The Land of Milk and Honey
Discussion
Does everyone in society expect far too much? For example whether that's instant success at their job (and more pay), a new prestige car on the drive, splashing out on a new tablet/£1000 phone, an all new flashy home, or of course all of the above plus more.
Conversely, is there so much opportunity and chances and things out there that it's a case of 'milk as much of it as possible and don't worry about it'?
Why do I ask? Well I am admittedly a millennial and I feel like the last 8 years in industry, buying a house etc have been massively, massively hard in terms of managing my own prior expectations. I was nearly made redundant 2 years into my first job and had a 'oh f*ck' moment when I realised I owned plenty of unnecessary assets, a new mortgage and had very little savings. Since then, I've saved hard should redundancy come my way again and have been careful with my spending.
Everyone else I know however doesn't seem to give a flying toss about their spending and is generally hugely more worry free. I'm seen as a bit odd and quite poor for only having x1 car in the household (I'm personally not particularly comfortable with PCP) - to the point where I've been offered an old car for free out of sympathy (for which I declined). I neither splash my cash on tablets or the latest clothing brands.
In terms of my career in engineering, I'm no longer snobby about covered in oil, grease, (safe) chemicals etc (and actually really enjoy it) - but again because I wear an Airtex shirt and don't have an office role I'm often getting the impression that I'm classed as less successful.
My gut feeling is that people in society generally expect far too much in terms of image and assets, however and conversely am I worrying far too much and not pushing myself hard enough for a 'higher' lifestyle?
Are there any other millennials had this sort of come down and is it common? Or am I the odd one out? Have any other PHers had to adjust their expectations?
Conversely, is there so much opportunity and chances and things out there that it's a case of 'milk as much of it as possible and don't worry about it'?
Why do I ask? Well I am admittedly a millennial and I feel like the last 8 years in industry, buying a house etc have been massively, massively hard in terms of managing my own prior expectations. I was nearly made redundant 2 years into my first job and had a 'oh f*ck' moment when I realised I owned plenty of unnecessary assets, a new mortgage and had very little savings. Since then, I've saved hard should redundancy come my way again and have been careful with my spending.
Everyone else I know however doesn't seem to give a flying toss about their spending and is generally hugely more worry free. I'm seen as a bit odd and quite poor for only having x1 car in the household (I'm personally not particularly comfortable with PCP) - to the point where I've been offered an old car for free out of sympathy (for which I declined). I neither splash my cash on tablets or the latest clothing brands.
In terms of my career in engineering, I'm no longer snobby about covered in oil, grease, (safe) chemicals etc (and actually really enjoy it) - but again because I wear an Airtex shirt and don't have an office role I'm often getting the impression that I'm classed as less successful.
My gut feeling is that people in society generally expect far too much in terms of image and assets, however and conversely am I worrying far too much and not pushing myself hard enough for a 'higher' lifestyle?
Are there any other millennials had this sort of come down and is it common? Or am I the odd one out? Have any other PHers had to adjust their expectations?
One of the most basic, well trodden and misused bits of cod psychology is a concept called Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It proposes that as humans we have a set of needs which can be mapped to a roughly pyramid shape. The bottom layer contains things such as food, shelter, safety and so on. As you go up the pyramid, things become less essential to survival at a basic, animalistic level and become a little more conceptual. Stuff like "esteem" and "belonging".
Although it's been used and abused as a concept by Peter principled middle managers who'd often be more useful as sandbags, there is an element of truth in it and I sometimes think going back and analysing the base of this pyramid can be a good mental reset.
Although it's been used and abused as a concept by Peter principled middle managers who'd often be more useful as sandbags, there is an element of truth in it and I sometimes think going back and analysing the base of this pyramid can be a good mental reset.
A lot of people do appear to spend far too much time worrying about what other people are thinking about them.
Big houses, "premium" cars, latest gadgets, expensive drinks, jewellery/watches, fake tan, big biceps/plastic boobs, silly hair, tattoos etc. etc.
If you can take a step back from the nonsense, as somebody else wrote, you can be happy with far less than other might believe.
Enjoy what you do, what you learn to do, what you achieve for yourself - work or hobbies.
Try to ignore the consumer arms race, most of it will not improve your life.
Big houses, "premium" cars, latest gadgets, expensive drinks, jewellery/watches, fake tan, big biceps/plastic boobs, silly hair, tattoos etc. etc.
If you can take a step back from the nonsense, as somebody else wrote, you can be happy with far less than other might believe.
Enjoy what you do, what you learn to do, what you achieve for yourself - work or hobbies.
Try to ignore the consumer arms race, most of it will not improve your life.
MC Bodge said:
If you can take a step back from the nonsense, as somebody else wrote, you can be happy with far less than other might believe.
Enjoy what you do, what you learn to do, what you achieve for yourself - work or hobbies.
Try to ignore the consumer arms race, most of it will not improve your life.
Spot on.Enjoy what you do, what you learn to do, what you achieve for yourself - work or hobbies.
Try to ignore the consumer arms race, most of it will not improve your life.
BeirutTaxi said:
Everyone else I know however doesn't seem to give a flying toss about their spending and is generally hugely more worry free.
Unless someone's on well over 100 grand plus I don't see how you can run fancy houses, cars and splurge on whatever you like unless you're slowly murdering yourself with debt. They're either lying and scream themselves to sleep every night, stupid, incapable of looking beyond tomorrow, exceptionally mean in other areas of their lives or weirdly rich and not telling you.
I've never moved in the type of circles where people shove photos of their kitchen island in each other's faces and expect to be worshipped for it. I would regard such people as utter fools if they were hobbling themselves to do it, and weird and boring if they could afford it and waited for me to be impressed.
Live your own life. Screw what anyone else thinks of you. You're probably doing vastly better than most who don't have the gumption to admit it to themselves.
Often wonder the same. Me and OH combined aren't too far away from 6 figures. We don't have children (yet), live in the Midlands in a modest 1960s house, with modest mortgage, 5 year old and 10 year old cars.
Just focus on yourself and do what makes you happy. Moderation/balance is the key for me.
I don't live a mean existence. We do have a few nice "frivolous" things. Considered purchases, because I've researched the best value item and thought hard about whether we need/want it.
I have a nice camera because I like photography and I bought a big OLED TV because we get a lot out of watching movies and TV shows with friends round. But then I have a 4 year old Chinese android phone and the last laptop I bought is now 7 years old. Popped an SSD in it and it's still good, still does the job.
We save to go on good holidays. Just means we don't go every year. Not a hardhsip. We've saved to get our kitchen done and add a downstairs toilet after "making do" with the current shabby kitchen for 5 years.
So yes I do wonder how colleagues put two kids through nursery and still afford the big new build and 2 new cars on the drive because I don't feel like I could comfortably afford that now!
But maybe they can? Maybe they're being paid much much better than I am for the same job (in which case I need to see my boss!). Maybe parents/grand parents help them out, maybe they got a big windfall/inheritance. Who knows. Just let them get on with it, let them worry about them.
Just focus on doing the best for yourself (and your family if you have one).
Just focus on yourself and do what makes you happy. Moderation/balance is the key for me.
I don't live a mean existence. We do have a few nice "frivolous" things. Considered purchases, because I've researched the best value item and thought hard about whether we need/want it.
I have a nice camera because I like photography and I bought a big OLED TV because we get a lot out of watching movies and TV shows with friends round. But then I have a 4 year old Chinese android phone and the last laptop I bought is now 7 years old. Popped an SSD in it and it's still good, still does the job.
We save to go on good holidays. Just means we don't go every year. Not a hardhsip. We've saved to get our kitchen done and add a downstairs toilet after "making do" with the current shabby kitchen for 5 years.
So yes I do wonder how colleagues put two kids through nursery and still afford the big new build and 2 new cars on the drive because I don't feel like I could comfortably afford that now!
But maybe they can? Maybe they're being paid much much better than I am for the same job (in which case I need to see my boss!). Maybe parents/grand parents help them out, maybe they got a big windfall/inheritance. Who knows. Just let them get on with it, let them worry about them.
Just focus on doing the best for yourself (and your family if you have one).
ks
gregs656 said:
Thesprucegoose said:
#humblebrag
Exactly my thought.Some will take on more risk (big mortgage, Audi on PCP, IPhone X etc) but how do they calculate and accept the risk? Given all the current opportunities in the Western world is it not aiming high enough not to?
I took a route and set of decisions but I'm not sure whether i could be doing better. Listening to other peoples thoughts and experiences is quite beneficial in gaining a perspective.
Expectations fuelled by media/social media. 15 years ago we knew where our closer friends were on holiday and maybe saw some photos at some point. Now we see photos of every detail of some friends and friends of friends holidays from travelling to the airport to every meal while they are away.
sjabrown said:
Expectations fuelled by media/social media. 15 years ago we knew where our closer friends were on holiday and maybe saw some photos at some point. Now we see photos of every detail of some friends and friends of friends holidays from travelling to the airport to every meal while they are away.
Except it's probably someone else's food and someone else's villa. The photographer is probably eating out of a dumpster and kipping on the beach. And it's probably Skeggy beach with a long wait for the right light and no English signs.
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