Giving money before divorce
Discussion
Sadly I’m in the position where a divorce is looming ahead for me.
My partner wants to get a new place to live and for this will either need me to buy then out of our property or put the property on the market.
If i decide to buy her out and give her the money now, can it be done in a way where no more money can be asked for as part of the divorce?
My partner wants to get a new place to live and for this will either need me to buy then out of our property or put the property on the market.
If i decide to buy her out and give her the money now, can it be done in a way where no more money can be asked for as part of the divorce?
Thanks, i assume there is no way of doing this ourselves?
It is hard work, but at the moment we are still friends and are both committed to keeping it this way so would both prefer not to have solicitors involved if able to do ourselves.
For clarification we have no kids, just the property to split and sort out the money (i am wanting to buy her out) and we would sort out the contents ourselves.
It is hard work, but at the moment we are still friends and are both committed to keeping it this way so would both prefer not to have solicitors involved if able to do ourselves.
For clarification we have no kids, just the property to split and sort out the money (i am wanting to buy her out) and we would sort out the contents ourselves.
IANAL but I think you can do it yourself if there are no children involved. The court needs to approve the consent order AFAIAA, but if you're in agreement, I think it's straightforward.
Look at https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ for more information or speak to Citizens Advice.
Look at https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ for more information or speak to Citizens Advice.
If you can do it amicably and without a fight between lawyers, you both win in a still sad situation. Your scenario can be a very clean break if both play fair.
I’d seek professional advice, but there can be a simple way forward as long as both parties are the same page. You don’t want to get screwed over later though on what started as a verbal agreement.
Getting things in writing will certainly help.
I believe you can go totally DIY, but for a relatively small outlay (investment of future security) it may be worth the time of a professional.
Just be cautious if things go south... phone calls, emails, letters, meetings all add up rapidly with lawyers. Even when the ex effectively stole items against the signed final agreement, I just let them go because it was purely designed to generate more conflict. I’d fought for the major things but the rest I just let go and moved on. Also saving costly lawyer intervention which would have cost more than the items themselves probably.
I’d seek professional advice, but there can be a simple way forward as long as both parties are the same page. You don’t want to get screwed over later though on what started as a verbal agreement.
Getting things in writing will certainly help.
I believe you can go totally DIY, but for a relatively small outlay (investment of future security) it may be worth the time of a professional.
Just be cautious if things go south... phone calls, emails, letters, meetings all add up rapidly with lawyers. Even when the ex effectively stole items against the signed final agreement, I just let them go because it was purely designed to generate more conflict. I’d fought for the major things but the rest I just let go and moved on. Also saving costly lawyer intervention which would have cost more than the items themselves probably.
You can agree anything you like, but if it’s not formalised as a consent order by a family court, it’s not binding in any way. Either party could do a dramatic U-turn in the future and bring a claim against the other. It’s very important to have this done properly if you want absolute assurance on the matter.
I do need to ensure that anything done would be final as it will about bankrupt me doing it in the first place. It also needs be a legal thing as whilst i do still want to trust her she has cheated and i am not convinced that she won’t be going to the other chap and god knows what his take on being able to get even more would be.
Honestly no idea about pensions, my assumption (dangerous i know) is that there won’t be as we still want to finish as friends and we earn pretty much the same wage, her slightly higher.
That said i want to get back together with her and she doesn’t so there is the concern that it may go south
Legal advice it is, may suggest we both go to a meeting to see the best way forwards.
That said i want to get back together with her and she doesn’t so there is the concern that it may go south
Legal advice it is, may suggest we both go to a meeting to see the best way forwards.
Sheetmaself said:
Honestly no idea about pensions, my assumption (dangerous i know) is that there won’t be as we still want to finish as friends and we earn pretty much the same wage, her slightly higher.
That said i want to get back together with her and she doesn’t so there is the concern that it may go south
Legal advice it is, may suggest we both go to a meeting to see the best way forwards.
Legal advice, 100%.... separation and divorce changes people and often bites nice guys on the ass. I know, I have a very scarred ass!!! That said i want to get back together with her and she doesn’t so there is the concern that it may go south
Legal advice it is, may suggest we both go to a meeting to see the best way forwards.
You must maintain an "all or nothing" stance. Nothing is agreed until it is all agreed. If your ex wants something short term it will help her stay focused. And as has been mentioned already, get the agreement drawn up by a lawyer.
If you enter into partial settlements for her expediency the difficult stuff at the end will never get settled.
If you enter into partial settlements for her expediency the difficult stuff at the end will never get settled.
See personally i think it is too early to give her money as its only been 7 weeks that i have been made aware of issues and with everything that has gone off (think jerry springer not even jeremy kyle levels) I struggle to think that there is time to think. Coupled with the fact that the money will have to come from my parents due to the way my money is linked to them i feel that as soon as she receives the money she will have too much pride to come back.
All this after 20 years together (since 18 yrs old) and 15 years of marriage.
All this after 20 years together (since 18 yrs old) and 15 years of marriage.
Sheetmaself said:
as whilst i do still want to trust her she has cheated
And here it is... If she's done the dirty on you in this way any trust you may have had in the past is actually long gone.
She very obviously cannot be trusted.
Do it the legal way, there's another bloke involved now and he's got nothing to lose and everything to gain by fleecing you for more money in the future..
Sorry to be a bit blunt but do hope things work out for you..
OP
Is the property/mortgage in your name or both?
In my case it had to go through a solicitor to amend mortgage and land registry so the money went through them as well.
The mortgage company did also stipulate that she could no longer live in the house.
Good luck and talk to someone regularly, don't isolate yourself.
Is the property/mortgage in your name or both?
In my case it had to go through a solicitor to amend mortgage and land registry so the money went through them as well.
The mortgage company did also stipulate that she could no longer live in the house.
Good luck and talk to someone regularly, don't isolate yourself.
DS240 said:
Just be cautious if things go south... phone calls, emails, letters, meetings all add up rapidly with lawyers. Also saving costly lawyer intervention which would have cost more than the items themselves probably.
THIS ^^^^^^ x 1000My ex-line manager's divorce cost him £34k nine years ago. In fact he seemed ridiculously proud of that fact and also that it was a standing joke between him and his solicitor that the new shop front the solicitor had installed shortly afterwards (double glazed, smoked windows with gold etching of the practice name) was paid for by my ex-line manager's divorce.
The funny thing was, his oldest boy turned 18 recently which meant various payments my ex-line manager was making to his ex should have finished but she hauled him back through the courts because the original paperwork wasn't correct!
That cost him another £4k......nine years later!!
I have a very simple consent order that was drafted by a friend who is a lawyer soecialising in family law.
With her help i submitted all the documents myself, and the consent order finalise the details.
Fortunately we had nothing to argue over really but it helped formalise a clean break.
If you email through the forum link i can send a copy so you can get an idea of what they look like and maybe modify it to suit your needs. However i need to take the personal details out, and we have guests so it might be tuesday before i can send it over, along with anything i can remember about the process.
(I had mine bounced by the courts because she signed with middle initial and the papers had her full middle name for example!)
With her help i submitted all the documents myself, and the consent order finalise the details.
Fortunately we had nothing to argue over really but it helped formalise a clean break.
If you email through the forum link i can send a copy so you can get an idea of what they look like and maybe modify it to suit your needs. However i need to take the personal details out, and we have guests so it might be tuesday before i can send it over, along with anything i can remember about the process.
(I had mine bounced by the courts because she signed with middle initial and the papers had her full middle name for example!)
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