Falling out with your boss....
Discussion
Story goes like this.... I work for a small independent firm, I am the only male here and just tend to get on with my work. The owner/director works here full time and is fully hands on which is great. Less interested in getting hands dirty now than she was when I started nearly 4 years ago but she is still involved.
The girls are all very emotional and take little digs from her to heart where as I tend to brush her mood swings aside and do my job. I'm the highest paid person her because my role carries more responsibilities than others and when the boss is out, I am the go to. In my time here I have never stepped out of line, always taken on new roles and tasks with a smile and enthusiasm and never given her a reason to doubt or question me.
However... a very happy customer dropped a letter to my office which included a thank you gift. She is insistent I keep it and it's for me personally but I intended to discuss in our meeting today and let the team decide as technically we should send it back (which is what I want to do) but she said she would just return it to me if I do. I was planning on giving the team the choice but my boss has lost it and said it's her decision, should've been reported to her as soon as I opened the letter and practically accused me to a colleague of keeping it quiet for myself.
I'm normally very emotionless but I feel angry and she has told me we will be having a 1-to-1 and it 'won't end well' for me.
As above, she's never had a reason to question me, I'd consider myself an important part of her business in that me and one of the girls keep EVERYTHING running smoothly when she has time off which these days, is a bloody lot! I've had no issue with her personally but this feels personal and I now feel like I don't want to work for her but let's see how our 1-to-1 goes....
How would you / do you deal with a falling out with your seniors or this kind of situation?
The girls are all very emotional and take little digs from her to heart where as I tend to brush her mood swings aside and do my job. I'm the highest paid person her because my role carries more responsibilities than others and when the boss is out, I am the go to. In my time here I have never stepped out of line, always taken on new roles and tasks with a smile and enthusiasm and never given her a reason to doubt or question me.
However... a very happy customer dropped a letter to my office which included a thank you gift. She is insistent I keep it and it's for me personally but I intended to discuss in our meeting today and let the team decide as technically we should send it back (which is what I want to do) but she said she would just return it to me if I do. I was planning on giving the team the choice but my boss has lost it and said it's her decision, should've been reported to her as soon as I opened the letter and practically accused me to a colleague of keeping it quiet for myself.
I'm normally very emotionless but I feel angry and she has told me we will be having a 1-to-1 and it 'won't end well' for me.
As above, she's never had a reason to question me, I'd consider myself an important part of her business in that me and one of the girls keep EVERYTHING running smoothly when she has time off which these days, is a bloody lot! I've had no issue with her personally but this feels personal and I now feel like I don't want to work for her but let's see how our 1-to-1 goes....
How would you / do you deal with a falling out with your seniors or this kind of situation?
Teddy Picker said:
Story goes like this.... I work for a small independent firm, I am the only male here and just tend to get on with my work. The owner/director works here full time and is fully hands on which is great. Less interested in getting hands dirty now than she was when I started nearly 4 years ago but she is still involved.
The girls are all very emotional and take little digs from her to heart where as I tend to brush her mood swings aside and do my job. I'm the highest paid person her because my role carries more responsibilities than others and when the boss is out, I am the go to. In my time here I have never stepped out of line, always taken on new roles and tasks with a smile and enthusiasm and never given her a reason to doubt or question me.
However... a very happy customer dropped a letter to my office which included a thank you gift. She is insistent I keep it and it's for me personally but I intended to discuss in our meeting today and let the team decide as technically we should send it back (which is what I want to do) but she said she would just return it to me if I do. I was planning on giving the team the choice but my boss has lost it and said it's her decision, should've been reported to her as soon as I opened the letter and practically accused me to a colleague of keeping it quiet for myself.
I'm normally very emotionless but I feel angry and she has told me we will be having a 1-to-1 and it 'won't end well' for me.
As above, she's never had a reason to question me, I'd consider myself an important part of her business in that me and one of the girls keep EVERYTHING running smoothly when she has time off which these days, is a bloody lot! I've had no issue with her personally but this feels personal and I now feel like I don't want to work for her but let's see how our 1-to-1 goes....
How would you / do you deal with a falling out with your seniors or this kind of situation?
I'd throw a box of Tampax at her and suggest she come back and talk to you in a week's time.The girls are all very emotional and take little digs from her to heart where as I tend to brush her mood swings aside and do my job. I'm the highest paid person her because my role carries more responsibilities than others and when the boss is out, I am the go to. In my time here I have never stepped out of line, always taken on new roles and tasks with a smile and enthusiasm and never given her a reason to doubt or question me.
However... a very happy customer dropped a letter to my office which included a thank you gift. She is insistent I keep it and it's for me personally but I intended to discuss in our meeting today and let the team decide as technically we should send it back (which is what I want to do) but she said she would just return it to me if I do. I was planning on giving the team the choice but my boss has lost it and said it's her decision, should've been reported to her as soon as I opened the letter and practically accused me to a colleague of keeping it quiet for myself.
I'm normally very emotionless but I feel angry and she has told me we will be having a 1-to-1 and it 'won't end well' for me.
As above, she's never had a reason to question me, I'd consider myself an important part of her business in that me and one of the girls keep EVERYTHING running smoothly when she has time off which these days, is a bloody lot! I've had no issue with her personally but this feels personal and I now feel like I don't want to work for her but let's see how our 1-to-1 goes....
How would you / do you deal with a falling out with your seniors or this kind of situation?
Storm in a tea cup...One confrontation doesn't define a working relationship.
You're going to be more wary of her going forwards, but if the business works and she's not on your case 24/7, then a 'clear the air meeting' deals with this episode. Keep the one-on-one low key and state that you didn't appreciate the accusation and it coming in front of the others.
I fell out with my boss and I got fired! There's only one winner (In turn, it sealed his own demise..)
You're going to be more wary of her going forwards, but if the business works and she's not on your case 24/7, then a 'clear the air meeting' deals with this episode. Keep the one-on-one low key and state that you didn't appreciate the accusation and it coming in front of the others.
I fell out with my boss and I got fired! There's only one winner (In turn, it sealed his own demise..)
The gift was financial, insignificant to the team but a big gesture from the client.
My colleagues in the office heard our conversation as my door was open and they said my tone did not change, I was calm throughout and she just got angry. Made it clear 'she is the boss'. When she told me the 1-to-1 (which is how she worded it) would not end well for me, I replied 'I look forward to it'. My sarcasm not always helpful but I didn't want to show her how angry I was in front of the team as I felt it was unprofessional, something she clearly wasn't concerned about.
I had been contemplating looking for something new. I've been approached by 4 rivals in the last 18 months and been sent job offers each time after informal 'interviews'. All 4 times I've been offered a bigger basic salary but I've enjoyed working here and respect her as she's achieved a lot in her professional career. Each time I've rejected the job offers and informed her afterwards. Each time she's made out how relieved she is that I've stayed and that filling the role I cover would be a huge challenge for her. However, I think this has given me the push to seek something else. I know the grass is not always greener and I know I will likely come across other people in my career who are potentially a lot worse to work for but I'm not happy with these events!
My colleagues in the office heard our conversation as my door was open and they said my tone did not change, I was calm throughout and she just got angry. Made it clear 'she is the boss'. When she told me the 1-to-1 (which is how she worded it) would not end well for me, I replied 'I look forward to it'. My sarcasm not always helpful but I didn't want to show her how angry I was in front of the team as I felt it was unprofessional, something she clearly wasn't concerned about.
I had been contemplating looking for something new. I've been approached by 4 rivals in the last 18 months and been sent job offers each time after informal 'interviews'. All 4 times I've been offered a bigger basic salary but I've enjoyed working here and respect her as she's achieved a lot in her professional career. Each time I've rejected the job offers and informed her afterwards. Each time she's made out how relieved she is that I've stayed and that filling the role I cover would be a huge challenge for her. However, I think this has given me the push to seek something else. I know the grass is not always greener and I know I will likely come across other people in my career who are potentially a lot worse to work for but I'm not happy with these events!
Teddy Picker said:
The gift was financial, insignificant to the team but a big gesture from the client.
My colleagues in the office heard our conversation as my door was open and they said my tone did not change, I was calm throughout and she just got angry. Made it clear 'she is the boss'. When she told me the 1-to-1 (which is how she worded it) would not end well for me, I replied 'I look forward to it'. My sarcasm not always helpful but I didn't want to show her how angry I was in front of the team as I felt it was unprofessional, something she clearly wasn't concerned about.
I had been contemplating looking for something new. I've been approached by 4 rivals in the last 18 months and been sent job offers each time after informal 'interviews'. All 4 times I've been offered a bigger basic salary but I've enjoyed working here and respect her as she's achieved a lot in her professional career. Each time I've rejected the job offers and informed her afterwards. Each time she's made out how relieved she is that I've stayed and that filling the role I cover would be a huge challenge for her. However, I think this has given me the push to seek something else. I know the grass is not always greener and I know I will likely come across other people in my career who are potentially a lot worse to work for but I'm not happy with these events!
I know you said it is a small firm, but most companies nowadays don't take kindly to employees accepting monetary gifts, taking away she is a women (as you keep highlighting) and take that your direct report is the owner / director I can possibly see why they are not too happy that you didn't see the need to ask them on a one to one whether the gift should be accepted.My colleagues in the office heard our conversation as my door was open and they said my tone did not change, I was calm throughout and she just got angry. Made it clear 'she is the boss'. When she told me the 1-to-1 (which is how she worded it) would not end well for me, I replied 'I look forward to it'. My sarcasm not always helpful but I didn't want to show her how angry I was in front of the team as I felt it was unprofessional, something she clearly wasn't concerned about.
I had been contemplating looking for something new. I've been approached by 4 rivals in the last 18 months and been sent job offers each time after informal 'interviews'. All 4 times I've been offered a bigger basic salary but I've enjoyed working here and respect her as she's achieved a lot in her professional career. Each time I've rejected the job offers and informed her afterwards. Each time she's made out how relieved she is that I've stayed and that filling the role I cover would be a huge challenge for her. However, I think this has given me the push to seek something else. I know the grass is not always greener and I know I will likely come across other people in my career who are potentially a lot worse to work for but I'm not happy with these events!
Ultimately it would be down to the owner / director and not a discussion with other staff members.
I would get over it, its not that big of a deal, you will get a lot worse in other places, that's for sure. Go and talk to her and clear the air.
You are correct the grass is not always greener and I would say most other Directors / Owners would have said something similar as it looks as though you were by passing them.
Maybe she has also had enough of being told you are leaving and if this little episode is enough to rock the boat for a 5th time, she probably knows it is only a matter of time before you walk.
If you want to keep your job go to the 121 and apologise. Say that on reflection that you should have come to her and will do in future.
If you don't want your job do the above, find a new job, then leave when you are ready.
If it's about ego's and you think you are right and want her to know that, then argue the point, stand your ground and then throw as already suggested the box of tampons at her.
If you don't want your job do the above, find a new job, then leave when you are ready.
If it's about ego's and you think you are right and want her to know that, then argue the point, stand your ground and then throw as already suggested the box of tampons at her.
Haha thanks for the replies all!
I agree my first step is to apologise for not going to her and suggesting there is a procedure put in place for future reference. In the past, we've been handed gifts/money and she's accepted them with open arms and on very occasionally, she has shared them. The rest of the time they sit on her desk for a while and then disappear.
It's certainly not about my ego, I'm not really bothered about who is right or wrong but it's about the lack of trust and the way it was approached.
I've certainly no issue with her being female tighnamara, as I've said above I've a huge amount of respect for her for what she has achieved. With regards to talk of me leaving, there hasn't been talk of me leaving. I've been offered other jobs after being approached by competitors and I've each time 'pledged my allegiance' as it were. I let her know out of courtesy and I've never once used it as leverage to try and better my own position financially or otherwise.
I agree my first step is to apologise for not going to her and suggesting there is a procedure put in place for future reference. In the past, we've been handed gifts/money and she's accepted them with open arms and on very occasionally, she has shared them. The rest of the time they sit on her desk for a while and then disappear.
It's certainly not about my ego, I'm not really bothered about who is right or wrong but it's about the lack of trust and the way it was approached.
I've certainly no issue with her being female tighnamara, as I've said above I've a huge amount of respect for her for what she has achieved. With regards to talk of me leaving, there hasn't been talk of me leaving. I've been offered other jobs after being approached by competitors and I've each time 'pledged my allegiance' as it were. I let her know out of courtesy and I've never once used it as leverage to try and better my own position financially or otherwise.
FWIW I'm a boss. I wouldn't have a problem with you accepting gifts from appreciative clients. I wouldn't bawl you out in front of other staff members (whether I was right or wrong).
She is flexing her muscle in that 'Don't forget who is the boss here' way. She has made you look small and tried to embarrass you in front of the other members of staff.
I know we are all different, I would go to the meeting, let her lead, but state your position clearly and politely and stand your ground. Apologise only if you feel you need to. She has already inferred that you are likely to lose your job because of this. She is well out of order assuming you have a contract of employment. She cannot pre-empt the outcome of any disciplinary hearing, and she must allow you an independent witness from within the company.
I assume you made no secret of the thank you and gift from the client? There was nothing underhand?
She is flexing her muscle in that 'Don't forget who is the boss here' way. She has made you look small and tried to embarrass you in front of the other members of staff.
I know we are all different, I would go to the meeting, let her lead, but state your position clearly and politely and stand your ground. Apologise only if you feel you need to. She has already inferred that you are likely to lose your job because of this. She is well out of order assuming you have a contract of employment. She cannot pre-empt the outcome of any disciplinary hearing, and she must allow you an independent witness from within the company.
I assume you made no secret of the thank you and gift from the client? There was nothing underhand?
cbmotorsport - I know that seems logical but the setup costs would likely be beyond me and I have a family to feed so it's a big step I don't quite feel comfortable with.
garyhun - As per my first post, the girls here take a lot of what she says personally. She is hard work and a lot of people struggle with her, turnover of staff has been relatively high since I've been here and it's normally because 'they can't hack it' in her opinion (she speaks too openly at times). As above, I've never had any major issues with her and always feel like I've been a model employee so maybe 'out of character' in our relationship but not necessarily for her in general.
irocfan - I'm not sure on the legalities and I've never been told of any procedures in place here but I'd spoken to the client, said I appreciated it but would not be able to accept but they were quite insistent. I was planning on mentioning it in the team meeting and suggesting we send it back but didn't get that far.
Tyre Smoke - That was my plan, let her say what she feels she needs to and then offer my side. I'm always calm, always polite and give no reason for anyone to be hostile. I can't see her getting rid of me as I've done nothing wrong and it would give her a big headache not only to replace me but I think the rest of the team would be unhappy as they all know they can come to me to deal with any issues. That said, I'm certainly not naive enough to think I'm bulletproof but if it comes across like a disciplinary, I'll ask for procedures to be followed.
garyhun - As per my first post, the girls here take a lot of what she says personally. She is hard work and a lot of people struggle with her, turnover of staff has been relatively high since I've been here and it's normally because 'they can't hack it' in her opinion (she speaks too openly at times). As above, I've never had any major issues with her and always feel like I've been a model employee so maybe 'out of character' in our relationship but not necessarily for her in general.
irocfan - I'm not sure on the legalities and I've never been told of any procedures in place here but I'd spoken to the client, said I appreciated it but would not be able to accept but they were quite insistent. I was planning on mentioning it in the team meeting and suggesting we send it back but didn't get that far.
Tyre Smoke - That was my plan, let her say what she feels she needs to and then offer my side. I'm always calm, always polite and give no reason for anyone to be hostile. I can't see her getting rid of me as I've done nothing wrong and it would give her a big headache not only to replace me but I think the rest of the team would be unhappy as they all know they can come to me to deal with any issues. That said, I'm certainly not naive enough to think I'm bulletproof but if it comes across like a disciplinary, I'll ask for procedures to be followed.
Putting my inner Britishness aside for a moment, how much is the gift?
5 quid?
50 quid?
5 grand?
If one of my employees got a sizeable wedge from a customer of my own personal business the first thing I would be thinking is, "What has the OP done that is so worthy of reward, and is it to the detriment of my profit?"
Have you cut this customer a big discount that they are rewarding you for?
If you were the business owner, how would you view that?
5 quid?
50 quid?
5 grand?
If one of my employees got a sizeable wedge from a customer of my own personal business the first thing I would be thinking is, "What has the OP done that is so worthy of reward, and is it to the detriment of my profit?"
Have you cut this customer a big discount that they are rewarding you for?
If you were the business owner, how would you view that?
PurpleTurtle said:
Putting my inner Britishness aside for a moment, how much is the gift?
5 quid?
50 quid?
5 grand?
If one of my employees got a sizeable wedge from a customer of my own personal business the first thing I would be thinking is, "What has the OP done that is so worthy of reward, and is it to the detriment of my profit?"
Have you cut this customer a big discount that they are rewarding you for?
If you were the business owner, how would you view that?
The gift is £100. Which having looked back at this thread is such an insignificant amount of money to be causing all of this stress.5 quid?
50 quid?
5 grand?
If one of my employees got a sizeable wedge from a customer of my own personal business the first thing I would be thinking is, "What has the OP done that is so worthy of reward, and is it to the detriment of my profit?"
Have you cut this customer a big discount that they are rewarding you for?
If you were the business owner, how would you view that?
The client paid the fee we'd set. No specials deals. We were more expensive than competitors too but the client felt the service received and the advice given was beyond our remit (it isn't, it's how we work) but the clients words were 'I don't feel hard, honest work is rewarded often enough and I feel like I want to show my appreciation'. As above though, she's never been given a reason to think I'm out to screw her or anyone else over.
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