Fathers4Justice any use?
Discussion
I've just got off a phone call with a distressed friend. He's been separated for around 8 years, and has shared custody of his son. I don't know the ex-wife very well, but I have seen how she's become ever more bitter over the years, constantly playing games with access.
The latest escalation happened on Sunday, when the son was at his father's home for the weekend, and after making a fuss about doing his homework, he secretly called his mother who came to collect him. My friend was in a different part of the home, and the first he knew of this was when the front door slammed and he saw the mother's car heading off.
My friend isn't well off, so he's trying to explore his options without a big solicitor's bill. Which brings me to my question: has anyone used Fathers4Justice's forums, legal advice, or other services? Are you aware of any other cheap or free ways for him to get good advice?
The latest escalation happened on Sunday, when the son was at his father's home for the weekend, and after making a fuss about doing his homework, he secretly called his mother who came to collect him. My friend was in a different part of the home, and the first he knew of this was when the front door slammed and he saw the mother's car heading off.
My friend isn't well off, so he's trying to explore his options without a big solicitor's bill. Which brings me to my question: has anyone used Fathers4Justice's forums, legal advice, or other services? Are you aware of any other cheap or free ways for him to get good advice?
pavarotti1980 said:
If he wants to guarantee looking unhinged then contact F4J. They will get you to dress as a super hero and hang a banner from the top of a local bridge.
Otherwise citizens advice is a good starting point
Have to say, fairly or unfairly I don’t know, but that’s the first thought I had...Otherwise citizens advice is a good starting point
gottans said:
Should have phoned the cops as his son has been kidnapped, didn't catch the reg and give description of car.
Sit back and wait..
Terrible advice.Sit back and wait..
How old is the child?
Is there a court order?
What exactly does your friend want to do about the situation?
Good advice isn’t cheap.
Christmassss said:
Terrible advice.
How old is the child?
Is there a court order?
What exactly does your friend want to do about the situation?
Good advice isn’t cheap.
Right now my friend doesn't know what to think, but his fear is that his ex has stepped up her use of their 11yo son as a weapon against my friend, and he's worried that if he doesn't take a stand now then he could end up without any access at all. I don't know what court orders (if any) exist, but any advice from the PH contingent (even if it's darkly humorous ideas of reporting a kidnap) is welcomeHow old is the child?
Is there a court order?
What exactly does your friend want to do about the situation?
Good advice isn’t cheap.
If you can't find a superhero costume in the short term, you could consider families need fathers.
NNH said:
Right now my friend doesn't know what to think, but his fear is that his ex has stepped up her use of their 11yo son as a weapon against my friend, and he's worried that if he doesn't take a stand now then he could end up without any access at all. I don't know what court orders (if any) exist, but any advice from the PH contingent (even if it's darkly humorous ideas of reporting a kidnap) is welcome
As it reads, the mother coming to pick up an 11 year old, following a phone call from the child himself is hardly the worst thing.I have further questions:
As he is 11, I would assume he has just started secondary school. How understanding was your friend to this?
What was involved in the argument/discussion about doing his homework?
How often does he have his son?
Does your friend also contact the son on his phone during non contact days?
What other evidence/examples are there regarding contact being withheld/stopped/amended?
kestral said:
gottans said:
Should have phoned the cops as his son has been kidnapped, didn't catch the reg and give description of car.
Sit back and wait..
What an utterly ridiculous thing to say!Sit back and wait..
Op- tell your friend to report to social services, in writing so he has evidence.
Also ask him to buy and read books on parenting, as if his kid is exhibiting such behaviour, then learning known good techniques and strategies to tackle it may help.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 26th September 08:44
hyphen said:
+1 ridiculous.
Op- tell your friend to report to social services, in writing so he has evidence.
Also ask him to buy and read books on parenting, as if his kid is exhibiting such behaviour, then learning known good techniques and strategies to tackle it may help.
What would he be reporting to social services? Is the child at risk? Is he in danger? Was he taken against his will? Is there evidence of abuse? Op- tell your friend to report to social services, in writing so he has evidence.
Also ask him to buy and read books on parenting, as if his kid is exhibiting such behaviour, then learning known good techniques and strategies to tackle it may help.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 26th September 08:44
Social wouldn't be interested in the slightest.
Zetec-S said:
pavarotti1980 said:
If he wants to guarantee looking unhinged then contact F4J. They will get you to dress as a super hero and hang a banner from the top of a local bridge.
Otherwise citizens advice is a good starting point
Have to say, fairly or unfairly I don’t know, but that’s the first thought I had...Otherwise citizens advice is a good starting point
ElectricPics said:
Fairly. I felt for them, but dressing up as Spidey etc and going on hunger strike on top of the Tyne Bridge causing traffic chaos was never going to gain much for their cause.
Yeah it really portrays level headed thinking to do that. Just the example to set to CAFCAS, social services and the kidsChristmassss said:
What would he be reporting to social services? Is the child at risk? Is he in danger? Was he taken against his will? Is there evidence of abuse?
Social wouldn't be interested in the slightest.
Doesn't matter. It's about logging it.Social wouldn't be interested in the slightest.
A good social worker would have a word with mum. Its not acceptable to collect the child in this manner, as the dad may well imagine he has run off and call the police etc.
Also as I said, the fella in question probably needs some assistance on building relationships with his son, many guys are not naturally emotionally intelligent
Best thing he can do for starters is have a chat with the mother. Be completely civil about it.
The fact is, they can only serve the kid's interests effectively by presenting a united front as parents. They need to work cooperatively even if their personal relationship is strained.
What the son did is completely normal. My own daughter does exactly the same thing. If she falls out with her mother (which may be over something has simple as not agreeing about bedtime) then I'll hear about it. Usually in the form of a barrage of texts saying "Mums a b
h, I hate it here, I want to come to yours, etc". And it happens the other day around too. Recently my girls were 'told off' by their stepmother for the first time ever, in a perfectly reasonable manner, and I know the kids did exactly the same in rushing off trying to gain the backing of their mother. I think my youngest is still sulking about it a week later.
Parents acting responsibly and cooperatively will support each other in these situations, not fawn over child and run around whimsically picking them up whenever they have a falling out. I wouldn't dream of rushing to 'rescue' my daughter because her mother has disciplined her, and vice versa. If anything I would support my ex and reprimand my daughter for disrespecting her mother.
If the OP's friend's ex can't agree with the above stance, then he does have a bit more of a problem, but in the first instance he should broach the subject in a civil, friendly conversation, and find out where he stands.
Involving social services over something as trivial as this would be a considerable overreaction. Don't bring social workers into your and your children's lives unnecessarily.
The fact is, they can only serve the kid's interests effectively by presenting a united front as parents. They need to work cooperatively even if their personal relationship is strained.
What the son did is completely normal. My own daughter does exactly the same thing. If she falls out with her mother (which may be over something has simple as not agreeing about bedtime) then I'll hear about it. Usually in the form of a barrage of texts saying "Mums a b
h, I hate it here, I want to come to yours, etc". And it happens the other day around too. Recently my girls were 'told off' by their stepmother for the first time ever, in a perfectly reasonable manner, and I know the kids did exactly the same in rushing off trying to gain the backing of their mother. I think my youngest is still sulking about it a week later.Parents acting responsibly and cooperatively will support each other in these situations, not fawn over child and run around whimsically picking them up whenever they have a falling out. I wouldn't dream of rushing to 'rescue' my daughter because her mother has disciplined her, and vice versa. If anything I would support my ex and reprimand my daughter for disrespecting her mother.
If the OP's friend's ex can't agree with the above stance, then he does have a bit more of a problem, but in the first instance he should broach the subject in a civil, friendly conversation, and find out where he stands.
Involving social services over something as trivial as this would be a considerable overreaction. Don't bring social workers into your and your children's lives unnecessarily.
Edited by theboss on Thursday 26th September 11:25
hyphen said:
Doesn't matter. It's about logging it.
A good social worker would have a word with mum. Its not acceptable to collect the child in this manner, as the dad may well imagine he has run off and call the police etc.
Also as I said, the fella in question probably needs some assistance on building relationships with his son, many guys are not naturally emotionally intelligent
Logging what though, what is the issue?A good social worker would have a word with mum. Its not acceptable to collect the child in this manner, as the dad may well imagine he has run off and call the police etc.
Also as I said, the fella in question probably needs some assistance on building relationships with his son, many guys are not naturally emotionally intelligent
No court order, no breaches, no danger, Dad saw him going in his mums car. Literally nothing to report.
The only thing social would be interested in, is the events that lead to his son feeling that he no longer wanted to be in the same house as his dad.
You are def right about building relationships with his son though, it feels like he doesn't have a great relationship with him and the easy thing is to blame the ex. Happens all the time.
The last visitation i supervised along with social, the dad had claimed he has an amazing relationship with his two daughters, but it was so obvious he didn't, he barely knew anything about them, their lives, school etc etc.
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