How do you truly know if you want kids?
Discussion
Im indecisive at the best of times, but this is one thing im constantly changing my mind on and my partner 100% wants one.
I read all these horror stories online about how you never sleep, your relationship with your partner suffers, unless you have good childcare from parents etc you will struggle (i cant see my parents helping truthfully), your life is never truly the same again.
But then i see the other side where people say its all worth it. I just dont know how to feel about it all, i go from wanting one to not wanting one, ive pretty much lived my life now and to be truthfully honest me and my partner dont do a lot, we will go out for a nice meal and drinks once a fortnight but otherwise we tend to spend our days off just doing simple stuff like popping for a coffee, chilling in the house, we dont tend to go on many nights out these days as everyone we know now has kids etc.
So on one side it seems a child would fulfil our lives potentially more and keep us busy, but on the other side of it put a strain on our relationship. We both suffer with stress and anxiety from little things, maybe having a child will make us not stress about the little things no more?
I held my friends baby recently and it made me feel broody, but she was quiet and well behaved at the time and i know thats not always the case.
I read all these horror stories online about how you never sleep, your relationship with your partner suffers, unless you have good childcare from parents etc you will struggle (i cant see my parents helping truthfully), your life is never truly the same again.
But then i see the other side where people say its all worth it. I just dont know how to feel about it all, i go from wanting one to not wanting one, ive pretty much lived my life now and to be truthfully honest me and my partner dont do a lot, we will go out for a nice meal and drinks once a fortnight but otherwise we tend to spend our days off just doing simple stuff like popping for a coffee, chilling in the house, we dont tend to go on many nights out these days as everyone we know now has kids etc.
So on one side it seems a child would fulfil our lives potentially more and keep us busy, but on the other side of it put a strain on our relationship. We both suffer with stress and anxiety from little things, maybe having a child will make us not stress about the little things no more?
I held my friends baby recently and it made me feel broody, but she was quiet and well behaved at the time and i know thats not always the case.
You won’t know until you have them, genuinely. I always thought I did, then I had one and wondered why I didn’t do it sooner!
Truthfully, some days you want to put them in a bag and post them to Syria, but there’s not a day goes by that I don’t look at him and think I’m the luckiest man in the world.
As for your relationship, yeah, it can suffer - sometimes. But when it does, the rows/silence never last forever, just stick with it and it’ll all be tickety-boo
Truthfully, some days you want to put them in a bag and post them to Syria, but there’s not a day goes by that I don’t look at him and think I’m the luckiest man in the world.
As for your relationship, yeah, it can suffer - sometimes. But when it does, the rows/silence never last forever, just stick with it and it’ll all be tickety-boo
Think the old adage that men are never ready but willing when the time comes isn't overly far from the truth.
Dunno about broody, but I felt life had just that much more meaning when I've held friends' toddlers and witnessed them do funny stuff or new things as they've developed. Never felt anything holding a newborn though, they're boring, much rather have an Xbox controller in my hands.
Dunno about broody, but I felt life had just that much more meaning when I've held friends' toddlers and witnessed them do funny stuff or new things as they've developed. Never felt anything holding a newborn though, they're boring, much rather have an Xbox controller in my hands.
Honestly, I don’t think you ever do know (being male)
I wasn’t sold on the idea when the Mrs got pregnant (planned). Our daughter is soon to be 5. Yes I love her to bits and life has changed in many regards for the better but I do miss bimonthly Vegas trips and 2seater sports cars.
We still travel extensively and thankfully she is a great flyer even on 13/14hr legs and has only had an issue once (and in fairness that was BAs issue as the plane heating was jammed on full and everyone was stripping off in the heat)
Do not underestimate the costs (time, emotional and financial)
Try to go in eyes open and with contingencies and plans
I wasn’t sold on the idea when the Mrs got pregnant (planned). Our daughter is soon to be 5. Yes I love her to bits and life has changed in many regards for the better but I do miss bimonthly Vegas trips and 2seater sports cars.
We still travel extensively and thankfully she is a great flyer even on 13/14hr legs and has only had an issue once (and in fairness that was BAs issue as the plane heating was jammed on full and everyone was stripping off in the heat)
Do not underestimate the costs (time, emotional and financial)
Try to go in eyes open and with contingencies and plans
I disagree, there are no pitfalls with having kids. All the sacrifices parents have to make are worthwhile. Decent parents will make decisions with their kids best interest at the forefront.
It's great bringing up kids and developing them. Even better when watching them flourish and enjoy life.
Just a shame there are parents out there that do not deserve kids, and I include my ex in that regard!
It's great bringing up kids and developing them. Even better when watching them flourish and enjoy life.
Just a shame there are parents out there that do not deserve kids, and I include my ex in that regard!
People spend considerable money to achieve moments in their lives.
Kids give you those moments.
I wasnt bothered either way. Had our first child and it may as well have been someone else's.
Then one day he looked at me and I connected.
Without a doubt my kids are the best things in my life regardless of the occasional downsides.
I'm fortunate that what I feel are the hard years are now behind me.
I have an 18yr old on HMS Montrose currently making the news daily whilst sailing the Gulf.
His occasional calls home are great even though in real terms we have little to talk about.
I have a 15yr who's currently hard work. Hes got a slipped disc so is permanently in a bad mood. But occasionally he will say or do something and I cant stop myself smiling.
For me I'll die happy knowing I've 2 great kids.
And who knows in the long run they may even try and pay back some of the financial investment I've had in them.
Kids give you those moments.
I wasnt bothered either way. Had our first child and it may as well have been someone else's.
Then one day he looked at me and I connected.
Without a doubt my kids are the best things in my life regardless of the occasional downsides.
I'm fortunate that what I feel are the hard years are now behind me.
I have an 18yr old on HMS Montrose currently making the news daily whilst sailing the Gulf.
His occasional calls home are great even though in real terms we have little to talk about.
I have a 15yr who's currently hard work. Hes got a slipped disc so is permanently in a bad mood. But occasionally he will say or do something and I cant stop myself smiling.
For me I'll die happy knowing I've 2 great kids.
And who knows in the long run they may even try and pay back some of the financial investment I've had in them.
I am at a stage when I know many people who have either had kids or are now well past having them.
I know virtually nobody who regrets the decision either way. Those who wanted kids by and large are happy with their decision and enjoy their upbringing and development. Those who preferred not to have them are equally happy and have no pangs of regret whatsoever.
The main thing is that both partners need to have a common preference.
I know virtually nobody who regrets the decision either way. Those who wanted kids by and large are happy with their decision and enjoy their upbringing and development. Those who preferred not to have them are equally happy and have no pangs of regret whatsoever.
The main thing is that both partners need to have a common preference.
I don't like kids. They are loud, snotty, irritating etc.
But mine, well, as another poster said, everything changes once you have your own and you can not believe how you feel about them, just seeing them smile or laugh makes your day.
I should note, I still generally don't like other people's kids in the main, though they are also growing on me..... The nice, polite ones etc are sweet.
But mine, well, as another poster said, everything changes once you have your own and you can not believe how you feel about them, just seeing them smile or laugh makes your day.
I should note, I still generally don't like other people's kids in the main, though they are also growing on me..... The nice, polite ones etc are sweet.
Firstly you sound like you need a dog, secondly you only have your observations of other children to form an opinion, well let me tell you about other peoples children..
They are f
king awful!
They are vile, they smell, they are noisy and a massive pain in the arse, other peoples children should be marched off and stored somewhere until they are old enough not to be a nuisance.
If the human race used their experience of other children to decide whether they should have any we wouldn't have a population crisis.
Now your own children, well they are quite possibly the best things on the planet, imagine winning the euro millions every week, having a free Ferrari for life and being emperor enabling you to make laws like everyone must if they spot Ed Sheeran in the street point and shout oi ya ginger your music is st..
They are f
king awful!They are vile, they smell, they are noisy and a massive pain in the arse, other peoples children should be marched off and stored somewhere until they are old enough not to be a nuisance.
If the human race used their experience of other children to decide whether they should have any we wouldn't have a population crisis.
Now your own children, well they are quite possibly the best things on the planet, imagine winning the euro millions every week, having a free Ferrari for life and being emperor enabling you to make laws like everyone must if they spot Ed Sheeran in the street point and shout oi ya ginger
your music is st.. Ah this thread again, come around quick this time!
I’m on the other side from you in that quite early on in my current relationship my OH told me she doesn’t want kids. It’s only since that point that I’ve been wondering whether I do. I’d always assumed that at some point I’d end up with them but never actually thought about it. It’s given me pause for thought and prompted a few conversations with friends both my age (with newborns) and older (flow the coop).
Still have no idea. Que sera sera I guess.
I’m on the other side from you in that quite early on in my current relationship my OH told me she doesn’t want kids. It’s only since that point that I’ve been wondering whether I do. I’d always assumed that at some point I’d end up with them but never actually thought about it. It’s given me pause for thought and prompted a few conversations with friends both my age (with newborns) and older (flow the coop).
Still have no idea. Que sera sera I guess.
I found mine hard work as babies, great fun once they could walk, teenage years were hell (both boys). Now they are both adults it's probably the best time I have had with them TBH. I was never sure I wanted kids when I was younger and did wait a while (38 when 1st born and 43 when 2nd). I do think being older helps as you tend to be more secure career and financially I believe. Would'nt want to be without them with the benefit of hindsight 
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