Anyone adopted a child?
Discussion
OK, not me, and OK, not an adoption, but a friend does respite adoption for children in the looking for adoption process.
(Child is still in a temporary status, not adopted yet, and the current people need a break for whatever reason, my friend takes the child for a week or a day, etc)
Mighty hard work, but mighty rewarding - sums it up.
Some children are sweet, settled, etc.
Some children are hard work. You have to be seriously bad to have your child taken away from you and put up for adoption, so these children need a LOT of work.
That said, a friend of mine is adopted. The adopted parents are mom and dad, and there is the exact family bonding that comes with a happy family, so it is very rewarding!
(Child is still in a temporary status, not adopted yet, and the current people need a break for whatever reason, my friend takes the child for a week or a day, etc)
Mighty hard work, but mighty rewarding - sums it up.
Some children are sweet, settled, etc.
Some children are hard work. You have to be seriously bad to have your child taken away from you and put up for adoption, so these children need a LOT of work.
That said, a friend of mine is adopted. The adopted parents are mom and dad, and there is the exact family bonding that comes with a happy family, so it is very rewarding!
D1on said:
Do you look at your adopted parents as your parents?
Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
I don't think any child adopted into a good family could ever feel resentment against you. They might develop curiosity as to their biological parents when they have grown up, but the only resentment they would feel would be towards them for failing to be there for them, whilst you were there for them.Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
Adoption is a very worthy thing to do and I salute you for looking at changing a child's life for the better.
KrazyIvan said:
My brother looked into it (due to issues conceiving their own)
I wont go into details, but the suitability checks are incredibly invasive. Be sure you are ready before you start, as I believe if you drop out they record it and will question you if try again at a later date.
We looked into it a few years ago. Went to the local authority for the first interview where the guys spent 30 minutes grilling us and giving us the impression we were wasting his time and we needed them more than they needed us. Put a very sour taste in our mouths and we vowed to go back to it later but with a little more research into the various agencies and authorities before going for the initial appointment again. I wont go into details, but the suitability checks are incredibly invasive. Be sure you are ready before you start, as I believe if you drop out they record it and will question you if try again at a later date.
We are going to start everything again next year when Mrs geeks can be full time at home for at least 6 months.
geeks said:
KrazyIvan said:
My brother looked into it (due to issues conceiving their own)
I wont go into details, but the suitability checks are incredibly invasive. Be sure you are ready before you start, as I believe if you drop out they record it and will question you if try again at a later date.
We looked into it a few years ago. Went to the local authority for the first interview where the guys spent 30 minutes grilling us and giving us the impression we were wasting his time and we needed them more than they needed us. Put a very sour taste in our mouths and we vowed to go back to it later but with a little more research into the various agencies and authorities before going for the initial appointment again. I wont go into details, but the suitability checks are incredibly invasive. Be sure you are ready before you start, as I believe if you drop out they record it and will question you if try again at a later date.
We are going to start everything again next year when Mrs geeks can be full time at home for at least 6 months.
JulianPH said:
D1on said:
Do you look at your adopted parents as your parents?
Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
I don't think any child adopted into a good family could ever feel resentment against you. They might develop curiosity as to their biological parents when they have grown up, but the only resentment they would feel would be towards them for failing to be there for them, whilst you were there for them.Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
Adoption is a very worthy thing to do and I salute you for looking at changing a child's life for the better.
Have a quick scan at this - something I wrote a few years ago about trying to understand my genetics and heritage:
https://thepast-thepresent-future.blogspot.com/201...
Feel free to PM me if you want to know anything further.
Full respect to you!
A good friend looked into it 15 years ago, fertility issues with the 2nd wife, ended up fostering in the end and they both built almost a second career, many of the children came and went but more than a few stay in touch, a set of twins they had from 6 months to 5yr were adopted in the end (incredibly troubled circumstances), which almost ended there marriage, as they could not almost bear to seem them go.
An incredibly worthy thing to do, and all the best on your journey.
An incredibly worthy thing to do, and all the best on your journey.
D1on said:
Davel said:
Can't help but I was adopted at 10 days old.
Good luck in your efforts - and respect !
Do you look at your adopted parents as your parents?Good luck in your efforts - and respect !
Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
I know the identity of my birth mother (father's name is blank on my birth certificate) and that she named me 'Mark Anthony' which are the same initials as hers.
I know where she lived until 17 years ago, that she eventually married and that I have a half brother called Johnathan but I've no desire to contact him; my family is the one I was adopted into.
Deesee said:
A good friend looked into it 15 years ago, fertility issues with the 2nd wife, ended up fostering in the end and they both built almost a second career, many of the children came and went but more than a few stay in touch, a set of twins they had from 6 months to 5yr were adopted in the end (incredibly troubled circumstances), which almost ended there marriage, as they could not almost bear to seem them go.
An incredibly worthy thing to do, and all the best on your journey.
I have the utmost respect for people who foster, not sure how you could let people into your lives in that way and then have the fortitude to let them go again.An incredibly worthy thing to do, and all the best on your journey.
OP, I'm the proud father of an adopted girl, and I can echo many of the comments here. It is challenging but extremely rewarding, and the assessment process is extremely invasive (as I believe it should be). I can't speak for others, but from my point of view the adoption journey is really about providing a better life and stability for a child who may have experienced horrific things and be deeply troubled by them. To that end, you can't think about whether or not the child will want to meet their birth parents when they are old enough, only of what you can do for the child to help them become a whole adult - the rest will sort itself out in the end.
We did get some raised eyebrows during the assessment process as neither my wife or I have any fertility issues (at least not to our knowledge) and we had never tried for a baby of our own. We both believed that helping an existing child was something we would prefer to bringing a new child into the world. I think I'm extremely lucky that we were of one mind on this, thankfully.
Be aware that the number of babies in the system is usually low, so if you are looking to adopt a baby you may be in for a long wait.
Do you look at your adopted parents as your parents?
Yes I did until they both died.
I often wondered about my real mum & dad but it was a private adoption and they weren't married and so I didn't push to hard to find them. I'm sure that they could probably have found a way to find me if either had wanted to.
KrazyIvan said:
geeks said:
KrazyIvan said:
My brother looked into it (due to issues conceiving their own)
I wont go into details, but the suitability checks are incredibly invasive. Be sure you are ready before you start, as I believe if you drop out they record it and will question you if try again at a later date.
We looked into it a few years ago. Went to the local authority for the first interview where the guys spent 30 minutes grilling us and giving us the impression we were wasting his time and we needed them more than they needed us. Put a very sour taste in our mouths and we vowed to go back to it later but with a little more research into the various agencies and authorities before going for the initial appointment again. I wont go into details, but the suitability checks are incredibly invasive. Be sure you are ready before you start, as I believe if you drop out they record it and will question you if try again at a later date.
We are going to start everything again next year when Mrs geeks can be full time at home for at least 6 months.
My youngest is adopted, 1 of 2. My brother was adopted too.
Be warned that the approval process is invasive and will involve some of your friends and family being interviewed or written to. You will discuss your relationship with your partner (if you have one) in extensive detail and have to answer a lot of questions.
Having said that, the training programmes are very good, and in fact probably all parents should do one, plus we met some great friends there which is very useful for support.
The process is hard going at times, or so we thought, right up until we had to read a 60+ page file on the birth family and their 'shenanigans'. I swear I lost a lot of faith in humanity that day. You think some people on here are
s... not even close.
You will have contact with various social workers. Some are incredible, some are terrible. You just have to focus on the end game.
More than happy to discuss via email if you want, but I'm afraid I am very wary of posting details on line.
The bottom line is I would do it again without a moments hesitation. Every single time.
Be warned that the approval process is invasive and will involve some of your friends and family being interviewed or written to. You will discuss your relationship with your partner (if you have one) in extensive detail and have to answer a lot of questions.
Having said that, the training programmes are very good, and in fact probably all parents should do one, plus we met some great friends there which is very useful for support.
The process is hard going at times, or so we thought, right up until we had to read a 60+ page file on the birth family and their 'shenanigans'. I swear I lost a lot of faith in humanity that day. You think some people on here are
s... not even close.You will have contact with various social workers. Some are incredible, some are terrible. You just have to focus on the end game.
More than happy to discuss via email if you want, but I'm afraid I am very wary of posting details on line.
The bottom line is I would do it again without a moments hesitation. Every single time.
sinbaddio said:
JulianPH said:
D1on said:
Do you look at your adopted parents as your parents?
Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
I don't think any child adopted into a good family could ever feel resentment against you. They might develop curiosity as to their biological parents when they have grown up, but the only resentment they would feel would be towards them for failing to be there for them, whilst you were there for them.Thats the difficult situation, As the child gets older may they resent you and want the biological parents?
Adoption is a very worthy thing to do and I salute you for looking at changing a child's life for the better.
Have a quick scan at this - something I wrote a few years ago about trying to understand my genetics and heritage:
https://thepast-thepresent-future.blogspot.com/201...
Feel free to PM me if you want to know anything further.
Full respect to you!
My own Mum was adopted and over 30 years since her parents (my Grandparents) passing she still talking about her Mum and Dad (she is now in her 70s) and whilst she found out who her biological parents were and met once with them after the death of her real parents she never wanted any more to do with them. It was just curiosity and nothing more.
If anything she holds them in contempt and it just shines a greater light on her real parents and her memory of them - which remains incredibly strong and always will do for her.
She was 4 & 1/2 when she was given up. I don't know how any parent can even consider doing this regardless of the circumstances (and I speak as a father). It was not forced and her siblings remained with their biological parents.
OP - What you are looking at doing will certainly be life changing for you, but more so for the child you adopt.
My wife and I adopted our 2 girls 12years ago when they were 5 & 2..It was at the time a very invasive, slow, frustrating, and upsetting process and it took us 2 years from start to meeting our Daughters. As I have said, they have been at home now for 12 years and it hasn't been without its issues, some due to the adoption and some due to just being kids.
Would I go through it again knowing what I know now?? Damm right I would!!
We are still friends with several other couples that went through the process at the same time and we each have different stories and experiences and so although you will get advice from people the process, experience and issues with the children is very individual to each person.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
RL
Would I go through it again knowing what I know now?? Damm right I would!!
We are still friends with several other couples that went through the process at the same time and we each have different stories and experiences and so although you will get advice from people the process, experience and issues with the children is very individual to each person.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
RL
Edited by Red Leader on Monday 28th October 15:44
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