On train - Guy next to me mentions a strap and a knife...

[HannsG]

I think I have finally had enough of spending four hours of my sorry day on the train to and from my current contract. Been on this contract a year now.

You see all sorts of people and I think travelling cattle class is a real introduction to the society we live in.

Today in particular was odd.

Guy stands direct in front of doors on platform, and enters train, sits his arse down on outer seat, I tell him to shift over. dhead then spreads his crotch as far wide as possible and his arms as far wide also. A musty cheesy odour then emenates from somewhere.

I'm sitting there thinking you must have had a hard day at work. Then I realise he is in his jogging pants and superdry windcheater and also he probably has not showered in a few days.

He plays all manner of stupid games in super loud volume on his phone and then dials someone and states "Where are you, I need a strap and a knife for the Cypriots." Really loudly.

I'm like cool, brilliant.....im sat next to a paper gangster who wants to kills some Cypriots. Kebab wars maybe?

Basically, I get off the seat as I simply can't be arsed with this dhead and then move to another one in the same carriage in plain view of said idiot.

If there ever was a case for me to pay an extra £80/month for first class with Virgin. Today was it....

You really grow to dislike people on trains.... You really do. And what the fk is it with people on their bd phones talking loudly into headphones. fk off man..

A strap and a knife. And yes I did think he was foreign at first.

I look foreign myself being of North Indian heritage. But this particular twonk was speaking English but with a slurred speech from all the opiates in his system most likely.

I will be burning all manner of superdry over the weekend.

Edited by HannsG on Wednesday 28th March 09:54

[jesta1865]

he's probably after them in an online gangster game.

a mate of mine plays mafia wars? keeps sending me stuff on facebook, i don't play it!?!

[Alucidnation]

Yeah lol.

[foxbody-87]

There was a bloke sat next to me not so long ago who smelled like chip fat and cigarettes. I’m fairly sure he was farting regularly judging by the frequent eggy wafts. Annoying thing being I do the journey (5 hours) once a month at the moment and have been told I’m not allowed to drive it in the pool car as the policy is to use public transport.

[Puggit]

Thank God Reading<>Paddington is so expensive that it's only powerfully built director types during rush hour

[Limpet]

I do Farnborough to Waterloo 3-4x a month and have actually made some new friends as a result. There's a loose group of 7 of us that have ended up getting to know each other. Started as recognition and a hello through familiarity, then conversation flowed from there. A couple of them do the journey most days, with the others just doing it occasionally, like myself. We always get on the same carriage and while away the journey chatting about all sorts of stuff. It passes the journey really quickly, and makes it all a bit more pleasant.

[sgtBerbatov]

This is why I'd rather spend 60 minutes in a traffic jam in my own car than 30 minutes on a train full of dirty wkers like that.

[supercommuter]

Just pay the £80 a month, that is a bargain. Why have you not already done this?

[HannsG]

supercommuter said:

Just pay the £80 a month, that is a bargain. Why have you not already done this?

Its an expense I can offset against the company accounts. Yes it makes sense...

But being the tight bd I am, I think £36 standard versus £120 for first class is a rip off. When to be frank...it aint...is it?

Need to change my mentality. The morning commute is fine, its the way back which is the nightmare..

[bigandclever]

Puggit said:

Thank God Reading<>Paddington is so expensive that it's only powerfully built director types during rush hour

Damn right. Though they'd run out of flapjacks on the trolley this morning, I was livid and threatened to put a cap in her bottom brap brap braaaaap.

[ocrx8]

HannsG said:

You really grow to dislike people on trains.... You really do. And what the fk is it with people on their bd phones talking loudly into headphones. fk off man..

Edited by HannsG on Wednesday 28th March 09:54

100% this. In general I don’t mind the train, but the loud phone calls on a rush hour train boil my piss like nothing else.

[anonymous-user]

When I've used trains I also come away feeling I have been violated.

I travelled all over Germany no issue and flew in Birmingham to get train home. As soon as I got on I must have bumped this plastic gangster bloke who then starting ranting to his misses about fighting me. The train was pretty packed I just ignored him, proper welcome home.

[J4CKO]

The mental is everywhere, just on a train you are closer to it.

Some folk just feel the need to inflict their horrible personalities on others, those little scrotes playing music on their mobile phones, they arent listening to it, it sounds st but they are dying for someone to say something so they have something to get puffed up and righteous about.

[Bowen86]

I use the train two maybe three times a week and that is enough. Thankfully I am only on the train for 10 minutes each way and never have a seat.

Trains in and out of Cardiff are always rammed, sometimes so busy you can't get on. Valley folk out for the day in Cardiff are a particularly entertaining, can of monster, vaping away whilst either playing a mobile game, or listening to music from the phones speaker. Why do people feel the need to take up two seats, I will never know.

[sir humphrey appleby]

Limpet said:

I do Farnborough to Waterloo 3-4x a month and have actually made some new friends as a result. There's a loose group of 7 of us that have ended up getting to know each other. Started as recognition and a hello through familiarity, then conversation flowed from there. A couple of them do the journey most days, with the others just doing it occasionally, like myself. We always get on the same carriage and while away the journey chatting about all sorts of stuff. It passes the journey really quickly, and makes it all a bit more pleasant.

I have been doing Southampton to Waterloo and back every day for the last 15 years. I havn't made friends with anyone.

Perhaps I smell?

[GIYess]

While NI trains have their fair share of chavs and wierdos, I found the train quite relaxing. I just mind my own business and chat to the odd friendly person. One type that really rattles me is those who put the bag on their seats to stop folk sitting on them. If there were no empty rows, I would intentionally go and ask to sit down there. Who do they think they are!?

[fido]

I have had two incidents of 'train rage' (albeit a passive aggressive variant of this) in the last two months. Both travelling out from Waterloo.

First one was a woman with a Durban accent who decided to rest her large backpack onto the side of me instead of sitting down properly. She was too busy speed-dialling her dumb bh girlfriends to realise she was causing me discomfort. As I began to boil over with rage, I also noticed my fellow occupants were not enjoying her boring anecdotes, and I began to think of a way to get them on my side. This was a day after Trump's State of the Union Address and his broadcast came up on my Facebook feed as an LBC Radio post. Armed with my twin-speaker iPhone7+ I put 2+2 together.
I put my volume to 100% and streamed The Donald to my backpack-laden chum. Well in truth it was practically the whole carriage. It kind of felt the real thing, like we were in the US listening to his inane ramblings. Nobody said a word for the next couple of stops aside from a giggle from a guy sat near me and someone who answered their phone briefly to say they were on a train. She put her phone away and looked at me like I had killed a puppy. Hmm, it was a bit awkward getting off at my stop ..

I won't digress on Beetroot Chomper who nearly stained my anorak ..

Edited by fido on Wednesday 28th March 10:56

[Cold]

A strap and knife? Sounds like the entrepreneurial bloke just wants to start a wet-shaving business.

[Triumph Man]

Are we sure he didn't say strap on?

[CzechItOut]

Puggit said:

Thank God Reading<>Paddington is so expensive that it's only powerfully built director types during rush hour

Reminds me of The Simpsons.

"Our prices discriminate because we can't"