Mother's Day - bitter ex wife
Discussion
Hi all
I'm in a quandary so I would appreciate some advice from the wise ones on here.
My wife and I are currently divorcing. It's extremely bitter with court cases, including false allegations of domestic abuse that saw me arrested and held for 24 hours but not charged. I'm have been locked out of my own home and am seeking access through the courts, as well as Hearings on finance and child access. We are not on speaking terms.
But I'm not looking for advice on this.
I have two young children aged 6 and 8 and I simply do not know what to do about Mother's Day. I have the kids this weekend and they will go home to their Mother on Sunday. I was initially thinking that I will not do anything for her on Mother's Day as she isn't my mother. However, I keep thinking that this should be about my kids and their mother. My kids will obviously make a card at school to give to their mum, but do I take the kids out to buy another card and/or a small present they can buy to give their mother?
Be good to hear from others who have also split acrimoniously. I'm leaning towards taking the kids to the shops and letting them buy something.
Thanks all.
I'm in a quandary so I would appreciate some advice from the wise ones on here.
My wife and I are currently divorcing. It's extremely bitter with court cases, including false allegations of domestic abuse that saw me arrested and held for 24 hours but not charged. I'm have been locked out of my own home and am seeking access through the courts, as well as Hearings on finance and child access. We are not on speaking terms.
But I'm not looking for advice on this.
I have two young children aged 6 and 8 and I simply do not know what to do about Mother's Day. I have the kids this weekend and they will go home to their Mother on Sunday. I was initially thinking that I will not do anything for her on Mother's Day as she isn't my mother. However, I keep thinking that this should be about my kids and their mother. My kids will obviously make a card at school to give to their mum, but do I take the kids out to buy another card and/or a small present they can buy to give their mother?
Be good to hear from others who have also split acrimoniously. I'm leaning towards taking the kids to the shops and letting them buy something.
Thanks all.
Think of it from the perspective of your small children. They are not with their mother on Mother's Day. They have no means to do much more than draw her a card without your help and assistance. On Monday at school, other children will talk about all the great things that they did with and for their mothers and yours will feel guilty and excluded.
It isn't about you. It isn't about her. It is about your children. Help them do something special for her. Offer to drop them back on Saturday night so that they can spend the day with her.
Oh, and don't come here moaning when she doesn't reciprocate on Father's Day - remember, it's not about you.....
It isn't about you. It isn't about her. It is about your children. Help them do something special for her. Offer to drop them back on Saturday night so that they can spend the day with her.
Oh, and don't come here moaning when she doesn't reciprocate on Father's Day - remember, it's not about you.....
Whatever you think of your soon-to-be ex-wife, she is their mother and that will never change.
It's therefore correct to encourage them to get her a card and a present for Mother's day. It's not about you and her, it's about them and her and you helping them to recognise the day.
Personally, if things are that bad between you and her, I would have tried to swap weekends to perhaps avoid the day itself, but would still have expected to help them get a card and stuff, both financially and taking them out to the shops, etc.
It's therefore correct to encourage them to get her a card and a present for Mother's day. It's not about you and her, it's about them and her and you helping them to recognise the day.
Personally, if things are that bad between you and her, I would have tried to swap weekends to perhaps avoid the day itself, but would still have expected to help them get a card and stuff, both financially and taking them out to the shops, etc.
Take them out to get a load of glitter, fuzzy felt, card, paint, whatever. Let them have fun making great big cards, and join in with them so that you have fun as well.
You get to have fun with your kids, and if you keep up the spirit of never slagging their mother off in front of them, as they grow older, they'll be fully aware of who is being reasonable, so it'll probably help your relationship with them in the long term too.
ETA - I'm about to get my kids to make cards for their mother, as in carefully making sure I didn't go skiing on her birthday last week, I completely forgot Mother's Day, so am flying out on Sunday morning, leaving her to get back to the kids in the evening after an 11 hour shift!
You get to have fun with your kids, and if you keep up the spirit of never slagging their mother off in front of them, as they grow older, they'll be fully aware of who is being reasonable, so it'll probably help your relationship with them in the long term too.
ETA - I'm about to get my kids to make cards for their mother, as in carefully making sure I didn't go skiing on her birthday last week, I completely forgot Mother's Day, so am flying out on Sunday morning, leaving her to get back to the kids in the evening after an 11 hour shift!
Thanks all.
A few weeks ago, I offered to swap the weekends so she could have the kids this weekend. But she even argued about the fact that I wanted the alternate weekends to change to reflect the extra weekend she was gaining, otherwise she would have ended up having the kids for 3 consecutive weekends. In the end, she told me not to bother and that she would mark the occasion last weekend.
But I'm inclined to let the kids return early and take the out to buy a gift/card. However, they won't want to leave me early but at least I can make the gesture.
Cheers.
A few weeks ago, I offered to swap the weekends so she could have the kids this weekend. But she even argued about the fact that I wanted the alternate weekends to change to reflect the extra weekend she was gaining, otherwise she would have ended up having the kids for 3 consecutive weekends. In the end, she told me not to bother and that she would mark the occasion last weekend.
But I'm inclined to let the kids return early and take the out to buy a gift/card. However, they won't want to leave me early but at least I can make the gesture.
Cheers.
MYOB said:
S100HP said:
Make sure they fill the card with glitter so when she opens it the glitter ends up all over the floor.
A beautiful idea, given she absolutely hates glitter. https://www.glitterretribution.co.uk/
soad said:
You want this, probably.
https://www.glitterretribution.co.uk/
Wow, stop tempting me! I shouldn't really because she would simply moan at the kids. Let's play nice, unlike the ex. https://www.glitterretribution.co.uk/
MYOB said:
Wow, stop tempting me! I shouldn't really because she would simply moan at the kids. Let's play nice, unlike the ex.
I know it's too late for your own relationship but you could still get a bit of a 'buzz' out of this yourself if the kids gave her a present which was clearly done with a good deal of thought behind it (i.e rather than spending money). She would know that it must be you doing the 'careful thought' and that should at least calm down any of her more extreme outbursts. In addition, you get to know that you've stirred up a few emotions and gained at least half a brownie point - it all helps when the going gets tough(er).Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff