Is this PTSD? Do I need to see a Therapist?
Discussion
Back in 2012 I split with my wife and it wasn't nice. She had an affair with the builder after he built our extension. I didn't see it coming and to be in that situation with someone you accepted was your lifelong partner...well, you know the rest.
The split was very bitter and I even got rolling around the floor with the builder and was arrested for striking my wife (She was in the way when I punched him, glanced her cheek). No charges were brought against me but because I refused to leave MY home the police (who I called) arrested me to get me out of the situation.
I've put the split behind me and done quite well out of it. I invested my share of the equity in another house, the wife spending all her £40k on failed ventures. I'm in the middle of buying another house with my new partner and are both in a great position financially to do so.
But...sometimes my dreams involve the ex. Not sexually or wishing we were together but after 15 years of her it's difficult to forget.|I still see her a couple of times a week as I have joint custody of our two boys.
Last night I dreamed about her but the builder was also involved and I played over the conflicts again.
This causes my body to 'twitch' or jerk and I can't stop it. If I open my eyes then it stops but when I close them and try to go back to sleep then the jerking restarts. I have noticed this only happens when I dream of her or the situation.
Is this PTSD? Or anxiety?
Should I seek therapy or see a Psychiatrist? It doesn't affect my day to day life but I'm concerned there's something under the surface.
The split was very bitter and I even got rolling around the floor with the builder and was arrested for striking my wife (She was in the way when I punched him, glanced her cheek). No charges were brought against me but because I refused to leave MY home the police (who I called) arrested me to get me out of the situation.
I've put the split behind me and done quite well out of it. I invested my share of the equity in another house, the wife spending all her £40k on failed ventures. I'm in the middle of buying another house with my new partner and are both in a great position financially to do so.
But...sometimes my dreams involve the ex. Not sexually or wishing we were together but after 15 years of her it's difficult to forget.|I still see her a couple of times a week as I have joint custody of our two boys.
Last night I dreamed about her but the builder was also involved and I played over the conflicts again.
This causes my body to 'twitch' or jerk and I can't stop it. If I open my eyes then it stops but when I close them and try to go back to sleep then the jerking restarts. I have noticed this only happens when I dream of her or the situation.
Is this PTSD? Or anxiety?
Should I seek therapy or see a Psychiatrist? It doesn't affect my day to day life but I'm concerned there's something under the surface.
if your having issues you cannot solve by yourself, then of course you should get some help 
I wouldn't say anything as to what specific label you would apply to what your going through, but clearly something is going on, so getting help would probably make you feel better
I find it helpful to think about mental health in the same vain as physical. If you fell over and broke an arm, would you go and get help and get it fixed? or would you leave it alone to fix itself?
hope whatever you choose to do, helps
I wouldn't say anything as to what specific label you would apply to what your going through, but clearly something is going on, so getting help would probably make you feel better
I find it helpful to think about mental health in the same vain as physical. If you fell over and broke an arm, would you go and get help and get it fixed? or would you leave it alone to fix itself?
hope whatever you choose to do, helps
El stovey said:
Seems like you could do with speaking to someone, it wouldn’t do you any harm.
Have a look at ‘cognitive based therapy’ and see if it sounds like it might help you. Plenty of therapists can go through that with you.
You’d just be chatting about it with someone and it might help you?
Thank you.Have a look at ‘cognitive based therapy’ and see if it sounds like it might help you. Plenty of therapists can go through that with you.
You’d just be chatting about it with someone and it might help you?
After googling this it seems to be a treatment for something that affects your daily life ie; depression or anxiety and learning techniques to help you deal with that.
I'm not affected that way, it seems to be in my subconciousness.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Not sure if this is helpful but I always say the best way to get revenge on the bloke who sleeps with your wife/girlfriend is.....to let him have her!!!
He's got her, and I laugh at them both! They are still together but keep splitting and getting back together. He's ten years older than her but I can't think why she's with the ugly bloke who's on £50k pa...He has hit her before now ( I don't condone this btw) and I'm with someone who doesn't go to bed at 8pm and has a drink and a good time!
Fastchas said:
El stovey said:
Seems like you could do with speaking to someone, it wouldn’t do you any harm.
Have a look at ‘cognitive based therapy’ and see if it sounds like it might help you. Plenty of therapists can go through that with you.
You’d just be chatting about it with someone and it might help you?
Thank you.Have a look at ‘cognitive based therapy’ and see if it sounds like it might help you. Plenty of therapists can go through that with you.
You’d just be chatting about it with someone and it might help you?
After googling this it seems to be a treatment for something that affects your daily life ie; depression or anxiety and learning techniques to help you deal with that.
I'm not affected that way, it seems to be in my subconciousness.
It’s certainly beneficial for recovery from ptsd and all sorts of other traumatic events or addictions and even things like deradicalisation.
Breaking up with someone after 15 years is difficult. Don’t underestimate the emotional affect this can have on you.
Fastchas said:
El stovey said:
Seems like you could do with speaking to someone, it wouldn’t do you any harm.
Have a look at ‘cognitive based therapy’ and see if it sounds like it might help you. Plenty of therapists can go through that with you.
You’d just be chatting about it with someone and it might help you?
Thank you.Have a look at ‘cognitive based therapy’ and see if it sounds like it might help you. Plenty of therapists can go through that with you.
You’d just be chatting about it with someone and it might help you?
After googling this it seems to be a treatment for something that affects your daily life ie; depression or anxiety and learning techniques to help you deal with that.
I'm not affected that way, it seems to be in my subconciousness.
Are your twitches/jerks the only physical symptoms you have? And do they only occur when your dreams wake you and when you're trying to get back to sleep? Are your dreams the only mental aspect? With the exception of thinking about them after of course.
If so, it doesn't sound like PTSD, more like you're trying to deal with a traumatic memory. If that's the case then CBT is an option. Or you have the avenue of psychoanalytic therapy, of which dream-related issues tend to respond better with Freudian techniques. Even general counselling or, for want of a better term, standard-issue therapy can potentially help.
I have to stress I'm not a therapist or mental health professional myself, I just have a big interest in psychology stemming from looking into things of the mind to help me with some stuff.
NoVetec said:
Cognitive behavourial therapy (CBT) is indeed commonly used for depression, anxiety and various other mood disorders, but it can also be used (amongst other cognitive-based techniques and other methods) to help treat or alleviate symptoms of PTSD.
Are your twitches/jerks the only physical symptoms you have? And do they only occur when your dreams wake you and when you're trying to get back to sleep? Are your dreams the only mental aspect? With the exception of thinking about them after of course.
If so, it doesn't sound like PTSD, more like you're trying to deal with a traumatic memory. If that's the case then CBT is an option. Or you have the avenue of psychoanalytic therapy, of which dream-related issues tend to respond better with Freudian techniques. Even general counselling or, for want of a better term, standard-issue therapy can potentially help.
I have to stress I'm not a therapist or mental health professional myself, I just have a big interest in psychology stemming from looking into things of the mind to help me with some stuff.
Yes, it is the only physical symptom. Are your twitches/jerks the only physical symptoms you have? And do they only occur when your dreams wake you and when you're trying to get back to sleep? Are your dreams the only mental aspect? With the exception of thinking about them after of course.
If so, it doesn't sound like PTSD, more like you're trying to deal with a traumatic memory. If that's the case then CBT is an option. Or you have the avenue of psychoanalytic therapy, of which dream-related issues tend to respond better with Freudian techniques. Even general counselling or, for want of a better term, standard-issue therapy can potentially help.
I have to stress I'm not a therapist or mental health professional myself, I just have a big interest in psychology stemming from looking into things of the mind to help me with some stuff.
Funny enough, I bumped into them both at the chippy tonight. The only time I’ve been for months and they were in the queue!
Then I realised I didn’t have my wallet on me and had to walk out. Made me look like I was weak and had to get out.
It took me ages to stop thinking about them. Something has definitely gone wrong in my head.
Fastchas said:
Yes, it is the only physical symptom.
Funny enough, I bumped into them both at the chippy tonight. The only time I’ve been for months and they were in the queue!
Then I realised I didn’t have my wallet on me and had to walk out. Made me look like I was weak and had to get out.
It took me ages to stop thinking about them. Something has definitely gone wrong in my head.
Did you feel you had to get out of that situation or was it the fact you really did forget your wallet?Funny enough, I bumped into them both at the chippy tonight. The only time I’ve been for months and they were in the queue!
Then I realised I didn’t have my wallet on me and had to walk out. Made me look like I was weak and had to get out.
It took me ages to stop thinking about them. Something has definitely gone wrong in my head.
The issue is you have contact with her weekly which then brings everything back up for you. When you have children in the mix you have to have contact.
It's like your stuck in a revolving door.
Clearly there are still feeling there. It is impossible to just cut these off when you have been married and you have children together.
Perhaps you need to have a word with your GP and see if he/she thinks you need to see someone. As it's not affecting your daily life then perhaps you can wait.
Another thing to try would be yoga, meditation or acupuncture.
If you can find someone who is very good at any of the above it can help you relax more and allow things to just be dealt with in a more positive manor.
Acupuncture has had some great results but again it depends if this is something you would want to try before getting a appointment to see a professional with the NHS.
Finally your doctor might suggest antidepressants. I am not a professional but it sounds like you are coping daily but just have these issues when dreaming so I would decide against it unless the doctor thinks you really need some help in that department.
Just remember it's natural to feel this way. Your not going mad. Perhaps you have just locked this away instead of dealing with it and your brain has decided enough is enough.
ELUSIVEJIM said:
Did you feel you had to get out of that situation or was it the fact you really did forget your wallet?
The issue is you have contact with her weekly which then brings everything back up for you. When you have children in the mix you have to have contact.
It's like your stuck in a revolving door.
Clearly there are still feeling there. It is impossible to just cut these off when you have been married and you have children together.
Perhaps you need to have a word with your GP and see if he/she thinks you need to see someone. As it's not affecting your daily life then perhaps you can wait.
Another thing to try would be yoga, meditation or acupuncture.
If you can find someone who is very good at any of the above it can help you relax more and allow things to just be dealt with in a more positive manor.
Acupuncture has had some great results but again it depends if this is something you would want to try before getting a appointment to see a professional with the NHS.
Finally your doctor might suggest antidepressants. I am not a professional but it sounds like you are coping daily but just have these issues when dreaming so I would decide against it unless the doctor thinks you really need some help in that department.
Just remember it's natural to feel this way. Your not going mad. Perhaps you have just locked this away instead of dealing with it and your brain has decided enough is enough.
Yes I really did to forget to change my wallet over from my work trousers to my jeans. I had my lad with me and we drove home and he ran upstairs to get my wallet off my bed. I wanted him to do this as I know the boyfriend will bring it up with him and my lad can then defend my honour! I was mega pissed I hadn’t got it but at the same time I didn’t really want to be in that situation. It’s one of the reasons I’m moving away from the area. The issue is you have contact with her weekly which then brings everything back up for you. When you have children in the mix you have to have contact.
It's like your stuck in a revolving door.
Clearly there are still feeling there. It is impossible to just cut these off when you have been married and you have children together.
Perhaps you need to have a word with your GP and see if he/she thinks you need to see someone. As it's not affecting your daily life then perhaps you can wait.
Another thing to try would be yoga, meditation or acupuncture.
If you can find someone who is very good at any of the above it can help you relax more and allow things to just be dealt with in a more positive manor.
Acupuncture has had some great results but again it depends if this is something you would want to try before getting a appointment to see a professional with the NHS.
Finally your doctor might suggest antidepressants. I am not a professional but it sounds like you are coping daily but just have these issues when dreaming so I would decide against it unless the doctor thinks you really need some help in that department.
Just remember it's natural to feel this way. Your not going mad. Perhaps you have just locked this away instead of dealing with it and your brain has decided enough is enough.
When I move at the end of June I will need to register with a new GP. I will bring this up with him/her and seek professional help.
Fastchas said:
Yes I really did to forget to change my wallet over from my work trousers to my jeans. I had my lad with me and we drove home and he ran upstairs to get my wallet off my bed. I wanted him to do this as I know the boyfriend will bring it up with him and my lad can then defend my honour! I was mega pissed I hadn’t got it but at the same time I didn’t really want to be in that situation. It’s one of the reasons I’m moving away from the area.
When I move at the end of June I will need to register with a new GP. I will bring this up with him/her and seek professional help.
That is a great idea moving away. That alone could just end the sleeping issue.When I move at the end of June I will need to register with a new GP. I will bring this up with him/her and seek professional help.
Just knowing you could bump into them at any moment does heighten anxiety.
Moving far or still close to your son?
Hey Fastchas.
First of all, let me say that unless your relationship or divorce was traumatic then it's safe to assume you are not suffering from PTSD. PTSD is only officially diagnosed if you have been witness to or have experienced a severely disturbing or distressing scenario, such as a severe car accident, combat injuries or being victim to a sexual assault ect.
Similarly to PTSD, a divorce can cause epigenetic changes (the way your brain processes things) So your brain might be more sensitive to stress and depression, so it's not uncommon for it to effect your sleeping pattern and again its not uncommon for your dreams/nightmares to "replay" the events which have caused the stress/depression and frequent meets with your ex-wife will remind you of the past, or subconsciously remind you so it's more difficult to 'forget'. The twitching in your dreams is all normal evidence of a nightmare - Your body is trying to 'escape' what your brain believes to be real.
Talk to your Doctor or talk to a counselor never diagnose your self with something that you most likely don't have. Googling symptoms is the worst thing any patient can do, they usually diagnose them self with minutes to live!!!!!!
First of all, let me say that unless your relationship or divorce was traumatic then it's safe to assume you are not suffering from PTSD. PTSD is only officially diagnosed if you have been witness to or have experienced a severely disturbing or distressing scenario, such as a severe car accident, combat injuries or being victim to a sexual assault ect.
Similarly to PTSD, a divorce can cause epigenetic changes (the way your brain processes things) So your brain might be more sensitive to stress and depression, so it's not uncommon for it to effect your sleeping pattern and again its not uncommon for your dreams/nightmares to "replay" the events which have caused the stress/depression and frequent meets with your ex-wife will remind you of the past, or subconsciously remind you so it's more difficult to 'forget'. The twitching in your dreams is all normal evidence of a nightmare - Your body is trying to 'escape' what your brain believes to be real.
Talk to your Doctor or talk to a counselor never diagnose your self with something that you most likely don't have. Googling symptoms is the worst thing any patient can do, they usually diagnose them self with minutes to live!!!!!!
Edited by Cognoscenti on Saturday 9th June 21:10
Chainsaw Rebuild said:
You could look at it like this; I estimate it will probably cost £50 or so to talk to a councillor privately. so, assuming you can afford the £50 on the experiment, give it a go. All the best with it.
As he’s scoffing at the £50k pa the builder earns he can obviously afford £50. The brains a funny thing. I sometimes have dreams involving a partner/relationship which ended over 15yrs ago. I wouldn’t dwell too much on the content of dreams.
I would, however, recommend seeing a therapist based solely on the reasoning that you think you need to. A ‘mental health check-up’ might be a one-off session or it may lead to further discussion sessions.
I saw a therapist for several months last yr after having such a check-up. It wasnt life changing or revelatory but was helpful all the same.
I would, however, recommend seeing a therapist based solely on the reasoning that you think you need to. A ‘mental health check-up’ might be a one-off session or it may lead to further discussion sessions.
I saw a therapist for several months last yr after having such a check-up. It wasnt life changing or revelatory but was helpful all the same.
Mate, your feckless, financially incontinent ex wife showed her class by going nuts-up with some scrotey jobbing builder, you gave said scrote the sort of pasting he deserved with near impunity. Now, two years on, you're building a better, more secure life whilst she's spunked her cash away setting up nail bars and guzzling prosecco to dull the pain of being shackled to Jase the plasterer; what's to get stressed about - smile smugly and crack on with life.
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