Ex wife bereavement

[S1KRR]

Not me!

Friend of mine. Was married a couple years. Then divorced at her behest. No kids to mess up the divorce, she earns more than him. But he bought her out of her share of the property they'd purchased. He doesn't follow her on social media or anything, and despite living about 5 miles away from each other, they hadn't contacted each other since it was all finalised. He's of the opinion he's moved on. Though currently single.

She went off and after a brief time single "started" a relationship with an ex of hers (Strong implication is that she'd been contacting & meeting him before filing for divorce.)

However.

Recently her new partner died! (RTA and No! My mate wasn't involved! ) And word got back to him via mutual friends. Obviously he did once care about her. So his initial thoughts were to contact her to offer his condolences. "Just as a mark of respect" I assume he has or can get a phone number for her.

I've cautioned against this for 2 reasons

1) It looks creepy. Like he's reaching out when she's going to be lonely/vulnerable and needs a shoulder (and another body part! ) to cry on!
2) This is the guy she (probably) cheated on him with! So whilst he doesn't have to celebrate the guys death. He also doesn't owe him or her anything really. AFAIK he never met the guy.

I said that if he does bump into her one day to offer it then. But not to actively make contact.

What say the great Kings and Queens of PH? Should he or not?

Edited by S1KRR on Saturday 10th August 17:12

Edited by S1KRR on Saturday 10th August 17:29

[grumbledoak]

A stupid idea.

Tell him to do it and report back!

[anonymous-user]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiInuYeDtw4

Will Ferrell
NSFW

[Gargamel]

I think he should send her flowers, and a note to say how sorry he was to hear of her loss.

That would be the adult thing to do.

[S1KRR]

grumbledoak said:

A stupid idea.

grumbledoak said:

Tell him to do it and report back!

Tempting!


I suspect once he thinks it over. He'll realise it's not wise.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

If in doubt, do nothing. It's better to be thought badly of for doing nothing than to be thought badly of for doing the wrong thing.

[Ikemi]

Do nothing. She moved on, and he should have too. I’m sure her support network will help her grieve. Your friend should only decide to help if she contacts him ...

[GT03ROB]

What are his motives? Its not difficult.

If he wants to get back with her...... yes it's creepy.
Otherwise no.

I've contacted my ex-wife once in the last knows how many years. When her father died. It seemed the decent thing to do,

[The Moose]

To me, making contact seems to be the mature thing to do. That’s what I would do...but then I’d also be the first to admit that like most of PH I’m socially incompetent

I guess it really depends whether he’s over her and is genuinely sympathetic.

Edited by The Moose on Saturday 10th August 18:11

[markcoznottz]

DGI. Don't get involved. Him I mean. What's wrong with people, there is nothing to be gained by such ill thought out actions.

[essayer]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a genuine message on a sympathy card in the post

As long as he doesn’t put “..this wouldn’t have happened if we’d stayed together” in it.

[Rewe]

Gargamel said:

I think he should send her flowers, and a note to say how sorry he was to hear of her loss.

That would be the adult thing to do.

[Porsche guy]

Jasey_ said:

Rewe said:

Gargamel said:

I think he should send her flowers, and a note to say how sorry he was to hear of her loss.

That would be the adult thing to do.

[Vaud]

Porsche guy said:

Jasey_ said:

Rewe said:

Gargamel said:

I think he should send her flowers, and a note to say how sorry he was to hear of her loss.

That would be the adult thing to do.

What they said ^^^^

[eskidavies]

essayer said:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a genuine message on a sympathy card in the post

As long as he doesn’t put “..this wouldn’t have happened if we’d stayed together” in it.

Or “hope he was worth it “.

[2Btoo]

Vaud said:

Porsche guy said:

Jasey_ said:

Rewe said:

Gargamel said:

I think he should send her flowers, and a note to say how sorry he was to hear of her loss.

That would be the adult thing to do.

What they said ^^^^

[Mikebentley]

He should get round there sharpish, hammer his sausage in her and frozen into the lawn. Wipe his man gland on the curtains and never talk to her again. ...............or he could just send a card.

[bristolbaron]

eskidavies said:

Or “hope he was worth it “.

“I understand why you left me for him, he’s very stiff.”

[Swampy1982]

Card or flowers without motive seem like the most mature approach. That was there is no two way conversation.

[Captain Smerc]

A jolly good t bagging then smash her back doors in .