Just needed a vent
Discussion
As above really just needing a vent.
My Dad died in September and I'm currently trying to get funds released from his estate, a simple task one might think, err nope. My dad had no will and due to my sister being under 18, two executors are required, this fell to me and my frankly incompetent brother who holds no ID at all, never had a job, just stays at home all day everyday. Suffice to say I've done all the phone calls, paperwork, chasing up while trying (and failing) to hold down a full time job.
I started communications with First Direct at the end of December and explained my brother's ID situation, they said to provide two letters with his full name and address, he did this, but gave one with his current address and another with his old address. Meanwhile I sent a copy of my Driving Licence and copy of a bank statement, job done for me, the was mid January. FD rejected my brother's ID as showing old address, so off goes another letter, which he didn't get verified by a professional body, so again refused. So we send the letter back off, and it doesn't have his full name, just initials and got rejected. We then tried sending a copy of birth certificate in and rejected as not ID. They've said need to get a benefits letter from him with full name, address and tax code, I'm going to try and get this tomorrow. Also all the above letters we sent off, guess who paid for postage?
This brings us to current day, where the stress has left me signed off work for the last month, £350 overdrawn from paying off solicitor bills and other bills, now unable to pay my own bills as the money should have been in at the beginning of last week so thought would be fine. I am completely done in, fed up, stressed and angry.
As much as I want to just say to him sort it out yourself, I can't because then it'll never get done.
Don't know if any of the above makes any sense, I'm so angry typing proper, coherent sentences is hard. Also, I know 0/10 for no swearing.
Any advice is appreciated but also piss taking, calling my brother a scrounger or even posting your own vent is fine by me.
PS - I have no complaints with First Direct, they've been very helpful and I completely understand their reasoning, so not naming and shaming them or anything.
My Dad died in September and I'm currently trying to get funds released from his estate, a simple task one might think, err nope. My dad had no will and due to my sister being under 18, two executors are required, this fell to me and my frankly incompetent brother who holds no ID at all, never had a job, just stays at home all day everyday. Suffice to say I've done all the phone calls, paperwork, chasing up while trying (and failing) to hold down a full time job.
I started communications with First Direct at the end of December and explained my brother's ID situation, they said to provide two letters with his full name and address, he did this, but gave one with his current address and another with his old address. Meanwhile I sent a copy of my Driving Licence and copy of a bank statement, job done for me, the was mid January. FD rejected my brother's ID as showing old address, so off goes another letter, which he didn't get verified by a professional body, so again refused. So we send the letter back off, and it doesn't have his full name, just initials and got rejected. We then tried sending a copy of birth certificate in and rejected as not ID. They've said need to get a benefits letter from him with full name, address and tax code, I'm going to try and get this tomorrow. Also all the above letters we sent off, guess who paid for postage?
This brings us to current day, where the stress has left me signed off work for the last month, £350 overdrawn from paying off solicitor bills and other bills, now unable to pay my own bills as the money should have been in at the beginning of last week so thought would be fine. I am completely done in, fed up, stressed and angry.
As much as I want to just say to him sort it out yourself, I can't because then it'll never get done.
Don't know if any of the above makes any sense, I'm so angry typing proper, coherent sentences is hard. Also, I know 0/10 for no swearing.
Any advice is appreciated but also piss taking, calling my brother a scrounger or even posting your own vent is fine by me.
PS - I have no complaints with First Direct, they've been very helpful and I completely understand their reasoning, so not naming and shaming them or anything.
I have no experience in being caught in something like this but have you looked for people who can help (and obviously take a fee) just to take the pressure of you as you are so involved/affected? I know you obviously need to do a lot of this but can someone take care of the admin/running around?
Sorry about your loss. I’ve lost both parents within the last 12 months.
Probate is a nightmare. But I guess they’ve got to be thorough.
I’m afraid it does seem like it’s your brother’s inability to be part of the grown up world that’s the problem here.
But good luck with it. The money part seems so grubby after such a loss.
Probate is a nightmare. But I guess they’ve got to be thorough.
I’m afraid it does seem like it’s your brother’s inability to be part of the grown up world that’s the problem here.
But good luck with it. The money part seems so grubby after such a loss.
james-witton said:
Sorry about your loss. I’ve lost both parents within the last 12 months.
Probate is a nightmare. But I guess they’ve got to be thorough.
I’m afraid it does seem like it’s your brother’s inability to be part of the grown up world that’s the problem here.
But good luck with it. The money part seems so grubby after such a loss.
Thanks, same to you, I'm worried about losing my mum now. Probate is a nightmare. But I guess they’ve got to be thorough.
I’m afraid it does seem like it’s your brother’s inability to be part of the grown up world that’s the problem here.
But good luck with it. The money part seems so grubby after such a loss.
I completely understand why they're being thorough and none of my anger is directed at them, they seem to be really trying to sort it, once it goes from the berevemtn team to the mangers who call the shots that's when we end up back at square 1. I 100% agree, with you, he is a nightmare, if I could have done this alone it would have been sorted months ago.
Probate is awful, I rather naively thought once the solicitors sent the grant of probate we'd pass that to the bank and that would be that, boy was I wrong. The thing that hits me with all this, is the one person who would be able to help me sort this is my dad, all I want to do right now is ring him and ask for his help.
I don't know if you can hire somebody to help, I might look into it. Considering going to citizens advice drop in tomorrow, not sure if they could help or not?
carlove said:
james-witton said:
Sorry about your loss. I’ve lost both parents within the last 12 months.
Probate is a nightmare. But I guess they’ve got to be thorough.
I’m afraid it does seem like it’s your brother’s inability to be part of the grown up world that’s the problem here.
But good luck with it. The money part seems so grubby after such a loss.
Thanks, same to you, I'm worried about losing my mum now. Probate is a nightmare. But I guess they’ve got to be thorough.
I’m afraid it does seem like it’s your brother’s inability to be part of the grown up world that’s the problem here.
But good luck with it. The money part seems so grubby after such a loss.
I completely understand why they're being thorough and none of my anger is directed at them, they seem to be really trying to sort it, once it goes from the berevemtn team to the mangers who call the shots that's when we end up back at square 1. I 100% agree, with you, he is a nightmare, if I could have done this alone it would have been sorted months ago.
Probate is awful, I rather naively thought once the solicitors sent the grant of probate we'd pass that to the bank and that would be that, boy was I wrong. The thing that hits me with all this, is the one person who would be able to help me sort this is my dad, all I want to do right now is ring him and ask for his help.
I don't know if you can hire somebody to help, I might look into it. Considering going to citizens advice drop in tomorrow, not sure if they could help or not?
It seems like you need to guide your brother’s hand through this. Take control, post letters, evidence etc for him. Make sure it’s done right. As you say, most large companies are sympathetic to this situation and will try and help you out, especially if you can get a name and deal with them.
Try and avoid using the solicitor where possible, it just racks up their fees. Usually they are the only ‘winners’ in these situations.
Good luck. Stay strong. Kick your brother up the ar@e.
Is the brother on Universal credit or JSA ?
If UC he may be able to request a benefit proof letter - this normally contains full name and address NI number etc
This can be requested via the online portal
https://www.universal-credit.service.gov.uk/sign-i...
If on JSA it can be done via a phone call - depends how helpful the person is who answers but most are fine
If you know all yoiur brothers details
Full name /NI number/Account sort code account number / branch address name of account its paid into amount of last few payments contact phone number DWP have for him contact e mail address its possible you could "be him "on the phone - last resort and a bit naughty etc
If UC he may be able to request a benefit proof letter - this normally contains full name and address NI number etc
This can be requested via the online portal
https://www.universal-credit.service.gov.uk/sign-i...
If on JSA it can be done via a phone call - depends how helpful the person is who answers but most are fine
If you know all yoiur brothers details
Full name /NI number/Account sort code account number / branch address name of account its paid into amount of last few payments contact phone number DWP have for him contact e mail address its possible you could "be him "on the phone - last resort and a bit naughty etc
techiedave said:
Is the brother on Universal credit or JSA ?
If UC he may be able to request a benefit proof letter - this normally contains full name and address NI number etc
This can be requested via the online portal
https://www.universal-credit.service.gov.uk/sign-i...
If on JSA it can be done via a phone call - depends how helpful the person is who answers but most are fine
If you know all yoiur brothers details
Full name /NI number/Account sort code account number / branch address name of account its paid into amount of last few payments contact phone number DWP have for him contact e mail address its possible you could "be him "on the phone - last resort and a bit naughty etc
He's on universal credits, plan is to take him to the offices and ask for a letter with all the details on, trying to get sorted as urgently as I'm currently on the verge of being in debt from this. I don't know his NI number, I doubt he does, I know the rest though. If UC he may be able to request a benefit proof letter - this normally contains full name and address NI number etc
This can be requested via the online portal
https://www.universal-credit.service.gov.uk/sign-i...
If on JSA it can be done via a phone call - depends how helpful the person is who answers but most are fine
If you know all yoiur brothers details
Full name /NI number/Account sort code account number / branch address name of account its paid into amount of last few payments contact phone number DWP have for him contact e mail address its possible you could "be him "on the phone - last resort and a bit naughty etc
I'm starting to get a horrible feeling this isn't going to get sorted.
I have had a look and you can get a passport in 1 day, two problems it costs £177 which my brother would never have and I currently cant afford, secondly closest office is in Durham, about 70 miles away and i'm really having to consider fuel costs at the moment.
I can sympathise. When my wife’s mother passed away my idiot pisshead sister-in-law was the executor, nothing happened until my wife and the other sister took her to court to have her removed from the role, and a solicitor was then appointed as executor. All costs were awarded as well, those, along with costs associated with have her evicted from the parental house that she thought she could keep, after moving back in, have ended up costing her nearly thirty thousand pounds out of her share of the estate.
Perhaps the threat of the same might motivate your feckless brother, or if you haven’t the patience to persuade him then I recommend taking the legal route and see about having him replaced at his cost.
Perhaps the threat of the same might motivate your feckless brother, or if you haven’t the patience to persuade him then I recommend taking the legal route and see about having him replaced at his cost.
carlove said:
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He's on universal credits, plan is to take him to the offices and ask for a letter with all the details on, trying to get sorted as urgently as I'm currently on the verge of being in debt from this. I don't know his NI number, I doubt he does, I know the rest though.
I'm starting to get a horrible feeling this isn't going to get sorted.
.
You may just get referred to te phone line anyway He's on universal credits, plan is to take him to the offices and ask for a letter with all the details on, trying to get sorted as urgently as I'm currently on the verge of being in debt from this. I don't know his NI number, I doubt he does, I know the rest though.
I'm starting to get a horrible feeling this isn't going to get sorted.
.
Good luck though
I sympathise with your situation, but the problems have been caused due to you father not leaving a will. If he had left a will, probate is not difficult.
My MIL died suddenly last July and my wife did the probate herself - she was the executor. The probate office are used to dealing with DIY applications and could not have been more helpful. Filing the forms cost £270 and the probate certificate was issued two weeks later, once we had the certificate everything else fell into place. The whole estate was finalised - including selling the house - by mid November.
Wife and I have just updated our own wills, it makes life so much easier for those left and I would encourage everyone to do the same. I do hope it is all sorted for you soon.
My MIL died suddenly last July and my wife did the probate herself - she was the executor. The probate office are used to dealing with DIY applications and could not have been more helpful. Filing the forms cost £270 and the probate certificate was issued two weeks later, once we had the certificate everything else fell into place. The whole estate was finalised - including selling the house - by mid November.
Wife and I have just updated our own wills, it makes life so much easier for those left and I would encourage everyone to do the same. I do hope it is all sorted for you soon.
Your brother sounds exactly like my brother, and i would describe my brother as a humongous waste of blood and organs, incapable of any form of adult tasks.
In my fathers estate anything that needed to be signed was done with a f
king random squiggle, and each squiggle was completely different to the next with no resemblance to his name whatsoever. The simplest of tasks and he fks it up royally and makes me look like im forging his signature. To make matters worse he loses his passport the day before meeting up for ID checks to transfer over some property. He informed me of this in the meeting, still profusely drunk from an all night bender. .
In my fathers estate anything that needed to be signed was done with a f
king random squiggle, and each squiggle was completely different to the next with no resemblance to his name whatsoever. The simplest of tasks and he fks it up royally and makes me look like im forging his signature. To make matters worse he loses his passport the day before meeting up for ID checks to transfer over some property. He informed me of this in the meeting, still profusely drunk from an all night bender. .dazwalsh said:
Your brother sounds exactly like my brother, and i would describe my brother as a humongous waste of blood and organs, incapable of any form of adult tasks.
In my fathers estate anything that needed to be signed was done with a fking random squiggle, and each squiggle was completely different to the next with no resemblance to his name whatsoever. The simplest of tasks and he fks it up royally and makes me look like im forging his signature. To make matters worse he loses his passport the day before meeting up for ID checks to transfer over some property. He informed me of this in the meeting, still profusely drunk from an all night bender. .
Maybe not exactly the same but similar, his signature is his name but scruffier, it is consistent though, he also doesn't drink. At least your brother has a passport, that would solve so many issues right now. In my fathers estate anything that needed to be signed was done with a f
king random squiggle, and each squiggle was completely different to the next with no resemblance to his name whatsoever. The simplest of tasks and he fks it up royally and makes me look like im forging his signature. To make matters worse he loses his passport the day before meeting up for ID checks to transfer over some property. He informed me of this in the meeting, still profusely drunk from an all night bender. .In answer to above comments, I don't want to threaten legal action, family is not great at the moment, I don't want to tear it apart with this, as a complete last resort, maybe.
I wish I sorted probate myself without a solicitor at £270, think it's cost around £1k(they've taken the fees from estate) , my dad also had a business which they also dealt with, that's my next challenge, just had first letter from HSBC, seems they just want proof of accounts being changed over and some signitures before they release the funds, see how my brother can bugger that up, will sort the current account first.
Fingers crossed I don't get referred to the phone lines, I want it sorting urgently as said but also I much prefer sorting things face to face and I'm sick of making phone calls, we'll have to see what happens.
I feel for you. My father died on the 1st February and at the same time, my mother was declared with dementia and moved to a care home. My Dad left a will and thankfully, had funeral arrangements and costs already handled. His will left everything to my mother and my brother and I are executors.
Neither one of us could have done what we needed to without each other. We've had to apply for power of attorney over my mother (and subsequently my older disabled brother who's affairs she used to handle.) I'm still waiting for the certificate for that but have managed to do a lot on her behalf. The DWP have been brilliant on that score. It's been none stop forms as my Dad had several shares, loads of bank accounts, savings, ISA's and multiple death policies. We've taken an even share of the work and done everything together. Nothing useful in this post for you so I apologise for that but I understand the hardship and hope you get things sorted.
Neither one of us could have done what we needed to without each other. We've had to apply for power of attorney over my mother (and subsequently my older disabled brother who's affairs she used to handle.) I'm still waiting for the certificate for that but have managed to do a lot on her behalf. The DWP have been brilliant on that score. It's been none stop forms as my Dad had several shares, loads of bank accounts, savings, ISA's and multiple death policies. We've taken an even share of the work and done everything together. Nothing useful in this post for you so I apologise for that but I understand the hardship and hope you get things sorted.
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