Parents & Keys
Discussion
Something has been bugging me for a good few years and maybe some parents on here can shed a light. I should clarify that I don't get on that well with my dad. We speak occasionally but I don't involve him much in my life as he is a very negative person and has been a bully in the past. My mum tolerates him and occasionally stays with her brother or goes on holiday with my sister to get away from him. I am moving house soon and mentioned it to my mum. My dad is now pestering her to get a spare set of keys off me. I confronted him about this and asked him why he wants a spare set of keys and he couldn't give me an answer - just said "never mind, forget about it". I suppose no one is going to admit to wanting to snoop around someone's (unless any parents on here would admit to it!) so I'm left with a couple of theories - including that he wants to go through my OH's drawers!
fido said:
Something has been bugging me for a good few years and maybe some parents on here can shed a light. I should clarify that I don't get on that well with my dad. We speak occasionally but I don't involve him much in my life as he is a very negative person and has been a bully in the past. My mum tolerates him and occasionally stays with her brother or goes on holiday with my sister to get away from him. I am moving house soon and mentioned it to my mum. My dad is now pestering her to get a spare set of keys off me. I confronted him about this and asked him why he wants a spare set of keys and he couldn't give me an answer - just said "never mind, forget about it". I suppose no one is going to admit to wanting to snoop around someone's (unless any parents on here would admit to it!) so I'm left with a couple of theories - including that he wants to go through my OH's drawers!
I'd suggest there may be a bit of a breakdown of family relations if one of your primary suspicions is that your Dad wants to go through your OH's drawers. Unless you live in Norfolk, then crack on.
Hoofy said:
Just say you'll get it sorted but keep forgetting.
I've done that for about five years. My sister won't give me her spare keys - doesn't bother me - I suspect it's on a needs-basis and not that she doesn't trust me.cbmotorsport said:
You obviously don't trust your father. In my experience, you only give a spare key to your house to people that you trust. Family or not.
I most definitely don't. Just to add on the 'drawers' comment - some years ago he went through my lodgers bedroom. She was also my work colleague. You can imagine the amount of grief that caused me. No apologies and some cr@p excuse about 'checking the electrics' .. :sigh:Shnozz said:
fido said:
Something has been bugging me for a good few years and maybe some parents on here can shed a light. I should clarify that I don't get on that well with my dad. We speak occasionally but I don't involve him much in my life as he is a very negative person and has been a bully in the past. My mum tolerates him and occasionally stays with her brother or goes on holiday with my sister to get away from him. I am moving house soon and mentioned it to my mum. My dad is now pestering her to get a spare set of keys off me. I confronted him about this and asked him why he wants a spare set of keys and he couldn't give me an answer - just said "never mind, forget about it". I suppose no one is going to admit to wanting to snoop around someone's (unless any parents on here would admit to it!) so I'm left with a couple of theories - including that he wants to go through my OH's drawers!
I'd suggest there may be a bit of a breakdown of family relations if one of your primary suspicions is that your Dad wants to go through your OH's drawers. Unless you live in Norfolk, then crack on.Wouldn't worry, just tell him no.
My parents and best friend have a key.
My mum will come and collect the dog a couple of days a week so she isn't on her own at home all day and my Dad will come and fix things as and when he gets chance.
Bestfriend has never yet needed to use the key but If she ever came to stay for the night (she lives 40 miles away) she could let herself in if i'm not home from work yet or if i'm at the shop or whatever.
I wouldn't give a key to anyone I didn't trust (and with your dads past behaviour - he would be one I wouldn't give a key too)
Id just say no, if he asks why not, you just bring up what happened with the lodger
My mum will come and collect the dog a couple of days a week so she isn't on her own at home all day and my Dad will come and fix things as and when he gets chance.
Bestfriend has never yet needed to use the key but If she ever came to stay for the night (she lives 40 miles away) she could let herself in if i'm not home from work yet or if i'm at the shop or whatever.
I wouldn't give a key to anyone I didn't trust (and with your dads past behaviour - he would be one I wouldn't give a key too)
Id just say no, if he asks why not, you just bring up what happened with the lodger
Nanook said:
AndrewEH1 said:
Nanook said:
A couple of our mates have keys.
Last night my mate Mel left the gym before I did. By the time I had a shower there and drove home, she was already in mine, half way through cooking dinner!
Has it's advantages.
You'll have to explain how you've managed that!Last night my mate Mel left the gym before I did. By the time I had a shower there and drove home, she was already in mine, half way through cooking dinner!
Has it's advantages.
bigandclever said:
Nanook said:
AndrewEH1 said:
Nanook said:
A couple of our mates have keys.
Last night my mate Mel left the gym before I did. By the time I had a shower there and drove home, she was already in mine, half way through cooking dinner!
Has it's advantages.
You'll have to explain how you've managed that!Last night my mate Mel left the gym before I did. By the time I had a shower there and drove home, she was already in mine, half way through cooking dinner!
Has it's advantages.
Maybe he's a bit of a control freak so thinks he's entitled to have a set of keys?
I've lived in my own place for 11 years now and had no issue with my mum having a set of keys, helped with feeding the cat or if I was locked out etc. Absolutely trusted her not to come in and start checking through my stuff though.
I've lived in my own place for 11 years now and had no issue with my mum having a set of keys, helped with feeding the cat or if I was locked out etc. Absolutely trusted her not to come in and start checking through my stuff though.
Our neighbours have a key to ours but that is it.
No family within less than 3 hours drive so no point for them to have a key. Just leave on out in a safe place for them if they are going to arrive before the wife or I get home.
I do have a key to my parents and the wife has on to her mums but that is in my case because we occasionally use my mum and dads as a hotel when going over their way to see old friends and so on and for the wife it is helpful if she pops over to see her mum and save mum having to get up to let her in, etc.
Since i first had my own place at 21 my parents have never once asked for key. They had one when i had my first house as i was living alone and they would use it as a hotel when over from where they lived back then (common theme in our family about using other's houses as a place to doss from time to time!) but it was given at my suggestion and for my ease.
No family within less than 3 hours drive so no point for them to have a key. Just leave on out in a safe place for them if they are going to arrive before the wife or I get home.
I do have a key to my parents and the wife has on to her mums but that is in my case because we occasionally use my mum and dads as a hotel when going over their way to see old friends and so on and for the wife it is helpful if she pops over to see her mum and save mum having to get up to let her in, etc.
Since i first had my own place at 21 my parents have never once asked for key. They had one when i had my first house as i was living alone and they would use it as a hotel when over from where they lived back then (common theme in our family about using other's houses as a place to doss from time to time!) but it was given at my suggestion and for my ease.
When my wife and I moved into the first house we bought together, aged 37 as we had both been married before, my MIL had a massive hissy fit when we wouldn't give her a set of keys so she could 'come and go as I please' - she'd never felt so insulted/neither of her children had ever had the nerve not to give her keys to their houses before/what were we trying to hide etc.
A firm but polite 'never going to happen; get over it' finally sunk in. About a year later, she had a catastrophic fall-out with my SIL when, having let herself into her house whilst FIL moved the lawn, she proceeded to log onto SIL's computer, rifle through her emails and then have a go at her because it showed she was seeing a guy that she hadn't told her mother about (she was single, the guy wasn't). They havent really spoken for over 10 years and, to this day, MIL can't see that she did anything wrong
A firm but polite 'never going to happen; get over it' finally sunk in. About a year later, she had a catastrophic fall-out with my SIL when, having let herself into her house whilst FIL moved the lawn, she proceeded to log onto SIL's computer, rifle through her emails and then have a go at her because it showed she was seeing a guy that she hadn't told her mother about (she was single, the guy wasn't). They havent really spoken for over 10 years and, to this day, MIL can't see that she did anything wrong
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