Colleague can't or won't express himself
Discussion
Have a guy in the office, call him Fred, late 20s, Java developer, almost impossible to have a conversation with him.
Every response is something like "er well, erm, you know, it's like you know, erm er, sort of......"
'Fred' genuinely seems to think that if he says "you know" enough times we will know and he won't have to explain what he means. It isn't just with me, he does it to everyone. There was a case on Friday when he ummed and erred for so long he clearly forgot what the actual question was.
I've known someone a bit like this before, also a developer. But he only had the issue in fairly formal meetings. The rest of the time he was fine, quite quick witted in fact.
A bit of umming and erring I can understand, some people don't work out what they want to say before they speak. But this guy is impossible. What might cause this? How best to deal with it?
Every response is something like "er well, erm, you know, it's like you know, erm er, sort of......"
'Fred' genuinely seems to think that if he says "you know" enough times we will know and he won't have to explain what he means. It isn't just with me, he does it to everyone. There was a case on Friday when he ummed and erred for so long he clearly forgot what the actual question was.
I've known someone a bit like this before, also a developer. But he only had the issue in fairly formal meetings. The rest of the time he was fine, quite quick witted in fact.
A bit of umming and erring I can understand, some people don't work out what they want to say before they speak. But this guy is impossible. What might cause this? How best to deal with it?
Dr Jekyll said:
Have a guy in the office, call him Fred, late 20s, Java developer, almost impossible to have a conversation with him.
Every response is something like "er well, erm, you know, it's like you know, erm er, sort of......"
'Fred' genuinely seems to think that if he says "you know" enough times we will know and he won't have to explain what he means. It isn't just with me, he does it to everyone. There was a case on Friday when he ummed and erred for so long he clearly forgot what the actual question was.
I've known someone a bit like this before, also a developer. But he only had the issue in fairly formal meetings. The rest of the time he was fine, quite quick witted in fact.
A bit of umming and erring I can understand, some people don't work out what they want to say before they speak. But this guy is impossible. What might cause this? How best to deal with it?
I too have had colleagues I don't like and don't want to talk to, poor Fred Every response is something like "er well, erm, you know, it's like you know, erm er, sort of......"
'Fred' genuinely seems to think that if he says "you know" enough times we will know and he won't have to explain what he means. It isn't just with me, he does it to everyone. There was a case on Friday when he ummed and erred for so long he clearly forgot what the actual question was.
I've known someone a bit like this before, also a developer. But he only had the issue in fairly formal meetings. The rest of the time he was fine, quite quick witted in fact.
A bit of umming and erring I can understand, some people don't work out what they want to say before they speak. But this guy is impossible. What might cause this? How best to deal with it?
Up until a few years ago I had a crippling stammer.
I did a course at the City Lit which more or less cured it (unfortunately too late in life to alter its course but hey ho)
There were a dozen other participants some of whom you really wouldn’t know they had a problem.
However at least one had the same problem as your colleague. It was called ‘filling’ and basically is a speech problem. They um and ah to cover up a problem they quite possibly don’t even know they have.
Obviously I’m not any kind of expert but this may be the explanation.
Next to the two previously epressed possibilities, several people I've worked with only feel uncomfortable expressing themself when engaged directly with questions have any level of vagueness or ambiguity in them.
...Hidden within every technically minded person (myself included) is some level of autism present.
I'm not talking full blown 'hurt animal that only clams down when counting marbles' level here by the way, I mean a broad range that goed anywhere from vague hints that can hardly be recognized to some mild, but very apparent traits.
Now back the hell off whilst I finish my rubiks cube m'kay.
...Hidden within every technically minded person (myself included) is some level of autism present.
I'm not talking full blown 'hurt animal that only clams down when counting marbles' level here by the way, I mean a broad range that goed anywhere from vague hints that can hardly be recognized to some mild, but very apparent traits.
Now back the hell off whilst I finish my rubiks cube m'kay.
Nerdherder said:
AlexC1981 said:
Shy and lacks confidence would be my guess.
5 posts in to get to the obvious observation. Interesting lot we are. 
I read your post and wondered why you were raising the point of autism, when it's far more likely that Fred's just a bit shy.
Does he need to be reassured that he is a good developer and it's OK to say "I don't know" or "I need a little time to look at the code before I answer that". He might think he can't say this but be reluctant to give a confident but possibly wrong answer to a question in the way that some of his colleagues might.
Also, can you give him a bit of notice, e.g. ask the question by email or send an agenda for any meeting where a subject is to be discussed beforehand so he can prepare his thoughts.
Also, can you give him a bit of notice, e.g. ask the question by email or send an agenda for any meeting where a subject is to be discussed beforehand so he can prepare his thoughts.
The problem doesn't just arise when he's asked a question but even when he initiates the exchange. Autism or Asperger's is probably part of it, but there are plenty of people on the spectrum in this business and I've never met another like him. If anything they tend to be excessively concise.
Shyness may be the key. Not lack of confidence as such, but perhaps he's spent a lot of time in an environment where he was shouted down every time he tried to express a view. This would explain why he's so tentative, and why he is totally unprepared when we let him speak and expect him to finish his point.
Shyness may be the key. Not lack of confidence as such, but perhaps he's spent a lot of time in an environment where he was shouted down every time he tried to express a view. This would explain why he's so tentative, and why he is totally unprepared when we let him speak and expect him to finish his point.
Probably an introvert.
https://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-time-to-r...
I can totally relate but unfortunately corporations are full of noisy, quick-fire, flailing w
kers who think you're no good unless you're just like them.
https://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-time-to-r...
I can totally relate but unfortunately corporations are full of noisy, quick-fire, flailing w
kers who think you're no good unless you're just like them.MitchT said:
Probably an introvert.
https://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-time-to-r...
I can totally relate but unfortunately corporations are full of noisy, quick-fire, flailing wkers who think you're no good unless you're just like them.
No, lot's of people I've worked with are introverts, me included, and they can still express themselves clearly. Often more clearly than extroverts because they are thinking about the point they are making rather than the impression they are giving.https://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-time-to-r...
I can totally relate but unfortunately corporations are full of noisy, quick-fire, flailing w
kers who think you're no good unless you're just like them.The issue isn't that he stops and thinks before answering, but that he starts to speak without having thought about what he's going to say.
Edited by Dr Jekyll on Sunday 28th July 16:17
Dr Jekyll said:
No, lot's of people I've worked with are introverts, me included, and they can still express themselves clearly. Often more clearly than extroverts because they are thinking about the point they are making rather than the impression they are giving.
I'm an introvert and I need a while to come out of my alternative dimension, process a question, search within myself for the answer and then articulate it. My verbal fumbling - if I'm pressed for an answer before I've had a change to formulate it - sounds like exactly the problem you have here. I'm highly concise and succinct when I do respond, but it won't be instantly and if I'm pushed you'll get garbled nonsense because I'm still processing. Perhaps I should have a card with "buffering" written on it which I can hold up while I'm thinking!Dr Jekyll said:
The issue isn't that he stops and thinks before answering, but that he starts to speak without having thought about what he's going to say.
Yes, that's most likely because he feels pressured to respond immediately so he tries to deliver his response before his brain has worked out what it is.StevieBee said:
Does Fred exist on a spectrum of some sort?
Have you tried to get to know Fred outside of work?
I think he may be at least a bit Aspergers, but no more than many others in IT, and most of those others are too concise if anything. It's possible he's trying to overcompensate, imagining that speaking even when he has nothing to say is aping neurotypical behaviour.Have you tried to get to know Fred outside of work?
I don't know what he's like outside work, but I doubt I'd enjoy his company or that he'd be any different. Even when taking about something not strictly work related 95% of his conversation consists of 'fillers'.
Dr Jekyll said:
The issue isn't that he stops and thinks before answering, but that he starts to speak without having thought about what he's going to say.
Is he a permanent member of staff who was selected via interview in competition with others?Edited by Dr Jekyll on Sunday 28th July 16:17
If so, then one would assume he can (or certainly could) do it (think, then speak) well enough to have impressed at that interview?
Gassing Station | Jobs & Employment Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff