Dad died - why aren't I crying?
Discussion
I don't know if it's appropriate to post this, but this is starting to bother me a lot.
I got a call yesterday to tell me that my father had died that morning. It really shook me, and I am very upset, but I haven't yet shed a tear.
My father and I were quite close, so I am devastated he's gone. But so far I have been functioning normally, and haven't cried, or come close to crying. I can't help feeling that I should be.
I don't know if I'm just not the crying kind(haven't done for years anyway), or because it hasn't really sunk in yet - the funeral is in Ireland so I haven't actually seen him. Also it wasn't unexpected(cancer in both lungs - had to make an emergency trip a few months ago just in case).
But I just wondered if this was normal, as surely I should have had some reaction by now? It almost feels disrespectful that it hasn't broken my stride as much as it should. Anyone had anything similar?
I got a call yesterday to tell me that my father had died that morning. It really shook me, and I am very upset, but I haven't yet shed a tear.
My father and I were quite close, so I am devastated he's gone. But so far I have been functioning normally, and haven't cried, or come close to crying. I can't help feeling that I should be.
I don't know if I'm just not the crying kind(haven't done for years anyway), or because it hasn't really sunk in yet - the funeral is in Ireland so I haven't actually seen him. Also it wasn't unexpected(cancer in both lungs - had to make an emergency trip a few months ago just in case).
But I just wondered if this was normal, as surely I should have had some reaction by now? It almost feels disrespectful that it hasn't broken my stride as much as it should. Anyone had anything similar?
It's probably just not really sunk in yet, can take a while especially with someone you are very close to.
Don't worry it's perfectly normal, we all grieve in our own ways, some people never cry, it's just their way of coping.
You will probably find in a few days that it all hits you at once. Happened to me.
Don't worry it's perfectly normal, we all grieve in our own ways, some people never cry, it's just their way of coping.
You will probably find in a few days that it all hits you at once. Happened to me.
Firstly, my sympathies.
My mother died while I was at university. I got a phone call in the middle of the night, a cab first thing the next morning, and the job of organizing everything from then on.
I went back after a couple of weeks, and carried on as normal.
3 months later, my father phoned and told me that he'd had to have our 2 cats put down due to illness.
I crashed.
It'll come. Don't force it, don't feel guilty if it doesn't immediately.
Trust your friends. Cut them some slack if they don't know how to talk to you right now.
Appreciate the ones you love just a little more.
My mother died while I was at university. I got a phone call in the middle of the night, a cab first thing the next morning, and the job of organizing everything from then on.
I went back after a couple of weeks, and carried on as normal.
3 months later, my father phoned and told me that he'd had to have our 2 cats put down due to illness.
I crashed.
It'll come. Don't force it, don't feel guilty if it doesn't immediately.
Trust your friends. Cut them some slack if they don't know how to talk to you right now.
Appreciate the ones you love just a little more.
Firstly, sorry to hear of your loss, I can totally empathise, I lost my dad quite unexpectedly at the start of January. Don't feel bad about about how you are feeling. Everyone deals with things like this differently. It may hit you tomorrow, it may take weeks, try not to push it and feel too guilty. I keep thinking that I have gotten over my dads death too quickly but in quite odd moments it will hit me hard.
Take Care.
Lisa.
Take Care.
Lisa.
My dad died after a 12 month battle with prostate cancer, last August, my Mum 12 years ago after a stroke, neither times I outwardly cried, I mean not in the blubbering sense, but I cried inside, although in my Dad's case it was a blessing, a case of "Death where is thy sting"............
One thing it HAS tought me though, is F
k your TVR's. Lotus's, Ferraris etc, even your bank balance, the MOST important thing in life is your health, so make the most of your life while you can, you just don't know how long you've got..
>> Edited by Wacky Racer on Thursday 2nd June 21:44
One thing it HAS tought me though, is F
k your TVR's. Lotus's, Ferraris etc, even your bank balance, the MOST important thing in life is your health, so make the most of your life while you can, you just don't know how long you've got.. >> Edited by Wacky Racer on Thursday 2nd June 21:44
My dad died 2 years ago this last Monday. Although I did cry (buckets) at the time, it was mostly numb. And I would laugh hysterically at odd things, and just be all over the place. I think I cried at the time because it was displacement activity if the emotions got too real.
Oddly enough, I was at my bloke's house on Monday and we were in the middle of a perfectly innocuous conversation and it hit me. I cried for about an hour - that real out of control thing where your whole body shakes - but this time it was different, I could say what it was that I was feeling that was causing the pain. And the crying actually made me feel better for the first time. And I can think about the same thing that triggered the tears now without breaking down.
I guess it just happens when it happens. Just be kind to yourself.
Oddly enough, I was at my bloke's house on Monday and we were in the middle of a perfectly innocuous conversation and it hit me. I cried for about an hour - that real out of control thing where your whole body shakes - but this time it was different, I could say what it was that I was feeling that was causing the pain. And the crying actually made me feel better for the first time. And I can think about the same thing that triggered the tears now without breaking down.
I guess it just happens when it happens. Just be kind to yourself.
los angeles said:
It will come when you begin to perceive the wisdom he imparted to you has made you better and stronger.
I miss mine more for the wisdom he didn't impart. I still haven't figured out his bloody MultiMeter. I'm thinking of getting a medium to pester him for the relevant info.
Very sorry to hear your news. I wouldn't worry about how you are reacting now. We all react differently and there certainly aren't any rules. It can take a while to sink in, you can be numbed by it to start with, whatever ... it really doesn't matter. There are many different aspects to bereavement. In the coming days probably you'll feel your own loss, you'll dredge up and share memories, you'll witness other peoples pain ... sometimes it'll be overwhelming, sometimes it'll be reassuring, other times it'll just plain be what your getting on with. Good luck.
Sorry to hear your news, you have my condolences and best wishes to your family.
When we lost our mother to cancer some 5 years ago it was the first time many of us had actually smiled in those 6 months before she went.
When you lose someone, things are not the same; feelings are without explanation or comprehension. You will be full of doubt and uncertainty one moment perhaps, full of joy and hope the next – don’t worry – if it needs to happen let it happen, as others have said it may take some time and may hit unexpectedly or not at all – that does not make you a lesser person. Accept what has happened as best you can – and get on.
When I was young the thought of losing my mother to death was my greatest fear, and I carried it for a long time, now I have lived through my greatest fear, I have nothing more to worry about! (Not true but it puts fear into perspective for me)
Kind Regards and Best Wishes
Paul
When we lost our mother to cancer some 5 years ago it was the first time many of us had actually smiled in those 6 months before she went.
When you lose someone, things are not the same; feelings are without explanation or comprehension. You will be full of doubt and uncertainty one moment perhaps, full of joy and hope the next – don’t worry – if it needs to happen let it happen, as others have said it may take some time and may hit unexpectedly or not at all – that does not make you a lesser person. Accept what has happened as best you can – and get on.
When I was young the thought of losing my mother to death was my greatest fear, and I carried it for a long time, now I have lived through my greatest fear, I have nothing more to worry about! (Not true but it puts fear into perspective for me)
Kind Regards and Best Wishes
Paul
Sincere Condolences mate, grief affects people differently at different times, it's hard to come to terms with the death of a close relative, my Mum died suddenly when I was 25 and at first it was hard to even believe that it happened, it does get easier to deal with after a while but there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve, take it at your own pace.
Sorry to hear about your loss mate.
When my mother died I was pretty numb for a few days. I didn't know what to feel. She'd been so ill for 6 months so it was a relief in a way. It took several days for the everything to hit me. Fortunately my friends knew the score and they were there when I needed them. Just take some time to let it sink in and let your friends know what's happening. It'll just take time.
Kenny320
>> Edited by kenny320 on Thursday 2nd June 22:34
When my mother died I was pretty numb for a few days. I didn't know what to feel. She'd been so ill for 6 months so it was a relief in a way. It took several days for the everything to hit me. Fortunately my friends knew the score and they were there when I needed them. Just take some time to let it sink in and let your friends know what's happening. It'll just take time.
Kenny320
>> Edited by kenny320 on Thursday 2nd June 22:34
Grief is a strange emotion - it affects different people in different ways. Not only that, the way you react to different people dying varies.
I wouldn't worry about it mate, the tears will come when the time is right.
I'd just echo the sentiments here; sorry to hear about your father.
I wouldn't worry about it mate, the tears will come when the time is right.
I'd just echo the sentiments here; sorry to hear about your father.
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