Discussion
It's the party season again, so that means lots of polite but usually uninteresting conversations with strangers. Small talk is something I've never been particularly good at, as I am generally a very private person, who has little understanding of the 'real world'. I don't follow sports or watch TV, and since politics and religion are a no-no, what is left? How do you do it? Any tips, particularly from those who need to network as part of their job?
Painful isn't it...
Alcohol helps.
In all seriousness, forcing the issue will only make you feel more awkward in yourself, and to others.
If you're going to end up spending the majority of the event standing in the corner with a vol-au-vent for company, then you may as well go out in a blaze of glory... Aim for hottest girl in the room, "Hello"... go from there..
There's always the bar.
Alcohol helps.
In all seriousness, forcing the issue will only make you feel more awkward in yourself, and to others.
If you're going to end up spending the majority of the event standing in the corner with a vol-au-vent for company, then you may as well go out in a blaze of glory... Aim for hottest girl in the room, "Hello"... go from there..
There's always the bar.
That's an interesting question, LD. I am like you, I think, not a natural 'socialiser'.
However, for many years I did work in a blood service collection team, and an importantant part of the job is to chat with the donors in your care, both to assess their condition and to (hopefully) alleviate their nervousness.
What started out as a challenge turned out to be the best part of the job for me. It gradually dawned that everybody has an interesting story in them, no matter how much you may have initially doubted it. The trick is to seek out where it might be hiding. We got a certain amount of information about people on their documentation, where they live, what their job is, etc., so that's a good start.
I remember many of those short encounters to this day. As an example, there was one guy I noticed was a bus driver. I asked him what route, but I didn't recognise it. Where does that go? Down Mare Street, Hackney. I said that must be interesting on a Friday night, and his answer was, 'oh, I dunno, we've only had three stabbings this year ...'
Feeling that you are not good at small talk is like saying you have no interest in people. Try using these encounters as an opportunity to winkle out the little things they keep locked away.
However, for many years I did work in a blood service collection team, and an importantant part of the job is to chat with the donors in your care, both to assess their condition and to (hopefully) alleviate their nervousness.
What started out as a challenge turned out to be the best part of the job for me. It gradually dawned that everybody has an interesting story in them, no matter how much you may have initially doubted it. The trick is to seek out where it might be hiding. We got a certain amount of information about people on their documentation, where they live, what their job is, etc., so that's a good start.
I remember many of those short encounters to this day. As an example, there was one guy I noticed was a bus driver. I asked him what route, but I didn't recognise it. Where does that go? Down Mare Street, Hackney. I said that must be interesting on a Friday night, and his answer was, 'oh, I dunno, we've only had three stabbings this year ...'
Feeling that you are not good at small talk is like saying you have no interest in people. Try using these encounters as an opportunity to winkle out the little things they keep locked away.
LimaDelta said:
It's the party season again, so that means lots of polite but usually uninteresting conversations with strangers. Small talk is something I've never been particularly good at, as I am generally a very private person, who has little understanding of the 'real world'. I don't follow sports or watch TV, and since politics and religion are a no-no, what is left? How do you do it? Any tips, particularly from those who need to network as part of their job?
Talk about your car, the route you took, the weather and Clare from accounts.Seems to work for most people.
It's possible you've had a bit of a lick with the Aspergers brush, but that aside if you've got time to prep then do so. There is no harm in going armed with a variety of mundane topics, even jot them down on your phone or a piece of paper for later use.
You never know, once you get going you might get into something interesting with someone.
Hobbies.
Holidays.
Where you or they live.
Etc
You never know, once you get going you might get into something interesting with someone.
Hobbies.
Holidays.
Where you or they live.
Etc
In my experience a lot of peoples favourite subject is themselves. So stick to questions around that.
What are their plans over Chrimbo ?
What do they hope Santa will bring them ?
Any movies on TV they're looking forward to ?
Etc etc
Ask the questions and let them do the talking.
The only difficult bit is appearing to stay interested in the answers.
What are their plans over Chrimbo ?
What do they hope Santa will bring them ?
Any movies on TV they're looking forward to ?
Etc etc
Ask the questions and let them do the talking.
The only difficult bit is appearing to stay interested in the answers.
glenrobbo said:
How very dare you, Sir! 
You just leave my winkle out of this!
You'd be surprised what we notice when you're stretched out on that donation bed. You just leave my winkle out of this! 
I would also add, a post above suggests talking about yourself. I would disagree. Find out what you can about the other person, in a non-pervy way, of course.
I hate it, but have got used to doing it now by watching others (which is actually one of the definitions of a sociopath and/or psychopath but hey ...) and unfortunately it does to a certain extent revolve around sport with other men or just talking rubbish. I've also noticed that generally people don't ask questions or have a 'conversation': they have a monologue and then the other person has a monologue hopefully about a vaguely related subject.
If you are lucky you get someone who is so self-absorbed that you can ask them open questions and they just talk and talk away. Not very interesting, but there is 'conversation' going at least. As above "What are your plans for ..." "That's interesting, tell me more about .... " or if you are brave enough and go with my theory about monologues you can learn some things about sport and get people started "Japanese Rugby World cup, England came close, what do you think?" etc..
And once you get used to it, you many even find the occasional person who is genuinely interesting to you.
If you are lucky you get someone who is so self-absorbed that you can ask them open questions and they just talk and talk away. Not very interesting, but there is 'conversation' going at least. As above "What are your plans for ..." "That's interesting, tell me more about .... " or if you are brave enough and go with my theory about monologues you can learn some things about sport and get people started "Japanese Rugby World cup, England came close, what do you think?" etc..
And once you get used to it, you many even find the occasional person who is genuinely interesting to you.
Ask open-ended questions. The usual thing as people work most of the day - "What do you do?" Follow up by "Do you enjoy it?" or "How did you get into that?"
As mentioned above, be interested in people. You will naturally be more inquisitive.
Also, people love to give their opinion. If we didn't, PH would be a very quiet place.
If you watch popular TV, others will probably watch it, too. Or maybe check out a film at the cinema. Then you have something to talk about.
"What do you do when you're not at work?" is another good one as many people have interests that they are passionate about. If it's kids and you have kids, that's an easy one as they'll mention their kids. If they have kids and you don't, don't start asking about their kids.
So get the person you're in front of to fill in a form!
As mentioned above, be interested in people. You will naturally be more inquisitive.
Also, people love to give their opinion. If we didn't, PH would be a very quiet place.
If you watch popular TV, others will probably watch it, too. Or maybe check out a film at the cinema. Then you have something to talk about.
"What do you do when you're not at work?" is another good one as many people have interests that they are passionate about. If it's kids and you have kids, that's an easy one as they'll mention their kids. If they have kids and you don't, don't start asking about their kids.
Roofless Toothless said:
What started out as a challenge turned out to be the best part of the job for me. It gradually dawned that everybody has an interesting story in them, no matter how much you may have initially doubted it. The trick is to seek out where it might be hiding. We got a certain amount of information about people on their documentation, where they live, what their job is, etc., so that's a good start.
So get the person you're in front of to fill in a form!
Roofless Toothless said:
However, for many years I did work in a blood service collection team, and an importantant part of the job is to chat with the donors in your care, both to assess their condition and to (hopefully) alleviate their nervousness.
What started out as a challenge turned out to be the best part of the job for me. It gradually dawned that everybody has an interesting story in them, no matter how much you may have initially doubted it.
You've never taken my blood then... What started out as a challenge turned out to be the best part of the job for me. It gradually dawned that everybody has an interesting story in them, no matter how much you may have initially doubted it.
Small talk is a little like public speaking in that few people enjoy it and fewer still are good at it yet is a skill that can be quite useful.
I don't think there's any formatted approach. I've found it better to be the one that opens conversations and to focus conversations to those you speak to. Be interested in them (even if you're not).
I don't think there's any formatted approach. I've found it better to be the one that opens conversations and to focus conversations to those you speak to. Be interested in them (even if you're not).
Roofless Toothless said:
Feeling that you are not good at small talk is like saying you have no interest in people. Try using these encounters as an opportunity to winkle out the little things they keep locked away.
I guess the trick is to steer it towards those interesting conversations. There are some people who when they start talking they don't stop, don't leave a gap for the other person to contribute, and don't have an awareness if the other person is actually interested in what they are saying (and don't recognise that glazed look that people get when they have mentally switched off).Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff