Problems with partners ex
Discussion
Currently having a few issues with GF ex partner.
Got a new GF and approaching being together for a year. Everything is great and could not be happier with each other.
She has a young child from previous relationship. That relationship had ended 1 year before me and her got together.
Young Childs father see's child once overnight a week.
I think now he realises she is happy and moving on he is aiming to cause some problems. He didn't do any of this when she was single.
I have seen her a bit upset over this situation recently a couple of times she is working hard, doing a great job as a single mum and incredibly kind and thoughtful towards me. She said she just wants to move somewhere the ex does not even know where she or their child lives and the child can be collected at her sisters house once a week avoiding any contact with him. This is quite sad she feels this way.
He has been told to contact her about the child and nothing else. She has ignored all other communication with him other than to do with their child. He has ignored this repeatedly.
The ex :-
GF bought me a dream present for my birthday last week. He text her asking about it then said he had seen it on her friends social media account ( private account, he is following on a made up fake account).
My car has been keyed across an entire side 100% was down to him. This one has taken a bit of holding back not to do something to him. Its just pathetic.
He reported her to council tax people for having someone else living with her when I stayed a few times ( rather than living with her)
Sent unwanted flowers which have ended up in the bin.
Just repeatedly behaving like a bit of a tit.
Without being PH powerfully built he is quite short and just a bit of a prick. He can't do anything to me physically. Its taken quite a bit of restraint not to just turn up and knock him out, but I don't think it is actually going to help the situation just result in me ending up in trouble.
I can pay him a visit one to one and lay it out his behaviour is not on.
I can turn up at his house with a few of the lads and put a bit of pressure on him that his behaviour won't be tolerated but am I then painted out to be a nutter who is not fit to be around 'his child'.
I can completely ignore it and wait for it to go away, but will it?
Can we report it and do everything officially as I feel its bordering, if not already, stalking and harassment. GF has previously reported him over his behaviour before but felt police were not a lot of use, and feels they told her not to bother / be very careful proceeding as they have a child and it could cause problems.
Got a new GF and approaching being together for a year. Everything is great and could not be happier with each other.
She has a young child from previous relationship. That relationship had ended 1 year before me and her got together.
Young Childs father see's child once overnight a week.
I think now he realises she is happy and moving on he is aiming to cause some problems. He didn't do any of this when she was single.
I have seen her a bit upset over this situation recently a couple of times she is working hard, doing a great job as a single mum and incredibly kind and thoughtful towards me. She said she just wants to move somewhere the ex does not even know where she or their child lives and the child can be collected at her sisters house once a week avoiding any contact with him. This is quite sad she feels this way.
He has been told to contact her about the child and nothing else. She has ignored all other communication with him other than to do with their child. He has ignored this repeatedly.
The ex :-
GF bought me a dream present for my birthday last week. He text her asking about it then said he had seen it on her friends social media account ( private account, he is following on a made up fake account).
My car has been keyed across an entire side 100% was down to him. This one has taken a bit of holding back not to do something to him. Its just pathetic.
He reported her to council tax people for having someone else living with her when I stayed a few times ( rather than living with her)
Sent unwanted flowers which have ended up in the bin.
Just repeatedly behaving like a bit of a tit.
Without being PH powerfully built he is quite short and just a bit of a prick. He can't do anything to me physically. Its taken quite a bit of restraint not to just turn up and knock him out, but I don't think it is actually going to help the situation just result in me ending up in trouble.
I can pay him a visit one to one and lay it out his behaviour is not on.
I can turn up at his house with a few of the lads and put a bit of pressure on him that his behaviour won't be tolerated but am I then painted out to be a nutter who is not fit to be around 'his child'.
I can completely ignore it and wait for it to go away, but will it?
Can we report it and do everything officially as I feel its bordering, if not already, stalking and harassment. GF has previously reported him over his behaviour before but felt police were not a lot of use, and feels they told her not to bother / be very careful proceeding as they have a child and it could cause problems.
Just report it, get it logged, rinse & repeat, get a harassment order, or whatever they're called now, not a lot more you can do unless you fancy like breaking his nose, but, as you say, it won't get you anywhere other than in trouble.
If your current OH is on some form of benefits, which it sounds like she maybe if he's tried reporting her, you'll need to play that by the book as well (as in not staying there regularly).
If your current OH is on some form of benefits, which it sounds like she maybe if he's tried reporting her, you'll need to play that by the book as well (as in not staying there regularly).
I think given the seriousness of the situation (vandalism and borderline stalking) it's worth trying to resolve. Ignoring it won't make it go away sadly as he's fixated on you both so won't find someone new to move on in life with.
You've got a couple of options police or yourself. Police might work. It might also be more hassle than it's worth and make him play the system and escalate. The time for the police was when the car got keyed, preferably having had a couple of other minor incidents logged.
Don't go round yourself or with mates to have a chat. Even if you just have a chat you run the risk of him accusing you of assault or just threatening behaviour.
Are her parents willing to go with you? I'm assuming that his parents aren't still involved? Seen situations where the sons been a black sheep and his parents want to be involved with a grandchild and would help to step in, that would be the ideal solution here. But I'd suggest popping round with her Mum and Dad and politely explaining (genuinely polite not another way of saying giving him a hiding) that his behaviours unacceptable and it needs to stop. Detail what you know he's done. Explain why it's a problem and explain where the situation will go next unless he sorts himself out (police and possibly losing access to child).
But you need to stay calm and have the plausible witnesses. Go with some mates and no matter how calm you were it's quite believable you gave him a kicking. Go with a pair of octagenarian church goers and it's far less likely.
You've got a couple of options police or yourself. Police might work. It might also be more hassle than it's worth and make him play the system and escalate. The time for the police was when the car got keyed, preferably having had a couple of other minor incidents logged.
Don't go round yourself or with mates to have a chat. Even if you just have a chat you run the risk of him accusing you of assault or just threatening behaviour.
Are her parents willing to go with you? I'm assuming that his parents aren't still involved? Seen situations where the sons been a black sheep and his parents want to be involved with a grandchild and would help to step in, that would be the ideal solution here. But I'd suggest popping round with her Mum and Dad and politely explaining (genuinely polite not another way of saying giving him a hiding) that his behaviours unacceptable and it needs to stop. Detail what you know he's done. Explain why it's a problem and explain where the situation will go next unless he sorts himself out (police and possibly losing access to child).
But you need to stay calm and have the plausible witnesses. Go with some mates and no matter how calm you were it's quite believable you gave him a kicking. Go with a pair of octagenarian church goers and it's far less likely.
theguvernor15 said:
Just report it, get it logged, rinse & repeat, get a harassment order, or whatever they're called now, not a lot more you can do unless you fancy like breaking his nose, but, as you say, it won't get you anywhere other than in trouble.
If your current OH is on some form of benefits, which it sounds like she maybe if he's tried reporting her, you'll need to play that by the book as well (as in not staying there regularly).
Not at all on benefits just had single person discount on council tax discount since removed.If your current OH is on some form of benefits, which it sounds like she maybe if he's tried reporting her, you'll need to play that by the book as well (as in not staying there regularly).
In the short term, get yourselves off social media.
Whilst you say "he has been told not to contact her apart from ref the kid", that's a nonsense thing to say to him. If he need sot contact ref the kid, he has to be allowed to contact, so, as you say you are doing, ignore all other stuff. If he starts making threats, report him.
Make his life as hard as you can without breaking the law. He will soon get bored, he has his kid one day a week and the rest of the time he is a single guy. He will soon realise that his time is more productive spent elsewhere than hassling you guys.
How old is the kid? Don't tell him his dad is a dick, but let him know what's been going on if he is old enough, so he can work it out for himself and also be prepared for his dad trying to turn him against mum.
Ref grassing up to council tax, let him do it, if you are not breaking any rules, what's the issue, if you are, well, suck it up.
Don't let it get to you, either of you. He will soon get bored. Any more "dream gifts" keep them to yourselves, don't let them go all over facebook etc. He cannot get into your private lives if you keep it private!
Whilst you say "he has been told not to contact her apart from ref the kid", that's a nonsense thing to say to him. If he need sot contact ref the kid, he has to be allowed to contact, so, as you say you are doing, ignore all other stuff. If he starts making threats, report him.
Make his life as hard as you can without breaking the law. He will soon get bored, he has his kid one day a week and the rest of the time he is a single guy. He will soon realise that his time is more productive spent elsewhere than hassling you guys.
How old is the kid? Don't tell him his dad is a dick, but let him know what's been going on if he is old enough, so he can work it out for himself and also be prepared for his dad trying to turn him against mum.
Ref grassing up to council tax, let him do it, if you are not breaking any rules, what's the issue, if you are, well, suck it up.
Don't let it get to you, either of you. He will soon get bored. Any more "dream gifts" keep them to yourselves, don't let them go all over facebook etc. He cannot get into your private lives if you keep it private!
wildoliver said:
I think given the seriousness of the situation (vandalism and borderline stalking) it's worth trying to resolve. Ignoring it won't make it go away sadly as he's fixated on you both so won't find someone new to move on in life with.
You've got a couple of options police or yourself. Police might work. It might also be more hassle than it's worth and make him play the system and escalate. The time for the police was when the car got keyed, preferably having had a couple of other minor incidents logged.
Don't go round yourself or with mates to have a chat. Even if you just have a chat you run the risk of him accusing you of assault or just threatening behaviour.
Are her parents willing to go with you? I'm assuming that his parents aren't still involved? Seen situations where the sons been a black sheep and his parents want to be involved with a grandchild and would help to step in, that would be the ideal solution here. But I'd suggest popping round with her Mum and Dad and politely explaining (genuinely polite not another way of saying giving him a hiding) that his behaviours unacceptable and it needs to stop. Detail what you know he's done. Explain why it's a problem and explain where the situation will go next unless he sorts himself out (police and possibly losing access to child).
But you need to stay calm and have the plausible witnesses. Go with some mates and no matter how calm you were it's quite believable you gave him a kicking. Go with a pair of octagenarian church goers and it's far less likely.
Thanks for the advice. You've got a couple of options police or yourself. Police might work. It might also be more hassle than it's worth and make him play the system and escalate. The time for the police was when the car got keyed, preferably having had a couple of other minor incidents logged.
Don't go round yourself or with mates to have a chat. Even if you just have a chat you run the risk of him accusing you of assault or just threatening behaviour.
Are her parents willing to go with you? I'm assuming that his parents aren't still involved? Seen situations where the sons been a black sheep and his parents want to be involved with a grandchild and would help to step in, that would be the ideal solution here. But I'd suggest popping round with her Mum and Dad and politely explaining (genuinely polite not another way of saying giving him a hiding) that his behaviours unacceptable and it needs to stop. Detail what you know he's done. Explain why it's a problem and explain where the situation will go next unless he sorts himself out (police and possibly losing access to child).
But you need to stay calm and have the plausible witnesses. Go with some mates and no matter how calm you were it's quite believable you gave him a kicking. Go with a pair of octagenarian church goers and it's far less likely.
Cant really do the bringing parents round type of thing not an option but I like the thought behind it to ensure calm etc. It's a shame that as weird as his behaviour is my GF is just kind of used to it. I mean a fully grown adult male with children creating fake social media accounts ffs?
Boringly I work in social housing. This is only relevant as I guess I get involved with the lives of 100,000 tenants.
Facebook is the forum of idiots. It's how they communicate. I bet if you turned it off, the Police would suddenly be at a loss as to what to do with their spare time.
I can see it now. lots of pics of birthday present, night out, look at me pics blah blah.
knob cheese ex-bf getting jealous.
10 years ago, he would have never known. because people lived their lives without broadcasting it.
also factor in, as the parent of child, he'll be in yr life forever. so act with due care.
Facebook is the forum of idiots. It's how they communicate. I bet if you turned it off, the Police would suddenly be at a loss as to what to do with their spare time.
I can see it now. lots of pics of birthday present, night out, look at me pics blah blah.
knob cheese ex-bf getting jealous.
10 years ago, he would have never known. because people lived their lives without broadcasting it.
also factor in, as the parent of child, he'll be in yr life forever. so act with due care.
Vaud said:
It is "his child" or rather the child has rights, the parents have responsibilities. He has a right to see his dad, even if his dad is a dick. You have no rights in this situation with regards to parenting decisions.
The sentence you quote did suggest if I confronted him that it could be me seen as a nutter and it would be me not allowed near his child. This would be the last thing I want and I have no interest or desire in preventing him seeing his child it is not my place to do that. I do think if he carries on with his strange behaviour there is every chance that may well happen completely of his own doing and most likely legally enforced in some way.I had suggested to my GF I had no problem in being the bigger person and allowing him to come to our new home and pick up the child once we move in next year as I felt handovers at the end of the drive etc were not required. I am very secure in my relationship and not threatened by any of this, but it isn't nice to see someone upset and fed up with the way this idiot is carrying on and I intend to do something to try and put a stop to it.
The child is aged between 3-5 I don't want to be too specific with everything for linking back etc.
He has tried telling the child that I am a nasty man, not to like me etc etc.All very pathetic.
JimmyConwayNW said:
...
I can turn up at his house with a few of the lads and put a bit of pressure on him that his behaviour won't be tolerated but am I then painted out to be a nutter who is not fit to be around 'his child'.
So long as he doesn't know your friends, get yourself somewhere nice and public one day and have your friends, balaclava up and mug him, then give him a thorough kicking for "resisting" . Maybe a broken leg or 2. Make sure it just looks like a run of the mill theft of wallet job and noting related to you, your mrs or the kid. Won't help or change anything but it will make you feel betterI can turn up at his house with a few of the lads and put a bit of pressure on him that his behaviour won't be tolerated but am I then painted out to be a nutter who is not fit to be around 'his child'.
Hypothetically of course
JimmyConwayNW said:
Currently having a few issues with GF ex partner.....
A friend of mine was in a similar situation a few years ago, although his GF's ex was being much more inflammatory. Against advice, he lost his s
t one day and confronted him, and ended up battering him. I asked him afterwards if he felt any better. He said "it's not about making me feeling better, its about making him feel worse" or words to that effect. Did it work? I'd like to say no, he got into a load of trouble. But actually he didn't. It did work. YMMV.
Jinba Ittai said:
JimmyConwayNW said:
Currently having a few issues with GF ex partner.....
A friend of mine was in a similar situation a few years ago, although his GF's ex was being much more inflammatory. Against advice, he lost his st one day and confronted him, and ended up battering him. I asked him afterwards if he felt any better. He said "it's not about making me feeling better, its about making him feel worse" or words to that effect. Did it work? I'd like to say no, he got into a load of trouble. But actually he didn't. It did work. YMMV.
Invite him out for a drink, just have it out with him.
He wants access.
You want to get along.
You need him to stop being a dick
Tell him you will forget all about his stupid behavior, but he has to accept the situation as it is. Then you have done the adult and proper thing, if he acts the goat after that then fair enough.
Gargamel said:
Invite him out for a drink, just have it out with him.
He wants access.
You want to get along.
You need him to stop being a dick
Tell him you will forget all about his stupid behavior, but he has to accept the situation as it is. Then you have done the adult and proper thing, if he acts the goat after that then fair enough.
I can only assume you live in a fantasy world!He wants access.
You want to get along.
You need him to stop being a dick
Tell him you will forget all about his stupid behavior, but he has to accept the situation as it is. Then you have done the adult and proper thing, if he acts the goat after that then fair enough.
Whilst probably 80% of the population are fine. The remaining 20% are such unbelievable
s that they would continue to be a dick and probably ramp it up a bit because they don't want to lose face.The only options here for the OP are
1) Ignore it
2) Have the bloke severely harmed
3) Call the Police
Anything else will not solve this!
Rich_W said:
Gargamel said:
Invite him out for a drink, just have it out with him.
He wants access.
You want to get along.
You need him to stop being a dick
Tell him you will forget all about his stupid behavior, but he has to accept the situation as it is. Then you have done the adult and proper thing, if he acts the goat after that then fair enough.
I can only assume you live in a fantasy world!He wants access.
You want to get along.
You need him to stop being a dick
Tell him you will forget all about his stupid behavior, but he has to accept the situation as it is. Then you have done the adult and proper thing, if he acts the goat after that then fair enough.
Whilst probably 80% of the population are fine. The remaining 20% are such unbelievable
s that they would continue to be a dick and probably ramp it up a bit because they don't want to lose face.The only options here for the OP are
1) Ignore it
2) Have the bloke severely harmed
3) Call the Police
Anything else will not solve this!
I am no fantasist, nothing wrong with some straight forward and direct communication between men over a beer. You will solze it or not a lot more quickly than by going to the police with some he said she said crap.
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