School Anxiety
Discussion
Spotted this in the news this morning. Am I being old and finding this rediculous?
From the symptoms described it looks like standard teenage behaviour of a kid who doesn't want to go to school.
Emotional distress about attending school
Anxiety, temper, depression or physical symptoms. If they are allowed to stay at home the symptoms often disappear
Absence of significant antisocial behaviours
Child expresses interest in school work, despite not wanting to attend
Does not try to hide absences from parents
BBC News - Chesterfield school anxiety pupil 'treated like truant'
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-4...
From the symptoms described it looks like standard teenage behaviour of a kid who doesn't want to go to school.
Emotional distress about attending school
Anxiety, temper, depression or physical symptoms. If they are allowed to stay at home the symptoms often disappear
Absence of significant antisocial behaviours
Child expresses interest in school work, despite not wanting to attend
Does not try to hide absences from parents
BBC News - Chesterfield school anxiety pupil 'treated like truant'
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-4...
I have no idea if you're old, but you certainly lack any kind of empathy or experience of this kind of thing.
Severe anxiety is a very real and very debilitating condition, and whilst in years gone by it will have been largely ignored or, indeed, regarded as kids being difficult, arsey, or just drop-outs, these days it is taken rather more seriously and can be treated effectively with therapy and medication. The evidence is right there in front of you - you even copied it into the post. These kids want to learn; they want to go to school, they're not hiding anything, ultimately they want to be normal and have friends like everybody else. They just can't, or at least when they do everything is overwhelming (typically what happens is there is some trigger - noise is a common one - that physiologically causes a massive rush of adrenaline that then starts a fight-or-flight physical reaction in the middle of class) and they end up segregated from the rest of the school, which in turn causes more anxiety that it's going to happen again and the whole thing spirals.
Of course not every kid that doesn't want to go to school has a medical reason - but please don't dismiss this as 'ridiculous' or just kids being difficult.
Severe anxiety is a very real and very debilitating condition, and whilst in years gone by it will have been largely ignored or, indeed, regarded as kids being difficult, arsey, or just drop-outs, these days it is taken rather more seriously and can be treated effectively with therapy and medication. The evidence is right there in front of you - you even copied it into the post. These kids want to learn; they want to go to school, they're not hiding anything, ultimately they want to be normal and have friends like everybody else. They just can't, or at least when they do everything is overwhelming (typically what happens is there is some trigger - noise is a common one - that physiologically causes a massive rush of adrenaline that then starts a fight-or-flight physical reaction in the middle of class) and they end up segregated from the rest of the school, which in turn causes more anxiety that it's going to happen again and the whole thing spirals.
Of course not every kid that doesn't want to go to school has a medical reason - but please don't dismiss this as 'ridiculous' or just kids being difficult.
The challenge with this sort of thing is that it's not black and white. There'll be a spectrum of the impacts of this across individuals.
Some will be able to cope regardless of how they're handled. Some won't regardless. For the bulk in the middle, that's where parenting skills come in.
Sadly there's no handbook for this and we all learn on the job. And as we know, some are better at learning than others.
I do wonder whether we are seeing more instances of the extreme ends or whether our media just report on this stuff more.
And if it's the former, why that is - are we less prepared to tell our kids they just need to deal with it and to help them through this now? Or were parents in the 70s too hard on this and in being so stored up mental issues for the adults later?
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing you can do in life (from someone who had kids later in life as he never understood the attraction and prioritised other stuff). But it's hard work...and one thing you learn quickly to try not to do is leap to judging the way others handle theirs too much as the thing with kids is the little feckers are all different.
Some will be able to cope regardless of how they're handled. Some won't regardless. For the bulk in the middle, that's where parenting skills come in.
Sadly there's no handbook for this and we all learn on the job. And as we know, some are better at learning than others.
I do wonder whether we are seeing more instances of the extreme ends or whether our media just report on this stuff more.
And if it's the former, why that is - are we less prepared to tell our kids they just need to deal with it and to help them through this now? Or were parents in the 70s too hard on this and in being so stored up mental issues for the adults later?
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing you can do in life (from someone who had kids later in life as he never understood the attraction and prioritised other stuff). But it's hard work...and one thing you learn quickly to try not to do is leap to judging the way others handle theirs too much as the thing with kids is the little feckers are all different.
I have suffered from anxiety, although in my 40s. Absolutely horrible experience & took many sessions of therapy just to learn how to deal with it.
It does seem to me, however, that much younger people appear to be suffering these days. Is it modern life? Is it being reported more? Are younger people being more open about it....?
Would be interesting to see statistics. In the meantime, if this kid genuinely has anxiety, I have much sympathy & hope he gets the help he needs.
It does seem to me, however, that much younger people appear to be suffering these days. Is it modern life? Is it being reported more? Are younger people being more open about it....?
Would be interesting to see statistics. In the meantime, if this kid genuinely has anxiety, I have much sympathy & hope he gets the help he needs.
Given we seem to be hearing more and more of children killing themselves over bullying at school, I think this is something we ought to take seriously. I saw on the news that there is quite a large number of parents who have removed their kids from school due to threats/attacks etc and nothing being done to protect the kids from harm.
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hstewie said:
hstewie said: I read plenty of threads on here from grown men filled with dread at the prospect of going to work.
I'm not sure your age, whether it's work or school, has much say if you suffer with anxiety.
Having had no previous experience I suddenly starting suffering from anxiety, and depression, at the beginning of the year.I'm not sure your age, whether it's work or school, has much say if you suffer with anxiety.
It's horrible.
I quit my job because I couldn't even face getting in the car and driving to work. I didn't drive anywhere at all for a couple of months.
I was always of the opinion that felt that way should just man up and get on with it. Until it happened to me.
If you've ever suffered from that level of anxiety and depression you have my greatest sympathy. If you haven't I hope you never have to.
We've got a family friend with a child who has this, it's most definitely a real thing. She can barely leave the house to go to school without having a mini nervous breakdown. They've spent a lot of time with therapists and it's slowly getting better. The girl actually wants to go to school and is miserable at not being able to see her friends properly.
It probably is the worst time for any kid to be going through school, the modern world has changed so much even since i was going to school in the 90’s.
Old school bullying used to be limited to the playgrounds, now its 24/7 with social media, and everything geared up to make every child self conscious about their bodies. No wonder some of them don't want to go in to that toxic den every day.
Then when they emerge from school the difficulties in trying to forge a career and get on the property ladder can make anyone want to hide under the duvet each morning.
Old school bullying used to be limited to the playgrounds, now its 24/7 with social media, and everything geared up to make every child self conscious about their bodies. No wonder some of them don't want to go in to that toxic den every day.
Then when they emerge from school the difficulties in trying to forge a career and get on the property ladder can make anyone want to hide under the duvet each morning.
I have had bad anxiety in the past, done the whole resigning at 3am because I can't cope and being absent for days at a a time. I for years had a constant feeling of butterflies in my tummy.
Unfortunately I seem to have passed this on to my daughter. Only this week she suddenly said she felt ill and didn't want to go to school despite being on the phone with her friends arranging to meet. We let her stay off for the day. My wife and I both knew she wasn't ill, I dont think she realised she wasn't either. She couldn't make the connection between being worried and the physical effects on her. I talked to her about it and eventually he admitted she was really worried and nervous, but not sure about what.
Its a massive change to go from primary school to high school. One of her teachers snapped at her for trying to give her homework in. "Im not taking homework now, you're not in primary school anymore". That upset her a bit and I think she is now worried about getting told off again. Which is crap because she hadn't done anything in the first place. With that though I think a lot of that is her needing to learn some robustness, not everyone you meet in life is going to be nice to you and she needs to be exposed to that so she can learn to ignore it.
Thankfully having had it myself I understand how she feels. I dont think you can truly appreciate how awful it is if you've never had it. My wife is a qualified young persons counselor and she sees lots of children with this very thing.
Attitudes like the one the OP seems to have are part of the problem. People wont seek help or admit they have an issue because they are worried they will be told to toughen up and get on with, or people will think they are making it up.
Unfortunately I seem to have passed this on to my daughter. Only this week she suddenly said she felt ill and didn't want to go to school despite being on the phone with her friends arranging to meet. We let her stay off for the day. My wife and I both knew she wasn't ill, I dont think she realised she wasn't either. She couldn't make the connection between being worried and the physical effects on her. I talked to her about it and eventually he admitted she was really worried and nervous, but not sure about what.
Its a massive change to go from primary school to high school. One of her teachers snapped at her for trying to give her homework in. "Im not taking homework now, you're not in primary school anymore". That upset her a bit and I think she is now worried about getting told off again. Which is crap because she hadn't done anything in the first place. With that though I think a lot of that is her needing to learn some robustness, not everyone you meet in life is going to be nice to you and she needs to be exposed to that so she can learn to ignore it.
Thankfully having had it myself I understand how she feels. I dont think you can truly appreciate how awful it is if you've never had it. My wife is a qualified young persons counselor and she sees lots of children with this very thing.
Attitudes like the one the OP seems to have are part of the problem. People wont seek help or admit they have an issue because they are worried they will be told to toughen up and get on with, or people will think they are making it up.
The number of people who are suffering with depression/anxiety seems to be growing rapidly. Hopefully that's just better reporting rather than more incidences. I know a few people who started suffering with anxiety seemingly out of the blue, and the effects are truly debilitating. Wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
Glad to see the right response on here to what is a serious condition. 'Back in the old days' I am sure everyone was told to just get on with it and stop being such a snowflake or the like but glad to see more and more people taking this sort of thing seriously, psychological conditions are so dangerous as they are hidden and not usually associated with visible symptoms.
My eldest suffered terribly with anxiety when she was in her final GCSE year; she is now 27 so over 10 years ago, this was largely due to the intense pressure that the school put on their pupils to perform well in their exams, it was relentless.
She still does suffer from it but, it is largely under control but she does have her moments.
She still does suffer from it but, it is largely under control but she does have her moments.
amusingduck said:
The number of people who are suffering with depression/anxiety seems to be growing rapidly. Hopefully that's just better reporting rather than more incidences. I know a few people who started suffering with anxiety seemingly out of the blue, and the effects are truly debilitating. Wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I think it's more people being treated than a rise in sufferers tbh.I've had the symptoms of anxiety my entire life and I can identify with a lot of the school experience in the op.
I enjoy learning and I'm fairly intelligent but I skived a lot and didn't pay attention a lot of the time.
I just assumed the way I felt was normal and have spent my whole adult life working around it. Only now at 36 am I getting treatment.
My school was terrible, and to compound it I happened to be pretty bright at school which of course led to bullying, name calling etc. Got worse when I called it out to the deputy head mistress (fk it name and shame, Mrs Young Mayesbrook Comp Dagenham - you fking incompetent woman) who got me in a room with a number of other kids who were calling me names, asked them what they had called me which they said smiling as they did, then turned to me and said I was being over dramatic and not to complain. You can only imagine how that went around the class, I suffered years of verbal abuse after that. I still get this weird sensation when I go into a school to drop off/pick up my son, its so hard to describe, its not a fear as such but more that my breathing changes I become more alert but also claustrophobic I really hate it.
k it name and shame, Mrs Young Mayesbrook Comp Dagenham - you fking incompetent woman) who got me in a room with a number of other kids who were calling me names, asked them what they had called me which they said smiling as they did, then turned to me and said I was being over dramatic and not to complain. You can only imagine how that went around the class, I suffered years of verbal abuse after that. I still get this weird sensation when I go into a school to drop off/pick up my son, its so hard to describe, its not a fear as such but more that my breathing changes I become more alert but also claustrophobic I really hate it. Went to school with a lad who went through a phase of what everyone thought was anxiety.
This went on for two or three years where he would refuse to go, and when he did, there was certain classrooms he refused to go in.
Turned out he had a severe medical condition that his doctor kept missing and once diagnosed, carried on with his schooling and did very well as it happens!
This went on for two or three years where he would refuse to go, and when he did, there was certain classrooms he refused to go in.
Turned out he had a severe medical condition that his doctor kept missing and once diagnosed, carried on with his schooling and did very well as it happens!
Hated school, was made to go every day and pretty much always had fear and anxiety, bullied all the time, mentally and physically.
I now don't give much of a st about anything, its like a ptsd hardness where I know I have done the worst bit and am out the other side so whatever get chucked at me now is measured against the years of misery.
Done well in life, got an amazing house and 8 car garage, wife, kids and am happy. work hard and never been idle. The bullies are all looking 20+ years older than me and almost all are failures.
Take what life chucks at you and use it to be better. be stronger because of it.
I now don't give much of a s
t about anything, its like a ptsd hardness where I know I have done the worst bit and am out the other side so whatever get chucked at me now is measured against the years of misery.Done well in life, got an amazing house and 8 car garage, wife, kids and am happy. work hard and never been idle. The bullies are all looking 20+ years older than me and almost all are failures.
Take what life chucks at you and use it to be better. be stronger because of it.
coldel said:
Glad to see the right response on here to what is a serious condition. 'Back in the old days' I am sure everyone was told to just get on with it and stop being such a snowflake or the like but glad to see more and more people taking this sort of thing seriously, psychological conditions are so dangerous as they are hidden and not usually associated with visible symptoms.
I agree with you, with on caveat... We need to be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Part of growing up is learning how to cope, learning robustness (as Scabutz notes).
For the majority of people those tough lessons that life isn't a box of chocolates need learning and the sooner the better.
Avoiding this, IMO, will make the shocks of real life harder to cope with. Ie we need to be careful that we aren't brewing a bigger problem for ourselves later.
I do have a sense that society is leaning that way at the moment.
Who'd want to be a teacher though...too many parents are useless at observing this stuff and teachers can't be expected to spot everything when signs will be subtle.
If only the genetics of having kids could be blocked until we all passed a competency test
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