Thank you letters
Discussion
I need some advice. We always make sure our kids, even though they’re teenagers now, write a thank you letter at Christmas and birthdays.
My sisters children never do. The oldest and youngest at least pick the phone up to say thank you.
. They live in the West Country so we’re lucky if we see them twice a year.
The middle one is an annoying s
t. He’s just started Cambridge Uni.
He’s tall, good looking and is brillant at sports and can play any instrument and has now got a stunning girlfriend.
I’m not jealous honestly.
It’s coming up to his birthday and I want to just send a card with no money attached.
My Wife thinks I’m being petty and my Sister is bound to be offended but I want to make a point.
What should I do?
Oh and he supports Man Utd.
My sisters children never do. The oldest and youngest at least pick the phone up to say thank you.
. They live in the West Country so we’re lucky if we see them twice a year.
The middle one is an annoying s
t. He’s just started Cambridge Uni.He’s tall, good looking and is brillant at sports and can play any instrument and has now got a stunning girlfriend.
I’m not jealous honestly.
It’s coming up to his birthday and I want to just send a card with no money attached.
My Wife thinks I’m being petty and my Sister is bound to be offended but I want to make a point.
What should I do?
Oh and he supports Man Utd.
The problem is I’ve sent money up to his older brothers 21st, but he phoned to say thank you. And, tbh, I’ve always felt sorry for him because he’s got a few issues and lives in the shadow of his perfect younger brother.
I’ve just had an idea of sending a book token with a message that since hard cash wasn’t really any good to him, I’ve had a think and this token may be of use in his academic studies. I still won’t get a thank you though.
I’ve just had an idea of sending a book token with a message that since hard cash wasn’t really any good to him, I’ve had a think and this token may be of use in his academic studies. I still won’t get a thank you though.
I find thank-you letters a bit of an oddity!
I was very much brought up with a culture of sending them, but then again, I was also brought up at a time where mobile phones were something from science fiction, and the cost of a landline call to say thanks would've been more than the cost of the present in the first place!
As I recall, a typical thank-you letter used to go something like this...
Personally, if I get written letters from my kids once they leave home or eventually grandchildren should I have them, my first reaction will be to wonder what I've done to upset or offend them that means they'd rather deliver their thanks through the coldly impersonal medium of the written word rather than firing up a video call and having a nice chat, where the purveyance of gratitude is a mere bagatelle compared to the pleasure of getting to talk to them about what they're up to, how they're doing and everything else you'd want to talk about.
However, given that the middle one can't even be arsed to pick up the phone, I'd suggest buying a goat for an African on his behalf or some such nonsense, and enclose a copy of the thank-you email from the charity and a note to say that as you've clearly been so dreadful at buying him presents that he likes over the years, you thought he'd be delighted to know that at least the people for whom you bought a goat on his behalf were clearly very grateful.
I was very much brought up with a culture of sending them, but then again, I was also brought up at a time where mobile phones were something from science fiction, and the cost of a landline call to say thanks would've been more than the cost of the present in the first place!
As I recall, a typical thank-you letter used to go something like this...
Thank-you letter said:
Dear Granny & Granddad,
Thank you for the jumper with the dancing sheep on it that you got me for Christmas. I will think of you fondly when my mates are mercilessly ripping the piss out of me because I'm 15 now, not five.
I hope you had a nice Christmas.
Love from me.
Was there any two-way dialogue there? Was there any opportunity for laughter and bonding? Was there, in fact, anything at all except a piece of paper written out of a sense of obligation by an average kid who, let's face it, was never likely to challenge the supremacy of the likes of Hemingway when it comes to drawing up a list of the greatest letter writers of all time.Thank you for the jumper with the dancing sheep on it that you got me for Christmas. I will think of you fondly when my mates are mercilessly ripping the piss out of me because I'm 15 now, not five.
I hope you had a nice Christmas.
Love from me.
Personally, if I get written letters from my kids once they leave home or eventually grandchildren should I have them, my first reaction will be to wonder what I've done to upset or offend them that means they'd rather deliver their thanks through the coldly impersonal medium of the written word rather than firing up a video call and having a nice chat, where the purveyance of gratitude is a mere bagatelle compared to the pleasure of getting to talk to them about what they're up to, how they're doing and everything else you'd want to talk about.
However, given that the middle one can't even be arsed to pick up the phone, I'd suggest buying a goat for an African on his behalf or some such nonsense, and enclose a copy of the thank-you email from the charity and a note to say that as you've clearly been so dreadful at buying him presents that he likes over the years, you thought he'd be delighted to know that at least the people for whom you bought a goat on his behalf were clearly very grateful.
I have 5 nieces and nephews.
One side of the family (2b and 1g) are polite and friendly and always communicated. And now they're older we have a relationship as friends.
The other side might as well not exist. They get presents the same as everyone to avoid family arguments, but if we died Im sure they wouldn't care.
In fact I'm thinking of changing my will as I don't have kids of my own and don't fancy giving them a great wodge of cash.
It will cause arguments but I'll be dead so won't care
One side of the family (2b and 1g) are polite and friendly and always communicated. And now they're older we have a relationship as friends.
The other side might as well not exist. They get presents the same as everyone to avoid family arguments, but if we died Im sure they wouldn't care.
In fact I'm thinking of changing my will as I don't have kids of my own and don't fancy giving them a great wodge of cash.
It will cause arguments but I'll be dead so won't care
My wife makes our (much younger) kids send thank you cards to pretty much anyone that’s ever smiled at them. They’re at the ‘kids party every weekend’ stage and we’ve had perhaps one or two cards back in the last year.
Have you ever spoken with you sister about your expectations? Do you receive a thank you for gifts you give her?
It seems a bit odd you’re not pleased for your talented nephew, if it’s all over a lack of ‘thank you’s’ maybe you should speak with him too?
Have you ever spoken with you sister about your expectations? Do you receive a thank you for gifts you give her?
It seems a bit odd you’re not pleased for your talented nephew, if it’s all over a lack of ‘thank you’s’ maybe you should speak with him too?
Kermit power said:
I find thank-you letters a bit of an oddity!
I was very much brought up with a culture of sending them, but then again, I was also brought up at a time where mobile phones were something from science fiction, and the cost of a landline call to say thanks would've been more than the cost of the present in the first place!
As I recall, a typical thank-you letter used to go something like this...
Personally, if I get written letters from my kids once they leave home or eventually grandchildren should I have them, my first reaction will be to wonder what I've done to upset or offend them that means they'd rather deliver their thanks through the coldly impersonal medium of the written word rather than firing up a video call and having a nice chat, where the purveyance of gratitude is a mere bagatelle compared to the pleasure of getting to talk to them about what they're up to, how they're doing and everything else you'd want to talk about.
However, given that the middle one can't even be arsed to pick up the phone, I'd suggest buying a goat for an African on his behalf or some such nonsense, and enclose a copy of the thank-you email from the charity and a note to say that as you've clearly been so dreadful at buying him presents that he likes over the years, you thought he'd be delighted to know that at least the people for whom you bought a goat on his behalf were clearly very grateful.
Superb! I was very much brought up with a culture of sending them, but then again, I was also brought up at a time where mobile phones were something from science fiction, and the cost of a landline call to say thanks would've been more than the cost of the present in the first place!
As I recall, a typical thank-you letter used to go something like this...
Thank-you letter said:
Dear Granny & Granddad,
Thank you for the jumper with the dancing sheep on it that you got me for Christmas. I will think of you fondly when my mates are mercilessly ripping the piss out of me because I'm 15 now, not five.
I hope you had a nice Christmas.
Love from me.
Was there any two-way dialogue there? Was there any opportunity for laughter and bonding? Was there, in fact, anything at all except a piece of paper written out of a sense of obligation by an average kid who, let's face it, was never likely to challenge the supremacy of the likes of Hemingway when it comes to drawing up a list of the greatest letter writers of all time.Thank you for the jumper with the dancing sheep on it that you got me for Christmas. I will think of you fondly when my mates are mercilessly ripping the piss out of me because I'm 15 now, not five.
I hope you had a nice Christmas.
Love from me.
Personally, if I get written letters from my kids once they leave home or eventually grandchildren should I have them, my first reaction will be to wonder what I've done to upset or offend them that means they'd rather deliver their thanks through the coldly impersonal medium of the written word rather than firing up a video call and having a nice chat, where the purveyance of gratitude is a mere bagatelle compared to the pleasure of getting to talk to them about what they're up to, how they're doing and everything else you'd want to talk about.
However, given that the middle one can't even be arsed to pick up the phone, I'd suggest buying a goat for an African on his behalf or some such nonsense, and enclose a copy of the thank-you email from the charity and a note to say that as you've clearly been so dreadful at buying him presents that he likes over the years, you thought he'd be delighted to know that at least the people for whom you bought a goat on his behalf were clearly very grateful.
Wasn't there a recent post on the "Juvenile things" thread about being able to adopt a roach? Was it New York Zoo?
stuartmmcfc said:
I need some advice. We always make sure our kids, even though they’re teenagers now, write a thank you letter at Christmas and birthdays.
My sisters children never do. The oldest and youngest at least pick the phone up to say thank you.
. They live in the West Country so we’re lucky if we see them twice a year.
The middle one is an annoying st. He’s just started Cambridge Uni.
He’s tall, good looking and is brillant at sports and can play any instrument and has now got a stunning girlfriend.
I’m not jealous honestly.
It’s coming up to his birthday and I want to just send a card with no money attached.
My Wife thinks I’m being petty and my Sister is bound to be offended but I want to make a point.
What should I do?
Oh and he supports Man Utd.
This is one instance when as the adult you should maybe maintain the moral high ground, but send him a blank "Thank you " card inside your card. That should embarrass him into saying thanks although he probably won't mean it.My sisters children never do. The oldest and youngest at least pick the phone up to say thank you.
. They live in the West Country so we’re lucky if we see them twice a year.
The middle one is an annoying s
t. He’s just started Cambridge Uni.He’s tall, good looking and is brillant at sports and can play any instrument and has now got a stunning girlfriend.
I’m not jealous honestly.
It’s coming up to his birthday and I want to just send a card with no money attached.
My Wife thinks I’m being petty and my Sister is bound to be offended but I want to make a point.
What should I do?
Oh and he supports Man Utd.
And that's really the point, you give because you want to give, not because you expect any thanks in return.
The advent of the smartphone has bought with it some great capability that simply wasn't there years ago and disrupted how we live and interact beyond recognition in just a few short years.
The one area it is has totally failed in is the banishing of any kind of greeting, christmas or thank you card along with the social scruples that come with it. If anything it's now more confusing than ever.
This disappoints me greatly. I'd quite happily watch all card shops burn. Sorry OP but we're in a period of smartphone social transition as far as gifts and cards are concerned. I doubt even Debrett can help.
The one area it is has totally failed in is the banishing of any kind of greeting, christmas or thank you card along with the social scruples that come with it. If anything it's now more confusing than ever.
This disappoints me greatly. I'd quite happily watch all card shops burn. Sorry OP but we're in a period of smartphone social transition as far as gifts and cards are concerned. I doubt even Debrett can help.
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