Imposter syndrome
Discussion
I've "suffered" from it for the past few years, since leaving my first employer. I've always felt unworthy of the salary/benefits I have when starting a new role in a new company. I'm always paranoid that other members of my new team will be far better than me and "find me out", it hasn't happened yet, but I often go through phases of having an underlying feeling of unworthiness...
I'm going through my latest phase as I've been promoted to a senior - I'm staying on the same project, with the same people, so in theory I should just keep doing what I have been doing... But all of a sudden I feel even more "unworthy", even guilty at times that I'm doing well whereas former peers and friends haven't been despite putting in the same amount, if not more effort in some cases.
Does it ever go away? How do you manage it day-to-day?
I'm going through my latest phase as I've been promoted to a senior - I'm staying on the same project, with the same people, so in theory I should just keep doing what I have been doing... But all of a sudden I feel even more "unworthy", even guilty at times that I'm doing well whereas former peers and friends haven't been despite putting in the same amount, if not more effort in some cases.
Does it ever go away? How do you manage it day-to-day?
I had a conversation about this with a few work colleagues and was amazed that a couple of the ones whom I considered to be some of the most capable experienced this. They had reached senior levels but had never shaken this off.
We did wonder if it is common amongst those who are “unconsciously competent” and therefore by definition don’t realise just how competent they are.
It seems to be not as rare as I had thought it was.
We did wonder if it is common amongst those who are “unconsciously competent” and therefore by definition don’t realise just how competent they are.
It seems to be not as rare as I had thought it was.
I feel it every day, to the point where I actually told my manager I thought we were paid too much (banded salary, so no harm done). I’m in a senior position, ph style salary.
Every meeting, every report, every paper I produce, every day I wake up, I wonder ‘is today the day I’m going to be found out?’. It’s hell. But it’s combined with long standing depression/anxiety, so not surprising,
Every meeting, every report, every paper I produce, every day I wake up, I wonder ‘is today the day I’m going to be found out?’. It’s hell. But it’s combined with long standing depression/anxiety, so not surprising,
It’s pretty normal. Well rounded intelligent people are usually very reflective in their behaviours and are always looking to improve and do better. They are often their own biggest critic.
To be immune to this phenomenon you have be either a narcissist or just too thick to be able to reflect on what you do and how it compares to your colleagues. I inherited a woman into my team once who was a nightmare - always off sick, and disruptive when she turned up because she didn’t have a clue what she was doing and left stuff half done or done wrong for other people to pick up. When put her on performance review she appeared so totally shocked and told colleagues I must be mentally ill because I’d misjudged the situation so badly and she was a brilliant member of the team. She later accused me of trying to fit her up for mistakes she’d made. Initially I thought it was an act, but it eventually dawned on me it wasn’t and her vision of herself was so deluded she genuinely believed what she was saying. She just didn’t have the intelligence to self evaluate.
To be immune to this phenomenon you have be either a narcissist or just too thick to be able to reflect on what you do and how it compares to your colleagues. I inherited a woman into my team once who was a nightmare - always off sick, and disruptive when she turned up because she didn’t have a clue what she was doing and left stuff half done or done wrong for other people to pick up. When put her on performance review she appeared so totally shocked and told colleagues I must be mentally ill because I’d misjudged the situation so badly and she was a brilliant member of the team. She later accused me of trying to fit her up for mistakes she’d made. Initially I thought it was an act, but it eventually dawned on me it wasn’t and her vision of herself was so deluded she genuinely believed what she was saying. She just didn’t have the intelligence to self evaluate.
There's a decent awareness of it now, as people realise that what goes on inside their head is generally very similar to others in similiar situations. The BBC covered it in 2016 on a radio 4 show, link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07865h3
Most startling is that a chap called Dr Henry Marsh appears on the show and admits to his own feelings of professional inadequacy. Dr marsh, now retired, was a world renowned neuro surgeon, and now author, his book about his career, Do No Harm, is excellent. The book goes into detail of some cases, where he struggled to decide what to do, when to let go and let his jnrs take the reigns, when he made mistakes and the awful toll they took and his general battle with patients to convince them that surgery was often not a good choice to proceed with. Given we went round the world for his expertise , if he can feel this way then we all can.
Most startling is that a chap called Dr Henry Marsh appears on the show and admits to his own feelings of professional inadequacy. Dr marsh, now retired, was a world renowned neuro surgeon, and now author, his book about his career, Do No Harm, is excellent. The book goes into detail of some cases, where he struggled to decide what to do, when to let go and let his jnrs take the reigns, when he made mistakes and the awful toll they took and his general battle with patients to convince them that surgery was often not a good choice to proceed with. Given we went round the world for his expertise , if he can feel this way then we all can.
Downward said:
I’m back at the place where I was from 2001 to 2013, so i’ve been at 2 different companies in the past 6 years.
Now i’m on the level of my former managers who managed me when I was in my 20’s.
Feel weird.
I'm in a similar situation, I've returned to the organisation I completed an apprenticeship in 3 years ago except now, like you, I'm on the level of my former managers. It's weird, I'm fine with it most days, but then I'll just get a pang of anxiety over it when I sit back and think about the level of responsibility I've been given, then question my merit for the role... I also feel like my career curve spiked massively very early and worry I'll flatline for a long time, but equally I acknowledge how lucky I am and feel guilty. It's a spiral haha... Now i’m on the level of my former managers who managed me when I was in my 20’s.
Feel weird.
deebs said:
There's a decent awareness of it now, as people realise that what goes on inside their head is generally very similar to others in similiar situations. The BBC covered it in 2016 on a radio 4 show, link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07865h3
Most startling is that a chap called Dr Henry Marsh appears on the show and admits to his own feelings of professional inadequacy. Dr marsh, now retired, was a world renowned neuro surgeon, and now author, his book about his career, Do No Harm, is excellent. The book goes into detail of some cases, where he struggled to decide what to do, when to let go and let his jnrs take the reigns, when he made mistakes and the awful toll they took and his general battle with patients to convince them that surgery was often not a good choice to proceed with. Given we went round the world for his expertise , if he can feel this way then we all can.
I must admit, I have read articles and blog posts about it but never really had an open discussion about it and thought PH would be a good place for it - The responses have been good so far, I'm glad I'm not the only one.Most startling is that a chap called Dr Henry Marsh appears on the show and admits to his own feelings of professional inadequacy. Dr marsh, now retired, was a world renowned neuro surgeon, and now author, his book about his career, Do No Harm, is excellent. The book goes into detail of some cases, where he struggled to decide what to do, when to let go and let his jnrs take the reigns, when he made mistakes and the awful toll they took and his general battle with patients to convince them that surgery was often not a good choice to proceed with. Given we went round the world for his expertise , if he can feel this way then we all can.
Thanks for the link, I'll give that a listen. I've never heard of that example, hard to believe that a professional at that level could question their own ability. It dwarfs my scenario
I think it a lot. However sometimes I produce a piece of work that I think is decent, and others seem to agree. Had a bit of a moment this week though whilst attending a (small) industry conference, and I was asked to sit on a Dragons Den style panel to review pitches from newish companies. They were all far more competent individuals and better presenters than me. I prefaced my remarks by pointing out I was woefully under qualified to be a judge!
95JO said:
I've "suffered" from it for the past few years, since leaving my first employer. I've always felt unworthy of the salary/benefits I have when starting a new role in a new company. I'm always paranoid that other members of my new team will be far better than me and "find me out", it hasn't happened yet, but I often go through phases of having an underlying feeling of unworthiness...
I'm going through my latest phase as I've been promoted to a senior - I'm staying on the same project, with the same people, so in theory I should just keep doing what I have been doing... But all of a sudden I feel even more "unworthy", even guilty at times that I'm doing well whereas former peers and friends haven't been despite putting in the same amount, if not more effort in some cases.
Does it ever go away? How do you manage it day-to-day?
I think “Imposter” feelings can be exacerbated when you’ve been promoted but still working closely with the same team. The old relationships and structures take time to dissolve and it takes time for new ones to be created. They know how good/bad you are and vice versa. You potentially have more power and that makes things awkward etc etc. I'm going through my latest phase as I've been promoted to a senior - I'm staying on the same project, with the same people, so in theory I should just keep doing what I have been doing... But all of a sudden I feel even more "unworthy", even guilty at times that I'm doing well whereas former peers and friends haven't been despite putting in the same amount, if not more effort in some cases.
Does it ever go away? How do you manage it day-to-day?
Great subject, I have similar thoughts and have had for many years. I have always been the youngest amongst my peers.
I used to run the technology, engineering and performance for a business unit with €1 bn/y turnover. Everything was always running very well, but I would sometimes stop, think, but never quite work out why I deserved to be there.
I took a break and now I'm running a mega project for an International chemicals group. I have days when I feel fortunate, but others when I have my doubts..I also don't feel more privileged than an operator in the field.
One day I'll figure it out.
I used to run the technology, engineering and performance for a business unit with €1 bn/y turnover. Everything was always running very well, but I would sometimes stop, think, but never quite work out why I deserved to be there.
I took a break and now I'm running a mega project for an International chemicals group. I have days when I feel fortunate, but others when I have my doubts..I also don't feel more privileged than an operator in the field.
One day I'll figure it out.
I think if you don't feel slightly out of your depth, potentially in all things not just work, then you are not progressing or developing. There's nothing wrong with that either, not everyone wants to be chairman of the board. The problem as already mentioned are those who feel entitled to their position and so don't brook any kind of personal critiique.
On a different note, I had a job a few years back which was incredibly dull. I phoned it in most days and, as it was a roving role, I spent at least two days each week at home, skiving.
Eventually, I had enough of the tedium and resigned. They spent about a year trying to persuade me to go back, because I'd apparently done such a fantastic job, and they couldn't find anyone decent to replace me!
Eventually, I had enough of the tedium and resigned. They spent about a year trying to persuade me to go back, because I'd apparently done such a fantastic job, and they couldn't find anyone decent to replace me!
so glad i stumbled on this thread, I get the same feeling.
recently i got a mild promotion which included a salary increase. So i'm a higher 'level' than some people in my team, some of whom have been there for years. since then ive also felt like people in my team have asked me more questions as a result. feels a little weird. the promotion was partially based on improved knowledge..but mainly stems from being highly productive (i can work fast).
A job cropped up, pays £40k, but starts lower, around £26k. no real experience needed and id just need to write a statement that's 500 words on why i'd want the job. I dismissed the job because it thought I wouldn't be good enough. Yet 2 people in my team applied for it, I wish i had their positivity. without coming across full of myself.. I am a better worker than they are, but they feel more worthy to apply for it than i do.
My locker at work has a couple of bags for life which i keep there if ever i need it. I have this silly idea in my head that i keep it there in the event i'm rumbled and get sacked on the spot. I guess that plays into the imposter symdrome.
glad im not alone on this!
recently i got a mild promotion which included a salary increase. So i'm a higher 'level' than some people in my team, some of whom have been there for years. since then ive also felt like people in my team have asked me more questions as a result. feels a little weird. the promotion was partially based on improved knowledge..but mainly stems from being highly productive (i can work fast).
A job cropped up, pays £40k, but starts lower, around £26k. no real experience needed and id just need to write a statement that's 500 words on why i'd want the job. I dismissed the job because it thought I wouldn't be good enough. Yet 2 people in my team applied for it, I wish i had their positivity. without coming across full of myself.. I am a better worker than they are, but they feel more worthy to apply for it than i do.
My locker at work has a couple of bags for life which i keep there if ever i need it. I have this silly idea in my head that i keep it there in the event i'm rumbled and get sacked on the spot. I guess that plays into the imposter symdrome.
glad im not alone on this!
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