Legal Advice- Access to Children
Discussion
Ok so my friend has had 3 months of fun with his ex and now settled into a more local job.
He is paying more than the minimum full maintenance and has been for the 3 months.
His ex's mum threatened to go legal a month ago when he wouldn't sign over his car to his ex. She is borrowing her grans and mums.
She was offered the car on a loan basis but her mum rejected this as she wants to control the situation and doesn't want him to have any control. She also drops the kids to his every other friday to minimise any contact he has with the ex.
He was allowed to the back door from the drive into the garden but her mum has even sent him a tex saying his isn't allowed in the house or the garden and to call her from the car when he arrives.
His ex has cut his mother out of helping with the ballet lessons she pays for and now putting the kids in after school club which they don't like. They also missing ballet on the week her mum can't take them like week when she is on hols.
She is under the illusion that she has superior rights as a 'Primary Career' as they keep saying.
She complained when he started his new job 3 months ago the once a fortnight isn't enough and he agreed but wanted to settle into his new job before agreeing a night a week to have them.
She has bad mood swings and he asked last night if he could have the kids every friday night but she has refused.
Its all getting silly and now he needs solid legal advice.
He is paying more than the minimum full maintenance and has been for the 3 months.
His ex's mum threatened to go legal a month ago when he wouldn't sign over his car to his ex. She is borrowing her grans and mums.
She was offered the car on a loan basis but her mum rejected this as she wants to control the situation and doesn't want him to have any control. She also drops the kids to his every other friday to minimise any contact he has with the ex.
He was allowed to the back door from the drive into the garden but her mum has even sent him a tex saying his isn't allowed in the house or the garden and to call her from the car when he arrives.
His ex has cut his mother out of helping with the ballet lessons she pays for and now putting the kids in after school club which they don't like. They also missing ballet on the week her mum can't take them like week when she is on hols.
She is under the illusion that she has superior rights as a 'Primary Career' as they keep saying.
She complained when he started his new job 3 months ago the once a fortnight isn't enough and he agreed but wanted to settle into his new job before agreeing a night a week to have them.
She has bad mood swings and he asked last night if he could have the kids every friday night but she has refused.
Its all getting silly and now he needs solid legal advice.
The whole situation sounds mental, from what I recall of the last thread.
As for not being allowed anywhere near the door - sling the hook and tell them they can collect the kids from his place if they are incapable of acting like adults.
Threats of “going legal” are all bluster unless the woman really does have lots of money and is happy to set fire to it.
As for not being allowed anywhere near the door - sling the hook and tell them they can collect the kids from his place if they are incapable of acting like adults.
Threats of “going legal” are all bluster unless the woman really does have lots of money and is happy to set fire to it.
IMHO they need to knock their heads together and focus on what is important (ie the child) and to opt for a peaceful approach wherever possible. Getting a lawyer involved should be the last resort and will get expensive if there is no consensus over access rights, money, car access, etc but should be effective.
FWIW I was told by my solicitor that there is no such thing as “primary carer” and that both parents have equal rights and say. I didn’t bother delving deeper as we went for 50/50 custody.
If you can remove the mother from the picture, mediation services may be worth exploring first as a more cost effective solution.
Hopefully it gets resolved.
Chris
FWIW I was told by my solicitor that there is no such thing as “primary carer” and that both parents have equal rights and say. I didn’t bother delving deeper as we went for 50/50 custody.
If you can remove the mother from the picture, mediation services may be worth exploring first as a more cost effective solution.
Hopefully it gets resolved.
Chris
There is a notion of primary caregiver when assessing child maintenance liability - by definition the “non resident” parent pays the “resident” parent.
It’s not just based on where they stay. I expect if you quiz the school, GP surgery, dentist they will have the child registered with the mother if she generally took care of that stuff. She is probably in receipt of child benefit also, which the CMS can use as an arbitrating factor if there is a dispute over who looks after the child “the most”.
If both parents agree 50/50 then happy days!
“Parental responsibility” is equal, but that doesn’t confer any rights to contact, only legal responsibilities to financially support, ensure the child attends school and so on.
It’s not just based on where they stay. I expect if you quiz the school, GP surgery, dentist they will have the child registered with the mother if she generally took care of that stuff. She is probably in receipt of child benefit also, which the CMS can use as an arbitrating factor if there is a dispute over who looks after the child “the most”.
If both parents agree 50/50 then happy days!
“Parental responsibility” is equal, but that doesn’t confer any rights to contact, only legal responsibilities to financially support, ensure the child attends school and so on.
Edited by theboss on Monday 20th May 11:37
tty situation, the mother usually starts to see the £ signs in her eyes and through sheer greed starts to make it hard for the father to get any contact with his kids, the less he sees them then more money she gets, so the aim is to make it as difficult as possible.This reminds me so much of my Ex. I wasn't allowed to drop off or collect my children with him to his home with her, his new woman who called all the shots.
The damage over the years it did to my eldest was huge. Self harming, suicidal ideation and all sorts of anti depressants. Involvement with Social Services who blamed me as the resident parent despite my child being of Secondary school age and quite vocal that it was her d*ckhead of a so called father that had reduced her to the state she was in. Social Services then attempted to remove my children from the one parent who was standing by them and trying to put them first - the whole situation was bordering on comic if it wasn't for the fact it was really happening to me. They didn't even bother to chase my ExH to explain himself - just let him ignore the few letters they sent but they hounded me.
I feel for any parent that has an unreasonable ex because this is only likely to be the beginning for the OP of years of misery.
I'm thankfully out of it now my eldest is an adult.
The damage over the years it did to my eldest was huge. Self harming, suicidal ideation and all sorts of anti depressants. Involvement with Social Services who blamed me as the resident parent despite my child being of Secondary school age and quite vocal that it was her d*ckhead of a so called father that had reduced her to the state she was in. Social Services then attempted to remove my children from the one parent who was standing by them and trying to put them first - the whole situation was bordering on comic if it wasn't for the fact it was really happening to me. They didn't even bother to chase my ExH to explain himself - just let him ignore the few letters they sent but they hounded me.
I feel for any parent that has an unreasonable ex because this is only likely to be the beginning for the OP of years of misery.
I'm thankfully out of it now my eldest is an adult.
theboss said:
The whole situation sounds mental, from what I recall of the last thread.
As for not being allowed anywhere near the door - sling the hook and tell them they can collect the kids from his place if they are incapable of acting like adults.
Threats of “going legal” are all bluster unless the woman really does have lots of money and is happy to set fire to it.
Yes well she (the gran) has texted my friend after he dropped his youngest with her husband after they where in a ballet show. (he had been backstage with 5 year old so the mum could watch).As for not being allowed anywhere near the door - sling the hook and tell them they can collect the kids from his place if they are incapable of acting like adults.
Threats of “going legal” are all bluster unless the woman really does have lots of money and is happy to set fire to it.
He wants to avoid legal but she seems under the impression she holds all the cards and does not need to consult him, they have stopped his mum picking them up from school and put them into after school club. Her mum has been going into school and completing forms and he was not advised of anything such certificates from the school and paperwork.
He has emailed the school and ask this to stop and anything be copied to him so he is aware. He used to deal with all these matters so its quite strange for him to be cut out of things.
He doesn't want to and has only suggested MEDIATION she sent a msg back saying its a threatening msg. The problem i feel is the mother and daughters false assumption that they can do what they like and he just has to pay and put up with it.
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