to pay a nominal rent rather than contribute to mortgage or things like that for an agreed length of time (12 - 18 months) and then reviewing the finances, this would allow us to live together without financial pressures on top of the new thing of living with someone, see how we were together and then sensibly decide on where we want the relationship going.
It could also allow her to save for herself rather than paying the rent she has at the moment for where she is currently.
Anyone else done this, and does this work? I want it all to be in a position of allowing the relationship to work but also want to be safe myself so nothing could go bad if it goes all wrong. (yes i know, "I want my cake and I want to eat it as well")
Any comments from those in same position and how to organise it all, or suggestions on how you have solved this balance of the relationship. it is almost like getting her to sign a pre nup. scary old world isn't it.
I had that very situation. Girlfriend moved in, I owned the place, payed all the bills, mortgage, etc and charged her rent.
We split, she moved out. She legally has no ownership of anything (except the sofa as her names on the finance agreement) so I can keep the lot without any worries. I don't feel like I ripped her off because I was paying a lot more than her.
Eventually we would have bought a place together (if it hadn't gone pearshaped) which would have put us on a more even keel but for the first few years, keep your own stuff your own.
Perhaps if she wants to even things out it might be worth renting a place together for a while and you keeping your place and letting it out? You've got a place thats 'ours' and still protecting your assets.
We split, she moved out. She legally has no ownership of anything (except the sofa as her names on the finance agreement) so I can keep the lot without any worries. I don't feel like I ripped her off because I was paying a lot more than her.
Eventually we would have bought a place together (if it hadn't gone pearshaped) which would have put us on a more even keel but for the first few years, keep your own stuff your own.
Perhaps if she wants to even things out it might be worth renting a place together for a while and you keeping your place and letting it out? You've got a place thats 'ours' and still protecting your assets.
wedge girl said:
Why don't you rent her some space, with a contract, that way if things do go wrong she can't claim part of the property is hers, unromantic I know, but hey ho.
That's exactly waht one of my friends does. Had a split from his ex, and she took him for over £20k, so his new partner is on a rent book, and pays her rent each month. A tenancy agreement, severable with a month's notice on either side
Chris
AllTorque said:
Why would you want to charge her rent? Are you trying to make some money out of her?
definitely not,
understanding was this would make it more oficial and not open to interpretation in the event of it all going the way of the pear.
As i have said would be nominal (eg. £1/year) to allow her to save what she is paying in the way of rent into a savings account, then she has money behind her if we get a house together or if it all goes wrong and she wants house of her own.
But also give us the official notification of her not contributing to my house if it did go wrong, which is anything but what i have planned.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
exactly, took me enough drafts to write out what i was thinking to put on here, going to be a lot harder to talk to her about it all, money and relationships never an easy mix.
And this is all on top of the stress of just asking her if she wants to move in anyway. She could just as likely say no, if she thinks we are not yet ready.
Strewth, she might decide she is happy as we are then I have to come to terms with that side of it all. Ahh isn't this fun :-)
It's easier to sort this stuff out now when you can smile and laugh about how ridiculous doing all this is 'cause it's never going to be needed than it is sorting it out whilst dodging the flying cups, plates and solicitors letters.
If we are talking about serious money in your property you might like to look at a co-habitation agreement drawn up by a proper family solicitor. Funny that it's always the people in their late 30's early 40's about to start their second long term relationship that ask about these most often, I mean anyone would think that they know something the youngsters don't...
p.s. If you do end up buying together make sure any declaration of trust has a power of sale after service of a notice in it. Take a while to explain on here but mention it to the solicitor when you do and they should sort it out. Stops anyone getting in the way of a sale if that has to be done.
If we are talking about serious money in your property you might like to look at a co-habitation agreement drawn up by a proper family solicitor. Funny that it's always the people in their late 30's early 40's about to start their second long term relationship that ask about these most often, I mean anyone would think that they know something the youngsters don't...
p.s. If you do end up buying together make sure any declaration of trust has a power of sale after service of a notice in it. Take a while to explain on here but mention it to the solicitor when you do and they should sort it out. Stops anyone getting in the way of a sale if that has to be done.
Do what you can and take all steps to avoid a claim, says the guy who got the solicitors letter last week demanding well in excess of £20k !!!!!!!
Well here we go off to court, and the worst think is she left and now its effecting my new relationship !!!!!
In the words of someone I have forgotten don't get mad get even ............
Not that I am bitter or anything !!!!!
Well here we go off to court, and the worst think is she left and now its effecting my new relationship !!!!!
In the words of someone I have forgotten don't get mad get even ............
Not that I am bitter or anything !!!!!
Vee-X said:
Anyone else done this, and does this work?
Yep done it.
what you have to ask yourself is how are you going to feel with her moving into YOUR house. I think my relationship might have worked better if I had sold my house and bought somewhere together then it would have been OUR house.
Problem there is getting somewhere to live if it al goes wrong
I lived with my ex for about 3 yrs, my place - he moved in. He paid half of everything. He just wanted to, seemed fair.
He moved out when we split (obviously) and that was that. I have heard stories that he could come back and legally claim stuff, as allegedly if he contributed to the mortgage, etc, and indeed lived there with me, he's entitled to stuff.... but I don't now how true this is. Thankfully we are amicable!
There used to be that thing about 'commonlaw' husbands/wives... I think they are entitled to something after 6 mnths? Again, not sure if this is true and how/if it applies...
He moved out when we split (obviously) and that was that. I have heard stories that he could come back and legally claim stuff, as allegedly if he contributed to the mortgage, etc, and indeed lived there with me, he's entitled to stuff.... but I don't now how true this is. Thankfully we are amicable!
There used to be that thing about 'commonlaw' husbands/wives... I think they are entitled to something after 6 mnths? Again, not sure if this is true and how/if it applies...
cotty said:
Anyone else done this, and does this work?
Yep done it.
what you have to ask yourself is how are you going to feel with her moving into YOUR house. I think my relationship might have worked better if I had sold my house and bought somewhere together then it would have been OUR house.
Problem there is getting somewhere to live if it al goes wrong
cotty, you are spot on.
This is one to think seriously about. If I were to do this again, I'd definitely need to say "let's find one and buy it together" I don't think it can ever really work if you move into one or other's existing pad. You can be stuck in your own ways, whether you acknowledge it or not - like things to be done a certain way, etc... you need to start from scratch and with a clean slate... something you can develop together and build together...
also, my ex always said it didn't matter he lived there, it never felt like his, always that it was mine. I can understand that.
lilrallydriver said:
There used to be that thing about 'commonlaw' husbands/wives... I think they are entitled to something after 6 mnths? Again, not sure if this is true and how/if it applies...
Not strictly, it was/is all based on the principal of whether or not a constructive or resulting trust has arisen as a result of capital contributions by the partner who is not on the deeds. Or indeed contributions made by the no owner which have enabled the owner to pay the mortgage or to do something like extend the house, fit double glazing, etc.
All very loose and difficult to successfully claim but still there in the background. Fact is that there will always be people like your bloke who plays by the rules and there will always be others who are out for every penny they can get.
>> Edited by rude-boy on Monday 18th April 14:29
vee-x, I'm having the same quandary at the moment as the gf moved in a few months ago. Like you, I do not want / and will not be asking her to contribute to the mortgage (for a while anyway). After the initial yes to moving in, we had this conversation pretty much straight away. It was a lot easier than I had imagined (much easier than deciding and asking her to move in!) as most people know of someone who has been burnt in one way or another by this. We decided to go down the saving route. I think the rent book sounds like a good idea but
rude-boy, or other solicitors, is a document like the one below any use?
www.clickdocs.co.uk/cohabitation-agreement.htm
rude-boy, or other solicitors, is a document like the one below any use?
www.clickdocs.co.uk/cohabitation-agreement.htm
You think you've got problems... 
Me Julie moved in with me, I pay the majority of the bills other than food, which we split. You don't use twice as much gas and electricity just because there are two of you, and the rest of the costs are fixed regardless of how many people live in the house.
My issue is that I'm still married to another woman
Technically, if I pop my clogs, I think she can breeze in and lay claim to my estate, leaving Julie without a thing.
I must write that Will...
Me Julie moved in with me, I pay the majority of the bills other than food, which we split. You don't use twice as much gas and electricity just because there are two of you, and the rest of the costs are fixed regardless of how many people live in the house.
My issue is that I'm still married to another woman
Technically, if I pop my clogs, I think she can breeze in and lay claim to my estate, leaving Julie without a thing.
I must write that Will...
If you're not married, any claim to property will have to rely on civil law. This means that a non-owner would have to show that they made a SUBSTANTIAL contribution to the property i.e. paid some of the deposit, paid for extensions etc. Just helping to pay the mortgage and bills isn't enough.
I would steer clear of getting her to pay a 'rent' as this could then be construed as a tenancy. If she just helps out with bills etc, it's just a bare licence which means, if it all goes pair-shaped, you only need to give reasonable notice (usually 28 days) for her to vacate.
The new law that is coming in will mean co-habitees can make claims as if they were married - but the partnership has to be 'registered' first.
If you're worried about other things as well as the house i.e. savings etc, I would definitely suggest a co-habitation agreement that just sets everything out clearly so you both know where you stand.
I would steer clear of getting her to pay a 'rent' as this could then be construed as a tenancy. If she just helps out with bills etc, it's just a bare licence which means, if it all goes pair-shaped, you only need to give reasonable notice (usually 28 days) for her to vacate.
The new law that is coming in will mean co-habitees can make claims as if they were married - but the partnership has to be 'registered' first.
If you're worried about other things as well as the house i.e. savings etc, I would definitely suggest a co-habitation agreement that just sets everything out clearly so you both know where you stand.
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