Calling all men...
Discussion
Some male perspective if you please... I'm utterly in love, have been for as long as I can remember with the same person and although its not been easy I cannot imagine a life that does not include them. Its just dawned on me to ask them to marry me, feels right, although I'm terrified that they may say No, i'm not sure what I would do in that moment as everything I think I know would no longer exist.
Also, how do boys feel about this? In my own mind only Men should do the asking, is this too forward? Do Men prefer for some traditional values such as this to remain in their court? All you lovely guys, help out this damsel in distress.
Also, how do boys feel about this? In my own mind only Men should do the asking, is this too forward? Do Men prefer for some traditional values such as this to remain in their court? All you lovely guys, help out this damsel in distress.
As a man, I think I would like to do the asking, with all the romance and planning needed. I understand this is old fashioned and I am out of date.
If everything is going really well, he should take the initiative and ask you. BUT, some men just don't think. If all is well, then they are comfortable. A few hints might be in order?
If everything is going really well, he should take the initiative and ask you. BUT, some men just don't think. If all is well, then they are comfortable. A few hints might be in order?
Personally (if I were your bf) I would much rather that you bring up the subject of marriage to discuss rather than just out of the blue come out with the question.
I suspect it also depends what he's like. If he is lacking confidence then he would (probably) accept it much more readily than if he was a tower of confidence.
I'm probably not the best person to advise you on this as I fear my relationship is going a bit tits up atm. Bloody exams, they
up everything... (doesn't help we are 300 miles apart).
HTH, Hugh
I suspect it also depends what he's like. If he is lacking confidence then he would (probably) accept it much more readily than if he was a tower of confidence.
I'm probably not the best person to advise you on this as I fear my relationship is going a bit tits up atm. Bloody exams, they
up everything... (doesn't help we are 300 miles apart). HTH, Hugh
See thats what I thought, old fashioned, I take the point though about the hints! although it has been 10 years, on and off, is it necessary now the whole marriage thing, have we moved on from this as a society. I hope not as I also am a daft romantic, we would be great as man and wife, theres something nice about it, something secretive between the two of you and only you i'm sure.
I do think that it is the man that should make the move, but the woman holds the strings essentially as she has the final say. When a man gets down on one knee to propose, in traditionalist terms, he is putting himself at her 'mercy'. I suggest you talk about marriage and encourage the conversation in the direction of your relationship.
Also - how old are you? If you have many friends who are married, why not bring up the topic of conversation next time you're with them? Just a thought.
Also - how old are you? If you have many friends who are married, why not bring up the topic of conversation next time you're with them? Just a thought.
mirthful said:
I'm 27, i know plenty of people that have been married, seems to have changed most of them for the worse, seems to be this possessiveness/ownership, but I don't think that would be the case with us.
Hmm. I guess that makes it difficult then. I can't really talk as I'm only 21, although I have known friends who have been engaged after going out with each other for years, only to go off to university and realise that they've changed a lot since they were 18 or so, and break off that engagement.
I say go for what feels right.
mirthful said:
i know plenty of people that have been married, seems to have changed most of them for the worse,
I think the problem here is people these days get married too soon and for the wrong reasons. I am single after a failes 4 year relationship. I was scared to end it as the single world is daunting. I have coped and am getting back on my feet.
Many people told me I should marry her as we were perfect together. I wasn't sure and I know now, I was right to leave it.
In your case, 10 years is enough time to know if you are right together. It's a tricky one. Can I sugest you go out somewhere quiet, and private, and comfortable. Talk the whole deal through. Find out his thoughts on marrage. He should get the message.
God, at 21 I would never have considered it, however alot of things have happened between us recently, and I know that this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, i'm sure of it, as sure as one can be atleast, i've lost him before, what if he says no then its likely it will change things between us, and then I may lose him. Not sure what I would do about that?
coopergreen said:
i know plenty of people that have been married, seems to have changed most of them for the worse,
In your case, 10 years is enough time to know if you are right together. It's a tricky one. Can I sugest you go out somewhere quiet, and private, and comfortable. Talk the whole deal through. Find out his thoughts on marrage. He should get the message.
Hmm, slight problem here, he's not really talking to me right now...
mirthful said:
I know that this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, i'm sure of it, as sure as one can be atleast, i've lost him before, what if he says no then its likely it will change things between us, and then I may lose him. Not sure what I would do about that?
mirthful said:
Hmm, slight problem here, he's not really talking to me right now...
Could this be the wrong time to think about marrage then. Iron out the problems first.
If he is right, and we don't know you or him, so can't comment, he will say yes.
If he says no, in a harsh and unfair world, it is time to move on. Marrage and love is all about commitment to each other. I have yet to find the level of commitment in my relationships I am happy with.
I know! Well he is, but he is angry with me, and some of you will know him... Its complicated, its been 10 years, not necessarily with each other (see where this is going)I just want him to be as in love with me as I am him, maybe I think by asking him to marry me it will prove that he is, not the right reason to do so I guess.coopergreen said:
If he is right, and we don't know you or him, so can't comment, he will say yes.
If he says no, in a harsh and unfair world, it is time to move on. Marrage and love is all about commitment to each other. I have yet to find the level of commitment in my relationships I am happy with.
Thats interesting, whats the right level?
mirthful said:
Without wanting to sound harsh. If you ask him, it will be yes -- marrage and hopefully happiness. If he says no -- Both of you need to got oposite directions.
There seems a tint of insecurity here. Marrage might not be the best answer
mirthful said:
If he is right, and we don't know you or him, so can't comment, he will say yes.
If he says no, in a harsh and unfair world, it is time to move on. Marrage and love is all about commitment to each other. I have yet to find the level of commitment in my relationships I am happy with.
Thats interesting, whats the right level?
A level where my world is their world, and vice versa. We are one. Things just happen and there is no unsure moments.
los angeles said:
If he's not married already, Mirthful who is tearful, what's stopping him marrying you now? Have you discussed a legal partnership without a conventional wedding as an alternative?
Hes not already married, a legal partnership without wedding? thats pretty much unheard of here I would think, we love a wedding! I'm not interested in a big 'do', just the two of us, something intimate. God, its sooooo simple, I love him, I'm sure he loves me, wedding = love = happy days = babies = more happy days = understanding. Why is it not this easy!
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