Anybody else’s son completely addicted to PS4?
Discussion
He doesn’t live with me but I have moved closer in order to help my ex wife who has no control over our 15 year old 6’4” son.
He seems totally addicted to a game called Fortnite which appears to turn a mild mannered sensitive boy into an angry, violent bad language using dick.
His mum got breast cancer in 2012 and is still very ill and by her own admission has given in to the kids as she felt so weak and guilty. Thus no boundaries and now difficult to control.
I’ve written on here before about my boy as he was and still refuses to go to school. Shame is he is bright and currently in the top bands at School but his teachers have warned that his lack of attendance and not doing any homework means he’ll be demoted very soon.
We have tried talking and restricting use. I have threatened destroying the bloody thing but at the same time it seems all his friends that he actually knows are on it and this is what they do.
Better than hanging around street corners and maybe taking drugs?
I’ve got into the router and restricted late and overnight access. I offer things to do, holidays and days out but it’s impossible to force a lad that big to do something if all he wants to do is lay in bed.
So this weekend his mum is hospitalised due to a perforated bowel. Pretty serious and possible surgery.
I came back from work to pick kids up but the boys refused citing that they wanted to stay in ‘their’ house. The 12 year old was persuaded but the lad refused point blank.
I told him that if he could not even help the family in this time of crises, there was no way I was leaving him alone in the house with the console.
When he plays he screams and shouts into the mic, breaks things and the neighbours on both sides are sick of it.
So I unplugged the console and took it.
In a day of dealing with hospital, nurses, doctors and members of ex wife’s family I had constant calls from him asking for it back.
It started with calm calls then evermore nasty ones then texts through the night and today, just asking for it back. Nothing about his mum.
I believe I’m dealing with an addict going cold turkey. The language and things he has said to me are hurtful in the extreme.
His mum is a soft touch and is obviously not in a great place and just says give it back to him but her sister firmly believes I have done the right thing.
Have I?
He seems totally addicted to a game called Fortnite which appears to turn a mild mannered sensitive boy into an angry, violent bad language using dick.
His mum got breast cancer in 2012 and is still very ill and by her own admission has given in to the kids as she felt so weak and guilty. Thus no boundaries and now difficult to control.
I’ve written on here before about my boy as he was and still refuses to go to school. Shame is he is bright and currently in the top bands at School but his teachers have warned that his lack of attendance and not doing any homework means he’ll be demoted very soon.
We have tried talking and restricting use. I have threatened destroying the bloody thing but at the same time it seems all his friends that he actually knows are on it and this is what they do.
Better than hanging around street corners and maybe taking drugs?
I’ve got into the router and restricted late and overnight access. I offer things to do, holidays and days out but it’s impossible to force a lad that big to do something if all he wants to do is lay in bed.
So this weekend his mum is hospitalised due to a perforated bowel. Pretty serious and possible surgery.
I came back from work to pick kids up but the boys refused citing that they wanted to stay in ‘their’ house. The 12 year old was persuaded but the lad refused point blank.
I told him that if he could not even help the family in this time of crises, there was no way I was leaving him alone in the house with the console.
When he plays he screams and shouts into the mic, breaks things and the neighbours on both sides are sick of it.
So I unplugged the console and took it.
In a day of dealing with hospital, nurses, doctors and members of ex wife’s family I had constant calls from him asking for it back.
It started with calm calls then evermore nasty ones then texts through the night and today, just asking for it back. Nothing about his mum.
I believe I’m dealing with an addict going cold turkey. The language and things he has said to me are hurtful in the extreme.
His mum is a soft touch and is obviously not in a great place and just says give it back to him but her sister firmly believes I have done the right thing.
Have I?
That sounds like a difficult situation. I used to and still sometimes do suffer from being addicted to video games. Looking back I see the periods of time when I was playing 8 or 9 hours a day were the same times when there was difficult stuff going on and I was probably using the game as a distraction. I've found myself doing the same recently to distract myself from being unemployed and having had to move back to my parent's house aged 35. Like your son, I also have anger issues at the same time, somebody trying to talk to me whilst I'm playing will get both barrels.
Taking the console away is probably the best bet, though it will be thoroughly unpopular. A negotiated occasional return perhaps in exchange for sitting down and talking about everything that's going on. I've bought myself a complex 1:35 model to build to keep myself away from the Xbox, there's something about video games that can bring out the worst in people who have stuff going on. Unlike your son I have the benefit of age to recognise when I'm being an a
hole and I'm trying to address it. In your situation though he's unlikely to want to remedy things so you have a tough job ahead. I hope you're able to improve matters, it sounds like the last thing you need on top of everything else.
Taking the console away is probably the best bet, though it will be thoroughly unpopular. A negotiated occasional return perhaps in exchange for sitting down and talking about everything that's going on. I've bought myself a complex 1:35 model to build to keep myself away from the Xbox, there's something about video games that can bring out the worst in people who have stuff going on. Unlike your son I have the benefit of age to recognise when I'm being an a
hole and I'm trying to address it. In your situation though he's unlikely to want to remedy things so you have a tough job ahead. I hope you're able to improve matters, it sounds like the last thing you need on top of everything else.My 15-year-old son has an Xbox and plays this a lot just now. He has a punch bag in his room and I often hear him shouting, swearing and knocking lumps out the bag when he loses. I think it's quite funny and doesn't really bother me as once the weather is better he will be out at the golf course all day. He hooks up with all his pals using his phone and Faceparty or whatever it's called and you can hear them all chatting and playing the game. Once the better weather comes the Xbox gets forgotten about.
I thought I recognised you from the subject and sure enough I have seen the other thread.
To be blunt I just think your son is a self centred little st and feel very sorry for both you and your ex wife.
I don't think you have done the wrong thing. I think its possibly the first time in a long time that someone has stood up to him. And he doesn't like it.
FWIW I think (unless your neighbours are particularly picky or the walls ultra thin) that your neighbours are quite tolerant.
If you lived next to me if your sons actions cost me or my family any repetitive loss of sleep you would be getting told in n o uncertain terms to turn it down.
He's an arrogant little prick that sooner or later is going to cause significant harm to the family unit
Sorry but being straight about it. fk him you did the right thing
To be blunt I just think your son is a self centred little s
t and feel very sorry for both you and your ex wife.I don't think you have done the wrong thing. I think its possibly the first time in a long time that someone has stood up to him. And he doesn't like it.
FWIW I think (unless your neighbours are particularly picky or the walls ultra thin) that your neighbours are quite tolerant.
If you lived next to me if your sons actions cost me or my family any repetitive loss of sleep you would be getting told in n o uncertain terms to turn it down.
He's an arrogant little prick that sooner or later is going to cause significant harm to the family unit
Sorry but being straight about it. f
k him you did the right thingMy son was almost exactly the same from about 13 to about 16 or 17. I was working away a lot and his mum didn't bother to take any control, just let him get on with it. It's amazing how ingenious they can be when you restrict router access. Using phone for mobile hotspots, logging onto neighbours WiFi, etc. As an aside it's amazing how totally unhelpful the mobile phone companies are, allowing him to go online to increase his own data cap at our expense, saying it couldn't be prevented. It was costing us an arm and a leg.
He's 19 now and largely over it. He still has his PS4 but it isn't a big part of his life now. He still spends too much time online but that's chatting to girls now.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
He's 19 now and largely over it. He still has his PS4 but it isn't a big part of his life now. He still spends too much time online but that's chatting to girls now.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m 31 and have put in 25 hours this past week! But then I’ll go 3 weeks without touching it. I have 2 Xbox 360’s, a PS3 and an Xbox One. I love gaming and always will, however I rarely have time to spend more than an hour or two a day gaming now, this week being an exception. You’ve done the right thing by taking it away, but really you should give it back at some point. Ground rules should be laid out. Failing that kick him out in a couple of years. Then he can play as much as he likes.
croyde said:
It started with calm calls then evermore nasty ones then texts through the night and today, just asking for it back. Nothing about his mum.
It sounds like he's struggling emotionally to deal with his mum's health and the PS4 serves as a distraction. If he spends several hours on it a day, that's several hours where he can shut himself away from the real world.At the risk of being laughed at, I'd suggest your son isn't dealing with things well - divorce followed by a mum with cancer. Nobody's fault but this is how he "deals" with this stuff at a young age.
Some kind of "intervention" is probably necessary. He's not just ruining his life (as if ruining a promising education isn't bad enough) but pissing his neighbours off, too. They will probably call the police at some point.
Some kind of "intervention" is probably necessary. He's not just ruining his life (as if ruining a promising education isn't bad enough) but pissing his neighbours off, too. They will probably call the police at some point.
Nanook said:
Black can man said:
You say your son refuses to go to School yet he gas a PS4 ?
fk me dude you need to man up .
Usually when someone says 'man up' it's a completely innappropriate faux macho response.f
k me dude you need to man up .But I agree with black can man here. Sounds like he's seriously lacking discipline, from the bits of info you've given us.
He wouldn't be playing if he all of a sudden didn't fancy going to work .
Surely OP he needs only to be allowed to play when he returns to school.
He's going to walk all over you unless you take some action, sooner the better i'd say.
OP. You’ve done absolutely the right thing.
My 14 yr old lad plays Fortnite and Rainbow Six Seige on his XBox. Both games turn him into the most awful person. He can easily spend 6 - 7 hours / day on it, bellowing at his friends, during school holidays and when he’s not playing, he’ll be watching other people play the games on YouTube on his phone.
It drives me mad, as he’s just never away from these things on the screen
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
The problem is we live in a pretty rural location (as do most of his friends), about 40 minutes away from his school, so he has no local mates in the village we live in and the online gaming is his way of engaging with his friends.
Apparently, none of his mates have time limits, so my wife’s of the opinion that it would be perceived by him as being highly unfair.
I’m very much of the opinion that online gaming and Snapchat are the devil’s own work
A few weeks ago, he called me “C***” when i asked him to stop playing after a 4 / 5 hour session. He was immediately banned from playing for a week. As I was flying to the Middle East the next day for business, I took his controllers with me to ensure he didn’t hunt them out. When I returned on the Friday night, he was like a different person - lighter, chattier, more outgoing, more engaged. Upon receiving his controllers back, as soon as he got one game in, you could see the change starting again
My 14 yr old lad plays Fortnite and Rainbow Six Seige on his XBox. Both games turn him into the most awful person. He can easily spend 6 - 7 hours / day on it, bellowing at his friends, during school holidays and when he’s not playing, he’ll be watching other people play the games on YouTube on his phone.
It drives me mad, as he’s just never away from these things on the screen
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
The problem is we live in a pretty rural location (as do most of his friends), about 40 minutes away from his school, so he has no local mates in the village we live in and the online gaming is his way of engaging with his friends.
Apparently, none of his mates have time limits, so my wife’s of the opinion that it would be perceived by him as being highly unfair.
I’m very much of the opinion that online gaming and Snapchat are the devil’s own work
A few weeks ago, he called me “C***” when i asked him to stop playing after a 4 / 5 hour session. He was immediately banned from playing for a week. As I was flying to the Middle East the next day for business, I took his controllers with me to ensure he didn’t hunt them out. When I returned on the Friday night, he was like a different person - lighter, chattier, more outgoing, more engaged. Upon receiving his controllers back, as soon as he got one game in, you could see the change starting again
Edited by schmalex on Monday 2nd April 18:02
schmalex said:
My 14 yr old lad plays Fortnite and Rainbow Six Seige on his XBox. Both games turn him into the most awful person. He can easily spend 6 - 7 hours / day on it, bellowing at his friends, during school holidays and when he’s not playing, he’ll be watching other people play the games on YouTube on his phone.
It drives me mad, as he’s just never away from these things on the screen
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
The problem is we live in a pretty rural location (as do most of his friends), about 40 minutes away from his school, so he has no local mates in the village we live in and the online gaming is his way of engaging with his friends.
Apparently, none of his mates have time limits, so my wife’s of the opinion that it would be perceived by him as being highly unfair.
I’m very much of the opinion that online gaming and Snapchat are the devil’s own work
Nothing wrong with 'em in moderation.It drives me mad, as he’s just never away from these things on the screen
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
The problem is we live in a pretty rural location (as do most of his friends), about 40 minutes away from his school, so he has no local mates in the village we live in and the online gaming is his way of engaging with his friends.
Apparently, none of his mates have time limits, so my wife’s of the opinion that it would be perceived by him as being highly unfair.
I’m very much of the opinion that online gaming and Snapchat are the devil’s own work
FN2TypeR said:
schmalex said:
My 14 yr old lad plays Fortnite and Rainbow Six Seige on his XBox. Both games turn him into the most awful person. He can easily spend 6 - 7 hours / day on it, bellowing at his friends, during school holidays and when he’s not playing, he’ll be watching other people play the games on YouTube on his phone.
It drives me mad, as he’s just never away from these things on the screen
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
The problem is we live in a pretty rural location (as do most of his friends), about 40 minutes away from his school, so he has no local mates in the village we live in and the online gaming is his way of engaging with his friends.
Apparently, none of his mates have time limits, so my wife’s of the opinion that it would be perceived by him as being highly unfair.
I’m very much of the opinion that online gaming and Snapchat are the devil’s own work
Nothing wrong with 'em in moderation.It drives me mad, as he’s just never away from these things on the screen
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
The problem is we live in a pretty rural location (as do most of his friends), about 40 minutes away from his school, so he has no local mates in the village we live in and the online gaming is his way of engaging with his friends.
Apparently, none of his mates have time limits, so my wife’s of the opinion that it would be perceived by him as being highly unfair.
I’m very much of the opinion that online gaming and Snapchat are the devil’s own work
schmalex said:
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
And what are they then supposed to do for the remaining hours? Get smashed in a park? At least gaming has plenty of benefits (hand eye coordination, team work, communication, brain stimulation, cultural awareness).
Strudul said:
schmalex said:
I’ve just set up the Microsoft family sharing thing on Windows 10 and am seriously minded towards limiting him to 1 1/2 hours screen time per day during the week and 2 hours per day at the weekend.
And what are they then supposed to do for the remaining hours? Get smashed in a park? At least gaming has plenty of benefits (hand eye coordination, team work, communication, brain stimulation, cultural awareness).
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