Telling the family you want to leave the family business
Discussion
I'm turning to PH for advice on this.
I currently work for our family business and have done for the last 5 years, we are a bodyshop started by my Grandad, sadly he is no longer with us but my Dad and Uncle are now 50/50 owners, I am in my mid twenties, Dad mid 50's and uncle mid 40's.
Dad has worked here since he left school, he has pretty much built the business from the ground up and I am proud to be a part of it but I cannot stand the animosity between him and uncle anymore, my Uncle has never pulled his weight and leaves everything to do with the business to me and my dad, he turns up, repairs cars, organises his life outside work and collects his paycheck. Which annoys Dad which then gets took out on me. Dad is thinking of retiring in the next 4/5 years which means I will then be draggin my Uncle along, I want to get out now before it's too late.
I work in the office side of things with a bit of shop floor work in between, I am the only one who knows how to use the online accounting software (invoices/expenses etc).
It has gotten so bad my mental health is really bad, I have spoke to my other half about this and she is telling me to just get out, but I feel like I would be letting everyone down and putting a lot more weight back onto my dads shoulders which I took off when I joined.
I am terrified about talking to my Dad about this, I know he's my Dad and he should support me in whatever I choose but I know what will happen he will get pissed off and shrug his shoulders.
I have a side line at the minute which is doing ok and with more time spent on it I know it can be profitable even though I know it isn't a guaranteed wage each week that is why I am looking to drop down to a part time job, so I can still cover bills and focus on my sideline.
6 months ago I applied for jobs and had 2 job offers but was to scared to talk to my Dad about it, any advice? Sorry for rambling.
I currently work for our family business and have done for the last 5 years, we are a bodyshop started by my Grandad, sadly he is no longer with us but my Dad and Uncle are now 50/50 owners, I am in my mid twenties, Dad mid 50's and uncle mid 40's.
Dad has worked here since he left school, he has pretty much built the business from the ground up and I am proud to be a part of it but I cannot stand the animosity between him and uncle anymore, my Uncle has never pulled his weight and leaves everything to do with the business to me and my dad, he turns up, repairs cars, organises his life outside work and collects his paycheck. Which annoys Dad which then gets took out on me. Dad is thinking of retiring in the next 4/5 years which means I will then be draggin my Uncle along, I want to get out now before it's too late.
I work in the office side of things with a bit of shop floor work in between, I am the only one who knows how to use the online accounting software (invoices/expenses etc).
It has gotten so bad my mental health is really bad, I have spoke to my other half about this and she is telling me to just get out, but I feel like I would be letting everyone down and putting a lot more weight back onto my dads shoulders which I took off when I joined.
I am terrified about talking to my Dad about this, I know he's my Dad and he should support me in whatever I choose but I know what will happen he will get pissed off and shrug his shoulders.
I have a side line at the minute which is doing ok and with more time spent on it I know it can be profitable even though I know it isn't a guaranteed wage each week that is why I am looking to drop down to a part time job, so I can still cover bills and focus on my sideline.
6 months ago I applied for jobs and had 2 job offers but was to scared to talk to my Dad about it, any advice? Sorry for rambling.
t so why should you.Been in your position and got out.
Some may know this already (posted this before), but I used to be a farmer for 7 years on the successful family farm. It was my Grandads, then my Dads who is still there, and I worked there after Uni. For the last year of those 7, my Dad sensed I had lost enthusiasm and interest, which I had and I had thought about leaving for a long time. I had mentioned this to my partner and friends for a long time too and it was really bothering me.
Working alongside family is difficult because emotions always run higher and arguments are much more common. As my Dad sensed I had lost a lot of interest and wasn't myself, I told him during an argument that I was going to look for other jobs. He was surprised and obviously didn't think I meant it, but I did. The next day I told him I had applied to some and I'd say it took about 2-weeks for this to properly sink in that 1) I was serious, and 2) for my Dad to realise I was serious. It was very painful, lots of emotions, talks with family etc but I explained that I didn't want to be a farmer for the rest of my life, stuck in the same place and in the same house. I assume this is the same for you; you do not want to be working in a small bodyshop for the rest of your life. I wanted my own career path and to do my own thing. I think it took me about 3-months to find a new place of work.
2 years on since I left, I can honestly say our relationship has been the best its ever been. I have strong admiration for these 'Father and Son's' businesses because I know how hard family working relationships can be. Yes it'll be very tough when the news surfaces, but it is your life and your Dad, Grandad and family will understand over time. I visit my family still, and they visit me. We're all fine about it and there's no hard feelings. As for the farms future, plan A was for me to continue farming it, but obviously since I left this is no longer an option. My Dad I'd say is semi-retired and has employed a farm worker to replace me and is happy to keep it going for now, but who knows what will happen to it in the next 10 years. That is not my decision though.
Some may know this already (posted this before), but I used to be a farmer for 7 years on the successful family farm. It was my Grandads, then my Dads who is still there, and I worked there after Uni. For the last year of those 7, my Dad sensed I had lost enthusiasm and interest, which I had and I had thought about leaving for a long time. I had mentioned this to my partner and friends for a long time too and it was really bothering me.
Working alongside family is difficult because emotions always run higher and arguments are much more common. As my Dad sensed I had lost a lot of interest and wasn't myself, I told him during an argument that I was going to look for other jobs. He was surprised and obviously didn't think I meant it, but I did. The next day I told him I had applied to some and I'd say it took about 2-weeks for this to properly sink in that 1) I was serious, and 2) for my Dad to realise I was serious. It was very painful, lots of emotions, talks with family etc but I explained that I didn't want to be a farmer for the rest of my life, stuck in the same place and in the same house. I assume this is the same for you; you do not want to be working in a small bodyshop for the rest of your life. I wanted my own career path and to do my own thing. I think it took me about 3-months to find a new place of work.
2 years on since I left, I can honestly say our relationship has been the best its ever been. I have strong admiration for these 'Father and Son's' businesses because I know how hard family working relationships can be. Yes it'll be very tough when the news surfaces, but it is your life and your Dad, Grandad and family will understand over time. I visit my family still, and they visit me. We're all fine about it and there's no hard feelings. As for the farms future, plan A was for me to continue farming it, but obviously since I left this is no longer an option. My Dad I'd say is semi-retired and has employed a farm worker to replace me and is happy to keep it going for now, but who knows what will happen to it in the next 10 years. That is not my decision though.
Edited by Prohibiting on Thursday 26th September 20:30
Had a similar thing - my brother was lined up to take over the family business in New York, quite a few years ago now. Father was ill and in hospital (Due to a hostile takeover from a rival company). I took care of negotiations with them and managed to get both their representatives out of the picture.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
KAgantua said:
Had a similar thing - my brother was lined up to take over the family business in New York, quite a few years ago now. Father was ill and in hospital (Due to a hostile takeover from a rival company). I took care of negotiations with them and managed to get both their representatives out of the picture.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
Very clever
KAgantua said:
Had a similar thing - my brother was lined up to take over the family business in New York, quite a few years ago now. Father was ill and in hospital (Due to a hostile takeover from a rival company). I took care of negotiations with them and managed to get both their representatives out of the picture.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
Excellent! Read with mounting incredulity until the final few lines - well played While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
As has been pointed out the real issue here is the Uncle and if its a 50/50 ownership he's not going to go easily.
The ownership is in stalemate and resolving it if the Uncle isn't interested in going is going to be very messy.
Never have 50/50 ownership without a shareholders agreement.
You need to flag the whole situation with your dad and have a serious discussion.
The ownership is in stalemate and resolving it if the Uncle isn't interested in going is going to be very messy.
Never have 50/50 ownership without a shareholders agreement.
You need to flag the whole situation with your dad and have a serious discussion.
Hadleyiam said:
any advice?
Do you enjoy what you do if the Uncle was removed? If so then work on buying him out.If not then you need to have an honest chat with your Dad. Remember, you're working for the next 40 years.
When I left school my Dad had a quite successful business, and I was the only Son. I simply had no interest so I moved onto form my own career
Disastrous said:
KAgantua said:
Had a similar thing - my brother was lined up to take over the family business in New York, quite a few years ago now. Father was ill and in hospital (Due to a hostile takeover from a rival company). I took care of negotiations with them and managed to get both their representatives out of the picture.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
Excellent! Read with mounting incredulity until the final few lines - well played While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
Disastrous said:
KAgantua said:
Had a similar thing - my brother was lined up to take over the family business in New York, quite a few years ago now. Father was ill and in hospital (Due to a hostile takeover from a rival company). I took care of negotiations with them and managed to get both their representatives out of the picture.
While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
Excellent! Read with mounting incredulity until the final few lines - well played While this was happening, my brother died unexpectedly in a motor incident at a toll booth.
I moved to Italy for a short while until my wife died and I returned to New York.
We managed to smooth things over when my father came out of hospital, and I enacted a business plan to re-align the organisation within five years. This never came to fruition and my father sadly died five years after that.
Eventually, I managed to settle all family affairs around the time of my nephews baptism, which was a very special time for us.
Crazy situation, looking back, just when you think you are out, you are pulled back in.
Anyway, still very funny....well played.
Edited by TwigtheWonderkid on Friday 4th October 16:00
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