How hard is it to find someone truly compatible?
Discussion
How hard is it to find someone truly compatible? As in someone who makes your heart skip a beat when they walk into the room, and vice versa?
I'm 30 and I've dated lots of girls but only one who I would say was truly compatible (up to a point anyway as we split up). Either I really like them but they're not that into me or vice versa.
I don't think this is anything out of the ordinary and I'm certainly not looking for perfection, but I do think it gets more difficult as you get older and a little more blasé.
I'm 30 and I've dated lots of girls but only one who I would say was truly compatible (up to a point anyway as we split up). Either I really like them but they're not that into me or vice versa.
I don't think this is anything out of the ordinary and I'm certainly not looking for perfection, but I do think it gets more difficult as you get older and a little more blasé.
I think you're right to keep looking though, because the alternative is to settle for someone who you don't really want to be with and that's a bad option.
So I'd keep going. Switch to a pay dating site, instead of the free ones. You'll find some more interesting people there, as well as the usual bunch of no-hopers. Spend more time choosing who to message, and then do the valuable message test before bothering to meet. People who only have 'hi how are you' are never going to make the grade.
So I'd keep going. Switch to a pay dating site, instead of the free ones. You'll find some more interesting people there, as well as the usual bunch of no-hopers. Spend more time choosing who to message, and then do the valuable message test before bothering to meet. People who only have 'hi how are you' are never going to make the grade.
Difficult. I'm 29 myself and fear I was having a slight mid life crisis because of this.
Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
otherman said:
I think you're right to keep looking though, because the alternative is to settle for someone who you don't really want to be with and that's a bad option.
So I'd keep going. Switch to a pay dating site, instead of the free ones. You'll find some more interesting people there, as well as the usual bunch of no-hopers. Spend more time choosing who to message, and then do the valuable message test before bothering to meet. People who only have 'hi how are you' are never going to make the grade.
To be honest I get a decent response from Tinder and Bumble but it can be difficult getting girls to actually go on a date, I think most of them are quite intimidated/shy/dreamers.So I'd keep going. Switch to a pay dating site, instead of the free ones. You'll find some more interesting people there, as well as the usual bunch of no-hopers. Spend more time choosing who to message, and then do the valuable message test before bothering to meet. People who only have 'hi how are you' are never going to make the grade.
I've also tried speed dating and typically around 75% girls say yes to me, out of them I'd actually match with about 25%. From that 25% it turns out some already have boyfriends, kids or aren't really wanting anything they just ticked yes.
Either way thats' a different matter, I'm talking about the ones you actually go out with.
GroundEffect said:
Very.
I reckon many (if not most) people settle on something "just about close enough"...
Explains the divorce rates!
I'm happy experimenting until I find that person though. Having plenty of fun finding too
Very true. I'm always baffled at people are seem to go immediately from one relationship to the other. I reckon many (if not most) people settle on something "just about close enough"...
Explains the divorce rates!
I'm happy experimenting until I find that person though. Having plenty of fun finding too
Are they genuinely that lucky or is it just a relationship for the sake of it?
Edited by ParkerG on Wednesday 23 May 22:15
cmvtec said:
Difficult. I'm 29 myself and fear I was having a slight mid life crisis because of this.
Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
You still giving her one ?Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
Buster73 said:
cmvtec said:
Difficult. I'm 29 myself and fear I was having a slight mid life crisis because of this.
Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
You still giving her one ?Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
I disagree I met my wife in my late 30’s and we married 12 months later 5 years after that and we have 2 kids if we had met in our 20’s I doubt this would have happened. It only happened when it did as we both wanted to settle down and have kids we were both in the same place. So keep on plugging away it will happen.
Been married 42 years. Sure some difficult times. but .only expected. Seems some people quit at the first problem. For a true relationship, however you interpret that you need to make it work. For me: Wife not expected to survive Illness, she did. Great kids and mutual support. Could go on but guess all of you get the idea.
BoRED S2upid said:
I disagree I met my wife in my late 30’s and we married 12 months later 5 years after that and we have 2 kids if we had met in our 20’s I doubt this would have happened. It only happened when it did as we both wanted to settle down and have kids we were both in the same place. So keep on plugging away it will happen.
I'm 46 and without exception they are bat s
t crazy, not just a bit but bloody out there, one asked me on saturday what I was doing so I said I was at the royal wedding, told her I was next to the 3rd duchess argyle and she had a go at me saying I only went to out do her family bbq, I mean really.cmvtec said:
Difficult. I'm 29 myself and fear I was having a slight mid life crisis because of this.
You want to hope you're not having a mid life crisis at 29.To address the OPs question i'd say everyone's story is different so don't look for a rule. It's said us males don't mature until our 40s so you could go through a lot of women, experiences and changes before then.
You'll likely change and get less picky.
You could find perfection (unlikely).
If you leave it long enough you'll probably have to make a choice between being on your own and being more accepting of others, choose second best, realise you can live with that, get on with it and make the best of what you have.
soad said:
Buster73 said:
cmvtec said:
Difficult. I'm 29 myself and fear I was having a slight mid life crisis because of this.
Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
You still giving her one ?Then I realised, my own company is better than compromising for the sake of it. Dated plenty of women and been engaged more than once but ultimately (and thankfully) it didn't progress/
The closest I came to finding someone truly compatible was an 18 month relationship with a married woman. Didn't quite work out, but she did end up divorcing him anyway. We still speak often.
227bhp said:
cmvtec said:
Difficult. I'm 29 myself and fear I was having a slight mid life crisis because of this.
You want to hope you're not having a mid life crisis at 29.I'd be focusing on absolute incompatibilities myself.
I'm not bothered about aligning completely on the lesser stuff. I couldn't be with anyone who didn't have plenty of their own life going on and that often involves stuff I've zero interest in.
It's far more important to find someone who's kind and has your back. I've never met one yet.
I'm not bothered about aligning completely on the lesser stuff. I couldn't be with anyone who didn't have plenty of their own life going on and that often involves stuff I've zero interest in.
It's far more important to find someone who's kind and has your back. I've never met one yet.
I'd say it's very difficult. When I think about it, the variables involved are staggering. Right place and time, your paths need to cross, chemistry, right stage of life, availability, sexual compatability, values, humour etc etc. It amazes me that it actually happens.
I think online dating removes a number of these, but I tend to think it's slightly contrived nature blunts the chemistry/attraction part, but I could be wrong.
I think online dating removes a number of these, but I tend to think it's slightly contrived nature blunts the chemistry/attraction part, but I could be wrong.
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