When to call time…
Discussion
ETA Update...
After seeing a couple of similar posts, I remembered this, and thought I should update it.
Life changed fairly dramatically at one point, and ultimatums were set. Come the morning these were slightly swept under the carpet, but what did come out of it was a need to move so that all of our money was not swallowed by overhead.
Ultimately this has led to us being in a position to buy our own place (not before time!) and things have settled down nicely. We are as a couple much happier - it has only come about because we have stuck at it, and occasionally actually communicated.
Is life perfect? I don't think so. There is little affection showed by my wife, but this is the way she has been brought up. Its not going to change...., just means I have to show the affection first...
What I'm trying to say, is don't necessarily chuck it away without trying to save it...
I'm married, but not sure the wife feels the same. it's a bad time.
How do you decide it's time to call time?
After seeing a couple of similar posts, I remembered this, and thought I should update it.
Life changed fairly dramatically at one point, and ultimatums were set. Come the morning these were slightly swept under the carpet, but what did come out of it was a need to move so that all of our money was not swallowed by overhead.
Ultimately this has led to us being in a position to buy our own place (not before time!) and things have settled down nicely. We are as a couple much happier - it has only come about because we have stuck at it, and occasionally actually communicated.
Is life perfect? I don't think so. There is little affection showed by my wife, but this is the way she has been brought up. Its not going to change...., just means I have to show the affection first...
What I'm trying to say, is don't necessarily chuck it away without trying to save it...
I'm married, but not sure the wife feels the same. it's a bad time.
How do you decide it's time to call time?
Edited by surveyor on Friday 5th April 23:53
Edited by surveyor on Wednesday 23 December 19:33
I'm in the "delete this when you wake" up camp.
For what it's worth though, 14 years together and a teenage daughter are not something to throw away lightly.
Your daughter is likely to end up resenting you for a start.
I'm not sure why the decreased but more sustainable earnings have to do with it, unless of course that is why you are getting it in the neck - in which case you need to talk with her about it.
For what it's worth, my wife's friends think I am the model husband (obviously they don't have to live with me though!), but that doesn't stop me getting it the neck all the time.
If I am exhausted and tired and fall asleep early then I am ignoring her and must had had too much to drink. If I am up late when she has gone to bed then I am keeping her awake and ignoring her (if chatting to a mate one the phone) and must be drinking to much. She moans that I am always working, yet at the weekends she spends all day out with her friends.
On Thursday, after a workout, me and my personal trainer had the audacity to have a cold beer in the lovely sun. I didn't hear the end of that until after dinner that evening!
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
For what it's worth though, 14 years together and a teenage daughter are not something to throw away lightly.
Your daughter is likely to end up resenting you for a start.
I'm not sure why the decreased but more sustainable earnings have to do with it, unless of course that is why you are getting it in the neck - in which case you need to talk with her about it.
For what it's worth, my wife's friends think I am the model husband (obviously they don't have to live with me though!), but that doesn't stop me getting it the neck all the time.
If I am exhausted and tired and fall asleep early then I am ignoring her and must had had too much to drink. If I am up late when she has gone to bed then I am keeping her awake and ignoring her (if chatting to a mate one the phone) and must be drinking to much. She moans that I am always working, yet at the weekends she spends all day out with her friends.
On Thursday, after a workout, me and my personal trainer had the audacity to have a cold beer in the lovely sun. I didn't hear the end of that until after dinner that evening!
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
JulianPH said:
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
They really don't all do that. And they don't always do that. If you are constantly "getting it in the neck" then she is quite probably over you, looking for an out, and pissed off that she hasn't had any better offers. It is up to you how much you put up with or try to rescue this. I'm not one to get hung up on sunk costs relationship wise, and I don't think women are either, but your relationship with your children has to be considered.And OP, yes, delete this one and start an anonymous one.
JulianPH said:
I'm in the "delete this when you wake" up camp.
For what it's worth though, 14 years together and a teenage daughter are not something to throw away lightly.
Your daughter is likely to end up resenting you for a start.
I'm not sure why the decreased but more sustainable earnings have to do with it, unless of course that is why you are getting it in the neck - in which case you need to talk with her about it.
For what it's worth, my wife's friends think I am the model husband (obviously they don't have to live with me though!), but that doesn't stop me getting it the neck all the time.
If I am exhausted and tired and fall asleep early then I am ignoring her and must had had too much to drink. If I am up late when she has gone to bed then I am keeping her awake and ignoring her (if chatting to a mate one the phone) and must be drinking to much. She moans that I am always working, yet at the weekends she spends all day out with her friends.
On Thursday, after a workout, me and my personal trainer had the audacity to have a cold beer in the lovely sun. I didn't hear the end of that until after dinner that evening!
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
No they don't.For what it's worth though, 14 years together and a teenage daughter are not something to throw away lightly.
Your daughter is likely to end up resenting you for a start.
I'm not sure why the decreased but more sustainable earnings have to do with it, unless of course that is why you are getting it in the neck - in which case you need to talk with her about it.
For what it's worth, my wife's friends think I am the model husband (obviously they don't have to live with me though!), but that doesn't stop me getting it the neck all the time.
If I am exhausted and tired and fall asleep early then I am ignoring her and must had had too much to drink. If I am up late when she has gone to bed then I am keeping her awake and ignoring her (if chatting to a mate one the phone) and must be drinking to much. She moans that I am always working, yet at the weekends she spends all day out with her friends.
On Thursday, after a workout, me and my personal trainer had the audacity to have a cold beer in the lovely sun. I didn't hear the end of that until after dinner that evening!
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
I don't know if I'm speshul, or my wife is, but we've been together 26 years this year, married 24 years, no kids and our circumstances have changed several times during our relationship including a point at which we had a beautiful house, a large but affordable mortgage + assorted debts all manageable and I was earning good money, then along came a new manager who made my life hell and I ended up with depression, she took control of the situation including selling our house, paying everything off and encouraging me to change jobs to one I wanted to be in even though it meant a substantial pay cut. our relationship is not perfect but we work at it continually, that is the key, if both people in the relationship aren't working at it it will fail, simple.
grumbledoak said:
JulianPH said:
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
They really don't all do that. And they don't always do that. If you are constantly "getting it in the neck" then she is quite probably over you, looking for an out, and pissed off that she hasn't had any better offers. It is up to you how much you put up with or try to rescue this. I'm not one to get hung up on sunk costs relationship wise, and I don't think women are either, but your relationship with your children has to be considered.And OP, yes, delete this one and start an anonymous one.
Doesn’t stop it being annoying at the time though!
JulianPH said:
I'm in the "delete this when you wake" up camp.
For what it's worth though, 14 years together and a teenage daughter are not something to throw away lightly.
Your daughter is likely to end up resenting you for a start.
I'm not sure why the decreased but more sustainable earnings have to do with it, unless of course that is why you are getting it in the neck - in which case you need to talk with her about it.
For what it's worth, my wife's friends think I am the model husband (obviously they don't have to live with me though!), but that doesn't stop me getting it the neck all the time.
If I am exhausted and tired and fall asleep early then I am ignoring her and must had had too much to drink. If I am up late when she has gone to bed then I am keeping her awake and ignoring her (if chatting to a mate one the phone) and must be drinking to much. She moans that I am always working, yet at the weekends she spends all day out with her friends.
On Thursday, after a workout, me and my personal trainer had the audacity to have a cold beer in the lovely sun. I didn't hear the end of that until after dinner that evening!
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
Sounds like a terrible existenceFor what it's worth though, 14 years together and a teenage daughter are not something to throw away lightly.
Your daughter is likely to end up resenting you for a start.
I'm not sure why the decreased but more sustainable earnings have to do with it, unless of course that is why you are getting it in the neck - in which case you need to talk with her about it.
For what it's worth, my wife's friends think I am the model husband (obviously they don't have to live with me though!), but that doesn't stop me getting it the neck all the time.
If I am exhausted and tired and fall asleep early then I am ignoring her and must had had too much to drink. If I am up late when she has gone to bed then I am keeping her awake and ignoring her (if chatting to a mate one the phone) and must be drinking to much. She moans that I am always working, yet at the weekends she spends all day out with her friends.
On Thursday, after a workout, me and my personal trainer had the audacity to have a cold beer in the lovely sun. I didn't hear the end of that until after dinner that evening!
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
ZOLLAR said:
You take the good with the bad, if you loved her/him (21st century and all) you’ll speak to them and find a way.
Leaving without trying may haunt you in the future.
The flip side to this is staying too long in a relationship that isn't right for you anymore will be a waste of your lifeLeaving without trying may haunt you in the future.
Trophy Husband said:
You spend the first few years wanting to eat them and the rest of your life wishing you had!
It doesn't matter which model you get. They've all got the same chip in their head.
I used to think the same, the 3rd time I found out my now ex wife was playing away was the en for me. First time I think she was genuinely sorry. Im Armed forces and was away for 6 months, she was very lonely and whilst I didn't condone her actions sort of understood. Second time no excuses she was though very remorseful and after some soul searching and a 3 month break we decided to try again. Third time thats it I was off, there was no discussion.It doesn't matter which model you get. They've all got the same chip in their head.
My first wife (8 Years), was a royal pain in the ass for the last four years and my only regret was not leaving earlier. We argued all the time. Life on reflection was always miserable. I should have noticed the signs and called it a day earlier.
My current wife together 10 years married 4 in a couple of weeks. We have yet to have an argument. We are like 2 peas in a pod. Every morning I wake and see her I think how lucky I am. She's more of a petrol head than me and lives life to the fullest. Its always her dragging me off the couch to go and do things.
OP I think one of the biggest things reflecting back I should have used as a measure of when to leave. Do you dread going home, look for reasons not to be around your wife ( I'm not talking about the odd time I'm talking about constantly trying dread going home and finding reasons not to be there ). If thats the case its time to go I'm afraid.
grumbledoak said:
JulianPH said:
Basically, to a lesser or greater extent, they all do that sir!
They really don't all do that. And they don't always do that. If you are constantly "getting it in the neck" then she is quite probably over you, looking for an out, and pissed off that she hasn't had any better offers. It is up to you how much you put up with or try to rescue this. I'm not one to get hung up on sunk costs relationship wise, and I don't think women are either, but your relationship with your children has to be considered.And OP, yes, delete this one and start an anonymous one.
iphonedyou said:
jamoor said:
Sounds like a terrible existence
I’m 99% sure Julian is just fine, and that his post, taken in context, doesn’t point to a horrid life of demeaning servitude, mere existence under the jackboot of an overbearing wife.
I was just trying to inject a bit of tongue in cheek light-heartedness!
surveyor said:
14 years into a relationship and 4 years marriage. Our circumstances have changed in that I earn less but in a more sustainable fashion.
One teenager daughter
I’m constantly getting it in the neck, to the stage where it seems not worthwihe. I’m sure I’ll have more to add when sober, but when do you know to call time?
How about counciling of some sort?One teenager daughter
I’m constantly getting it in the neck, to the stage where it seems not worthwihe. I’m sure I’ll have more to add when sober, but when do you know to call time?
jamoor said:
Sounds like a terrible existence
I knew a couple like this, except it was the bloke who did it. He would generously 'let' her go out saying 'of course you should have a good time. I'll hold the fort' and then spend much of the next day shrieking at her for leaving him behind.
I would last around 1 minute before pushing them in a river, demolishing the house one brick at a time and never returning.
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