Unpleasant situation.
Discussion
Long post. TLDR version...Excuse speling, I'm on my phone.
(In sawkward position on a placement as I got given a job by a guy who turns out to be a nutter. Embarrassed that a bloke of my age feels intimidated. How do I bang out?)
I am in an odd position. One I'd never have thought I'd be in. I'm not sure if I'm being bullied, manipulated or what.
I'm in my 40s with a successful career as a journalist and broadcaster behind me. I am however doing a second degree and training to do something else. It's going well. I am top of my class and I am 82 hours into a 100 hour practical placement.
The placement organisation is small charity. Very small. It is run by one man with a small team. I really enjoyed working with them. A contrast to the often insincere world of broadcasting.
They offered me a job. Nothing to do with my new career but based on my skills and expertise in my previous career. A part time role as I am a student. Handling press, PR, getting them out there, building up their reputation and profile. It's something I have done for many years. Something I still do occasionally but clearly I'm not charging them the going rate.
Oddly, this part time job is a staff role rather than freelance.
This is where the problems began. The guy came up with some very vague ideas about a project he wanted to start. I introduced him to two former colleagues who happen to have he skills contacts etc to make .the project happen. One of them was the sort of magnet who would attract backers. The other a technical guy who I have relied on for support and problem solving in situations all over the world.
It hasn't worked and my contacts pulled out because the guy wouldn't take advice, to the extent that he did the opposite to what he was advised spending several thousand pounds of his cash strapped charity's money on equipment he didn't need.
He has turned into this bizarre sulking passive aggressive character. He is behaving like a narcassist slagging my contacts off, and attempting to belittle me. His latest trick is to not communicate with me. He asked me to produce a couple of things for him (A press release and some other publicity blurb.) Which I emailed him. I have had no response to them despite them requiring some involvement from him - asking him to clarify facts before the stuff is sent out.
The guy hates advice and I now realise that he surrounds himself with people who don't make him feel vulnerable. The volunteers and staff all seem to have been "rescued" by him at some point.
I am a long standing trustee of two big charities. As well as being on the board of directors of a community based company with 60 staff and a turn over of £1.5m. (Well this is PH so I've got to be a company director) I don't talk to him about my work with them, but I've noticed snide remarks and derogatory comments designed to under mind me.
An example would be his refusal to listen to some legal advice about insurance telling me what I said was wrong when my knowledge of that element of law is an area of expertise. I recently delivered some training to another organisation on it.
All this has left me very upset. Despite being an experienced bloke who has worked at a very high level and who has faced all sorts of things, I find this all very intimidating.
The reason. I want my 100 hours. I am close to the finish line and it would be very hard at this stage to find an organisation that would take me in for the next 18 weeks.
I could walk away. The money from the job isn't important. It's beer money really. I wouldn't be spending thousands of another degree if I couldn't afford it.
My instinct is giving me mixed messages.
Angry me wants to tell him to f
k of. Have a devastating row with him and fk him over. It wouldn't be hard but this would impact on the staff and volunteers.Confused me says knuckle down with the hours which will see me there another few weeks and suck it up.
As I am technically a staff member - only a month into the role - do I have any recourse? I have managed teams, been a boss albeit in large organisations and would never behave like this.
Another me says I don't need this stress. It is really upsetting and that I should take this to my university. Even though the job isn't their doing, the placement is their concern.
I have to admit I am very embarrassed by this. I am shocked at how this has got under my skin.
Edited by Wildcat45 on Sunday 4th November 09:29
Wildcat45 said:
Another me says I don't need this stress. It is really upsetting and that I should take this to my university. Even though the job isn't their doing, the placement is their concern.
You've clearly got to do this. It must be fairly normal for placements to not work out for various reasons, it may even be that they decide 82 hours is sufficient to pass this element? Or even something I've had before - a "tolerated fail". 
Wildcat45 said:
I have to admit I am very embarrassed by this. I am shocked at how this has got under my skin.
Don't be, just be relieved you're not encountering this as someone new to the world of work too naive to see it for what it is.The other chap clearly feels intimidated by you. He feels he is the big fish in a little pond, and someone has come along and challenged that, by having more knowledge than him.
Speaking to him about it probably wont cure his insecurity. If anything it will likely make it worse.
Either, suck it up and do your best to ignore him, or leave. I think they are the only 2 realistic options.
Speaking to him about it probably wont cure his insecurity. If anything it will likely make it worse.
Either, suck it up and do your best to ignore him, or leave. I think they are the only 2 realistic options.
The guy is a bully like any other and bullies need to be stood up to.
You are articulate as it’s your profession. You could write an official grievance over his behaviours and ‘misuse’ of charitable funds. Perhaps you could point out you’d get legal protection under Whistleblower rules should he choose to push things too far and that a complaint to the Charities Commission would do him little good.
He wouldn’t like that at all and might be of the view it’s better to just try to get on with you for the very limited time you have left. When you’re done report the little Hitler anyway. There’ll be plenty of other people to do his role.
You are articulate as it’s your profession. You could write an official grievance over his behaviours and ‘misuse’ of charitable funds. Perhaps you could point out you’d get legal protection under Whistleblower rules should he choose to push things too far and that a complaint to the Charities Commission would do him little good.
He wouldn’t like that at all and might be of the view it’s better to just try to get on with you for the very limited time you have left. When you’re done report the little Hitler anyway. There’ll be plenty of other people to do his role.
Angry Wildcat45 said:
...tell him to fk off. Have a devastating row with him and fk him over. It wouldn't be hard but this would impact on the staff and volunteers.
k off. Have a devastating row with him and fk him over. It wouldn't be hard but this would impact on the staff and volunteers.Confused Wildcat45 said:
...knuckle down with the hours which will see me there another few weeks and suck it up.
Another Wildcat45 said:
...I don't need this stress. It is really upsetting and that I should take this to my university. Even though the job isn't their doing, the placement is their concern.
I think all of the above...Knowing in a rational manner, that it has got under your skin, is a very useful skill to have. I agree that an immediate explosion would ruin your 82 hours and also unsettle the group; knuckling down will get you your time allocation and will impact others less. You're right, you DON'T need this stress but right now you DO need the hours. And yes, you have every right to inform the University.
I would do the following:
1. Knuckle down and suck it up and finish your placement. But remain a smiling assassin; give him no reason to grumble and rise above every petty moan safe in the knowledge that you have a longer game plan.
2. Actively recognise your stress as a result of the situation but look at this in terms of managing the process, rather than removing the source... once your hours are up the stress will dissipate. Your job is to survive the period of time healthily and productively.
3. Carefully plan and then coldly execute your departure. I would favour a small staff meeting or the "last day goodbye" thing, where everyone gathers together. I would favour cards, gifts and words of genuine thanks to all... all but one. That would be the time that I would choose to turn to the chap, gift or "Thank You" card in hand, whilst all present expect nothing but normal goodbyes... And I would turn to him and explain exactly what you think of him, exactly how he ruined the work you tried to do, embarrassed you in terms of his behaviour towards your contacts and his childish ways. I wouldn't tell him to f
k off, I would keep it agonisingly factual and brutal - he'll probably storm out. Either way, I would do nothing other than say my piece, no engagement no debate. Hope you sort it.
slow_poke said:
Don't forget to square away the two contacts you put in touch with him.... "Sorry guys, hadn't realised he was such a champion cockend when I brought him to you."
It's sorted. They are both guts I've known 20 and 25 years. Both good friends at a family friend level.They're cool with it and they've actually picked up the madmans half arsed idea and we plan to see if we can make it work next year as a kind of hobby using our collective skills to do some good.
Easy to say MTFU and get on with it, but some people get under your skin and hit a hidden trip switch and really get to you
Id just smile and praise the lord you dont have to stay in the job as your only income .
As above I would past the feedback on to the UNi
Just tough it out and move on, hes obviously jealous, we always meet someone like that in our careers. at some point .
Id just smile and praise the lord you dont have to stay in the job as your only income .
As above I would past the feedback on to the UNi
Just tough it out and move on, hes obviously jealous, we always meet someone like that in our careers. at some point .
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