Am I being too sensitive/paranoid
Discussion
Hi all,
slightly tricky situation here, I'm married with one 1 year old. The wife and I are very particular about who we let around the one year old, we both don't let him stay with my dad (as he's a little cranky and very negative). However, she has an Aunty who I just can't seem to get along with/like. I'm very polite with her, however I do not want her around my child.
She has a habit of destroying everything she touches. She is currently on disciplinary leave from work (pending an investigation) and always wants to come over. She only lives round the corner and is always texting my wife asking for lifts here there and everywhere. Additionally she tries to come over everyday while I'm at work. The worst part is that my wife plays straight into it, we've started arguing about it.
The wife is happy to hand out son over and to drive her about, also to call her over everyday and now she's not telling me about it "because I get angry". The wife tells me that she's annoyed at the situation to my face however her actions are the direct opposite. I can see this escalating.
Am I being silly for not wanting my boy around her and for not wanting her round my house all the time?
slightly tricky situation here, I'm married with one 1 year old. The wife and I are very particular about who we let around the one year old, we both don't let him stay with my dad (as he's a little cranky and very negative). However, she has an Aunty who I just can't seem to get along with/like. I'm very polite with her, however I do not want her around my child.
She has a habit of destroying everything she touches. She is currently on disciplinary leave from work (pending an investigation) and always wants to come over. She only lives round the corner and is always texting my wife asking for lifts here there and everywhere. Additionally she tries to come over everyday while I'm at work. The worst part is that my wife plays straight into it, we've started arguing about it.
The wife is happy to hand out son over and to drive her about, also to call her over everyday and now she's not telling me about it "because I get angry". The wife tells me that she's annoyed at the situation to my face however her actions are the direct opposite. I can see this escalating.
Am I being silly for not wanting my boy around her and for not wanting her round my house all the time?
R0ckSolid said:
Hi all,
slightly tricky situation here, I'm married with one 1 year old. The wife and I are very particular about who we let around the one year old, we both don't let him stay with my dad (as he's a little cranky and very negative). However, she has an Aunty who I just can't seem to get along with/like. I'm very polite with her, however I do not want her around my child.
She has a habit of destroying everything she touches. She is currently on disciplinary leave from work (pending an investigation) and always wants to come over. She only lives round the corner and is always texting my wife asking for lifts here there and everywhere. Additionally she tries to come over everyday while I'm at work. The worst part is that my wife plays straight into it, we've started arguing about it.
The wife is happy to hand out son over and to drive her about, also to call her over everyday and now she's not telling me about it "because I get angry". The wife tells me that she's annoyed at the situation to my face however her actions are the direct opposite. I can see this escalating.
Am I being silly for not wanting my boy around her and for not wanting her round my house all the time?
No, but I think you need to change your username!slightly tricky situation here, I'm married with one 1 year old. The wife and I are very particular about who we let around the one year old, we both don't let him stay with my dad (as he's a little cranky and very negative). However, she has an Aunty who I just can't seem to get along with/like. I'm very polite with her, however I do not want her around my child.
She has a habit of destroying everything she touches. She is currently on disciplinary leave from work (pending an investigation) and always wants to come over. She only lives round the corner and is always texting my wife asking for lifts here there and everywhere. Additionally she tries to come over everyday while I'm at work. The worst part is that my wife plays straight into it, we've started arguing about it.
The wife is happy to hand out son over and to drive her about, also to call her over everyday and now she's not telling me about it "because I get angry". The wife tells me that she's annoyed at the situation to my face however her actions are the direct opposite. I can see this escalating.
Am I being silly for not wanting my boy around her and for not wanting her round my house all the time?
I know how I would deal with it, go round to the woman's house tell her to stop scrounging lifts or pay for them and tell her you don't like her.
Your 1 year old lad doesn't care.
Your wife is alone at home with a 1 year old. She will need some adult diversion, you are not there.
What do you want her to do? Be grateful, don't moan.
Alternatively moan at her, stop the relative coming round, then in 6 months time open a thread asking for advice because your wife has left you with your 18month old child.
What do you want her to do? Be grateful, don't moan.
Alternatively moan at her, stop the relative coming round, then in 6 months time open a thread asking for advice because your wife has left you with your 18month old child.
You're not doing this out of protection for your 1 year old you're doing it because you have a problem with this person (and to a lesser extent your dad).
You know that they like to spend time with your 1 year old and this is a way of hurting them in a passive aggressive manner that you can then self-justify by claiming you're looking after the interests of your 1 year old.
You know that they like to spend time with your 1 year old and this is a way of hurting them in a passive aggressive manner that you can then self-justify by claiming you're looking after the interests of your 1 year old.
I know it's not what you want to hear OP - but you aren't being reasonable.
It sounds very odd that you are (to all intents and purposes) barring access from the family to your son - purportedly on the grounds of being a bad influence? What do you expect him to pick up that a proper upbringing from his parents wouldn't cancel out?
Especially when, from your own description, when your wife is keeping things from you because she is scared of your reaction. Your child isn't just yours, they are your wives as well and she has an equal say in the upbringing - it sounds like you are just trying to force your way through.
But that's a side issue to the one you mentioned. So...TL;DR - To answer your question - yes, yes you are.
It sounds very odd that you are (to all intents and purposes) barring access from the family to your son - purportedly on the grounds of being a bad influence? What do you expect him to pick up that a proper upbringing from his parents wouldn't cancel out?
Especially when, from your own description, when your wife is keeping things from you because she is scared of your reaction. Your child isn't just yours, they are your wives as well and she has an equal say in the upbringing - it sounds like you are just trying to force your way through.
But that's a side issue to the one you mentioned. So...TL;DR - To answer your question - yes, yes you are.
This is your wife's aunt, right? Do you have any real reasons why your relationship with her affects your child's safety and happiness, or is it just that you don't get on with her that well?
If the issue here is that you're annoyed at the scrounging, have THAT discussion with your wife, don't use your kid as a proxy weapon.
If the issue here is that you're annoyed at the scrounging, have THAT discussion with your wife, don't use your kid as a proxy weapon.
Gary29 said:
If you can't trust your wife to decide whether her own sister is fit to be around HER child then I think you married the wrong woman.
Ouch.But sadly, I think it's the possibly the correct answer?
You should be able to trust your wife 100% to make decisions about your child, and if you can't, then something has gone wrong somewhere.
Either her thought process is broken, or yours is, or you just have very differing opinions.
Your kid(s) are going to meet and be exposed to all sorts of people as they grow up. It helps them develop. If you're like this now, you're setting yourself up for real problems later on when your child starts school. You definitely need to ditch the paranoia for your own sanity, let alone your child's emotional development.
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