Relationship with Father
Discussion
Dont overly get along with either of mine. Moreso my mother who once told me I should carry a plant around to replace the oxygen I waste. I’ve pretty much written her off.
Relationship with father is strained. We are just different. He lives a mile away. Probably sees me and his only grandchildren for ten minutes every other month.
My wife however has an excellent relationship with her parents.
You can’t choose your parents and there is no such thing as unconditional love, so don’t worry if you don’t get along. Just move on. Life’s too short. Some people just don’t get along.
Relationship with father is strained. We are just different. He lives a mile away. Probably sees me and his only grandchildren for ten minutes every other month.
My wife however has an excellent relationship with her parents.
You can’t choose your parents and there is no such thing as unconditional love, so don’t worry if you don’t get along. Just move on. Life’s too short. Some people just don’t get along.
WinkleHoff said:
The bit that is eating me is I feel the need to "have it out", because it will make me feel better. But probably not better for kids etc. I just can't stand the facade of it all. One thing I would say is that it's made me want to be different towards my kids, for the better.
I know this feeling. I’ve taken how I was spoken to and treat as a child, and made sure I don’t replicate this with my children. Don’t get me wrong, I was looked after and didn’t really go without, just would have been nice to have parents who cared, and weren’t money hungry and selfish.
Thank god my mum lives in Spain though. Means I only see her every other year at best.
I am envious of what my wife has with her parents though. Although they’re like my substitute parents now I guess.
Thesprucegoose said:
i watched my dad beak his back and die when I was 8, i wish i had any relationship with my dad. Take comfort he is still around..
I can pull the dead dad card out too albeit a little bit older than you and I respectfully disagree. 
I’d rather have had the short 15 years with my awesome dad who is still the champion of the world to me (to be fair no one can compete with a ghost) than the 36 years my wife has had with her complete d
head, selfish, thoughtless tt of a dad who unfortunately is still breathing. In an ideal world mine would still be going and hers wouldn’t, but I’ll take what I had as I have nothing but happy thoughts where as the Mrs is still dealing with the insufferable s
tbag. Aaaaaaannnnnnd reeeeeeelax
Great relationship, the old adage of the older I've got the more my dad seems to know 
He retired a while ago, but was relatively senior in the oil industry in a tech related (CIO type) role, I've spent a lot of my career in tech type businesses, and once I managed to get a bit beyond office junior he's been hugely helpful.
One memorable occasion many years ago was when someone screwed up big style on client site (a huge multinational), and his advice of 'Do not in any way try to hide it, the client will find out. Find the most senior person in the client org and tell them immediately' was something that came up in a board(ish) review later that year, the client being positively surprised by the proactive nature of the owning up. Especially as one of the guys on site wanted to try and hide it.
The only annoying thing is that he was only c10yrs older than I am now when he retired, and no way am I going to be able to do that!
He retired a while ago, but was relatively senior in the oil industry in a tech related (CIO type) role, I've spent a lot of my career in tech type businesses, and once I managed to get a bit beyond office junior he's been hugely helpful.
One memorable occasion many years ago was when someone screwed up big style on client site (a huge multinational), and his advice of 'Do not in any way try to hide it, the client will find out. Find the most senior person in the client org and tell them immediately' was something that came up in a board(ish) review later that year, the client being positively surprised by the proactive nature of the owning up
. Especially as one of the guys on site wanted to try and hide it.The only annoying thing is that he was only c10yrs older than I am now when he retired, and no way am I going to be able to do that!
I haven’t had any sort of relationship with my father since we had a minor email disagreement about brexit 2.5 years ago & he told my sister he didn’t want to speak to me anymore.
I left it up to my teenage/adult sons to decide whether to continue their relationship with him but that Christmas he sent a card addressed only to my wife & sons, as if I was dead, which upset my wife greatly, & that made them decide independently that he was a horrible, bitter old prick who wasn’t worth bothering with.
My eldest son had a daughter almost 2 years ago & took her round a couple of times, where he just moaned about the child being born out of wedlock, so he gave up on his granddad too.
So that’s where we are today; my emotions have gone from bewilderment to anger to couldn’t give a fk, & if he ever wants a relationship with me he’d have to beg on his hands & knees, & that won’t happen with the stubborn old fool.
My son gets married on Monday, it’ll be a glorious occasion with all our family celebrating, except him who isn’t invited.
He caused all this, but he’s also the real loser, & deep down he knows it.
And no, when he eventually dies (he’s almost 80], I won’t go to his funeral.
fk him.
I left it up to my teenage/adult sons to decide whether to continue their relationship with him but that Christmas he sent a card addressed only to my wife & sons, as if I was dead, which upset my wife greatly, & that made them decide independently that he was a horrible, bitter old prick who wasn’t worth bothering with.
My eldest son had a daughter almost 2 years ago & took her round a couple of times, where he just moaned about the child being born out of wedlock, so he gave up on his granddad too.
So that’s where we are today; my emotions have gone from bewilderment to anger to couldn’t give a f
k, & if he ever wants a relationship with me he’d have to beg on his hands & knees, & that won’t happen with the stubborn old fool.My son gets married on Monday, it’ll be a glorious occasion with all our family celebrating, except him who isn’t invited.
He caused all this, but he’s also the real loser, & deep down he knows it.
And no, when he eventually dies (he’s almost 80], I won’t go to his funeral.
f
k him.The Doyle said:
I haven’t had any sort of relationship with my father since we had a minor email disagreement about brexit 2.5 years ago & he told my sister he didn’t want to speak to me anymore.
I left it up to my teenage/adult sons to decide whether to continue their relationship with him but that Christmas he sent a card addressed only to my wife & sons, as if I was dead, which upset my wife greatly, & that made them decide independently that he was a horrible, bitter old prick who wasn’t worth bothering with.
My eldest son had a daughter almost 2 years ago & took her round a couple of times, where he just moaned about the child being born out of wedlock, so he gave up on his granddad too.
So that’s where we are today; my emotions have gone from bewilderment to anger to couldn’t give a fk, & if he ever wants a relationship with me he’d have to beg on his hands & knees, & that won’t happen with the stubborn old fool.
My son gets married on Monday, it’ll be a glorious occasion with all our family celebrating, except him who isn’t invited.
He caused all this, but he’s also the real loser, & deep down he knows it.
And no, when he eventually dies (he’s almost 80], I won’t go to his funeral.
fk him.
That's tough. Do you feel better now you've "clarified" your relationship with him? I left it up to my teenage/adult sons to decide whether to continue their relationship with him but that Christmas he sent a card addressed only to my wife & sons, as if I was dead, which upset my wife greatly, & that made them decide independently that he was a horrible, bitter old prick who wasn’t worth bothering with.
My eldest son had a daughter almost 2 years ago & took her round a couple of times, where he just moaned about the child being born out of wedlock, so he gave up on his granddad too.
So that’s where we are today; my emotions have gone from bewilderment to anger to couldn’t give a f
k, & if he ever wants a relationship with me he’d have to beg on his hands & knees, & that won’t happen with the stubborn old fool.My son gets married on Monday, it’ll be a glorious occasion with all our family celebrating, except him who isn’t invited.
He caused all this, but he’s also the real loser, & deep down he knows it.
And no, when he eventually dies (he’s almost 80], I won’t go to his funeral.
f
k him.Mine is now dead, he was a poor father but I know that he had a bad role model in his father.
My father used to hit me with his fists, when I was old enough to hit him back I hit him once, he went down and didnt get up for an hour, he never hit me again.
Left home soon after that and never went back.
My father used to hit me with his fists, when I was old enough to hit him back I hit him once, he went down and didnt get up for an hour, he never hit me again.
Left home soon after that and never went back.
I haven’t clarified anything with him other than in my own mind. He said he didn’t want to speak to me anymore & I respected his wishes.
Up until a few months ago I still had great anger towards him so I essentially ‘parked him’ mentally for my own sake.
He’s always been a horrible racist & bigot but he was still my dad, although as he got worse as he got older I did find less love & affinity with him. That said, I still find it ridiculous that a father could ostracise his child because of a difference of political opinion, as do my 3 sons.
People, eh?
The Doyle said:
I haven’t clarified anything with him other than in my own mind. He said he didn’t want to speak to me anymore & I respected his wishes.
Up until a few months ago I still had great anger towards him so I essentially ‘parked him’ mentally for my own sake.
He’s always been a horrible racist & bigot but he was still my dad, although as he got worse as he got older I did find less love & affinity with him. That said, I still find it ridiculous that a father could ostracise his child because of a difference of political opinion, as do my 3 sons.
People, eh?
That's mind blowing. I sometimes wonder how long it would take my Dad to invite his grandkids over if we just left it to him to instigate something. I actually don't care how he is with me, it's my kids who want to feel something. Up until a few months ago I still had great anger towards him so I essentially ‘parked him’ mentally for my own sake.
He’s always been a horrible racist & bigot but he was still my dad, although as he got worse as he got older I did find less love & affinity with him. That said, I still find it ridiculous that a father could ostracise his child because of a difference of political opinion, as do my 3 sons.
People, eh?
WinkleHoff said:
That's mind blowing. I sometimes wonder how long it would take my Dad to invite his grandkids over if we just left it to him to instigate something. I actually don't care how he is with me, it's my kids who want to feel something.
Yep, the self entitlement of some of that baby boomer generation is both perplexing & shameful. He can’t be bothered to go & see his only great granddaughter 4 miles down the road but can tour Scotland in his motor home for 6 weeks at time every year. Looking back, when my boys were little, we had to visit him on Christmas morning, taking them away from their toys, just because he couldn’t be arsed to drive 3 miles to see his grandkids.In hindsight, I probably helped to create this self entitled monster, but as I said earlier, he’s the real loser in this, & he knows it.
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