Who is happily married?

[crofty1984]

There's a lot of talk about divorce, but who is married and enjoying it? What do you think the key to a good marriage is?
Getting married in less than a month, so I have a bit of a vested interest!

[alorotom]

I am. To wife #2

We both give each other space to do our own things, neither of us use social media, neither of us checks up in the other, we trust each other, I work away 4days a week so am away 3n a week at least - works perfect for us

[Mr Obertshaw]

I'm very happily married and have been for 4 years. We've been together for 14 years in total and helps that I'd class her as my best friend too.

Having good relationships with her family and friends and for her vice verse probably helps a lot too.

You'd have to ask my wife if she's happily married too!

[PositronicRay]

People sometimes expect too much and everyone's different.


For me comfortable and content does it, but have friends who (seem) to need rollercoaster and sparks.

[BigMon]

Happily married for 13 years. Have been with Mrs Bigmon for 17 years all in.

I don't think there's any secret as such.

I think you only ever know someone as much as they are willing to share with you (if that makes sense) so there is doubtless an large element of luck to it.

Also I think a lot of it is about tolerance and being able to put up with each others annoying habits (everyone has them).

I'd also say you need to enjoy being with one another. Fine to have personal space and do your own thing too but enjoy the times you're together.

Good luck!

[WestyCarl]

24yrs and better than ever

The key, many things, but communication and understanding have got to be near the top of the list.

I look at some of the divorce threads with a mix of disbelief, amazement and sadness.

[PositronicRay]

alorotom said:

I am. To wife #2

We both give each other space to do our own things, neither of us use social media, neither of us checks up in the other, we trust each other, I work away 4days a week so am away 3n a week at least - works perfect for us

Posts on social media about not using social media.

Expect to see a comment in the "classic from the old man" thread on mumsnet.

[Pieman68]

Had our 2nd anniversary in July. 2nd marriage for us both

We support each other to do our own thing and have our own lives as well as shared interests

We have a teenager each so the house is a bit of a merry go round with kids coming and going

My first marriage was lots of fireworks and ups and downs (for the 14 months that it lasted). From my point of view second time around I know what I don't want from life - we have love, laughter and life is just relaxed and enjoyable (rather than a few days of enjoyment followed by a blazing row, being ignored and then apologising for the sake of keeping her happy)

Work together, talk to each other, laugh lots but trust each other to have your own friends and social interests and you will be ok. It's a balancing act and you have to work at it but it is possible

[KrazyIvan]

WestyCarl said:

The key, many things, but communication and understanding have got to be near the top of the list.

.

Big bag of this. Will be 18 years in a few weeks, and one thing I have learned, is that if you can discuss issues calmly and not let them linger, then you both become stronger for it.

Too many people seem to get hooked on the idea of if it's not perfect bin it.

[Bobberoo99]

KrazyIvan said:

WestyCarl said:

The key, many things, but communication and understanding have got to be near the top of the list.

.

Big bag of this. Will be 18 years in a few weeks, and one thing I have learned, is that if you can discuss issues calmly and not let them linger, then you both become stronger for it.

Too many people seem to get hooked on the idea of if it's not perfect bin it.

Very well said.
23 years on Sunday, communication, trust, understanding, love, discuss everything openly, because when you stop talking about stuff that's when the issues start, I'm not one of these people who goes on about soul mates etc, but if you have a healthy mixture of both shared and different interests then it can only be a good thing.
Good luck with your wedding and above all, keep communicating!!!!

[bad company]

‘Mrs’ BC and I have been happily not married for over 23 years now. I really don’t get marriage.

[telecat]

34 years. Not easy at times but we keep going. Both of us have had health problems lately so we just try and enjoy life.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Been married 31 years, together 36. No idea of the secret, or why/how it works, so no advice to give whatsoever.

I guess it probably helps to have similar outlooks on important stuff, like attitude to money, children, religion (or lack of in our case). Stuff like that.

I hear about people splitting up because one wants kids and the other doesn't. Or one wants to backpack across Borneo for 3 years and the other wants a week in Scarborough. Or one wants to spend all the money and the other wants to save. How can you not have those conversations before getting wed???

[psi310398]

Bobberoo99 said:

Very well said.
23 years on Sunday, communication, trust, understanding, love, discuss everything openly, because when you stop talking about stuff that's when the issues start, I'm not one of these people who goes on about soul mates etc, but if you have a healthy mixture of both shared and different interests then it can only be a good thing.
Good luck with your wedding and above all, keep communicating!!!!

33 years and ^ this.

[alorotom]

PositronicRay said:

alorotom said:

I am. To wife #2

We both give each other space to do our own things, neither of us use social media, neither of us checks up in the other, we trust each other, I work away 4days a week so am away 3n a week at least - works perfect for us

Posts on social media about not using social media.

Expect to see a comment in the "classic from the old man" thread on mumsnet.

Ive been through this mulitple times, while forums have been a route to the currently created social media phenomenom, they arent inherently social media due the structure - as you could technically argue that social media in its truest/purest sense is any digital medium which allows users to interact, such as the telephone

hardly an old man at 36

anyway back o/t

[Bullett]

10 years in November, been together 13.
We are a team.
Communication, making each other laugh, having joint and separate activities and friends.
Trust.

[33q]

Our 32nd anniversary today

It just works for us

[ApOrbital]

Congratulations 33.

[P-Jay]

Me, been married 4 years, together 9.

I'm not sure there's any crazy secret to it, every marriage is different.

We very rarely argue, few times a year. This is actually probably the worst trait of our relationship. We both detest confrontation so we have to work to avoid resentment and actually admit we don't agree, probably sounds nuts, probably is.

It gets hard at times, someone said to me recently that when you have kids you hate each other until they start school. I've never hated her, but very occasionally I've thought about leaving just to escape the stress of being Dad, Husband and my Job, sometimes it felt like I get up, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, watch TV for 90 mins, work and go to bed.

I do wonder as society has changed and we no longer assume Women do all the boring kid and housework stuff whether all we've done is shift the load to Men.

Our Daughter started school yesterday, this combined with a couple of other things frees up a few hours each day and many hundreds of pounds a month so we're both looking forward to that 'Lifestyle' thing I've read about, I seem to remember I had one once, but not really what it looks like.

Anyway, we had a baby less than a year after we married (just as I was enjoying having a bit of spare cash for a bit) and it was very hard work, as a Relationship Stress Test I'm not sure anything short of an affair would come close, and whilst sometimes I'd think back to the day I called her for a second date and wished I hadn't - but I'm very happy now. I'm sure others can relate.

Edited by P-Jay on Thursday 6th September 10:26

[Huntsman]

10th Anniversary coming up, been togehter 15 years.

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Fab wife, perfect mother.